CHRISTMAS & NEW YEAR'S CULINARY TRADITIONS

 

When my dad was a boy; on Sunday morning his father would buy a large pecan ring. This treat was their entire Sunday breakfast. Later on it became our tradition for breakfast every Christmas morning. My dad always complained that the bakeries were getting stingier with pecans every year. Now as a senior citizen I agree! The price of everything has gone up while the quality has gone down.

After my father passed I wanted to start new holiday traditions that were mine alone. On Christmas mornings I made eggnog pancakes dusted with cinnamon & powdered sugar. And on New Year's morning it was ginger ale pancakes dusted with red sprinkles & powdered sugar. Both were so delicious alone no butter or syrup were needed!

But after a decade or so, I wanted a change. Now for both holiday mornings I enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres with fresh fruit.

Fruitcake is another holiday tradition served throughout the season and I love it! YES, I'm the one! But as Dad would say, "There's fruitcake and then there's FRUITCAKE!" The dry pre-packaged kind on the drugstore and supermarket shelves is the one giving it the bad rep. --But even that can be rendered delicious! First, slice a piece and place it in a shallow bowl, add nuts/dried fruit and drizzle with honey, nuke it for 30 seconds. If that's not good enough add whipped topping or ice cream! I guarantee no dessert lover will turn up their nose at this!

For dinner on Christmas Eve, it's often an individual mushroom & chive quiche topped with a slice of Havarti or Asiago cheese along with my fresh fruit salad sprinkled with walnuts & drizzled with raspberry dressing also deviled eggs, and ending the meal with chocolate truffles.

My Christmas Dinner is truly a celebration! My favorite is a baked Barber Chicken Breast stuffed with creme brie & apple, (I always add more brie!) garlic mashed potatoes, a colorful salad, plus petite fours for dessert.

For New Year's Eve it's a small ring of cocktail shrimp, deviled eggs, Brie & crackers, plus chocolate truffles & petit fours.

On New Year's Day it's always been crab cakes with lemon butter, jasmine rice, black-eyed peas, & a colorful salad. And for dessert I enjoy a tangerine cakelette topped lightly with sugar free orange marmalade & orange sprinkles just enough to make it sparkle under my chandelier lights. And if the bakery is offering all of these this year, I'll do a repeat!

BEWARE THE ICE

 

My family moved down from Michigan when I was a year old. Tired of the snow and ice they came for the warmth.

A snow fall in Florida is rare as a blue moon and far briefer. The one time in memory it occurred I slept thru it. And when I awoke there was no trace whatsoever!

Our state has no ice except for the occasional hail and what's inside the freezer. Excuse me my age is showing when I say that growing up our fridge was always referred to as the icebox.

The refrigerators of my childhood all had ice crystals hanging from the top of the freezer. I used to take a glass and scoop it off. Then I'd pour fruit juice over the top and have tasty snow cone to enjoy.

However getting cubed ice wasn't easy. Back then, they came in trays with a handle that took near Herculean strength to pull. Thankfully refrigerators these days have easy access not only to cubes but crushed ice.

However ice has taken on an insidious and even sinister role in my life.

This began in the 1980's. All of a sudden my mother began chowing down on it and declaring how much she enjoyed it. Mom had two pie plates that she alternately kept in the freezer. As soon as ice sheets formed she would remove and consume. I always thought this strange plus it occurred so suddenly out of the blue.

Not long after she was diagnosed with colon cancer that had spread into the liver. She was given six months to live; however she managed to live an entire year on chemotherapy.

Nearly twenty years later I was on the phone with my aunt Kiki. She happened to mention how delicious she had discovered ice to be and couldn't get enough of it. Immediately a chill ran thru me!

The next time we spoke she informed me of her cancer diagnosis. This was cancer of the esophagus. Soon after, she died.

In recent years dentists have warned me never to chew on ice due to all my expensive dental work. Well I'm not seven years old anymore and I lack the desire. 

But If I ever do start craving ice you'd better believe I will panic! And I'm going to start collecting all my important papers and update my will. Pronto!

LAST THANKSGIVING & AFTER

 

2022 was a terrible year for a long list of reasons. It was filled with expensive health issues and no insurance along with the deaths of my three remaining cousins.

That November was a warm one. While much of the country was buried beneath feet of snow it was 80 degrees here. Of course 80 degrees in Florida is sometimes referred to as a cold front and it's much more bearable than the summer heat. However the temps climbed higher and I was without air conditioning since my A.C. had died in September.

And now a rare November hurricane was headed straight toward us! I was in a panic with no one to board my windows! Earlier in the season two different men said they would do it, but only for an obscene price. Neither one was answering my calls!

I was anticipating a lengthy power outage and having to throw everything in my fridge and garage freezer out! I was sick at the thought.

Despite the storm coming ashore here miraculously it did little damage and I never lost electricity. This seemed an outright miracle considering the destruction this hurricane did in other parts of the state.

Due to car issues I won't delve into, I was unable to drive to the supermarket Thanksgiving week to shop for my holiday meal.

Thanksgiving Day I cobbled together a meal consisting of everything on hand including items from my hurricane pantry. My holiday dinner wasn't special but it was tasty and I had plenty to eat which I suppose is all that matters.

Afterward I watched a marathon of Homicide for the Holidays on TV. This actually cheered me up.

Black Friday I was debating whether or not to put up a Christmas tree as is my custom; but I just wasn't feeling it. So I went online to my Facebook page.

And there in all capitals some stranger whose friendship request I'd accepted several years earlier wrote: YOU ARE THE DAMN MOST BORING PERSON! HERE'S A NICKEL TO GET A LIFE & DON'T FORGET YOUR TWO CENTS CHANGE! -- I already knew my life had become boring!!!  Health issues combined with a fixed income along with expensive medical bills can do that to a person.

I didn't appreciate some stranger rubbing my face in it like excrement! Had this coward said that to me in person I would have spit in his face! However my holiday spirit was already dead. That guy just added another nail to the coffin.

There would be no tree. I had no joy and looking at one would only depress me further.

But during my life and times I've endured worse holidays. Those were all among family, extended family, & others. Believe me; spending a holiday meal alone isn't always a bad thing! Often it's quite sublime. That in itself is something to be grateful.

This year I'm not giving up Christmas. I'm erecting a tree with all the trimmings. I will count my many blessings and celebrate!!!

THAT FRIDAY IN NOVEMBER

 

This was back in 1963. I was only a couple months away from becoming a teenager. My mother & I were renting a small apartment down in West Palm Beach so I could attend the "special school" for the semester. On weekends we came home which was an hour up the coast.

Every other Friday my father had to work late. On those days I was allowed to leave school 15 minutes early. This allowed Mom & I to catch the city bus to the Greyhound station and from there to our hometown.

