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Tuesday, December 25, 2018

A MOMENTARY MUSING


Saturday Dec. 22 I awoke during the wee morning hours unable to get back to sleep. All too soon the holidays would be over; the merriment and that festive feeling in the air would just be a wonderful memory.

I am not especially looking forward to 2019. It promises to be another busy and expensive year filled with even more stress. And as usual, a week to the day after New Year's I have a birthday; another year older and a step closer to death. At my age, I wonder how long my health is going to hold. Should I be stricken with cancer, a heart attack, or stroke, (my father was hit with all three) I'd better plan on dying! I lack the funds to deal with any of those.

Due to anxiety I knew that I'd never get back to sleep. So at 4:00 AM I did what I always do when I can't sleep, I got up and watched TV. The early AM air was particularly cold by Florida standards, but I bundled up until comfortable.

There are plenty of choices in my DVR library. But one was a favorite, The Great American Baking Show Holiday Edition! I plugged in my Christmas tree by TV to get in the proper mood. Oh what a show! It makes me drool; a glorious food fantasy! I imagine tasting every one of those desserts. The only place I have ever seen such a delicious selection of pastries was a shop in Austria back in 1978 and sadly I was only there once. With all the commercials zapped out the show was roughly ninety minutes long.

Toward the end, I started to feel sleepy. After a winner was crowned I turned off the TV and leaned back, my head against my recliner. Almost instantly I fell asleep.

In the hazy glow of my Christmas tree I awoke shortly after 6:00 AM. Outside the pitch darkness lingered. The tree became brighter with more detail emerging as my eyes cleared.

I felt an exalted sense of happiness. I wouldn't mind if I died at that moment should this be my last memory. If there is a heaven on earth that fleeting minute was it.

Friday, December 21, 2018

THE HOLIDAY MYTH


According to movies, TV, social media, & fairy tales, traditional family holiday get togethers transform magically into warm and loving events no matter how everyone behaves the rest of the year. Hard as I rack my brain, all I can remember is a lot of tension and stress, no magic!

The worst ever, occurred after my stepmother moved in. Her relatives from another state always came during a holiday and it fell on us to entertain them. I complained to Dad that I wished they'd pick another time to visit. Life was stressful enough under this woman and company only exacerbated the situation. He knew that was true, but SHE ran the show now!

I was in my 40's at the time and living out in the guesthouse which unfortunately didn't have a kitchen. Other than holidays, I cooked and ate all my meals separately from theirs. And I was constantly changing my mealtimes to accommodate them.

I offered to do this at those holiday dinners as well, but was told her relatives would be insulted if I did.

For those meals, the middle board was added into the table. Still, there was no room for me. I sat out in the Florida room at a card table, my back to them as I gazed out toward the river. It was a mile wide behind our house. In social circles this is called being banished to Siberia. However it didn't feel like Siberia to me. In my mind, this was my private island opposite the crowded, noisy, polluted city on the shore across from me.

However I wanted to nuke that city because its noise and pollution wafted over onto my island!

Before my stepmother moved in, holiday dinners were nothing more than just another big meal, and often a rather depressing one. One of my step-mom's big complaints about my father was that he expected a holiday dinner every night.

Finally, my prayers were answered and my stepmother moved out! She took her damn table along with other furniture she'd brought into our home. We had only ONE dining table in that house. Dad was uncomfortable at the folding card table so we had to find something else fast.

We went to a consignment store that sold merchandise we liked. Dad bought an old Florida style table that went perfectly with our tropical themed house. I don't remember our last Christmas there, but I recall that Thanksgiving well. Dad had just been released from the hospital the day before after undergoing a triple bypass after a heart attack.

I went to great lengths to make that dinner special for him and all he did was criticize and complain. Nothing I did was ever good enough. It seemed a waste of effort even to try. This only seemed to worsen after we moved into this house just months later. 

Shortly after his death, I went to a salon to have my hair dyed red. -- A color he hated! This was right before the holidays. I mentioned to the beautician that it was going to feel weird celebrating the holidays alone from now on.

"Aren't you ever going to get married?" she asked.

I told her I had no aspirations in that direction. She paused to stare at me in disbelief; her brain simply could not grasp such a concept. "There is absolutely no way I would ever be alone!" she stated emphatically.

 How pathetic to be that emotionally needy, I thought.

But then I'm asexual. (Yes we do exist!) I've been lectured often, by many, to at least give men a chance. Actually I've given them plenty of chances! I've had boyfriends! But I was never happy in those relationships. However I was thrilled when they were over and out of my life.

I've spent a number of holiday meals with friends, sometimes with their relatives included. And always I found myself wishing I was at home, alone. It was just too much people overload for me! It felt like trying to breathe under plastic. And it never felt like MY holiday, I was just part of theirs. Others have always been a poor judge of my needs.

My neighbors on the south side are ones I actually like. For several Christmases I was invited over with them and extended family. I know they thought they were being kind and doing me a favor, but they actually weren't. I've never been the type who gets lonely, except when surrounded by other people. Finally, I told them politely, "Please don't invite me again."

I was telling my friend Rose about this and added, "Thank you from the bottom of my heart for never inviting me to spend a holiday with you and your family. I truly appreciate it!"

"I know you too well," she replied. "And I know how much you enjoy your solitude."

I wanted to throw my arms heavenward and holler, "Hallelujah! Finally, someone understands!"

At long last, I can forget all that misery in the past and forge my own holiday traditions. Ones filled with the things that I enjoy. No more stress, only joy, plus the serene and sublime. My holidays actually feel magical, now. (Sigh!)

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR


Or rather MY favorite time are those wonderful weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day. I love the colored lights, shimmering decorations and that festive, merry feeling in the air!

