THE THREATENING MONSTER

When I unfolded my newspaper Saturday AM 9-9-17 it read:  STATE OF FEAR in all capital letters. I thought that was an understatement!  Irma a category 5 hurricane was headed directly toward us! A CAT 5 is a roof-ripper! Even if it weakened to a 4 it would still be catastrophic! I wondered if I would have a house remaining or even be alive on Monday.

I joked that if I survived I would be poor, homeless, & blind! But the joke was too close to reality to be funny. At least my house was insured although my body is not. And hurricane deductibles are high and I needed that money for my cataract surgery! This couldn't be happening at a worse time!

On the other hand, if I didn't survive it would solve all of my problems. However, there's a long list of people I do not want to be reunited with in the afterlife! So I had to get myself together!  

I tried to determine what I needed to save and what I was willing to sacrifice to the storm. I wasn't actually willing to sacrifice anything but I had no choice. And some of my choices I started to reconsider afterward, such as my bathing suit. Despite a thorough washing it still smelled of the Galapagos Islands from my trip 2 summers ago. I didn't want to part with it or any of my souvenirs from Thailand. None of these were Sophie's choices, but all of my things are precious to me.

Everything I wanted to save needed to be downstairs; even then I could still lose everything due to the category of this storm. By the end of the day every muscle in my body ached from lugging things down those stairs.

I put together a grab & go bag with all of my important papers, cash, and several changes of clothes in the event I had to evacuate to a FEMA trailer, later. However I was determined NOT to spend the storm in a shelter. Others I'd known who rode a hurricane out in one swore they'd never do it again. And these are people who enjoy the company of others. I am not one of those! At least in my home I'd only have to deal with hurricane drama without the added people drama too.

My safe room has always been the windowless downstairs bathroom. However, with a storm of this magnitude I was starting to rethink that. Should my cathedral ceiling be peeled back or the front door go flying away, I doubt the bathroom door would hold  once the storm was inside. And if the garage doors should bend, my car could be blown right thru the bathroom wall killing me inside! -- During hurricane David, a lesser hurricane back in Stuart, my father's car was blown from our carport and down the driveway.

I decided my new safe area would be the back hallway. It didn't have a door to close, but it was next to 2 rooms I could quickly escape into and hope at least one would hold.

 

Before I went to bed that night I planned to pull the mattress off the daybed in my guestroom and push it off the loft railing onto the carpet below rather than try to drag it down the stairs. I wondered if I'd ever feel the comfort of my own bed again.

Food was plentiful in my storm pantry. And besides my 2 huge plastic jugs & lots of empty milk bottles, I filled everything that would hold tap water, including waste baskets & tea kettles. My water was divided into 3 categories: drinking, washing, & flushing.

Earlier in the week, I called number after number in desperation trying to find someone to board my house. Mostly, I got answering machines. The few who picked-up told me they were too busy. One suggested I call a church! I felt they were telling me I didn't have a prayer!

Finally, one man phoned me back! He said he would be here noon Friday to board up my house.

Thursday afternoon, my neighbors across the street astounded me! After letting me twist-in-the -wind during 4 previous hurricanes they offered to board me! By now I had the only house in the neighborhood unprotected. I thanked them, but a man was coming noon the following day.

But then, Friday came and it was getting late in the afternoon and storm winds would be arriving Saturday. The man I hired was running way behind schedule still boarding other people. I was starting to panic! So I called my neighbors. But I could tell they were not happy about it.

They boarded-up my house and I'm grateful! But they made it clear they would NOT be unboarding. One even told me, "If you need anything else, knock on our door and then keep moving." -- Geez, tell me how you really feel!

The man I hired finally showed up around 5:00 PM Saturday. I must have been dead last on his list!!! I paid him to repair a board that came loose and was hanging from my chimney. Apparently, that previous workman I'd hired to replace rotting wood had missed more than a few places!

By Saturday afternoon, Irma had shifted farther west. We were out of the cone but due to the gigantic size of this storm we would still be in for a wild ride on Sunday!

Due to that shift in direction we were spared the worst of Irma, although Sunday became wild and wicked starting in late afternoon. I was praying my electricity would hold long enough to watch the season premiere of Outlander. -- What a difference a day makes!

As I watched the show, I listened to the fierce howling winds outside and the heavy rains besieging the house; I heard the exploding of power going out in the next neighborhood over. I held my breath.

At 11:00 PM when I went to bed, I was so confident of not losing power that I left both my flashlight & hurricane lamp downstairs. It was something I came to regret! The power went out at midnight!

The next morning I would not be enjoying the large celebration breakfast I planned on preparing. My electricity would not be restored until around 5:30 PM. But I was still without TV, Internet, and a phone. The small battery-operated pad I'd purchased for my trips refused to connect. It told me what to do, but offered no direction as to how. I wanted to smash it on the floor!

I remember going thru hurricane Della when I was 14 and David when I was 28. Both times, when the power was restored EVERYTHING came back at once! And our landlines worked even during hurricanes! In fact, my phones still worked during and after hurricanes right up until I subscribed to the bundle in 2010. So there's something to be said for the good old days. Della & David were Stuart hurricanes.