That particular Friday afternoon I was putting away my paraphernalia from art class preparing to leave. The teacher had stepped from the room. An older boy from another class came rushing in. He loudly declared President Kennedy had been shot! They had just heard it over the radio.

No one believed him! We figured if this was actually true sirens would be going off and our school would be closed immediately. Or perhaps if the president had been shot, it was only a minor flesh wound, nothing serious. The kid was exaggerating for dramatic effect.

I left before the teacher returned to class and met my mother at the bus stop. I told her the news even though I didn't believe it myself. I could tell she thought I was making up a story since I'd punked her in the past.

The city bus had only a handful of passengers and all were silent. But on the Greyhound we listened to people seated around us stating what a tragedy it was and our President was now in God's hands. However we believed him to be only injured.

Arriving back at our hometown my father picked us up at the station. Naturally we inquired about the president. Both of us went into shock upon learning Kennedy was dead, assassinated! This just didn't happen in our country and it was difficult to process.

After dropping us at home my father returned to work. I switched on the TV to learn more. I was still in disbelief despite everything I was seeing and hearing on the screen. This had to be a dream, a nightmare!

Everything took awhile to sink in.

Thankfully the assassin (or at least a known one) Lee Harvey Oswald was captured and arrested shortly afterward.

I'll never forget walking on the beach behind my neighbor's house and hearing her hollering out: "There's a gun! He's going to get shot! He's going to get shot!" followed by screaming.

I climbed over the seawall and ran straight to her house. I found my neighbor Helen and her sister Jean watching TV. I inquired as to all the commotion.

Helen had spotted Jack Ruby's gun on live television right before he shot and killed Oswald! This was more craziness followed by confusion.

Our world seemed to change quickly and dramatically after that. A strange and different energy filled the air. Nothing was ever the same. The entire planet seemed thrown into chaos. Our life and the lives so many we knew went awry. Nearly everyone's life seemed to be altered permanently in a negative way after that.

HOWL--OOO--WEEN!!!

 

My cauldron is ready and for my Halloween blessing I need the ashes of a vampire, the eye of a zombie, the tooth of a chupacabra, the toenail of a yeti, and the spittle from a black cat. -- All items readily available in my neighborhood!

But I'll admit I'm a Scrooge when it comes to Halloween. I always pray for rain! Once again I will be THAT house in the neighborhood! My home will be dark with the blinds drawn. I've got a couple foreign horror films with captions that I can enjoy on mute. I keep a baseball bat by my chair plus I've got a hand siren that could scare the dead from their graves.

Still I get knocks on my door that I ignore. This occurs even years when my windows remain boarded after a hurricane threat; obviously the neighborhood tykes & teens aren't the brightest in the world!

Also I'm alone. I'm uncomfortable opening my door at night to costumed strangers. Especially those who tower over me and I'm 5 ft 7. Some of these "kids" look old enough to be in college or trade school.

A close friend moved to the center of the state. In her new community residents welcoming trick-or-treaters register so they go to those homes only. It must be wonderful to have that option rather than kids just showing up unwelcome.

No way am I going to share my stash of sweets! And I resent my movies being interrupted!

During this season last year I watched an old Dracula movie; one in series starring Christopher Lee. Also one I hadn't seen before! The plot: Four Victorian British tourists traveling thru the Carpathian Mountains are inexplicably abandoned by their driver within view of Dracula's castle. You can guess the rest!

The thing I find admirable about Count Dracula is that he's one resilient corpse! At the end of every movie he's destroyed, yet always manages to pull himself together for a sequel. You have to admire that kind of gumption!

Dracula in that respect is an excellent example to follow.

THE STATUE

 

The year was 1975 I was 24 years old. I was vacationing in Guatemala with my dad and the woman who would become my stepmother in 1988.

Unlike Mexico City the previous year we were not forced to all sleep in the same king size bed with me in the middle. This hotel was lovely and our room spacious with 3 double beds. We also had a balcony overlooking the city plus a large bathroom with a bidet just like the hotels in Europe.

Our hotel featured two elegant dining areas; one for breakfast & lunch and the other for dinner with live entertainment that included guitar players with singers and dancers. Plus it served the most delicious hot chocolate I've ever tasted before or since.

At the desk we could book tours to other cities and events. To say it was a great vacation on a budget was an understatement!

After returning from Chichicastenango my future step-mom & I changed clothes for dinner while Dad went for a walk.

Upon returning he proudly displayed a small statue about 9 or 10 inches high. "I bought this from an old man for $1!" He beamed.

My future stepmother & I never saw eye-to-eye on anything before; however we both took one look at it and agreed that thing was NOT coming back on the plane with us! It looked pure evil!

The statue featured what appeared to be a shaman with long pointed beard. In one hand he held a goblet with steam emanating from it. His other hand was just above this. However it was the eyes that really creeped us out, or rather the lack of them. There were only large narrow protruding empty sockets.

My future step-mom immediately placed it out on the balcony and closed the door. None of us ever went out there after that.

The following day a visit to Tikal was scheduled. My father woke up sick, too ill to go. We teased him it was due to that hideous statue. It was cursed! Because the trip was prepaid we went without him.

Future step-mom & I boarded a small plane and flew out into a jungle near the British Honduras's border. Besides the ruins we were given an area tour. We saw a strange creature that looked like a cross between a monkey and a raccoon. It was a memorable trip.

Lunch was included at the jungle airport before flying back. We felt sorry for my father. He missed an interesting albeit bug infested day.

Fortunately Dad was able to reschedule later in the week and went by himself.

While he was away, future step-mom & I went to the local marketplace for souvenir shopping. This was inside an enormous warehouse with rows of stalls and tables almost as far as the eye could see.

"What do you want to bet," I told her, "that we come across a vender with an entire shelf filled with those spooky statues."

"I was thinking exactly the same!" she replied.

We spent almost the entire day shopping and haggling with vendors. And never once did we come across a single one of those! We returned to our hotel totting bags full of bargains.

Two days later we left for home. That eerie statue remained on the balcony; our gift for the next inhabitant of that room.

WORDS THAT SOUND REALLY FILTHY, BUT AREN'T

 

Now that school is back in session who can forget those weekly vocabulary words and definitions with sentences we were forced to construct. How they sounded and what they meant were often two different things. My inspiration for today!

Many words fit this category; here are some of my favorites. Below is what they should mean (in my opinion) used in a sentence followed by the actual definition.

FRIGATE -- That uncouth man is blowing his nose with his fingers, what a frigate! -- Actual meaning:  A medium sized sailing warship of centuries ago.

REFULGENT -- Jenny's stinky breath smelled downright refulgent after she puked chunks all over Kevin's shoes. -- Actual meaning: shining radiantly, resplendent.

DOODLE -- The doodle in the baby's diaper was a bizarre color due to the magenta & chartreuse crayons he ate. -- Actual meaning: To dawdle or scribble aimlessly.