However the kick-off this time around began with a terrifying incident the day before Thanksgiving. It didn't happen to me, but easily it could have! A home just 4 houses down was broken into and burglarized during broad daylight!

I was out when this occurred. I had treated myself to a scrumptious pre-Thanksgiving meal with dessert at TooJays. Afterward I did my holiday grocery shopping. The store was crowded and the lines long so it took longer than usual.

As I was changing clothes after returning, I looked out my two-story bedroom window and noticed sheriff's deputies in fatigues leading a police dog. Clearly they were tracking someone, and this was unnerving.

Later, I heard about the break-in from a neighbor. This was a professional job with 3 hooded men. The owner's adult son walked in on them, but not before the place was ransacked and items stolen. The thieves escaped out the back and remain at large!

If I just drive around the corner now for an errand I worry that things won't be intact or there when I return!

Despite this, my Thanksgiving was delightful. I bought enough turkey at the Deli for seconds also a complete holiday meal on Friday too, plus a big turkey sandwich on Saturday. The side dishes: dressing, cheesy garlic potatoes, deviled eggs, & a colorful salad I made at home. Of course there was cranberry sauce and for dessert I enjoyed pecan cheesecake. Plus this was a free HBO holiday!

Never have I done a Black Friday and I never will! That's the day I put up my Christmas tree.

Last year I didn't feel up to all the work of erecting a big tree. Old age is settling in and I've got lumbago (lower back pain on the left side) so I just went heavy on the garlands and other decorations. But I really missed a tree!

So last December after the holidays, I purchased a pre-lit one half price. This tree is 7 feet tall, a foot higher than my old one. But it's narrower, which I like. I have more room to navigate between my fireplace and big screen TV. The other was bulky and heavy, I always set my tree on a table to add more height because I have a cathedral ceiling.

And last January I purchased a tall ladder with railings on sale. No more balancing precariously on the top step! Because this was my first pre-lit tree I had a bit of a learning curve. I thought all the plugs had to be connected. (They don't! The instructions were unclear about this!) It's actually impossible, but I wasted some time nearly tearing my hair out over this.

However next year will be far easier. I've made this chore way more manageable!

After the tree was up and decorated, I moved from the kitchen table to the big formal one under the chandelier for all meals. This way I can view and enjoy my tree.

The following Monday I got together with friends at Carabba's for lunch. I worried that I'd never be able to fit into any nice clothes. -- I'm allowed one cheat day a week with my healthy diet; however I had just enjoyed an extended cheat weekend with free HBO.

To my surprise and relief, everything fit just fine. Guess putting up and decorating that tree burned off a lot of calories!

Every Christmas tree I erect always takes my breath away and seems to be the most beautiful ever, but this one is the most elegant of all! I only wish the holidays lasted longer.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

GETTING HIGH ON THE TABLE


My father bought it second hand for our previous house in Stuart. It was an oblong old Florida style kitchen table. However I never really felt that it fit this house. Not to mention it had memories of a place and time I hated. Over the years it became more scratched & stained. Recently the padding on the seats started coming apart.

Last September, on impulse I walked into a Big Lots store. There, I fell in love with a display table. It was square with dark wood and the seats were high. It would fit that spot in the kitchen perfectly. But money has been really tight and the last thing I needed was another expense. Then I remembered reading about the Trump tariffs. After they kick in the price of everything from shampoo to cars is going to rise. And the table was on sale!

I bought that table! Since it arrived unassembled, it wasn't the bargain I'd thought. I would have to pay someone to put it together. I've hired handymen in the past who failed to show or even call to explain why. The delivery men gave me the name of someone. The man turned out to be reasonably priced and he actually showed up early.

This high pub table not only fits the spot, but me too! There's a foot of space between the floor and my feet and I'm a medium height woman. I can see better thru the bay window into my back yard. I've added to the landscaping over the years and now I can fully enjoy the view! 

Usually, during the holidays starting on Thanksgiving I move to the big formal table under the chandelier. But this year, I plan to celebrate this holiday on my new pub table in the kitchen.

Seated there, I kind of feel like a kid in a high chair. Hey, I've always said this is my second childhood. And this is the best one, no parents or even a husband to boss me! I can watch a movie in the middle of the day or the night, fix myself a hot fudge sundae at 2:00 AM, sing loudly off-key, or dance naked in every room in the house. Wooohooo!

My new table just adds to the magic!

Monday, November 12, 2018

NIGHTMARE OR PREMONITION


My neighbors sacked & pillaged my house! Also they tried to kill me by shoving me out my two-story bedroom window. Thankfully, I escaped and returned with sheriffs to catch them in the act of vandalizing my home. I had the entire neighborhood arrested, but my house was destroyed! --This was a vivid, unforgettable resent nightmare of mine. And it occurred BEFORE the mid-term elections!

Clearly we are living under a dictatorship in this country. We have misleader in the White House who is leading us to ruin in more ways than one. Our new governor here in Florida had better get out his sani-flush and start gargling. I can still smell Trump's ass on his breath right thru my TV screen!

As I've stated in my previous posting, Vero Beach is a Trump turd stronghold. Every neighbor I know is a Trump supporter.

The day before my nightmare I complained to the head of our voluntary neighborhood association about our yearly fees doubling. Had they gone up just $10 or $20 I would have paid as usual with no complaint.

Payment is voluntary, or supposed to be. Half the residents of this neighborhood have never paid! Most of them are high income, double wage earners who would never miss the money.

