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Friday, June 23, 2017

ROTTING FLESH & SWEAT


Well summer has officially arrived! And I can feel the flesh melting off my bones just walking across the grocery store parking lot. Actually it's my sunscreen that's melting. I am a walking fountain of sweat! It's streaming from every pore of my body, except under my arms, thanks to anti-perspirants.

My father used to say that anti-perspirants surely must be unsafe because they block a natural body function. Well, I don't believe they block, just redirect.

I recall the miserable years before this product was invented, back when most of us Floridians didn't have air-conditioning in our homes. OMG! How wretched life must have been during centuries past! The human body is a gamey thing. Just the thought of those fumes and the humidity almost has me hallucinating. 

This brings to mind my two favorite TV shows: Vikings and The Walking Dead. The Vikings and the zombies have two things in common. ONE: Both look as if they stink to high heaven! It's beyond me how they could sneak up on anyone! TWO: Both are bloodthirsty and would kill'ya soon as look at you!

Over the past season both programs have undergone significant changes. Unless you are a fan, you will not understand anything beyond this point. Which begs the question, why don't you watch these shows??? If not, START WATCHING!!! That's an order; both are entertaining and worth your time.

Below is a brief update of each:

In Vikings, the main character (I can't say hero) Raghair became serpent chow, an end he richly deserved! Now in Valhalla he and his scheming second wife are reunited. She is the statuesque Asslug. However, it's a safe bet the crawling psycho who sprung from their loins will murder Raghair's beautiful, but smelly-looking first wife before long.

Wife # 1 is about the only half-way likable character in this show with the exception of that English Monk who suffered from Stockholm syndrome. What was his name again?...Oh yes, Applestand! Poor guy got it together only to be slaughtered by Flunky, the scrawny guy in the hideous eye make-up that wears him. Or is his name Flakey? Either one applies! Anyway I'm looking forward to next season!

As to the Walking Dead, PEW! It should be renamed The Walking Reeking Dead! As with Vikings, I can almost smell them right thru my TV screen! But even the breathers appear stinky on that show! ICK! Isn't there any soap or shampoo on the shelves of all those deserted stores?

All last summer we were left in suspense wondering who was going to boogie with that spiky Lucille. Yes, she's more than a bit wooden, but Lucille really knows how to swing and hit her marks.

Later, we learned she chose the ginger guy and the Korean kid. Frankly, I was sick of both these characters and glad to see them gone. Personally, I thought they added nothing but annoyance. At least Andrea was nice to look at! Sadly, she's been long gone.

However, from a strategic point, Lucille and Sheriff Rick should have gotten together for a big date! You always whack the leader first! That's just basic 101 knowledge! Not to mention, the show would have been taken in a more intriguing direction. But I'm guessing that Andrew Lincoln's contract wasn't up yet. Probably, it was too costly to off him just yet.

The most malodorous scene in memory was when Sheriff Rick and a handful of his survivors discover that putrid-looking clan of garbage people. EEEEWWW! Just the appearance of them had me gasping and pinching my nostrils. I was overcome with a strong urge to pause my DVR, grab a can Lysol and douse my living room!

Well, I have to give much credit to the make-up and costume folks behind these shows. They certainly are talented and do a convincing job!

As for me, at least there's no bat infestation in my house, now! That was a summer ordeal I will never forget!( Also a previous blog) Thankfully, the bats with their overpowering stench never returned!

But scattered summer storms are back. At this moment the sky is sunny and bright, but it's a tease. One way or another, it seems I'm all wet this time of year!

Thursday, June 1, 2017

LIFE AS FICTION


This novel I'm ghostwriting has completely taken over my life and I wouldn't have it any other way! Recently, my client asked me to cut back on my hours in order to make it more affordable to her. I understand well and I'm doing this. However, it doesn't diminish the time or space these characters take up in my head.

Every meal, these fictional human beings are seated at the table with me, each in turn pleading their case, justifying their behavior, often interrupting one another. When I'm watching TV at night I find myself frequently rewinding to catch something I missed because a character was whispering an important detail in my ear. And when I'm trying to fall asleep, they keep me awake as I try to anticipate one's next move and the ripple effect it will have on the others. Plus it's not just every waking hour; they also invade my dreams during deep sleep. It's almost as if I'm being haunted!

Until this book is completed, there is no escaping! And people actually think I get lonely living by myself! I don't feel alone because the voices in my head never shut up!

You would never guess that I dislike reading fiction, I prefer sticking to reality. But I love to WRITE fiction because I'm in control, despite the fact my characters quickly take on lives of their own, lives rife with terrible judgment with all its ramifications; in other words, much like real life.

I felt proud when a reader told me the character Abby Colter, from my novel The Valley of Shadows and Shame seemed real to her. Abby was actually a composite of 2 girls I knew in school set in a different time period. So in a sense, she was an actual person, or rather two.

But even when I create characters out of the air, they become real to me. However, fictional characters written by other writers tend to remain just that, FICTIONAL! I love and prefer history books! But I realize that what been accepted as historical fact may actually be fiction.

For example, as a child I loved reading about Pocahontas. She was a genuine American princess and a true heroine, so what's not to love? I recall all of those childhood stories being along the same lines as the animated Disney musical. Recently, I was horrified to learn the reality! Her true story is nothing short of tragic.

The mythical romance between her and John Smith was a fantasy that diminishes her. Also it is questionable whether or not she saved his life! Smith was a braggart and bully notorious for entering tribes unannounced with guns demanding food and supplies.

Her true story is greater; her strength and endurance comes forth.

Pocahontas wasn't even her name, just an affectionate nickname given by her father, it means "mischievous one."  Matoaka was her actual name!

Around age 14, she wed a Potowomac warrior and soon gave birth to a child. Shorty afterward, she was kidnapped by the Jamestown colonists and her spouse murdered. While in captivity she was raped!

As a captive of Jamestown, her conversion to Christianity and renaming herself Rebecca was likely the result of Stockholm syndrome. However, the exploitation of her people was never forgotten.

Reunited with John Smith years later in England, she verbally attacked and reviled him in public for his reprehensible treatment of her tribe. Not long after, she died suddenly under mysterious circumstances before setting sail for home.

I attended the live musical Evita and I also watched the badly acted movie version starring Madonna. Afterward, I marveled at how Evita made such a mark in this world before she died at age 32. Then I recalled that Pocahontas died before her 22nd birthday. Matoaka made a greater impact despite her whole story being widely unknown.

Everything I had previously read about her was either revisionist history or pure sugary fiction! That's sad, because the truth is far more gripping and compelling; never mind that history must never be denied.