SAGACIOUS -- Because of Billy Bob's sagacious condition he was unable to perform his manly duties on his wedding night without the help of locust. (see below) -- Actual meaning:  Wise, perceptive

LOQUACIOUS --Judy liked to hang out in wheat fields for an inordinate length of time searching for locust if you know what I mean, (wink, wink). -- Actual meaning: extremely talkative.

LOCUST -- Ever since the discovery of locust decrepit old guys have suddenly began feeling like real men again! -- Actual meaning: an insect.

CRIBBAGE -- The cribbage stank worse than rotten vegetables & spoiled meat when the baby's diaper leaked. -- Actual meaning: A card game.

SUCCORY -- Mazie-Jo has such a skill & willingness for succory under the bleachers that her name can be found on every gas station bathroom in town. -- Actual meaning:  An American Indian dish consisting of corn & beans cooked together.

CUSTARD -- Little Donnie is an appalling custard because he calls his mom a $#!&%* whore cause she never married his father - whoever he was? -- Actual meaning: a dessert made with eggs & sugar.

PERFUNCTORY -- I was shocked by the perfunctory acts the couple performed with ferrets & squirrels in the XXX rated video! They were beyond obscene! -- Actual meaning:  Done without interest or care.

FUGACIOUS --That fugacious pervert is forcing local farmers to bolt their barn doors to prevent him from sexually assaulting their livestock. -- Actual meaning:  A tendency to panic.

EXTRAPOLATE -- The dominatrix extrapolated her clients with leather straps before plucking out their nose, chest, & pubic hairs with rusty tweezers before forcing them to eat dog poo. -- Actual meaning:  To estimate beyond the known range.

NOW COME UP WITH SOME OF YOUR OWN!

THE NEW KID

 

Once again the kiddies are back in class and my mailbox is safe until the weekend or at least the next school holiday.

A number of young adult novels and after school TV specials feature stories of children as strangers in a new school with all the troubles they encounter fitting in. -- I had the exact opposite experiences!

I was that kid who always felt different and was self-conscious about it. I was born with a variety of undiagnosed mental disorders. To me numbers had personalities, colors, & smells. Words had flavors especially names and I could see all kinds of bizarre images in patterns. And I still struggle with math and directions due to dyscalculia.

I was cautioned never to talk about these things because they made me sound stupid/crazy/ weird. If fact EVERYTHING I said made me sound that way according to my mother. She was always telling me, "Why can't you act normal?"

But I didn't know how normal people act except from what I saw on TV. And my family was nothing like any of those people! Also I was always told, "There's something wrong with you!"

I had no control over it and this was frustrating. I never opened my mouth around other people unless absolutely necessary for fear of saying the wrong thing.

School was mostly a nightmare except for those two times when I was the new kid. The last half of my first grade year we moved to Hobe Sound. 

I stepped into a classroom full of strangers who all knew each other and I was scared. However unlike my previous first grade class everyone was friendly and welcoming. I was shocked and could not believe my good fortune. 

Unfortunately the following year we moved back up the coast to the previous town and all those unfriendly kids with attitude.

Something foul must have been in the water there that affected their brains; by sixth grade it was hell on earth! What few friends I had all were in different classes. The kids in mine were in tight condescending clicks and were unbelievably mean! And so was the teacher who was always singling me out for criticism and ridicule.

I was constantly faking illnesses to avoid school, my grades were plummeting. And that old pill of a teacher seemed to have her heart set on failing me.

My parents hired a private tutor for the summer so that I could pass to the seventh grade. 

The next year I was sent to a "Special School" in West Palm Beach where the students already knew each other. Again I was immediately welcomed and accepted! There, everybody socialized with everybody else, no one was deemed unworthy!

However the following year required going back to my hometown school. Just the thought of returning sickened me. I was filled with dread.

My mother kept insisting that I would love high school. She assured me the kids would be different and nicer now and the clicks gone. -- She was wrong, they were worse than ever! And now there was even a caste system. If you forgot where you belonged there were plenty of people eager to remind you.

That was also the year my father lost his high paying job at age 50 when the corporation he worked for went belly up! This added fuel to the fire and more ammunition against me. 

They claim teachers have eyes in the back of their head. -- Based on my experiences I could swear those back eyes had myopia and the ones in the front wore blinders!

I hated attending school far more than going to work. At least I got paid for my misery. I would never have worked 3 days at a job under those same conditions. And if I did, I'd have sued the company for harassment and creating a hostile work environment.

Graduating high school and knowing that I never had to return was a liberating and wildly joyful feeling, not to mention a tremendous relief!

ALL I WANT IS A LITTLE SWEETNESS

 

OKAY, NOT A LITTLE, A LOT!

Baking shows are my guilty pleasure. Friends call these my porn. My current favorite is The Great Chocolate Showdown. What I wouldn't give to be a judge on that program and have the privilege of tasting all of those deliciously tantalizing concoctions. M-M-M!!!

Many of the cakes on these shows are unbelievable. I've never understood that old saying: "You can't have your cake and eat it too." -- What else can you do with a cake??? You can't bowl with it, display it as a lawn ornament, or wear it on your head like a hat!

Cake is a marvelous dessert! One of the great mysteries of life is how a vegetable as odious and repugnant as the carrot is miraculously transformed into a cake that tastes as if it fell from the higher reaches of heaven. But I'm sure the raisins, walnuts, coconut, cinnamon, & other spices, along with the cream cheese frosting have something to do with it.

As much as I love desserts, I've never cared much for pie. Cake is similar to a lovely and elegant lady with whom you are instantly intrigued and find yourself fantasizing. Pie is like her squat dumpy cousin tarted up beyond her beauty.

To my taste buds, crust and sweetness rarely go together well. Pie bakers should forget the crust altogether. Save it for quiche where it works perfectly! Serve the filling in goblets topped with tasty & decorative flourishes. That would make for a truly special dessert!

However I do enjoy Key Lime pie (Our official Florida dessert!) but the cake version is even better! And I made a fabulous one! I'd start with vanilla cake batter & add 2 packets of lime jello. If I couldn't find a lime frosting, lemon worked just as well. Pillsbury sold the best one! Sometimes I'd add shredded coconut. For the finishing touch I'd sprinkle green-tinted sugar on top. It tasted every bit as delicious as it looked, plus it was simple & easy to make!

When my father was alive, I did lots of baking. He was also a voracious dessert lover. There were two of us to eat everything. After he passed it became too much. And nowadays I'm trying to cut back for health reasons, plus weight gain accelerates with age.

I'm incorporating lots of fresh vegetables & fruit into my diet now. -- However the pleasures of the palate must not be denied. Ah, I still have my cheat days! Eating dessert is one of the few creature comforts I can still afford.

UNINTERRUPTED SLEEP, AN IMPOSSIBLE DREAM

 

Fractured sleep!  Both my parents suffered from it and now so do I!