I'm a single woman and a senior citizen on a fixed income, plus I've had several wildly expensive years. I was ripped off for $5,500 by a repairman and it's going to cost me even more to have all the work redone! At the same time I was hit with cataract surgery in both eyes. This was an out-of the-blue expense! Despite my age I don't qualify for Medicare, nor will I ever be able to collect Social Security. I explained all of this to the head of our neighborhood association.

My long time neighbor replied, "You'd get a pretty penny for your house if you sold." He didn't even preface it with: "We'd hate to lose you as our neighbor, but..."

Way back in 2005, I confided to a therapist I got the vibe my neighbors wanted me to sell and move out. She said I was just being paranoid! -- Well I wasn't being paranoid I was right on the mark!!!

I made it clear to that neighbor, this was my home and I had no plans to move. Where would I go from here? I have a life in Vero Beach. A condo would be worse! The neighbors practically live in your arm pits! Plus you never really own your space. Also rentals are crazy expensive, this is a beach town.

I seriously considered expatriating to Ecuador or Thailand, but became disenchanted on my exploratory trips to both. They were just too Third World for me. A friend thinks Ecuador would grow on me. At my age, I don't have time for anything to grow on me. Besides, I don't want to live anyplace where you can't flush toilet paper, or must stand in long lines every month to pay your bills, or wait two weeks for a repairman whenever a major appliance breaks down.

The neighborhood head implied that I would have trouble finding someone to help me the next time my power went out if I didn't pay. Recently, I lost power for nine & a half hours! I have paid up to now and still I had a problem finding help among all these lovely people! They are as cliquish as the kids back in High School.

Next, he talked about potholes and the fact our roads are privately owned. To me, it all boils down to potholes vs. assholes. I'll take the potholes!

I'm not a part of this neighborhood, I just live here. My neighbors quickly distanced themselves after my father died and the gap has continued to widen ever since due to our political differences.

Now we have a dictator in the White House with a cult following. If these fools were told that Trump's piss -yellow hair was spun from golden thread by angels of the empyrean realm of heaven, they'd believe it unquestioningly.

A week after my nightmare, I told my brother about it over the phone. He exclaimed, "Wow! I wish I had exciting dreams like that!" To me, it was horrifying and upsetting. I can foresee civil unrest and violence erupting under Trump due to his manipulation. My nightmare doesn't seem so farfetched.

However, should my neighbors attempt anything like that; I guarantee plenty are going to get hurt. My home is weaponized!

Monday, November 5, 2018

RAGING R.I.N.O.


Back when I was a grade schooler and John F. Kennedy was the President, a classmate made the egregious mistake of referring to him as just "Kennedy".  I recall how our teacher's face hardened as she hollered down at the boy, "You are disrespectful! Remember HE is our PRESIDENT and he must always be honored with that title! REMEMBER THAT!!!" The kid gulped.

Always, you must respect the office of President if not the man, I hear this constantly! But what if the man in that office doesn't respect it himself or even act presidential? What if he's a con artist obviously out to enrich himself and is also a sociopathic liar?

I'd like to be civil here, but Trump has burned that bridge and there's no going back. Personally, I believe Trump deserves to be shot by a firing squad or hung as a traitor; jail is a too lenient a punishment for him! I believe there was collusion and worse. The air around him just stinks!

I've been labeled unpatriotic. Exactly what is patriotic about supporting a sleazy, egomaniacal, dictator-the-making who declares himself to be above law and even decency? A man who is harming our planet and dragging our entire nation down a rat hole! Everything about Trump is repugnant to any true patriot.

No one is more conservative than I am! I'm a registered Republican, but a Dwight D. Eisenhower Republican, NOT a Trump Republican! Eisenhower served our country valiantly; he was a real man unlike that wussy bone spurs in the White House now.

More and more over the years I've become a R.I.N.O. (Republican In Name Only!) And I vow that NOT ONE Republican will receive a vote from me until Trump is removed from office and dealt with as deserved!

My opinions do not reflect those of all my listed blog followers.

Personally, I don't see how any moral person with a functioning brain cannot see Trump for what he truly is, it's so obvious! He's a simple life form and a slimy one at that!

I have lost friends due to my political beliefs and several more are on shaky ground. If I end up losing everyone then so be it! At least I'll be able to look at my reflection in the mirror and respect the person gazing back!

Many people I know who support Trump are not stupid and should know better. But I recall reading an article years back about a man who grew up in Nazi Germany. His father was a university professor, also a fanatical party supporter. If Hitler said the moon was made of luminous concrete or something equally ridiculous, this highly educated man would have backed him up without question!

Vero Beach is a scenic coastal town, but it's also a Trump turd stronghold! Most here seem to believe this orange faker walks on water.

I've thought of changing parties, but then I'd never receive those letters from the Republicans asking my opinion. I don't mince my words or hold back! Of course my replies probably go unseen by Trump & Paul Ryan, but I'm sure my name is recorded someone and I've a room reserved in a gulag after all are freedoms are abolished.

We have a misleader who is a cross between a Mafia Don and a Banana Republic Dictator. Why is this tragic joke of a human being still in office at all?

Years ago, when Trump first made a play for the White House, I said that if he ever attained that office we would end up with a dictator due to his narcissistic personality. Now I see it happening before my horrified eyes! And worse, our cowardly congress and others are determined to protect this despicable despot. 

And thanks to all these cowards, fools, and suckers who support him, he will probably remain so. Obviously Kavanaugh was specifically selected to protect his enormous stinky ass!

It has been said that people end up with the kind of government they deserve. How sad for us! As our President and First Lady we now have a con-man and a gold-digging whore!

I had sympathy for Melania once, but no more! I believe the true meaning of her notorious I Don't Care jacket is: I don't care what the lecherous old creep does as long as I get to spend his money. I've got more respect for Stormy Daniels! At least she's honest about what she is. More people have seen Melania's tits than her husband's tax returns!

