WHAT? IS THAT AN INSULT!

A friend told me she often made popcorn while watching flicks at home just as I do, then quickly added, "Did I just use that antiquated word FLICKS!"

I told her she probably picked it up from me. I use the word "FLICKS" all the time. To me, a light entertaining movie is a flick; where as a powerful one, the stuff of Academy Awards, or any foreign one is a film. This is MY thinking, anyway.

I LOVE antiquated words and phrases as well as many new fangled ones, anything imaginative, colorful, that's just plain fun to roll off the tongue. Many Victorian euphemisms in particular hit the mark, often without excessive vituperation, plus their insults were clever and hilarious! We need this again, desperately!

Below are only a few examples:

Bag o' Mystery:  Sausage

Bitch the Pot:  Tea is served!

Fustilug:  A touchy, crabby person

Gongoozler:  Someone who dawdles or idles

Totty One-Lung:  A sickly person with an inflated sense of self-importance.

Zounderkite:  A goof who makes awkward, avoidable mistakes.

Gas Pipes:  Tight trousers

Dirty Puzzle:  A lustful, loose woman

Tot-Hunting:  Prowling for sluts & sex.

Heymarket Hector:  A pimp

EYEBALLS SKYROCKET!!! Those cheeky Victorians even had names for male & female body parts:

The Staff of Life & Master John Goodfellow were a reference to the penis. Tallywags were testicles as were whirlygigs & twiddle-diddles. Crinkum-Crankum, The Phoenix Nest, & Mount Pleasant referred to the vagina. Cupid's Kettle Drums are now called tits, knockers, boobs, tah tah's; take your pick.

Now I've been inspired me to come up with some NEW WORDS OF MY OWN!  See below:

 

SLUPERDUFF:  A habitually late person. If you know someone like this, buy a cattle prod or a flame-thrower.

Gnatbeezer:  An annoying pesky, petty, over-critical person...Purchase a bottle of strong Dollar Store perfume, one that smells like insecticide & spray into their face -- accidentally of course!

Dudhumper:  Usually a barfly, someone who indiscriminately becomes intimate with strangers. -- Calling all Neanderthals & troglodytes; have at it, yeeehaw!!!

Toodledoom:  Someone romantically involved with a highly toxic person. Love is not only blind; it's deaf, dumb, & retarded. These cases are hopeless!

Grabbersnoodle:  Someone who forces a hug. -- For this, I plan to create a long pair of gloves with sharp metal spikes and then appear on Shark Tank. Kevin O'Leary would immediately go for these! And I'd give him a big tight squeeze of thanks!

Hahahooti:  A funny joke, just like the one I posted in an earlier blog about the Frenchman & the old lady. Scroll way back to The Continent of Pangaea to read this joke.

Spider Pus:  Exfoliating creams that sting!

Neon Hat:  Someone who shamelessly seeks attention & will resort to anything to get it. Think reality show celebrities!

Ratflinger:  A vile person who hits under the belt to undermine an opponent. One is occupying the White House at the moment. I wish to see him bungee jump off the Washington Monument with a frayed cord!

High-flying-jig:  How you feel when karma zaps a deserving person. However sometimes karma needs a helping hand!

Platepooper:  Someone who thinks they're a skilled chef, but in fact is quite the opposite!  -- Start gasping & wheezing! Suddenly exclaim, "Gadzooks! I must be allergic!" Make a quick exit.

Roach Soup:  An invitation you'd rather decline. See Above!

Now I expect YOU to start using all of these as part of your vocabulary and work them into your conversations!  -- MINE FIRST!!!

A CULTURAL APPROPRIATOR, ME???

I read about the teenager accused of cultural appropriation because she wore a Chinese dress to her prom. Oh for crying out loud!!! If cultural appropriation was a crime I'd be lined up against a wall, blindfolded and shot by a firing squad! I'm the worst offender out there! I'd probably be slapped with a with misappropriation label!

I saw a photo of the young woman online. She should be proud of how beautiful she looked in the dress! She did nothing wrong and owes no one an apology or even an explanation. She was much kinder to her critics than I would have been!

My flagrant compulsion as an appropriator began at a tender age. I was around age 4 when my family took me to visit a Seminole village. There, at my insistence, they purchased a turquoise & brown Indian dress with tribal markings. I've always loved pretty dresses! This one became my favorite! And coming from an Indian village made it that more special.

Today, I purchase many clothes from black women's catalogues. I love the styles! Plus they're made for women who are built like me with a protruding bosom & behind. Also they lack that frump-a-dump look found in most catalogues for women of a certain age. And I've always been attracted to colorful and interesting clothing.

Cultural appropriation/misappropriation means turning the clothing into a costume and making fun of the culture. Now I love costumes and I've worn many! I dressed as Norma Desmond when I attended the complementary lunch sponsored by the retirement home. And I wore black from head-to-toe at the one sponsored by a funeral home. -- These were tame compared to some of the get-ups I created doing commercials I wrote and performed live at business networking events.

However I've never derided anyone's cultural heritage. I consider myself a citizen of the world first and an American second.

Yes, I've worn Mexican attire at a Cinco de Mayo festivals, but no giant sombrero. Others did, however it was all in the spirit of celebration. And I once wore Rhine maiden duds for Oktoberfest. Look at all the people who wear funny green hats on St. Patrick's Day!  I've never done that, but someday I might!  During holiday merrymaking and festivals different rules apply.

And I would have no issue if someone from China dressed up in a ten gallon hat, chaps, boots & spurs from the rip roaring days of the old west! Or if anyone from another culture came dressed as a pilgrim for Thanksgiving, why would I even care! Geez, many people from exotic cultures wear North American styles!

After returning from Thailand in 2016 I started wearing the colorful harem pants I bought. (Lots of non-Asians wear them, there.) One day I happened to be wearing a pair with my turban when I went to fetch my mail. A neighbor's redneck lawn man passed by in his truck, he gave me a really dirty look. I glared defiantly back at him.

I could just imagine him telling my neighbors down at the cul de sac "Did you know there's a Mooslum woman living just up the street!?" And I can imagine them replying, "Oh you must be referring to that liberal lesbian who voted for Obama." -- For the record, I am neither liberal nor a lesbian, but I DID vote for Obama, TWICE! I had campaign signs on my lawn.

A year before Thailand, I met a friend at the mall for lunch. I was wearing exotic palazzo pants, a long sleeve fringe top, & giant earrings. I mentioned that I'd read it was the height of fashion in Dubai. "Are you going to Dubai?" she inquired. I shook my head and laughed.

Little did I know that a year later I would actually be in Dubai!!! I had to change planes there on my way to Bangkok. While at the airport, I found it fascinating to people watch. I saw styles from all over the planet! What struck me was how drab and boring North Americans looked by comparison. Jeans and T-shirt have almost become a uniform. Well NOT mine!

OK, I've worn jeans for heavy duty work around the house and on vacations while traipsing thru jungles, riding elephants, or climbing pyramids, but only then.

While in Ecuador, I noticed the native women wore long black shirts with lacy or embroidered white tops. They looked lovely and quite elegant. I asked a guide and later one of the women in the market if anyone would be offended if I started dressing that way. (At the time, I was considering moving there.) I was assured not and given the green light.

After returning from Ecuador, I put together an outfit like the ones I had admired. I've worn it many times and will again. And this is true of every outfit in my vast collection of culturally appropriated attire! I wear them all with pride!

Remember, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.