In bed I fall gradually asleep, but in my recliner I plummet quickly. All I do is just throw my head back, close my eyes, and in mere seconds I'm almost unconscious. -- But I'm not dead, at least not yet and I'm often awakened by outside people noise.

On one occasion during a Saturday afternoon snooze I was awakened from my slumber by a high-pitched voice hollering: "She's taking a nap!"  I heard this twice.

I got up and saw 2 young girls around 11 or 12 years of age. They were taking turns trying to pull a frond from one of my Areca palms. I grabbed my camera and tapped on the window. They fled!

Nowadays the neighbor directly behind me is a major source of noise pollution. I strongly suspect he is running an illegal garage. His yard is littered with cars in all stages of disrepair and the noise from back there is horrendous. This goes on into the night. I've even heard it during the wee AM hours. Zoning will do nothing! My next door neighbor and I have both complained. The guy even has a lift to place one car directly on top of another. Who needs this unless you're running a business!!!

Thankfully, there's a thick strip of greenery between my property and the neighborhood behind me that hides his place from my view but does nothing to muffle the noise!

I've considered sleeping the entire night downstairs in my recliner. However if a burglar should ever get inside they'd have the drop on me. I feel safer up in my bedroom, it's weaponized, plus I have a steel door guard should they pop the lock.

A few years back I awoke between 2:00 - 3:00 AM and couldn't get back to sleep. I was debating with myself whether or not to get up and watch a movie. Then I heard a car drive in! -- I rarely have company at that hour of the afternoon much less the AM! I jumped out of bed and rushed to the window. A dark van was parked directly below my window way up my driveway rather than close to the street.

Quickly I switched on my bright overhead light! I wanted to make them aware someone was awake and knew they were there. I stood in the window gazing down at them. The motor started up and they backed out and left.

Friends said I should have called 911 immediately! But I live close to the Fort Pierce border and by the time the police arrived they would have been in another county. Also I was unable to discern the make of the van or even the color due to the darkness.

Thanks to my fractured sleep I'm grateful that I happened to be awake at just the right time!

INDY I WILL MISS YOU

 

The day after the 4th of July I went to a matinee showing of Indiana Jones & the Dial of Doom. I recall the first one of the franchise Raiders of the Lost Ark. It was set entirely during WWII. This was back in 1981 when I was 30 years old. I recall Indy the archeology professor standing before a class of moonstruck pretty coeds.

Quite a contrast to the current one set in 1969. Indy is an old man teaching a class full of bored students. I was 18 in 69 old enough to be one of them. But like my father I'm a history buff and would have been far from bored.

1981 I was at work when my father saw a TV review of Raiders. When I returned home he told me "We've got to go see that movie!" I was surprised. Dad thought the price of movie tickets were a rip-off because they all show up on TV eventually. -- He'd have a stroke if he knew what I paid for this current matinee. I almost did! I've never paid THAT amount for one before!

But this was Indiana Jones, Dial of Doom was the final one and it was a must! Dad & I saw every one at the theatre together except for Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Dad had passed by then and I went alone. All of them felt like a thrill ride and were certainly worth seeing.

Because Dial of Destiny is the last there was an element of sadness. I told a friend I didn't know who would be dead first, Harrison Ford or me. "Harrison is 80," she replied, "and you're 72."

I pointed out that my mother died at my current age and unlike me Harrison can afford the best healthcare available.

In the previous movie Indy had a son named Mutt played by Shea LaBeouf whom we were led to believe would succeed him in the franchise. I've got to say I thought this actor was a lousy choice. He lacked Harrison's swashbuckling panache and this greaser was just a big UGH in my opinion.

As fate would have it Shea felt the reviews damaged his career and wanted no part of any further Indiana Jones movies. -- I'm betting he was the reason for the less than stellar reviews. In the current film he's been killed off which is a wise move.

Of course Mutt could be resurrected and recast. (Soap operas did this all the time back when I used to watch them.) Let's place Mutt as prisoner on a plane to Hanoi scheduled for interrogation and torture to reveal clandestine classified information. He manages to break free, fights and the plane goes down in flames on a remote island. Mutt is thrown clear, but has amnesia until he is rescued and treated decades later.

Also remember Indy carried on a romance with the Kate Capshaw character in Temple of Doom; maybe a love child here? Perhaps a girl this time! Let's call her Diana Jones. Yes, I like that! Let's run with it! Evan Rachael Wood is perfect for this role. Hollywood are you listening???

AUNT M

 

"Be extra special nice to her," my mother used to say, "by next year she'll probably be dead." I heard this constantly throughout the 1970's and 80's.

My dad used to laugh at these words. He called Aunt M a turtle and said she'd probably outlive the lot of us.

Aunt M was the second oldest of my mother's three sisters. Mom was the second youngest. Always Aunt M was the most fragile. Relatives used to tell me that back when she was young and trim Aunt M couldn't even walk a city block without becoming out of breath and need to rest.

She became even weaker with time and weight gain. Aunt M was the most sedentary person I've ever known! Her youngest son waited on her hand and foot. They would come down to Florida to visit every couple of years or so and stay in our guest house during the winter.

It took them twice as long getting to Florida. They left late and retired early due to my Aunt.

Upon their visits my cousin and I frequently went out places together while Aunt M stayed home with Mom. I remember once as we were climbing stairs he grabbed my arm. Egad I thought, does he think I'm as helpless as his mother! I pushed him away.

Also he not only opened the car door for me he reached over and fastened my seat belt too! I was startled by this. I told him we were family and to stop!

My mother didn't drive and walked everywhere; even long distances. She was the healthiest of the sisters and all her contemporaries. The only hospital time she had ever done was to give birth.

In 1986 that all changed. Despite my mother's great health she was stricken with cancer. It was diagnosed as terminal. She died the following year at age 72.

My cousin & Aunt M came down for the funeral. It was their last visit, but we kept in touch thru letters and phone calls.

Soon after, Aunt M became confined to her bed where she took all her meals and used a chamber pot. My cousin was tasked with cleaning her and their small apartment. This was his fulltime job.

Both struggled financially. They lived on SS plus charity from her two older sons who were successful and comfortable. Aunt M lived in dire terror of ending up in a nursing home. Her youngest vowed never to place her in one. His life was all about making his mother happy.

My father often said that she led a useless life and should be ashamed of herself for wasting her son's.

Aunt M was overweight but not obese. She enjoyed sweets especially cookies. My cousin rarely touched anything with sugar. Nor did he drink or smoke. He was lean and active.

Of course Aunt M did serious hospital time more than once. And with each we were certain her end was near. However the doctors always managed to patch her up to resume her unhealthy lifestyle.

My dad did everything right! He watched his diet wasn't overweight, took long walks and always followed the doctor's advice. Yet he was hit with terminal cancer only a year after being stricken with a stroke. And just the year before he suffered a heart attack that required a triple bypass!