Speaking of Trump's tax returns, what is he hiding? It must be something seriously damning or else he wouldn't be scared of making them public!

I doubt the occasion would ever arise, but if I ever met Trump, I would refuse to shake his hand. In fact I would strongly be tempted to spit in his face, kick him in the knee, and tell him to go damn straight to hell!!! This vile piece of human excrement is undeserving of my respect or that of anyone else! There should be a national march demanding his impeachment.

 Trump belongs in the dung heap of history!

Saturday, October 20, 2018

A NOD TO ALL HALLOWS EVE


For Halloween this year I'm going to share a poem and a limerick of mine. The poem I composed at age 19, the limerick when I was 30. Back then I was still into iambic pentameter. I'll admit they're corny, but corn is a symbol of Halloween right along with the pumpkin!

 

                    THE OPEN GRAVE

  
Twas a cold, gray depressing season

And I so young with nary a reason

 Walked aimlessly into an old cemetery

Where drab undertakers impassively bury

The remains of those who have recently died

Now and forever in their graves they reside

I wanted to leave but somehow I could not

I walked on examining every single cemetery plot

To the last detail I scrutinized them all

Suddenly I felt a chill so I tightened my shall

Still, I had not a clue

As an open grave came into view

When I tugged on my glove

I felt a shove

Six feet down I fell into the once open grave

I clawed the dirt madly but I was a slave

I scream and cry, but no one can hear me

They laugh and chat but secretly fear me

Till the end of time, I can never tell

What god, what demon cast me into this hell

Remember this, be you cowardly or brave

Beware...beware the open grave

 
 
 

                   THE WILD SEED

  
There once was a girl named Joan

Whose father was unknown

A little bit odd

She grew from a pod

Straight from the Twilight Zone

 

Booooooooooooooooooo     HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Monday, October 8, 2018

OUTRAGE & OUTAGE


I heard a loud explosion outside! This was a sound I knew too well. I always hear it right before a hurricane strikes! My electricity suddenly went out, but there was no hurricane. A transformer had blown a fuse. This was 12:30 PM less than a week ago.  I was just getting ready to fix lunch. Now I dared not open my refrigerator or freezer for obvious reasons.

Rain started pouring down in pitchforks. I grabbed the newspaper & mail and headed upstairs to read. I noticed the 24 hour light one house over was still on. I checked the home on the opposite side and theirs was on too!

The house right next door on my south side is on my same grid, but those people are in New England. So I was the only person in this neighborhood affected by the outage. I thought surely an FPL truck would soon be here.

FPL has a box in the back to alert them of outages, but after several hours of no response I wondered if it was malfunctioning. After all this wasn't the aftermath of a storm with 20,000 or more people ahead of me.

My landlines were all dead and I don't own a cell. (Ninety-nine per cent of the time I don't need one!) Landlines used to function after a power outage but no more. After the rain stopped I grabbed an old paper FPL bill with my account number and headed out in search of a neighbor's phone.

Now I have a certain reputation in this hood. Due to the fact I hate Donald Trump and am not a church attendee I'm considered an anarchist and a hell-bound pagan and probably much worse!

The neighbor kitty-corner from me was in his yard. I hollered out! He heard the explosion and agreed to call FPL. They stated they were aware of it, but still wanted me to report it and asked for the last 4 digits of my S.S. number which I didn't have!

After much frustration, finally they told us my power would be restored by 5:00 PM. (They lied!) I returned to my sweat-box of a house. This may be October but here in Florida it's still as hot, sticky & humid as it was in August. I really could have used an ice cold drink until my A.C. was back.

I had not eaten since 6:30 that morning. I thought about fixing a meal but my only option was room-temperature soup, crackers, & tap water. I decided to wait until my power was restored unaware it would be a long time.

At 5:30 PM I set out again to use a neighbor phone. The man kitty-corner was now inside. I knew he was home because his car was there. I rang the bell several times and knocked. The dog inside was going crazy but no one answered. I figured he must be on the john.

Next door to him is an elderly couple I knew casually. I hated to bother them because they both have health issues. Plus the old geezer is a creep! He told me in private once that he & his wife have an agreement, he's allowed to cheat!  I've kept my distance ever since. But I was at my wit's end.  

They let me call. This time I got someone in INDIA! The guy had an accent and I had difficulty understanding him. Nothing else was working so I decided to play the age card. I told him I was a senior citizen and that if I suffered a stroke or heart attack as a result of this, I was going to sue them!

He claimed I was now a priority and FPL would be right out. (He lied!) I hurried home. Later I found myself sitting on the stairs in darkness still watching for an FPL truck that never came. Homes throughout the neighborhood were lit-up. I broke down and cried. Then I was furious! I ferreted out my 2 hurricane lamps & giant sized flashlight.

I headed out again. I went back to the place kitty-corner which was now lit like a roadhouse. The entire family must be home now. Again, I rang the bell and knocked. The dog inside was going crazy but no one came! Guess I was tantamount to a stray cat that had been fed and now wouldn't go away. Apparently they had been given heads up by the Dad and were ignoring me.

A car across the street from them was pulling in. I headed over and hollered out, "Do you have a cell phone?"

 "No M'am!" the guy quickly shouted back.

In my head, I was screaming LIAR! They own an expensive home and late model cars! Every person in that family probably has a smart phone with all the bells & whistles. Anyway, I moved on.

I returned to the elderly couple and was invited inside. FPL informed me that Customer Service was now closed and to phone back in the AM. Then a recording stated that my power would be restored by 9:00PM. (It lied!)

