THE BREACH

 

At first the email seemed innocuous enough. Supposedly it was from my friend Rose who moved to another Florida city a few years back. However we continue to keep in touch.

I was instructed to click on a link which I was told was self-explanatory. As I began I noticed the email looked off. Suddenly I stopped and looked closer. This was NOT Rose!

Fake Rose emails kept arriving! Saying things such as "Do you remember the two ladies in these photos?" Click the link below. -- Of course I didn't!

Often when I went to my inbox I noticed a number of new emails from the real Rose had already been opened, -- ones I hadn't read yet!

I told Rose I thought a third party was reading our emails. I could tell she thought I was paranoid.

"My emails would bore another reader!" she kept telling me.

We don't exchange nuclear secrets, but that's not the reason for this, it's to trick me into clicking a dangerous link granting further access to a scammer. Always I sent these straight to spam!

For awhile, they stopped and Rose went on a trip to Hawaii.

I've never been to Hawaii. (I'm the only one I know who hasn't and I've been a whole lot of places too.) So after Rose's return I mentioned that I was excited to see her photos.

Well the very next day I received an email from fake Rose stating, "Oh Dianne I've lots of photos from last week & the weekend to show you!" -- All that was required of me was to click a link to view; which I didn't!

Late on the eve of Easter I went to my inbox. There I found notification of a breach from ATT, my passcode had been compromised. -- Proof I wasn't paranoid!

Easter morning I phoned ATT. I knew I'd be speaking with India since Easter is not celebrated there. I explained to the man that I am a senior and lacked the skills to change my passcode online.

The man spoke English well. He was patient and polite to this old lady who barely knows beans about technology. -- Not everyone is when calling 800 numbers concerning computer issues! Many have gotten short with me and I've been snapped at. What they don't seem to understand is that it's equally as frustrating for me.

My passcode was changed. Afterward I made other changes including putting Fraud Alerts on everything!

Less than a week later I received a letter from TransUnion informing me they were unable to locate my credit report! I own a home & car pay insurance & taxes, have several credit cards & a passport. Yet according to them I didn't exist!

I went online and found my credit report immediately!

Then I looked at the letter again. It had a P.O. return address. Wouldn't you think the place would have a brick and mortar one? Also it had an 800 phone number. My financial advisor told me not to call that one, but to look online. And sure enough I found a different 800 to call.

After two repeated calls with long menu go-rounds I was finally squared away.

Now I was getting a flurry of calls from unknowns which normally I don't pick-up. However I was expecting a call from an electrician. My answering machine is upstairs and I was downstairs.

Someone on the other end of the line wanted to turn my last novel The House of Sin and Splendor into a movie -- but I was expected to pay for it!!! I told the guy he must have me confused with the billion dollar lottery winner and hung up.

I'm a senior citizen struggling more than ever to get by on a fixed income. However there's plenty of human scum out there who would steal my last two dimes without compunction!

My friend Rose fearing I'd click a wrong link snail-mailed her photos to me. When I reached inside my mailbox many of them fell lose in my hand. Unbelievable! The envelope had been slashed open!

Geez, crooks are everywhere.

GOLDEN BERRIES & ROTTEN PEOPLE

 

Online when I saw photos of Walmart shoppers my jaw dropped and then I burst out laughing. Every two months now I do a major shopping there. Most of the people are nice and just regular folks, not the freaks or low-class types portrayed online. I’ve even run into friends & numerous acquaintances there. But every now and then I encounter someone who makes me wish I had the power to snap my fingers and make them go up in flames! Upon one trip was such a person.

I try to arrive early as possible to increase my chances of finding a close parking space.

However upon exiting often two drivers in opposite directions are starring each other down waiting to grab my space. This always puts pressure on me! I feel hurried and I like to take my time. Sometimes I deliberately slow my pace just to frustrate them and make them go away.

However once the season starts and the tourists & snowbirds flock down, or I get a late start I'm often forced to park way out in Siberia. Although a lengthy walk, Siberia has advantages; no crowd, bustle, or traffic jam, plus the spaces are wider. However, I feel less safe. I’ve been approached by panhandlers more than a few times.

After entering the store I turned into an aisle, my path was blocked. One side was a pillar with work equipment beside it and on the other was this frump-a-dump of a woman.

"Excuse me," I said.

 She turned, gave out a grunt, stepped to the side while waving me ahead. I smiled and thanked her.

 “Well you’re NOT welcome!” she snapped back.

I was stunned. “What's your problem? I was being nice,” I said. "Did you hear me complain?"

“You annoy me just standing there!” she replied with disdain.

Whenever someone behaves nastily toward you just consider the source. That's what my friend Pat used to tell me. Unfortunately there are plenty of low caliber human beings in this world. And it has nothing to do with education or income.

I suppose that woman should be pitied. Every day she has to wake up and look at that face and body in the mirror. And worse, she behaved exactly the way she looked. It's wasn't my fault she was fat and ugly!

