THE INEVITABLE & MYSTERIOUS UNKNOWN

Yesterday I attended a complementary luncheon, this one sponsored by a funeral home. Of course I went! This was a free meal at a country club. Several years back, I attended one sponsored by a cremation society.

What happens after death? I find myself thinking more & more about this as I grow older. As I'm fond of saying, I'm now 67 and one year closer to Heaven. What is Heaven? I've heard it's whatever you want it to be. If that's true, my dead relatives will be elsewhere! I've had encounters with ghosts and also some downright inexplicable experiences so I'm inclined to believe there's something after.

Reincarnation makes sense to me. However I don't want to return to this planet, it's Jerk World! I'd rather come back as an amoeba on another one. During autohypnosis I saw briefly a past incarnation, my death as part of the Roman war machine. I was part of a small group separated from the others. We were ambushed and outnumbered in a shallow stream under a steep, sheer cliff only a few feet higher than my 30ft cathedral ceiling. The barbarians wore helmets trimmed with fur. Quickly surrounded, we were overcome! While frantically engaged in a fight, a warrior came splashing thru the water and slashed me across my lower back with his sword! I swung around and fell face first into the stream! But I didn't die of my wound; I drown in the bloody water.

This revelation explained an issue that's plagued me since childhood. I loved to swim, but I'd freak out just thinking about my head under water. Eventually, I overcame this phobia. However, I'm still uncomfortable with it.

But what if this vision and all of my inexplicable experiences are a brain glitch and nothing but mere illusion? What if this life is ALL there is. Why is that a bad thing??? During surgeries I recall the feeling, or rather the lack of it, no dreams during my unconscious,  as if I simply ceased to exist. If that's what death is, I don't have a problem with it. If I could remain eternally young in good health with an endless stream of wealth, I'd want to live forever. But that's not reality! I've enjoyed wonderful times and endured horrible ones, I can accept finality.

Actually, I'm far more frightened and worried about advancing age and illness than I am of death!!! Even a brief hospital stay would ruin me financially.

Most believe that you are automatically entitled to receive Medicare once you hit age 65. That's untrue! If you are ineligible for Social Security you are also ineligible for Medicare. I am proof! -- And don't tell me to get a job unless you are offering me one. And I mean one that pays a living wage!

A few have suggested a GoFundMe page when the need arises. However I am someone many people cannot relate to, much less sympathize. Most would probably be happy to see me die. -- And I'm spitting on each of you in my head!!!

We live in a screwed-up pseudo religious society where owning an assault rifle is a God-given right, but affordable healthcare is a privilege and often a luxury. And this is only one issue!

The previous complementary luncheon I attended just weeks before was sponsored by a retirement home. The speaker was good and she made the place sound fabulous. If an appliance breaks, you just phone maintenance. They will not even allow you to change a light bulb by yourself! Best of all, should a hurricane appear on the horizon, no cause for worry, you do nothing. It's someone else's problem! Plus there are 5 restaurants to choose from and one meal per day (your choice) is included. As for medical care, no problem!  All of this for only one check per month.

Whenever someone inquired about price, we were informed it all depended on the dwelling of your choice; pricing was listed in a brochure on the back table. And we were assured this place was the most reasonable around.

I picked up one of those brochures. The most inexpensive dwelling there, a small studio apartment the size of a hotel room, (no porch or veranda) cost $500 more a month than I pull in! That does not include the purchase price! If I sold my 2-story house that I love with room to roam and a private back yard I might be able to afford it. However, I'd better take an enormous purse to that one daily meal because I'd have no money left for groceries, or anything else.  At least the retirement home I visited in Thailand included all meals.    

Also I find people to be draining. I don't like to socialize with groups, much less live with them! I would feel like an inmate confined to that tiny apartment. NO THANK YOU! If I had the amount required to live there, it would be unnecessary! I could be enjoying life way better right here.

Everyone who sees me cannot believe I'm as old as I am. I want to keep it that way.

I've switched to a healthier diet and I'm doing everything in my power to preserve my health. I'm not trying to live forever, I can't afford to! I just don't want to die in a hospital! Nor do I want to be one of those senior citizens with a kitchen counter or medicine cabinet full of over-priced drugs. Perhaps everything I'm doing will never be enough, heredity is a major factor. But when the time comes, I'm determined to leave this world on my own terms.

YOUNG & FREE

Decades ago before all the concrete & traffic, and before half the state of New York moved here to ruin it, Florida was paradise! Gorgeous tropical wilderness was everywhere! I was raised a free-range child. Everyone was back then and exploring is what we did.

Whenever outdoors, whether it was with friends or alone my parents never knew where I was at any given moment. In First Grade while living on the Intracoastal Waterway in Hobe Sound, I often walked blocks to friend's homes without informing my parents. All my folks cared about was whether or not I showed up on time for meals.