I walked back home and went to bed. I tried to sleep but the sheets felt sticky and uncomfortable under me in the heat. Every time I heard a truck go by outside I jumped out of bed hoping it was FPL. I was always left disappointed. I decided they weren't coming and eventually fell asleep.

Later I was awakened by their truck. Finally, my electricity was restored at 10:00 PM!

After re-setting all my clocks and getting both TV's up and working, I sat down to dinner at 10:30 PM. Hang the healthy diet, I wanted something quick! I popped a Stouffer's  Five Cheese Lasagna in the microwave while steeping a pot of cinnamon-spice tea. Then I cut a big piece of coconut cake from my garage freezer. After a day like that I deserved it!

I decided to let the dishes soak overnight. But I didn't feel like going back to bed. I watched TV until midnight. 

The following morning I was determined to give FPL hell!!! I hit the button that asked if I was a senior and found myself listening to commercials. I hung up and redialed not falling into that same trap. This time I sat thru menu after menu! When OTHER finally came up, I shouted, "Representative!" only to be told that option wasn't available.

Then I began hollering, "Supervisor, Live Person!" I began to wonder if a plague had struck the other end and everyone was slumped over a chair dead.

Eventually, I got a pleasant woman who seemed sympathetic. She admitted that FPL took its time in responding because I was just one person. -- I AM A PAYING CUSTOMER! THAT SHOULD HAVE MADE NO DIFFERENCE WHATSOEVER!!!

She suggested that I persuade FPL to expand my grid to more than 2 houses and gave me a phone number. Geez, the previous day everything I'd said to FPL had fallen on deaf ears! I'm going to try to enlist my neighbor in this. They will be back soon.

Shortly after, FPL emailed a survey to rate my experience. I gave them consistently low marks and I told them exactly why!

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

BLEACH BOTTLE YOU'RE GOING DOWN


I LOVE CLOTHES! I don't just wear them, I have fun with them!  Any article of clothing that I cherish, I hand wash. And my white blazer makes me look as if I just stepped off a yacht. However chilly days here in Florida are brief and becoming rarer than ever. The calendar says autumn, but here it's still summer.

When I pulled my white blazer from the closet, it looked dingy, but nothing a little bleach couldn't fix. And I had a fresh bottle along with a new pair of rubber gloves.

Problem was, the bottle had one of those damn child-proof tops! I hate these things! People argue that they are necessary to cut down on injury and death to children. I say there are too many children in the world and we can stand to lose a few! -- Hey, the little snot pickers are dirty and they make too much noise!

Opening anything is a struggle and a project for me! I have small hands and very pretty ones I might add! My mother was 2 inches shorter, but her hands dwarfed mine. I've always said that if God intended me to do manual labor, he would have given me bigger hands. I like to think of myself as impoverished nobility because I've certainly met a lot of white trash with cash during my life and times.

 Anyway, the bottle top was frustrating. Push down and pull, it read, still the cap refused to budge!

I thought of seeking out a neighbor to help, but most are no longer speaking to me. Vero Beach is Republican for life territory and people here believe Donald Trump is God. I'm considered an anarchist because I want him impeached yesterday.

I just live in this neighborhood. I am not part of it. My neighbors have never forgotten or forgiven me for those two Obama signs in my yard. I started with one and someone kicked it down, so I added another just for spite.

The only neighbors who will have anything to do with me are a snowbird couple. And that's now on shaky ground because they are Trumpers, too. But never mind, I was bound and determined to open that bottle, myself!

As I struggled mightily, precious minutes of my life were slipping away. Finally, I took the bottle out to the garage and searched among the tools there. All the pliers were not wide enough to fit around the top. So I grabbed a hammer and started whacking the cap, nothing!

Then I spotted the clippers with the long handles that I use to cut stray branches. That did the job! It squeezed the cap right off. However the cap didn't fit the bottle afterward. So I fashioned one from tin foil. -- Bug off E.T.!  No space aliens can touch my bleach now!

I'm proud to say my blazer is now spiffy clean. It looks fabulous with the colorful scarf & white broad-brimmed hat a friend gave me for my birthday. Now all I need is a cold spell and a yacht!

Friday, September 21, 2018

DESPAIR & REPAIRS


In my search for a repairman, I took six names & phone numbers from the Services Offered section of the local newspaper. Out of these six I managed to get one person who gave me an actual estimate. -- This is not going to be an inexpensive job by any means!

The first who came out didn't want the job because I refused to allow a forklift on my property. --The last one in 2003 cracked my driveway and busted my sprinkler heads! I ended up agreeing not to sue for damages as planned in order to get them back to finish the work. They had up and left for another job. "A more important one" I was told. That job took almost six months! It should have been completed in ONE!

A scaffold would work better here than a forklift, anyway.

One of the six assured me he'd call back to schedule a time to come over, but never did. Another man called back and scheduled a time, but never showed up!

When these guys change their mind I wish they would be considerate enough to phone and give me a good lie. Such as: I've been called out of town OR a family emergency has come up. It's better than inconveniencing me!

The other two never called me back, period!

I've encountered this same problem in the past with handymen for SIMPLE jobs. And I've had several who gave me estimates whom I hired that never bothered to show up or return my phone calls to explain. Thankfully, there was no deposit in those cases!

Many of my single women friends have experienced these same issues!

Silly me! I thought the whole idea of advertising in the newspaper was to drum up business! Are these guys so besieged and overwhelmed with job offers that they can't get around to everyone? Whatever, I'm not chasing after anyone who isn't interested in the work!

I was all set to hire that one man who showed up and gave a professional estimate. It was not out of line pricewise. But then I Googled him! He had an arrest record, Drunken Disorderly Conduct in 2016. I saw his photo in a mug shot.