My father's prediction proved correct! Aunt M lived to be 100 years old! She outlived all of her sisters and even him!

At his memorial service Aunt M's oldest son told me the reason for his mom's longevity was due to the fact she never dealt with a single problem during her entire lifetime. Whenever one popped up someone else always stepped in and handled it.

2022 all three of her sons died; her youngest and most devoted caretaker at age 87. Despite his clean and fanatically healthy lifestyle he passed with two types of cancer plus a weak heart. To say he was a genuinely selfless person is an understatement.

CHURCHLESS

 

I have long been thoroughly disgusted with all these greedy hypocritical religious figures period! But now they are involved in politics supporting a candidate with all those same reprehensible characteristics!

Below is a poem I wrote around the year 2000 and applies more than ever these days. It is also featured in my book of free verse & reflection titled: MANIA IN THE MARGINS available on Amazon.

 

  

TV  EVANGELICALS

 

Oh Lord, spare us all

from those proselytizing preachers with pompadours

and their pretentious prattling and preening

while prancing and promenading

all pompous and pious

shamelessly pandering and pleading

for pounds of pennies from the poor

peddling prayers for profit

these pharisaic palavering parasites

perspiring passionately on a pedestal

passing a profuse plethora of wind

all full of piss and pretense

THE EMAIL

 

A perfect day for me is one in which the phone never rings and the mailman drives right past. The long Memorial Day weekend had arrived! I was looking forward to quiet. The last thing I wanted was drama in any form. Unfortunately email is an everyday 24 hour occurrence.

Late Friday afternoon one arrived with the heading: I've Got Bad News For You; from someone claiming to be a professional hacker. The email stated they had subverted my anti-virus had been following me for months and tracking every move I made.

I was sweating until I came to the part about having photos of me masturbating while watching a porn site. They demanded payment in bitcoins or these would be posted on social media. Now I was laughing, but also angry! This person had crossed a line!

In the past scammers offered to send me money but this one demanding it and threatening me!

I tried forwarding it to a number of authorities attempting to report it. Each one came back as undeliverable, I wondered if the sender had put a block on it preventing me from doing this. So I phoned the Sheriff's office.

They seemed unconcerned and dismissive. I was told that as long as no money was paid, or personal info given, or any links clicked, I could just delete and forget it. What???

I thought just the act of sending someone an email like this constituted a serious crime! Hot cat pee! Here was extortion, blackmail and stalking by an admitted criminal!

My neighbor told me I still had cause to worry. The technology existed to paste my head on a different body and post it.

Shortly after, a stranger on Facebook with a private account stole/shared a photo of me at age 40. I was wearing a long dress with plunging neckline. I'm sure this was taken for some purpose I wouldn't approve and it upset me.

That email probably originated from a distant part of the planet; China, Africa, Russia, wherever etc. making the sender or senders difficult to shut down. Thus no one even bothers to try allowing this scam to proliferate.

SURGING SUMMER SENSATIONS

 

Long lazy sun filled days, picnics on the beach, boat rides, sleepovers with friends, movie matinees and lots of free time to enjoy; all of this harkens back to summers past.

I recall fun in the surf and speeding thru the waves down the St. Lucie River into the inlet and out into the vastness of the ocean. Memories come surging forth along with all the wondrous flavors; pink lemonade, pizza, popcorn, cream soda, not to mention ice cream, ice cream, & more ice cream!

Television was filled with reruns. So we'd take long leisurely evening walks filled with silly conversations and laughter. Or we'd all pile into the car and go for a drive into town and beyond. Once you left the city limits back then the pitch darkness stretched on for miles. It was scary but in a fun sort of way.

Many of our family vacations were spent in the mountains where the summer temperatures were cooler and more pleasant than here in Florida. I loved Gatlinburg, Tennessee! It seemed like a big carnival town and was lots of fun!

Also we stopped at all the touristy attractions along the way in many different states. Summer was the most wonderful time of the year during my childhood and teens.

Deep within me I longed for a miracle hoping that September would never arrive. September meant school and all it entailed. The very thought filled me with anxiety and dread. And September still does, only for a different reason. It's the beginning of peak hurricane season!

Nowadays summer just feels like long months of sweaty hot, miserable, bug-infested days with high electric bills made worse due to hellacious global warming. And the older I get the less tolerance I have for heat. Florida is too hot anyway. It does get chilly here, but rarely and my central heating has been restored.

These days it's winter I wish would last forever!

GALLIC & GARLIC CUISINE

 

Before 1978 I'd never heard of quiche! Where I live in Florida it was never on restaurant menus, not even in French restaurants and I dined out a lot during the 70's. It wasn't until I went to France at age 27 that I became aware of this tasty dish.

My family was hardly cosmopolitan. Our meals were simple; my dad was strictly a meat & potatoes man. And he disliked all ethnic food except for German. When it came to culinary skills no woman in his life, not my mother or ever my stepmother equaled that of his long dead German grandmother.

German cuisine is my least favorite. Offhand I can't think of one German dish that I actually like. But I enjoyed visiting Germany despite this!

To my surprise and delight after I returned from Europe quiche was suddenly everywhere! Not just on restaurant menus but in supermarket delis as well as the frozen food section with so many delicious and different variations available. M-M-M!

Long before eating them in Paris I had escargot (snails) at the Petite Marmite in Palm Beach at age 20. I enjoyed them! But frankly I couldn't taste anything beyond the garlic butter. In Paris, they were served with bread to be dipped into the empty shells to sop this up.

Speaking of bread, not long ago I purchased brioche at Walmart. It tasted OK, however nothing special. But I could swear it contained melatonin or even rohypnol because shortly after eating a slice I became sleepy. I took a catnap and upon awakening discovered that I'd slept the entire afternoon away.

That evening I was unable to watch TV because I kept falling asleep. I retired to bed around 8:30 PM and slept soundly throughout the night which is rare.

The next day after consuming another slice the exact thing happened. I related this experience to a friend in an email conversation.

She emailed back telling me to throw out that loaf regardless of what I paid for it. As much as I hate wasting food I did this. The overwhelming heavy tiredness disappeared the following day. That brioche did not play nice with my system!

MANGE DU GATEAU

 

Marie Antoinette day, a time to celebrate; cake for dessert! I am enjoying this PBS series to the hilt!

My dad (a history buff) always insisted that Marie wasn't a villainess just an ignoramus and the victim of bad press. True, Marie was a lavish spender but this was the milieu into which she married. Extravagance was the name of the game in the French court and as queen she couldn't allow herself to be upstaged.

She set about to impress the wrong people rather than the ones who mattered. This ended up costing her life.

Marie didn't say, "Let them eat cake!" (Mange du gateau!) What she actually said was, "S'ils n'ont plus de pain, qu'ils mangent de la brioche!" Brioche is what she told her subjects to eat and not cake. -- That is if she really said it. This may be a myth!

