LOOKING AHEAD TO THAILAND IN 2016

Now that this trip is getting closer, the butterflies in my stomach have been replaced by bats gnawing & scratching at my insides. I am dreading the airport aggravation alone! The flight is a lengthy one to put it mildly. I am flying for 18 hours on Arab Emirates Airlines to Dubai. A 3 hour layover awaits me; from there it’s another 6 hours to Bangkok. This will be an entire day & night each way.

Since I’m going alone and terrible with directions, I opted for an escorted tour just like in the old days. During my 20’s, I did all my world traveling this way. Sure, I invited friends and plenty showed interest. But when it came to placing a deposit with a travel agent, I heard all variety of excuses why they couldn’t do it that year.  And the next it was a similar story! I decided that if I didn’t go alone, I’d never get to travel at all.

Back in the 1970’s I was never concerned about my health. A heart attack or stroke seemed as remote as the constellation Cassiopeia.  Nowadays, it’s constantly in the back of my mind that my father suffered his first heart attack when he was 10 years younger. And my mother died when she was only 7 years older than I am now.

I’ve been ordered by the Dept. of Health to get up and walk every waking hour for at least 15 minutes to avoid blood clots. “They’ll be lots of people walking around on that flight!” the doctor told me.

“But there are NOT a lot of places to walk!” I replied. “That narrow isle will be so crammed; we’ll all be doing it in shifts!” Also I purchased a pair of compression stockings. I can feel the old lady cooties licking my toes, already!

I selected a tour that hits all my major cities of interest. I plan to make the most of my time doing lots of touristy things. But this primarily is an exploratory or what the politicians refer to as a fact finding trip. Too bad I don’t hold political office or I could stick the taxpayers with the tab!

 I may end up calling this country home at some point in time, even if I choose to expatriate to Ecuador.

 I’m looking forward to visiting Ayuthaya, the capitol of Old Siam. Also I’m taking a cruise in a long-tailed boat on the Meo Kok River to visit a hill tribe village in Chiang Rai. Plus I’ll be seeing the ancient towns of Chiang Sen & Wat Phra That Chedi Luang.  I’m traveling up to the famous Golden Triangle where Thailand, Burma, & Laos all merge, and then it’s on to Chaing Mai to visit the ancient capitol of the Lamma Kingdom.  There’s a Khantoke dinner with a show which should be exciting and memorable. Later it’s a visit to an elephant camp with a jungle tour. Actually, several jungle tours are included, (better get that prescription for Malaria pills) and another long-tailed boat ride on the Pai River in Bangkok. My first night there features a Thai dinner and a classic dance performance. Plus many more activities I’m not going to detail here and now.

I’ve got THREE flights within Thailand to get around to all of these places!

I told the travel agent I was disappointed that I would not be going to the White Temple in Chiang Rai. (This HAS to be the coolest temple on the planet, Google it!!!) She phoned back and said the White Temple would be included. I asked if the other people would be inconvenienced.

“This is a private tour,” she stated. “There are no others, you will have a personal guide & driver. It’s not unusual in that part of the world.”

I was speechless. For a second, I felt like a V.I.P.!  Then I remembered I was traveling Economy Class in a 17 inch seat. That bubble burst fast!

Also I’ve arranged to visit a Retirement Home operated by a British family. Residents live in condos with balconies along a snaking river with mountains in the background. The online photos are absolutely dreamy. – I’m not ready for anything like that yet!  However, that day may come.

Was I not planning to sell my house and move to the Third World, a trip such as this would be out of the question. Plus I’ve forgone many things I enjoy. I’ve pinched a lot of pennies & nickels to afford this trip. One of the reasons I’m expatriating is to be able to afford these things.

After I return, there are serious decisions I need to make.

THE FRUITCAKE STOPS HERE

There’s a lame joke that seems to have been around forever, the one claiming that only one fruitcake exists and it gets passed around to everyone. Many have declared it the worst gift possible! Frankly, I’ve never understood why.  This delectable dessert was once proclaimed sinfully decadent and outlawed in 18^th century Europe.