Thankfully, my financial advisor came up with someone. That man declared my house to be a project! Lots of rotting wood was painted over, some was replaced, but not primed, so the paint is bubbling. -- That must be the handiwork of the church-going carpenter. The one so skilled he could cherry-pick his jobs; or so I was told.

Now it's peak hurricane season and my anxiety level is right thru the roof of my cathedral ceiling! Both this repairman & I agree that any work should start after the season. A major hurricane would undo repairs, or my house might be left in ruins! This is not the tranquil, uneventful season for which we had all hoped.

Friday, September 14, 2018

OH BABY, I DIG IT & GAG ME WITH A SPOON


If you are under age 60, stop reading now & go away. You're not going to be able to relate to anything here. But if you belong to the proper age group listen up, or rather keep reading. I have valuable info for you. I am greatly enjoying my second childhood, most of the time anyway! 

Think back to the 1950's, remember the Gerber baby foods that came in the tiny glass jars? I was a picky eater with the opposite weight problem from most children. I was a bag of bones! Because of this, I was still given these at age 4 to supplement meals.

Also by age 4, I was a habitual coffee drinker. (My parent's didn't think it was a big deal.) In my mind, I was too big and declared myself too old for that namby-pamby baby food. But of course the decision wasn't mine.

Fast forward many decades later, I was 50 years old during my father's final summer. He succumbed to cancer the following October. Dad had almost zero appetite for solid foods. He drank a can of Ensure 3 times a day and I made him fruit smoothies. A neighbor suggested giving him baby food throughout the day. It would provide more nutrients and go down easier.

But Dad was unreceptive to the idea. He was a manly-man who didn't want me giving him any sissy-ass baby food! Damn it! I was flustered; he gave half of every meal to the dog. And the Vet was already upset with me because she was too fat!

Since I'm on the subject, I recall an actress who stated that her dog was only feed baby food.

My family had a dog before I was born which I refer to as "The Dog of Legend." As a boy, my father received it as a puppy. Later Dad married, my brother was born, and my father was drafted into the army during WWII. In 1946 Dad returned from occupied Japan never expecting the dog (now 20 years old) to still be alive. But there it was to greet him and lived for several years after that!

This dog according to my family ate everything they did! Canned canine food didn't even exist then! I firmly believe a dog's (or cat's) diet should never be limited. They enjoy variety just as we do!

Now that I'm 2 years over the 65 mark, maintaining my health is foremost in my life. Doctors & hospitals are expensive and I lack even the basic financial safety net.

My diet has been completely overhauled! The newest twist is baby food! I wanted something that wasn't just empty calories whenever I craved a snack! And it doesn't trigger my acid reflux. Plus these are tasty & better than my old stand-by's of potato chips or cheetos.

Gerber's Autumn Vegetable Turkey is great for dipping; broccoli, celery, carrots, etc. Also you can dip bread, cheese sticks, turkey strips, etc. The Herb Vegetable Pasta Chicken I sometimes use as a sauce over ravioli & tortellini.

I love that these can also be enjoyed at room temperature. This is a blessing during hurricane season when the electricity is out for days or even a week!

Also you get a nifty little reusable plastic container with a lid! (No more glass jars.) These can be used a variety of ways! Fill them with grapes, cherries, olives, nuts/trail mix, M&M's, vitamins, etc; for a work snack, a short trip, or a picnic. Or use them to store pins, paper clips, tacks, buttons, loose change, etc; their uses are endless!

I've heard some nasty news recently about traces of lead in these meals. But I was a kid who ate lead paint chips at my grandmother's house. Hey, it was only for a few days! And it was downright tasty compared to the food there. Hopefully, now that this has come to light something will be done.

I purchase the ones under the "Crawler" label although that doesn't apply to me. No Life Alert bracelet for this senior citizen, if I fall on the floor I can still get up.  Har! Har!

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

FAIRY TALES & R-RATED TAIL


For awhile the trend seemed to be updating old fairy tales into adult versions on TV & movies. I watched Once Upon A Time for the novelty of it. Supposedly, it was to appeal to both children & adults, but from where I sat it failed on both counts.

The show was too raunchy for children. I am not a mother, but if I was, I'd never let my kids watch anything where fairy tale characters were so heavily into adultery & fornicating. It was often aired at 7:00 PM on Sundays. Gadzooks! This was Disney hour when I was growing up. Guess it's all part of the sleazing down of our society. Take away the adult parts and you were left with childish, even silly plots. This show always left me disappointed and disgusted. Plus the casting was goofy!

I have no problem with adult versions, variations, updates, or distortions of fairy tales, but these should be STRICTLY FOR ADULTS! -- And mature teens, if you can find one.

I'll admit that I don't watch stand-up comedy on cable anymore. Few of these comedians are funny, the majority are dirty, mostly it's smut with little wit, just filthy dumbed down humor.

However recently, I saw a clever and well performed adult's only re-telling of Little Red Riding Hood. This deformed and grotesque version was titled Freeway made in 1996 starring Reese Witherspoon. She was as cute, sexy, and tough as she could be.

Reese played a teenage juvenile delinquent slated to return to foster care after her hooker mother and drug addicted, child-molesting step-father are arrested. The character escapes and heads to her grandmother's place in a rundown trailer park.

Along the way her car breaks down and a too-nice-to-be-true man comes to her rescue. He gives her a ride along with uplifting avuncular conversation. But soon his true colors emerge! He's actually a serial killer with a predilection for teenage girls.

Of course the ending was predictable, but the journey was entertaining no less.