Like most people when I think of Marie Antoinette I picture a middle-aged woman in flouncy outlandish attire. We forget that once she was young, pretty and rocked those frocks!

After being crowned the queen Marie was still a teenager who just wanted to have fun. Her husband the new king was overwhelmed by the job and flustered.

Louis XVI is portrayed here as an introvert and an oddball. (Something I can strongly relate to!) He is either unwilling or unable to consummate their marriage for many long years. The reason is never fully given in the series or by history.

And many prying eyes are literally watching them in their wedding bed thru holes in the walls at least in this teleplay. Also it is implied that Marie becomes involved in a lesbian affair while waiting for Louis to do his husbandly duty. -- She may or may not have; all those who know for sure are dead.

Eventually with Marie's blessing the king is given lessons from a prostitute on how to get it on. She is under tremendous pressure to produce an heir or be replaced. Plus Marie is unpopular among the French just because she's Austrian. There is plenty of back stabbing and plotting within the French court.

The earlier episodes play up her feud with Madame Du Berry, Louis XV's mistress. The gorgeous actress who plays her also had a brief role in VIKINGS on the History channel. Here, she stole every scene! Du Berry is portrayed as a strong, manipulative, and cunning woman.

In reality probably not; on her way to the guillotine she stood out by creating a scene: screaming, crying and begging for her life. The others all died with dignity.

I read someplace that the brain and facial muscles remain functional for a brief while after decapitation. Now imagine deploying a little wicked fun should this be your fate. This could be used to an advantage as the severed head is held up for display before the crowd. Those cheering onlookers would flee shrieking in dire terror to the nearest cathedral!  -- A missed opportunity.

As I'm seated beneath the chandelier in my formal dining room I embark on a little vacation into history via my imagination; a time traveler able to assume another identity.  In front of me is my picture window. I'm enjoying what the cultured folk would refer to as the side garden. Only now it's part of the vast garden at Versailles.

Just call me Countess Dianne Patrice (my middle name is Patricia) but I'm omitting my last name because it's German and the French really hate Germans.

Also I'm one of the fortunate royals who managed to flee the country while the revolution was erupting.

On the table before me is my Winn Dixie quiche along with a slice of the discount, quick sale mini-cake I bought there. It's fancy with rainbow sprinkles. Cake is far more delicious than brioche.

My napkin (actually a paper towel) is magically transformed into an elegant hanky. As I gaze outside upon the greenery suddenly I see the form of a lady moving gracefully among the foliage. 

"Mon Dieu," I exclaim, clutching my ruffled décolletage. Could it be Marie Antoinette?

Nah it's my neighbor, Marie Soltyiak. -- But today she is Marie Antoinette!

If this is dementia I'm really enjoying my senility.

THIS ISLAND, MY HOME

 

I've reached THAT point! Friendships are dwindling. Either they're dying off, moving away, or distancing themselves due to political differences. Plus the pandemic along with runaway inflation have all accelerated my isolation.

Although I must confess I am not unhappy. Life has been better, but it's also been much worse.

The days of the week just as the seasons here in Florida are blurring together. When I awaken in the morning I have to ask myself: Is today Tuesday or is it Thursday, or maybe it's Wednesday?"

Just as my parents before me, I suffer from fractured sleep. Around 2:00 PM after programming my DVR I toss my head back on the recliner and close my eyes, within seconds I'm unconscious! When I awaken sometimes I think it's the following morning and I've spent the night there; when in fact only a half an hour has passed.

When did I become this old? Age only bothers me due to all the miserable side effects.

On the plus side, I do enjoy the quiet and solitude. It's beautiful! Not to mention having a schedule that belongs entirely to me. That is truly wonderful!

A FLORIDA EASTER

 

Ponce de Leon discovered Florida around Easter time when our spring flowers were in full colorful bloom. He called this "La Florida" the Land of Flowers. An aging Ponce searched in vain for the fabled Fountain of Youth rumored to be here. Sadly, he never found it and neither have I, nor anyone else.

My previous home (an hour's drive south of here) was overlooking the St. Lucie River. The river was a mile wide behind our home, plus we could see for long miles in each direction. Our view was jaw-dropping in its magnificence!

I read someplace that Ponce de Leon sailed up and down the St. Lucie River. Back then, this whole area was part of the old Spanish Main. How wonderful it would be to glimpse the past for just a few minutes!

Later, I'll be celebrating Easter with a dinner of coconut-crusted tilapia, Spanish rice, buttermilk biscuits with honey butter, deviled eggs made with lemon-dill aioli; & for dessert Florida's famous Key Lime pie; all to be washed down with strawberry-lemon tea.

As with nearly every other holiday I'll be dining at the formal table under the chandelier. But first, I'll enjoy movie from my DVR library. Today is special!

SOLVING AN EONS OLD MYSTERY

 

Bible studies were right up there with history & science when I was in elementary school back during the 1950's. Every morning after the pledge of allegiance came a passage from the bible followed by a discussion with the teacher.

Plus nearly every month we piled into the auditorium for further lessons; an elderly woman with cardboard figures along with a large board entertained us with stories from the bible. I must admit I enjoyed these; although sometimes I was left puzzled as were many, particularly by one age old question.

The first humans Adam & Eve had only two children originally, but after Cain became a pariah Eve gave birth to another son, Seth.

After killing his brother Abel, Cain took a wife. Okay, so where did she come from? Adam & Eve produced only sons!

My mother insisted this is no mystery. She claimed God created other people after Adam & Eve, although it's not stated in the bible.

A teacher claimed that other humans existed on the earth at the same time but were bereft of souls. -- I thought everything had souls according to the bible even the rocks and trees.

A religious friend said Cain, Abel, & Seth had sisters. I pointed out that none are mentioned in the bible. And besides, isn't that incest? The friend declared that if you're the first of your kind then incest is not a sin.

I wasn't buying into any of that! I'll admit I'm not religious, but I believe that I've solved this mystery along with others. Actually the answers are quite obvious if you think about it.

The three sons weren't born until after Adam & Eve were driven out and banished from the Garden of Eden. Remember, someone else was out there lurking in the wilderness. -- Lilith, Adam's first wife who rejected him. Plus she was quite the bitch and a slut.

Unlike his dad, Cain was a bad boy and Lilith probably found his young offspring hot. Cain must have mated with Lilith, the only existing option. Of course she was older than his mother, but any port in a storm, right? As with Cain's mom, Lilith was still young enough to be fertile.

We all sprang from the loins of a murderer and an evil wanton woman. This explains a lot about human nature. The apple doesn't rot far from the tree.

You can bet that before Cain, Lilith was busy copulating with ape-like hominid troglodytes and even got kinky with a visiting space alien or two. Believe me, she was the exactly the type that would! Adam was too tame for her. Anyway, this explains how Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Yeti, and the missing link came onto the scene.