Of course as my father used to say, “There’s fruitcake and then there’s FRUITCAKE! Not all fruitcakes are created equal.

 In MY world there are 4 categories:

1:  Drug Store Fruitcake.  The kind that gives it the bad rep! It’s hard, dry, fructose flavored, & dotted with neon green citron.                                                                                    

2:  Supermarket Bakery Fruitcake.   OK tasting, but nothing special.                               

 3:  Gourmet Gift Catalogue Fruitcake.  These are the Cadillac of fruitcakes, delicious but far from cheap!

4:  Great Grandma Fruitcake.  The ones of myth and legend, they are the Sasquatch of fruitcakes because they are so rare. According to my father, his German-born Grandmother made the best tasting ones ever! These were so extraordinary nothing else came close!  -- I’ve never actually tasted one myself.

Fruitcake goes all the way back to the ancient Egyptians. It was placed on tombs as an offering to the dead. Perhaps this is how its flavorless rumor began.

In various forms, fruitcake has been around as long as civilization. It was during Roman times that this dessert became common in ring shape.

Ancient Roman fruitcakes consisted of pine nuts, pomegranate seeds, & barley mash. During Medieval times; spices, honey, & preserved fruit were added. Sugar by the cupful was added during the 16^th century. Later candied fruits from the Mediterranean were added along with a variety of nuts. It was the Victorians who added alcohol.

These days, a gift fruitcake is usually the awful Drug Store variety. However, these can easily be made palatable with just a little creativity. Just take a slice, place it in a bowl, add 2 tablespoons of brandy, rum, or amaretto, (any more than 2 tablespoons and there’s too much icky alcohol taste!) cover and microwave for 25 seconds. Then add a scoop of ice cream if desired.

Personally, I don’t like to waste money on alcohol, (unless you’re an alcoholic you won’t miss it) I spread honey or maple syrup on top &, add chopped nuts. Remember, fruitcake is dessert! A dab of chocolate fudge sauce & whipped cream also work.

The best fruitcake I’ve ever tasted was the Hawaiian variety with pineapple & macadamia nuts. Now I’ve never liked pineapple, but I loved it in this! Also I don’t like apples (even in apple pie) but the dried ones in fruitcake greatly enhance the taste. The catalogue kind needs no doctoring.

Fruitcake tastes best when served with tangerine flavored tea, apricot works well, too.

Our first Christmas after moving to Vero Beach I was consumed with fruitcake fever! I looked forward to one gracing our holiday table in our new home. Just days before, my father & I were at the supermarket. That year, they displayed a wide variety. I drooled over every one, trying to decide.

 “Wait until the day after Christmas,” my father urged, “they’ll practically be giving them away! We’ll have one New Year’s Day!”

Reluctantly, I agreed. We returned then, also to buy holiday ornaments cheap, as well. These were mostly picked over. As for fruitcakes, there wasn’t ONE left in the store! We went to another supermarket, NO FRUITCAKES! Out of desperation we went to a Drug Store, nary a ONE there either!!!

This Christmas I’m going to splurge on a catalogue fruitcake because it may be my last one in this house. I don’t know what’s available in the Third World. Having one shipped is pricey, I’m sure. If I have to give fruitcake up entirely, I’ll miss it.

So now I’ve got catalogues spread out before me. Hmmm, perhaps I’ll get the tasty Southern version with lots of pecans, walnuts, & cherries. But wait, I see a chocolate variety! No, hold on, there’s one with blueberries & walnuts I really want to try! -- STOP! I need to be strong; I must choose ONE and only ONE!

Oh, but when I take that first bite little faeries tickle the sides of my mouth with honeyed wands. Christmas elves skip merrily across my teeth as a parade of tiny dancers & acrobats twirl and leap upon my tongue tossing colorful candied streamers. Ahhhh, fruitcake tastes like Christmas with all of its wonders and delights, m-m-m. Yum! Yum! Yum!