After moving to Vero Beach came Irene, Frances, Jeane, and Wilma! The place my father swore never got hit by hurricanes due to its angle on the map! I knew better, but you couldn't tell him anything.

Tuesday, became my outside clean-up day, starting early and still sore; I picked up branches in my yard and raked leaves. My hands & feet became cut, blistered and bug-bitten. My clothes were soaked in sweat. This is Florida after all and it's still summer. Around mid- afternoon I'd had enough and decided to save the rest for my yard man. But plenty of work was still awaiting me inside.

Thankfully, there was no damage to the house itself.

Wednesday, unable to reach me, my friend Rose, fearing I was dead or injured drove over. I was still without phone, internet, or TV. We used her cell phone to report the problem to ATT. They told us they were aware of the issue, but didn't seem optimistic about resolving it anytime soon. But at least I had light and air-conditioning which many in Florida were still without.

If not for my daily newspaper I would have no idea what was going on in the outside world! Friday was a joyous day when everything was at last restored! However my boards are remaining up until hurricane season ends in November!

FLASHING WARNING LIGHTS

Not long ago, I watched a movie on my DVR titled: Would You Rather. The premise: A sadistic billionaire holds a contest and he pays the survivor's bills for the duration of their life. Of course I was rooting for the young and pretty vegetarian with the sickly brother.

The contest consisted of a series of choices all of them unpleasant to say the least. Choices such as would you rather have all your fingernails yanked out by pliers or your head held under in a barrel of urine for two minutes? Next question, do you choose to have a nail hammered thru your tongue or receive a major electric shock to your privates, and on and on.

Just recently, I had an eye exam at Sears. My right eye was by far the worst. I joked that I needed a monocle.  But the Optometrist was concerned about the pin prick flashes of light I kept seeing. He strongly suggested that I schedule an appointment at the Florida Eye Institute.

"If those lights become streaks or resemble lightning seek medical attention immediately," he told me.

Two nights later, I got up to use the bathroom and both times I saw all kinds of streaks and lights in my right eye! Alarmed, I was unable to go back to sleep.

First thing the following AM, I set up an appointment with the Eye Institute. Then I phoned Sears and told them to put my order for the 3 pairs of glasses on hold. If cataract surgery was upcoming my prescription would change.

Suddenly I could relate to the movie dilemmas above. I was faced with the choice of a tremendous hit to my already low savings or going blind! And there is no billionaire in this picture except for that piece of human excrement in the White House, the one who promised affordable health care for everyone. I didn't vote for him because I knew there was no way this pompous buffoon could ever deliver. His current political party fought tooth & nail against it. I'll never forget those hollers of "Let them die!" followed by laughter during a previous election season.

I contacted a Medical Tourism site online. Tijuana was the cheapest, however that's a border town with a reputation and I'd fear for my life! The next was Cancun, this sounded better, like a vacation without fun.

However, my friend Marie, who has been to Mexico, more recently than I have, said even Cancun is not safe anymore. Back in the 1970's, Acapulco was a beautiful (although swelteringly hot) tourist spot. I was there, twice. Now it has become so crime ridden and dangerous the tourists avoid it! Still Cancun might be my only affordable option.

After a thorough exam at the Florida Eye Institute, I was hit with the news that cataract surgery was required on BOTH eyes!!! I don't have Insurance and despite my age I don't qualify for Medicare due to my history. And I don't qualify for Medicaid because I'm just poor, not destitute.

The Florida Eye Institute is lenient with low income people as to prevent them from going blind. They will perform the surgery at their rock bottom price. But even that is sky high to someone like me! Plus I just had lots of expensive major repairs to the outside of my home! But I budgeted for those and cut-back and went without. This is a tremendous out-of-the-blue expense!

And now because it's TWO eyes rather than one, this makes Mexico less of a bargain. Only one eye can be operated on at a time. This means I'd have to hang around Cancun longer. Besides the cost of airfare, there's the hotel fee, meals, taxis, etc...Also I'd be away from my home during peak hurricane season. I need to stay for damage control.

So I will probably have the surgery here. I just hope there are no complications to further run up the price.

I'm only 66, I thought it would be another 10 years at least before I'd be faced with the health issues I'm now experiencing. My legs feel as if they've been shot with Novocain from the knees down due to Peripheral Neuropathy. Fortunately, there is no pain now, just numbness. Unlike my Diverticulitis!  According to Google the frequent burning sensation in my left arm is nerve damage. And then this!

Suddenly I'm feeling elderly.

And now a major hurricane, Irma is poised to strike and turn our beautiful Treasure Coast into a junk yard.  Oh no!!! That's all I need!!!

A HUNDRED ACRES OF HEAVEN

Early summer 1958 my family moved from Hobe Sound, (a place tantamount to paradise in my mind) back up the coast to Stuart.  My father had just landed a high paying job there and understandably wanted a shorter drive to work. Still I was quite unhappy about moving. I loved our rental home on the Intracoastal Waterway and its proximity to the ocean. Nothing could top that, I thought!