Later the offspring of Lilith & Cain copulated with their hominid hybrid half-siblings. And this is how cave people came to be.

Eventually, a good and decent human came into being (a recessive gene) Noah. By this time the world was in desperate need of a major reboot.

As torrents of rain fell and the great flood was covering the earth the original children of Lilith (Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Yeti) went deep underground; sheltered and protected by the reptile people with whom they are allied. Later, when the forests were restored they returned to the surface. But that's a theory for another blog post.

Now that I've solved and explained this, I hope it clears up a lot of questions in other's minds.

You're welcome!

AT LONG LAST!

 

Finally, my old, kaput air-conditioner will be replaced! It lasted way longer than all the repair guys predicted. But sadly it gave up the ghost early last fall.

November the summer heat returned with a vengeance preceding the hurricane strike. I worried we'd be in for a hot winter. In the past I've sometimes worn my summer clothes straight thru Christmas. Instead it became cold -- and I mean as cold as Florida gets!

To those suffering thru ice, snow, and below zero temps I know this will seem silly. But I was raised in Florida and my body is s acclimated to warmer weather. And when I lost my A.C., I lost my heat as well.

The only place I had it was in my bathroom. But I couldn't very well bring my computer, big screen TV, and kitchen table in there!

I prefer cooler temps which is rare here, a chill in the air is refreshing and feels delightful but this was downright cold! I wore 2 robes over my nightgown and heavy leggings under my nightie and socks over the leggings, plus fuzzy boots over the socks. Also I wrapped a heavy scarf around my neck and put on one of my synthetic wigs. It felt like a fur coat for my head.

Christmas day was absolutely miserable! I was bundled in so many layers of clothing I waddled around my house. There was no tree and only minimal holiday decorations. 2022 was such an awful, stressful, and depressing year I didn't feel like celebrating.

Even without heat or air-conditioning my electric bill has soared! I may never erect another Christmas tree again! Those twinkling lights don't run on fairy dust. Even my neighbors didn't decorate the outside of their houses as elaborately as previous years.

Since it has been my life-long habit of watching TV in the dark I've been walking around my house unplugging as many lights and other things as I can do without. It may come to the point where I'll be using my hurricane lanterns to save electricity.

Always I've used my heat and A.C. sparingly. I kept my air-conditioning set at 80 which was better than the 90 plus degrees outside.

Back when my father was alive he not only insisted it be kept at 80, but also turned off at night with just the fans running. He claimed that if the windows were closed the house remained comfortable. -- He was wrong; nights were stuffy as well as hot! I used to open my big bedroom window because the air felt cooler outside.

Now due to costs I'm wondering if I can learn to live with the temp set at 82. I'm going to try anyway!

LIFE'S BUMPS, MUMBLES, & OTHER THINGS

 

As a writer I enjoy an exhilarating and riveting story in any form. I love movies! After my movie package became too pricey I started watching old westerns on GRIT.

Some I recall enjoying as a child on a small black & white screen. Now in color on a big screen television I notice things I didn't back then. One of which is women well into their 40's playing 20 somethings. It made me wonder how they pulled this off on gigantic theatre screens.

Perhaps audiences of that era were more willing to suspend disbelief. I read someplace that during the 1950's the average model was age 35 and a size 10. It wasn't until the 1960's that our society become youth obsessed and anyone over 30 was considered antique.

With the larger TV screens it's also easier to spot flaws in the character's faces in newer films. I notice despite my refusal to pay for HD. Often I spot all too familiar fleshy bumps. I'm tempted to scream at the actors, "Geez, get those things checked out by a dermatologist!" -- A similar one of mine turned out to be skin cancer.

My mother used to say that Hollywood people go to plastic surgeons as often as we visit our dentists. You can't really fault them for this, their looks are their livelihood. But skin cancer is another thing altogether.

I have some issues with many of today's movies. For one, too many actors mumble! Where are the directors? They're falling down on the job! Why can't these no-talents be taught to enunciate properly? -- And there is absolutely nothing wrong with my hearing! Yet no matter how many times rewind my DVR or turn up the sound, I'm still unable to decipher what was said.

But that's probably for the best in my case. What's with all this vile gutter language nowadays? Words have power and can be a tremendous force for good. Movies don't reflect society they shape it. I can understand an appropriate well placed profanity, but it should never dominate the dialogue. This is lazy writing! It's anything but progress and deserves to end.

SCAMMERS SCRAM, YOU SCUM!!!

 

Unfortunately, some of these low life leeches have deceptively innocent looking profiles on Facebook, so I've accepted their friendship requests. Shortly after, they contact me via messenger becoming pests more noxious than cockroaches and I must block them.

These are all experts in what is called the long con. They are out to collect as much personal info as possible before hitting you up for money.

Frequently I've thought about having some fun with them since turnabout is fair play. Perhaps I should feed them lies.

Almost always they start out with, "How are you today?"

I'd respond with:  I am so miserable I'd kill myself except that my 6 kids are depending on me now that their father is in prison.

To be honest, had he not been a force of nature in the sack I would have left him years ago!

Already he has a new girlfriend, a stripper no less who shows up for connubial visits. When I think of this, it depresses the hell out of me! Thankfully he can't see the 80 lbs I've gained since his incarceration.

And I stood by him too; throwing away what little money I had on his lawyer bills. He's up on manslaughter charges, but honestly it was an accident! He didn't mean to force that bus load of church goers off a cliff! He was playing chicken with the bus when it happened. Ted was drunk at the time; he wasn't in control of his faculties so you can't really blame him!

His cell mates call him Toe-Tag Teddy. This makes me want to cry!

My current job as a phone sex worker barely pays the bills. Clients hang up on me all the time! My boss says I have a squeaky voice and no charisma. What the hell do these creeps expect when I'm feeling so down and depressed?

Oh and my kids are hungry all the time. Soon I may be forced to kill our neighbor's dog to feed them! For months now I've been making them tuna fish sandwiches from dollar store cat food mixed with expired mayonnaise. Thank goodness my kids still can't read!

They're all failing in school. --That's when they actually bother to show up! And when they do, their teachers complain they either sleep thru class or their eyes look all weird and they appear zoned out. That's the 3 older ones anyway. I wish those teachers would mind their own business!

My 4th oldest is unable to attend school due to brain damage. This happened at birth. His head hit the porcelain hard on the Walmart toilet while I was delivering. The birth was a complete surprise! I thought I was passing a kidney stone.

My youngest daughter starts school in the fall but is already dreading it. Kids make fun of her looks! Poor child inherited my buck teeth along with her father's lazy left eye and she's pigeon-toed just like her oldest brother.

And my 4 year old is a handful to say the least! He'll set fire to anything if I don't keep an eye on him! Just a few weeks ago he destroyed our neighbor's new car. But that was an accident! The car just happened to be in their garage when it went up in blazes.