Hmmn, this gives me an idea! How about a full blown adult update of Snow White! In this version, Snow White would be a hooker beaten up by her pimp (an evil step-father) and thrown in a ditch to die. She is saved by 7 midgets who are circus acrobats and skilled in the martial arts. They teach her their ways as she recovers. Once healed, she wreaks bloody havoc and revenge on her step-dad along with a list of johns who mistreated her. Afterward, she shows her gratitude to the 7 midgets as only a professional woman can.

Perhaps this already has been done, but a similar premise might still be fun. The variations, twists, and spins on these old tales are endless.

As I watched Freeway, I chuckled. This felt like a bedtime story to me in my old age. No matter how engrossing the plot, once I throw my head back on my recliner I'm out like the proverbial light in no time. But thanks to the miracle of my DVR I don't have to miss anything! Then I can go right back to sleep zzzzzzzzzz, snore!

Monday, August 20, 2018

RIPPED OFF & ROTTING AS I WAIT


Hellish humidity, rain and rotting wood surround me. I was preparing myself to file in Small Claims Court. But first, I filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau, also one with Florida Senior Abuse on the advice of others. (Remember that under all this smoking hotness is a senior citizen!) I was hesitant about the latter for two reasons. No one was beating me with a stick. (Although I'm sure there are people who would like to!) Also the man who ripped me off is the same age. -- I learned neither matters, it still qualifies as abuse!

However I ran into problems because I had no address; only his name, business, & phone number. Senior Abuse could find neither a trace of him nor his business anywhere. I went online myself with the same issue. He claims to be licensed & insured, but I'm having doubts about that.

Enter my friend Rose who is super smart. She traced his address thru his phone within 10 minutes. Also she called to find out if he was still in business. He's not working now because his equipment is broken. Rose advised me not to waste my time & money going to small claims court because I probably won't get anything. I'm inclined to agree. I may as well try to prick blood from a brick.

However, my complaints may spare others similar grief! I was ripped off for $5,500! The job was performed spring 2017 and now must be done over completely. I am a single woman on a fixed income. I haven't had good night's sleep over this and I'm tired and stressed every day.

This guy became my regular handyman after the previous and best one ever retired to another state. I'd hired this new one for several jobs and was pleased with his work. I'd even recommended him to others. -- I sure regret that now!

The outside of my home must be maintained! I don't want neighbors complaining that I'm lowering their property values. This is a pretty neighborhood that looks straight out of a 1950's movie set. The maintenance along with taxes & insurance keeps me poor. But I love this house! It still takes my breath away every time I walk thru the door.

Late February 2017 my house needed painting and rotting wood replaced. I asked my handyman to advise me and recommend someone. Apparently he saw dollar signs and volunteered to do the job, one which he turned out to be clearly unqualified. A carpenter friend was going to help, he assured.

The carpenter came and asked me if I was a church-goer. (As if this was any of his business!) I told him, no. He gave me a look of disdain."I don't know if I want this job," he replied. "I haven't decided."

My jaw dropped. Inside I was screaming, "I'm the decider here buster, not you!" The following day I told my handyman I wanted a different carpenter! I thought I'd disqualified myself anyway plus I didn't like his pious and condescending attitude. -- Anytime someone wears God or the flag like a cheap accessory it's usually a cloak of deceit.

"He's already agreed to take the job!" I was told. "This man is so skilled he's able to cherry-pick his jobs. You'll never find anyone better!"

So I relented. That carpenter was here only ONE half day with his sons and I can't see that any work was done! Rotting wood is still plentiful all over my house, rotting wood that was painted over!!!

I wish I could sue his sanctimonious ass! But I can't, because I wrote the checks to my handyman, not him! I'm going to be paying twice! I am pissed as hell! Now I must find someone who will not rip me off!

I've been reading a post that's making the rounds across the pages of Facebook that states strong women are never victims. Oh geez, really? Am I supposed to apologize now for being victimized! If the person who came up with this ignorant post were to stand before me and say that, this victim would punch them in the face!!!

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

RIPPED OFF, NOT ONCE BUT TWICE


This summer felt as if I was stuck in the middle of the Sargasso Sea inside a leaky row boat. And the previous 2 summers were absolutely miserable with 2 species of flying ants invading my living room every night just after dark!

Summer 2016 I knew why! I had rotting wood that needed replacing and I was saving up money for the job.

Summer 2017 these bugs should have been gone! I paid to have the job completed the spring before! I called a pest control company. The man said it was no mystery I had bugs because the wood on my chimney was all rotted.

I told him that could not be! I'd just paid a large sum to have the wood replaced and my house painted. He declared my chimney was rotting and in dreadful shape.

At the time I was having vision problems and difficulty reading traffic signs unless I was right under them. I soon learned that I needed cataract surgery in both eyes. I don't have health insurance and despite my age am neither eligible for Social Security or Medicare.  

Then came the hurricane hysteria as another Cat 4 was headed straight for here and no one wanted the job of boarding up my house. I was in a dire panic! Fortunately as with the previous summer this one also swerved at the last moment.

Finally, I found a man to come and board me, but he showed up after the storm threat had passed. (This should have been a clue!) A neighbor reminded me that at least he did show when no one else wanted the job. I paid him to nail back a loose board that was hanging from my chimney which he agreed was in terrible shape.

He walked around my house and pointed out other places where rotting wood had been painted over. The wood was spongy. I only caught the parts that buckled! The previous repairman was incompetent or he just got lazy. This was a person I'd hired several times before, had been pleased with his work and trusted!

The new guy agreed I'd been ripped off and wanted the job of fixing it. He was a young man in his 30's and looked up to the labor.