From Hobe Sound, my family moved to the 100 acre place on the Port Salerno border. Here, there were no neighbors within socializing distance, just beautiful eye-filling nature that felt like heaven. Every inch of it was explored either on horseback or on foot.

At age 9 under protest, I moved with my family to our new home within the city limits. Our house overlooked the St. Lucie River. We enjoyed a magnificent view from the back because we were on a steep hill. Visitors would gasp and their jaws would drop at the sight. However, I would have given it up in a heartbeat to go back to those seemingly endless acres of beautiful green wilderness and the lake we left behind. The beauty of that place was serene with no people noise.

The new house was a bad fit for me right from the start. Also life for my family seemed to quickly unravel there. But some of my memories at the beginning are good ones.

We had a 150 ft. dock with a boathouse at the end to the right. On top was a sundeck where we'd take the binoculars. The river was a mile across plus we could see for miles each way. And we brought the radio up there, too. We'd dance to the music! Back then the twist was popular. (They were probably doing it in Siberia!) Thank goodness it was easy to do.

My friends and I swam in the river too and often drifted far from home.

Just to the right of our dock near the shore was a clam bed. During the season I'd wade out and feel them under my bare feet. I'd toss them into my bucket and for days after I'd have fried clams or clam chowder for dinner. I loved it! 

Alone, I frequently took long scenic walks down the shoreline. I watched herds of manatees swimming down the river. Sadly they became fewer and fewer with the passing years until they disappeared altogether. And there were dolphins too! I'd stroll behind all manner of homes. And more than a few times found myself behind the hotel where Natalie Wood honeymooned the first time she and Robert Wagner married.

Once, after a storm I discovered a raft with a long pole & oar washed up on shore. I paddled way out on the river and for long miles. Life moved slower then with plenty of time to savor it.

Just as frequently, I walked to what is now referred to as the Historic Downtown District. A theatre was there and Saturday movie matinees were only 25 cents. Often, I'd stop at the Drug Store for a scrumptious ice cream soda. These were 25 cents also.

Later, when I was in the 11 and 12 age group friends would stay over. On summer evenings we'd walk to town and have dinner at the Drug Store counter; usually hot dogs, fries, & a coke. Then we'd catch the 7:00 PM movie. Afterward, we'd walk home by ourselves in the dark. We were never afraid.

During friend's overnight visits we stayed in our guesthouse across the carport. After my grandfather's death it became vacant. Later, at age 39 I moved over there after Dad re-married. As a kid it was the perfect place for entertaining. We could stay up late as we wanted. Often we'd act out everything we saw in the movie adding our own plot twists and alternate ending. We reveled in pure clean fun and it was glorious!

Children both small and tweens enjoyed far more freedom from parental supervision back then. I can recall only one harrowing incident while being out and about. This happened when I was age 10.

My friend Shelly who was a year older, received a bike for her birthday. She took me for a ride. I sat on the back. We had wheels now and intended to do some major exploring far from home. She peddled into a neighborhood neither of us had ever seen before. Inside an open garage were a group of boys ranging in age from 7 to 15. They were gathered around a motorcycle.

As Shelly pedaled past, a huge vicious German Sheppard came tearing out after us barking and growling! --That dog belonged to one of those boys; you'd think someone would have called it back! Instead, all just looked on with intrigue as if they'd paid tickets for a show! Quickly the dog caught up with the bike! It grabbed my skirt within its snarling teeth. I jerked it free as Shelly pedaled fast away.

I was shaken, but relieved it was only my skirt and not my leg! But usually my friends & I were safe.

Unbeknownst to my parents, to make extra spending money, friends and I would go door-to-door selling oranges, grapefruit, & kumquats from our trees in the yard. We'd start on the next street over and work our way into town. Citrus fruit in Florida was as common as Italian restaurants in Italy. Yet sometimes we got lucky. A nice man once bought our entire bag for a dollar! He led us into his kitchen where he handed us the money.

In retrospect, I see how risky this was. However back then, most adults were considered above reproach and trusted. Now, I can see how this would enable a sicko to take advantage. We just happened to be fortunate. Eventually, a neighbor told my folks and we were ordered to stop. But our fun remained unabated.

Summer days were splendorous and overflowing with joy! Never did I want them to end! Freedom filled the air like perfume.   

Everything changed dramatically with the start of a new school year. There was absolutely nothing pleasant about school, at least not the one where I spent the majority of my attendance.  

I remember my childhood times vividly. Technology had yet to commandeer every aspect of our lives. I may as well have grown up on another planet in comparison to the kids now. And I'm grateful for that!