Afterward I went to the fruit & vegetable aisle where I came upon something new. Between the peaches & tomatoes were GOLDEN BERRIES! I was intrigued, were these vegetables or fruit? Technically, tomatoes are fruit, even if they taste like vegetables. However, to my mind, fruit is sweet, or should be! Out of curiosity, I tossed them into my cart.

Later I looked them up online. This fruit and its plant are commonly known as the Cape Gooseberry. Sometimes its used as a garnish in desserts. To me, the taste is like a cross between a tangerine & a tomato. Also they're low in calories and contain nutrients.

 But I doubt I'd buy them again unless they go on sale.

As I left Walmart and returned to my parking space out in Siberia, an elderly woman sat watching me from the car behind.

“You get a gold star for returning your cart to the bin!” she said with a smile.

I smiled back and gave her thumbs up!

Truthfully, I don’t always. If I’m in a hurry or it’s raining, I’ll just place it out of the way. -- One thing I never do is leave it in the middle of a parking space. And I give myself a gold star for that!

Despite the bitch in the detergent aisle, the rest of my day was golden!

CARDED

 

Hey I'm old school I love cards, sending is as much fun as receiving! I decorate the backs with colorful stickers and the front with commemorative stamps. Every holiday from Halloween thru Easter friends & relatives receive them. Not to mention birthdays, congrats, get well & thank you ones. Miss Manners would be proud!

And this year both St. Patrick's Day and Easter fall in March as well as my brother's birthday.

For years I bought boxes of various assortments in bulk at a discount from a stationery company. Later I bought them from Dollar Stores two for a dollar. Now they're a dollar each plus the price of postage has become obscene just like the price of everything else!

Once I mailed out a plethora of them! These days the majority of recipients are dead. Plus I don't get out enough anymore to acquire new friends. Facebook has become my social life, and Facebook friends are more like fleeting acquaintances.

Yes, digital cards & GIFs are fun. They can sparkle and dance. But I can't put those on the mantle over my fireplace to enjoy. And the thrill is gone of discovering them in a drawer years later and enjoying them all over again with memories.

Receiving a card in the mail somehow feels more special. Sadly, I fear that soon this practice will be as obsolete as the Model T automobile.

SERENDIPITY

 

Recently I discovered that I'm eligible for Irish citizenship along with a passport that allows me to live and work anywhere in the EU thanks to an Irish grandmother born in County Tipperary.

She was the grandmother I never knew. She died when my father was 7 years old. Afterward Dad and my grand pop went to live with my father's German born grandmother. So I am what was described in the Godfather movie as a Kraut-Mick combo with a little Limey (English) thrown in for good measure.

My first trip abroad was to Ireland in 1976. Among other places there I visited County Tipperary. I wondered if my grandmother's ghost was looking on. I've also been to Germany & England; perhaps even more ghosts were looking on.

In 2007 when I was in group therapy the lady next to me was from Ireland and traveled back and forth to visit family. I told her of my trip there in 1976.

"You'd never recognize it today!" she exclaimed. "It's been greatly modernized."

I almost said, "I certainly hope so!" Back when I was there in 76 they were still delivering milk by donkey cart even in Dublin.

Since Irish citizenship along with a passport would allow me to live anywhere in the EU I was thinking Portugal should I consider expatriating again. Perhaps it would grant me the affordable healthcare available in Europe that I will never have here.

I've been to Portugal, and the two things I remember most are that it was quite modern even then, plus it had the most delicious seafood dishes I've ever tasted.

Currently Portugal is popular with retirees from around the world. But I've read it's beginning to struggle under the volume of these. That's the problem with these places where seniors can live comfortably on a fixed income. They become popular suffocating the goose that lays the golden egg.

Ten years ago Ecuador, Thailand, & Mexico were on the list as the best places for retirees to move. Now none of them are!

I made exploratory trips to both Ecuador & Thailand six months apart last decade. Both proved too third world for me. And during the 1970's I made frequent trips to Mexico with family. Today Mexico is far too violent to even consider.

Perhaps getting an Irish passport is something I should check into further. Of course I'd prefer to remain here. Unfortunately if I'm forced to do any serious hospital time I may end up living in my car after being released!

THE TURDUCKEN CAKE

 

For those not in the know a turducken is a chicken served inside a duck within a turkey. This is a popular dinner choice around holidays. I've never actually had one since I lean toward vegetarianism. For Thanksgiving I had a plant based turkey loaf stuffed with kale & cranberries. It was actually quite delicious plus I had enough left over for two extra meals.

As a child I raised ducklings to adulthood. I can tell you for fact they all have individual personalities just like people. I have never eaten a duck in my entire life and I never will!

The cake to which I am referring is three desserts in one. The bottom layer is a fudge pie, the middle a blue sponge cake, & the top cheese cake. The entire concoction is frosted with buttercream. I purchased this at Walmart same as the veggie turkey loaf.

Smacking my lips together with anticipation I sliced a normal size cake piece for myself.

To my surprise I liked the fudge pie layer best. I'm a cake lover and have never cared much for pie. The cake & frosting were too sweet and I'm someone who loves sweet too. I used to state that it was an utter impossibility for a dessert to be too sweet for me.