My neighbor is suing, but I'm not worried. You can't get blood from a tomato just because they're both red!

I know my kids aren't perfect, but what can I do? I'm just their mother so it's out of my hands!

I can tell right away you are a sensitive soul and have a sympathetic nature. It fills me with delight that we are now friends on Facebook!

BTW my rent is overdue can you help?

SUSPICIOUS MUCH?

 

Ah Valentine's Day is nearly upon us!

I'm sure every woman who has a LinkedIn or Facebook account has been hit on by some creep or con feigning romantic interest. Since I'm single, I've had my share.

Usually they're easy to spot right away, but not always. Awhile back I posted about Borja, his LinkedIn page looked legit and he sounded convincing. The only red flag was he came on too strong and too fast. Also he was promising me not only the moon and stars, but everything beyond.

The November before the lockdown I met a friend for lunch. "What a difference a year makes," I said. "Last year at this time I thought I'd be on my honeymoon in Hong Kong with Borja by now!" -- NOT!

I laughed.

Borja asked me to "lend" him $6000 the week before our first date was scheduled. THAT ended him for me!

Later on Facebook, some guy kept posting on my Timeline and messaging me how much he enjoyed my posts. He said we have the same sense of humor and other things in common so he must meet me. I'll call him, Mr. Underrock.

He claimed to live in Hobe Sound. I lived there briefly during first grade and gave him the name of the lane my family resided on.

He insisted upon scheduling a date to meet me. I explained that I was asexual and not looking for romance. He assured me he was fine with that. We would meet at the Vero Beach Museum of Art and from there he would take me out to lunch.

I had 700 plus Facebook friends at the time and couldn't keep track of all of them. So I looked at his Timeline and to my horror remembered that I had rejected his friendship request. The reason being not just one red flag, but a field of them!

For one, his Timeline was vague. He had zero friends! --Getting a Facebook friend is easier than finding a stray dog at the pound! And his only photo was that of a mural, no other posts!  Also it stated he had only "visited" Hobe Sound in 2020.

I began questioning if he actually was who he said. Now I truly wondered what plans he had in store for me after we met.

Confronting him, he was equally sketchy. Wasting nary a second I BLOCKED Mr. Underrock!

OH MADONNA & OTHERS, TOO

 

First and foremost, I've never been a fan of this singer and so-called actress. It feels strange that I find myself defending her now. But someone needs to!

Not long ago I saw recent photos of her online. She was attired in a tight black corset and appeared to have undergone more than a tad of plastic surgery. Beneath these photos were a slew of highly negative and ugly comments.

Mostly stating how unnatural appearing and unattractive she had become. I wondered if these people were viewing the same pictures I was seeing! I thought she looked beautiful! Of course there were changes from her younger days but far from unattractively so.

She did that tight black corset proud! How she keeps, or got her body that way is no one else's business!

Most criticized her for not accepting her age and embracing it. -- Why should she? Why should any woman?

And no, I have NOT undergone plastic surgery, Botox or any of that myself, the only reason being that I am too poor to afford it.

But often I've been accused of having had stuff done and I have to laugh. My firm skin is the result clean living and common sense. -- However there's always room for improvement! If I had the money I'd have everything lifted, sucked, or tucked! There is no shame in taking pride in one's appearance!

Remember that shaving your legs, armpits, and plucking your eyebrows is altering your natural appearance as well!

I've read that vanity is a weakness, in some cases it is, but it can also be a major strength!

At age 47 I underwent an expensive smile make-over. It gave me confidence and pride in myself I'd never known before. Even now at age 72 when I look in the mirror I'm not ashamed to say that I love the image smiling back at me.

In Madonna's case and that of other celebs what people fail to take into account is they're part of the entertainment industry. They have a brand and image to maintain. Had she allowed herself to age naturally, she would have been denigrated for that reason as well and probably by all those same people.

Life is full of no win situations and our society is not kind to older women. My personal philosophy is to always be good to myself because others are not. Call it my religion, I live by this!

A TEN YEAR PLAN, THINK AGAIN

 

"Where do you see yourself in ten years?" I've always detested that question! And tomorrow I turn 72 the same age as my mother when she died. Mom was a trip and memorable for all the wrong reasons.

I'm not expecting to die this year, (knock-on-wood) my mother was diagnosed with cancer at age 71 and by that time it had spread.

Never can I be sure what's going to happen tomorrow much less ten or even five years ahead.

Every time I've tried to make a plan, life would blindside me throwing everything on the floor scattered and broken like glass chess pieces. I'd pick them up, glue them back together and come up with a new plan; only to have the same exact thing happen.

So I'd buy a new chess set. And wait to see how other things play out before moving my pieces, hoping all of them would be correct, but it seemed they never were.

Actually I never learned to play chess. I wanted a set for Christmas when I was twelve. I watched kids play it at school and it looked like fun. However my mother refused, claiming I wasn't smart enough to learn anything that complicated.

I've read that our intelligence is inherited from the mother. So that doesn't say much for her!

2022 was a miserable and lousy year for a number of reasons. Also last year came many notable famous deaths as well as personal ones.

For example Queen Elisabeth of England, she was one I expected to go on forever; even long after the rest of us are gone. Unfortunately no one is immortal.

Then, came the death of versatile actress/comedienne Kirstie Alley. We were the same age and our birthday's close together. Ironically she died of colon cancer that spread, same as my mother!

One of my favorite original Dianne knock-knock jokes features Kirstie, read below:

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Kirstie Alley!

Kirstie Alley who?

Kirstie Alley cat who peed in my flower bed!

It seems less funny to me now that she's dead. Yes, I'm one of those people who chuckles at my own jokes.

2022 was also the year my remaining cousins all died. They were brothers of varying ages and I found it shocking that all passed within the same year.

The youngest, the one who always took the best care of himself died from two different kinds of cancer as well as a weak heart.

Death doesn't frighten me but other things do!

Thanks to modern healthcare our elderly live longer than nature ever intended. That's why we are now warehousing so many feeble old people!

My two older cousins were doddering dementia patients. This fate also befell my stepmother along with several dear and close friends. This is truly scary, I would prefer death!

I still recall every detail of my 25th birthday including what I ate for dinner. But nowadays I'm forced to wrack my brain to remember what I cooked the night before. And too many times I find myself standing before the wrong kitchen cabinet to retrieve something I know is in the opposite one, but it doesn't dawn on me immediately.

Equally disturbing are those evenings when I'm holding my DVR remote in my hand and I have to stop and think which button to press which I should know automatically by now.

I HOPE THESE ARE ONLY MINOR SYMPTOMS OF AGING AND NOTHING MORE!

I would never want to go on living after my mind is gone. Personally, I think dementia and Alzheimer's patients should be euthanized. This is merciful!!! I know there are people reading this who think I'm terrible for that. They seem to believe that letting these patients linger is kind. -- Actuality it's cruel!!!