I couldn't delay my cataract surgery any longer. This was a huge out-of-pocket expense! I had to put off my house repairs until I rebounded financially. I continued cutting back on everything.

Thankfully, the spray from the previous summer spared me bugs during this one, but the woodpeckers were now driving me straight up the walls! The constant hammering noise was maddening and in some spots it sounded like an electric drill! I'd run outside shrieking like a maniac while banging pots together. The birds would flee, but just as soon as I got comfortable inside they'd be at it again. This would go on all day long.

Also there is a major trouble spot under the high arch where I previously had bat and bee infestations. Nothing was done there to prevent future problems.

April 2, 2018 I gave the new repairman a $400 deposit to reserve April 16 to start. Also I instructed him to take photos because I was taking the previous guy to court. I was pissed as hell about paying TWICE!!!

In the meantime, my financial advisor Bob was contacting the prior one trying to get him to do the right thing. Bob was sworn at, hung up on, and told to go ahead and call a lawyer!

The new guy failed to show up on April 16 or even call to explain why. Later he told me his house flooded and that set him back, but he'd notify me before coming. Week after week passed, but he seemed allergic to returning my calls. 

However he returned Bob's messages and then phoned to tell me he'd been in the hospital. -- Hospitals have telephones!!!  I asked why he didn't call me. He said he couldn't. Afterward I found out he had a wife, so why didn't SHE call me?

In the meantime, the previous repairman showed up at my house to complain and also had a few choice words to say about Bob. But this guy didn't have a leg to stand on and if he does, it's made of rotting wood and termite ridden.

The new repairman was dropping the ball so many times you'd think it was made of lead! He was a consistent NO SHOW!!! This guy didn't move like a ninja, he moved like a glacier. I demanded my $400 deposit back! He claimed he'd already spent more on paint, sidings, & materials for my house.

I was assured he would be here July 2 to begin work. NO SHOW!!! He claimed it was because his son was injured in a fireworks accident. --This was 2 days before the 4th!

That was his latest excuse; first, his house flooded, then he was hospitalized, and now this! Geez, the guy sure had an inordinate amount of catastrophes.

The next scheduled date was July 9. I gave him a choice, either show up and start the work or deliver the materials totaling $400 with receipts. He could keep anything in excess of $400. -- Can you guess what happened? I'll give you a hint:  O!

However I received an email saying his wife was having contractions, but he promised to be here the following day. He was NOT!

My financial advisor sent him a not-so-nice message. The afternoon of the next day he was here taking photos. (This should have been done months ago!) I blinked and almost missed him. Obviously he can move like a missile when he wants to!

I emailed him to forward the photos to both me & Bob. Also I inquired when I might actually be seeing work performed.  No photos, no reply!

Suddenly it was July 17! For crying out loud, I'd been waiting THREE MONTHS!!!

I phoned the Sheriff's Dept! An officer contacted the man and warned him that if my deposit wasn't refunded by 4:00 PM the following day a warrant would be issued for his arrest. He was going to be charged with FRAUD.

My money was returned fast!

The Sheriff's office wouldn't look into the previous workman because he completed the work despite doing a lousy, rip-off of a job! Everything must be redone!

I am now busy filing complaints!!!

Saturday, July 21, 2018

DON'T BE ASHAMED TO MASTERDATE


I've been masterdating for as long as I can remember. Yesterday I did it at the Vero Beach Mall in full view of everyone. I haven't done it at the library for awhile, but tomorrow I might! One thing is for sure, I don't do enough of it. That's masterdating with a D as in Dianne. I didn't come up with that word, but I love it and also love doing it!

Masterdating is treating yourself to things you enjoy, no company required. All but a few of my many exotic vacations were taken alone.

Before moving to Vero Beach I didn't drive due to anxiety attacks, but that never stopped me! Our house was inside the city limits and within walking distance of nearly everything! The historic downtown area with stores, restaurants, museums, and a theatre was just a short distance away. My bank was even closer! Numerous doctor & dentist offices were close by, and the hospital was just down the street. And the library was just blocks away!

Growing up, I walked to school and back right up until the last 3 years before I graduated. Then I walked to the Junior High where I caught the bus out to the new High School.

Several of my jobs were ones to which I walked. Also I put in applications to others nearby. However they asked a question which is now illegal, one that involved my transportation to and from work. One interviewer actually said to me, "I see you have a problem getting to work."

I stated there was NO PROBLEM! Should it storm I would have no trouble getting a ride. Someone living farther away would have more of an issue if their car broke down. Still this seemed to be a stigma against me!

As long as I had 2 functioning legs I got around just fine! I carried an umbrella to shield me from the blazing sun as well as raindrops.

Unfortunately without a job there was no spending money for excursions into town or anything else. For entertainment, much of my time was spent at the library just blocks away. I even became a volunteer hoping it would lead to employment. It did not.

In 1999 came the big move to Vero Beach! Here, nothing was close to home! With continued therapy along with professional lessons I finally was able to get a license and drive a car.

After my father's death in 2001 and before my staggering loss in a bad investment, I was sitting pretty financially. Every week I enjoyed a Date-Myself-Day and treated myself to a movie and a meal. And I was the best date I've ever had! I could choose both the movie & restaurant I wanted, plus leave & come home when I felt like it on the day of my choosing! Life was wonderful!

It still is, just not as. Despite financial issues and other woes life goes on. I enjoy meeting friends for lunch & shopping, or sometimes just lunch. And I treat myself to an occasional movie or meal alone, only not as frequently.  

At home, I always set a lovely table just for me to enjoy. Perhaps it's old age kicking in, but sometimes as I pull up after a day out I feel relief that I don't have to go anyplace for the remainder of the week.

A relaxing nap also feels like masterdating!