It appears someone took that as a challenge!

This cake was so gaggy sweet I had a difficult time finishing it. The buttercream frosting tasted more like whipped cane sugar.

I found the only way I could ever eat another piece was to slice it razor thin. This cake will probably still be in my garage freezer for years to come.

A HILL TOO MANY

 

Ah Valentine's month! Romantic scammers were all over Facebook in January! When it comes to technology, even unsavvy seniors like me know the internet is rife with them.

All are full of fawning, flattering blather such as: "I was scrolling when suddenly I found myself fascinated by your page and posts, then I noticed your photo and was captivated by your beauty and that gorgeous smile. Instantly I felt I had to know this amazing woman. Several times I've tried sending you a friendship request but was unable. Please send me one so we can chat."

The majority claim to be in the military which makes it more convenient for them to lie.

Others claim that sending me a request without my permission would be rude, so that's why I must send them one instead. I have a strong feeling they are incarcerated and that's the actual reason. Scamming women online is how they probably get money for cigarettes, smuggled dope, etc.

However any woman with a functioning brain will catch on and block these scamming low-life leeches immediately!

One in particular I have blocked numerous times is Eric Hill. -- This may not even be his real name; it may be one he's stolen along with the profile pic. I've lost count of the number of times I've blocked him, yet he always comes back like a bad case of acne.

Besides Eric Hill, he's shown up as Eric T. Hill, Eric Todd Hill, & General Eric Hill -- If he actually IS a general than I'm Brad Pitt in drag! In his next Facebook incarnation he might be Field Marshall Eric Hill of the British Army.

Just recently he was back as Eric Hills.

I've filed a complaint about him with Facebook, but obviously nothing was ever done. Perhaps nothing can be done. These guys always seem to be one step ahead!

Not to mention I'm being contacted and frequently by others I've blocked numerous times as well! All of these lying, low-life, scamming scum do not give up. And I will continue to BLOCK! BLOCK!! BLOCK and BLOCK!!!

FAKE TEETH, BUT GENUINE SMILES

 

Often I receive complements on my beautiful smile. -- Well it should be nothing less than gorgeous for what it cost! I have 3 bridges, 2 implants, 7 crowns and counting.

At age 47 my teeth were straightened the old Hollywood way with crowns. All of them cracked within 5 years and needed to be replaced. The dentist who first placed them assured me they would last for 20 years and now he was gone! All were crazy expensive, not to mention an ordeal to replace.

My last birthday fell on a Monday. Friday morning I kicked off my birthday weekend declaring my healthy diet be damned. I began with walnut pancakes with lots of syrup. However one of those walnuts turned out to be a frontal crown. It's a miracle I didn't swallow it!

The open space in my teeth stuck out like a firecracker. I looked like Granny Yokum from Dogpatch! I called my dentist only to learn the office remained closed for the holidays and wouldn't be open until Tuesday. I phoned the emergency number and was informed this was not considered an emergency. I was told to buy Fixodent.

OK I thought I'll just make a quick trip to Walgreens and back keeping my mouth closed. But horror of horrors my car battery expired there stranding me! I don't own a cellphone.

The store manager assured me everything was going to be OK and to stop crying. A young clerk gave my car a jump. I drove directly to Eagle Automotive looking as I did. I was embarrassed as hell!

The owner there is wonderful. He not only replaced my battery but found a leak in my coolant and repaired it.

As to the Fixodent, now that I had it I was reluctant to use it. This was only a temporary fix and I couldn't risk swallowing that crown or having it go down the sink while brushing my teeth, or falling on the floor and get stepped on.

I already had another tooth; a back lower molar missing awaiting my bone graft to heal for another implant.

And this tiny piece of porcelain not even half the size of a carpenter ant's butt would cost me thousands to replace! I could buy an entire set of dishes for way less. And if it would save me money I'd rip out my porcelain bathroom sink and give it to the dentist! That would cost me much less to replace!

Fast forward to Tuesday, as I'm sitting in the dentist chair he drops my crown on the floor! Both he and the dental assistant scramble to locate it. I'm hollering "Don't step on it!" -- Had it fallen on my floor at home I'd never have found it due to posterior vitreous detachment in both my eyes.

Thankfully they found it. I left my dentist office only $200 poorer.

That was the suckiest birthday ever in my life!

Now I'm in the process of getting an implant for that lower back molar. So it's a return to long months of eating soft food and chewing on one side. The screw placed under the gum must heal before the process can be completed even though my bone graft was successful.

Afterward when I picked up my prescriptions at the pharmacy they asked to see my driver's license which they never did before. I inquired as to what they were giving me! One was a powerful narcotic which I refused. On other occasions I refused the super-duper strength Tylenol.

I don't do narcotics legal or other. If I was on my death bed in dire pain it would be different but I wasn't going there over brief mild discomfort.

I've had my lips tattooed 4 different times with only a topical which wore off half way thru so I really think I can handle pain!