But I was wrong! We moved into a sprawling house in the middle of a hundred acres. A private lake graced the front and several small ponds were scattered in the back, along with a fresh water spring.

The lake was beautiful! It formed in a lopsided figure eight with a little arched white bridge over the narrowest part. We frequently fished there. Also we had a small blue row boat. Wild ducks lived on the lake and later my grandfather added tame ones, too. On the south side was a mango grove and all around was an abundance of beautiful nature. It was just like living in a private park! To enter the property, one had to drive thru huge white gates.

The house was by far the largest and best one ever! Visitors often asked if we got lost. My favorite room was the spacious library. It featured a fireplace, a beautiful Oriental carpet, and a big picture window overlooking the lake. This adjoined a large family room with high glass windows on 3 sides that half overlooked the lake and half overlooked the mango grove. The home had long halls on opposite sides. At the end of one stood a spot that could be transformed into a room surrounded by nothing but a circle of doors. My friends and I used to sit in the middle with a candle and tell ghost stories. The house even featured a special room to enjoy coffee and dessert overlooking the lake. This place was nothing short of amazing!

As before, we were only renters, but my parents assured me that we would not be moving again. The owner was a German with a "VON" in front of his last name. How cool was that! These truly were days of splendor.

Only months after moving there, my father bought me my heart's desire, a horse! Suddenly, I became quite the popular little girl! Now, lots of kids wanted to visit and ride it. They also enjoyed the rowboat, plus we swam in the big front lake and the back pond closest to the house. Of course we had to be wary of alligators, (a real problem in Florida) but the element of danger added to the fun! Friends invited other friends, even older kids now wanted to know me. I reveled in my good fortune and thought it would last forever, but sadly life doesn't work that way.

My glorious childhood was soon to end.

One day, the owner came to visit and noticed the horse. Suddenly our rent went up! My parents grumbled, but paid. But it was quickly raised again, and again! My folks were livid; we were maintaining these vast acres at our own expense! But apparently the guy didn't want a horse on his property.

Yes, the horse was temperamental and did some damage, but it was repaired at our expense.

One afternoon I came home from school and the horse was gone. He'd been sold! I was sad, but not surprised. My parents felt he was dangerous and had become a potential lawsuit as well as a rent issue.

Then one autumn evening as my family sat around watching the nightly news, my brother asked our mother, "Do you want to start taking stuff over to the new house, tomorrow?"

"New house!!!" I exclaimed. "What new house???"

"We've moving," Mom replied in a casual tone. "We bought a house on the St. Lucie River."

This was a major shock! I wasn't aware they had been even shopping for a house!

"But I love it here!" I protested.

"Oh, but you'll like this new house much better!" my grandfather replied.

Well I HATED it from the moment I saw it! It was less than half the size of the lake house and the inside had a weird clinical feel. It stood on barely one acre with noisy and intrusive neighbors around us. I felt closed in. Nothing about it felt like home to me!

Perhaps it was bad Feng shiu, strangely our lives all seemed to quickly unravel and go downhill after moving there.

My brother was drafted into the army. He was later honorably discharged due to medical issues, but became a different person after discovering alcohol, there. My grandfather died a year after our move. We quickly went from a family of five to a family of three. My mother's unhinged nature emerged and expanded 10 fold. The toxic fallout landed fully on me. Five years later my father lost his job thru no fault of his own. Our lives continued on that downward path with many far worse things yet to come.

Living there, I felt as if I was treading water with sharks in the distance circling closer, while at the same time struggling not to drown. That feeling has never gone away.

My father finally sold that place in 1998 and I was delighted. We moved to Vero Beach in January of 99.

Our river house was hardly cheap, by 1960 standards the price was considered high end. However, we were actually paying for the mile wide river view and the 150 ft dock, below. This is what my mother fell in love with and why we bought that house.

She imagined living there would be like heaven, she told me later, but instead experienced only misery. Well, the previous place had felt like heaven to me!

For decades to come, not one single day would pass when I did not think of the lake house. I often dreamed of buying it. My heart would sink whenever we drove past the property.

In my late 30's, I heard the property had been sold to a developer. I was horrified to learn the lake and all the ponds had been filled killing everything in them. And the wild ducks would no longer have a home there. Also the mango grove had been bulldozed. My father said all of this was done to create ground to build more houses.

This threw me deeper into darker depths of depression during an already wretched period. I'm thankful every day those times are gone.

Our lives are made up of not just chapters, but many entirely different books and I'm not ready for this one to end. My current home is the one that restored my happiness.

Each day is filled with an assortment of joys and victories and I savor all of my small creature comforts. They make it worth living. But if I had the power, I would return to being eight years old again and freeze that time forever! My world felt almost magical then! Money or health worries were as remote as the constellation Cassiopeia. It was a period consisting of pure joy and peace of mind, now gone forever.