FIRST CLASS FLYS, ECONOMY CLASS DIES

Unfortunately, you cannot zap out commercials watching On Demand TV shows. So I was tempted to throw a rock at my screen when I saw the commercial with Jennifer Anniston stepping out of a shower in a spacious airline bathroom. She was promoting Emirates Airlines detailing all the luxurious experiences awaiting you including interesting places to explore as you stroll onboard. – Sure, as long as you belong to the 1 per cent! Lovely Jennifer didn’t want her cushy flight to end.

Last January I flew Emirates to Thailand and back in Economy Class and the experience was overwhelmingly miserable. Cramped, exhausted, and in pain; I was counting every millisecond waiting for the wretched flights to end.

The bathrooms in Economy Class are so tiny you can barely turn around; about the width of an upright coffin. And usually there were long lines!

The passenger seats were so narrow, I felt squeezed and I’m a slim woman. Everyone behind me on all 4 Emirates flights complained when I tried to recline; and they didn’t recline far to start.

I was ordered by the Board of Health to get up and walk around to prevent deep vein thrombosis. As a senior, I’m at greater risk. However the passengers in Economy Class were discouraged from doing this! The narrow aisles had constant traffic; crew was always going back & forth and people were heading for restrooms. Passengers were instructed NOT to get up and room around!

Blood clots from deep vein thrombosis are a serious issue, a potentially life-threatening condition!

Below is an airline joke that’s right on the mark:

An Emirates Boeing 777-200LR was flying thru stormy skies amidst booming thunder and bolts of lightning. Suddenly a harried stewardess appeared at the forefront. “Don’t panic!’ she hollers, “A bomb has been discovered in the baggage compartment. Please stay calm! Everything is under control! Parachutes are now being distributed in First & Business Class! To everyone in Economy Class, Thank you for flying Emirates!”

I’ve read about people returning from lengthy flights with blood clots in both legs. What I can’t understand is why they don’t SUE THE AIRLINE it’s clearly their fault!!!

If someone can afford the luxury of First Class, I don’t begrudge them that. UNLESS they’re taking away from others to have it! Airplanes are enormous, yet only so big. To have all of that strolling space, large bathrooms, bars, & seats that recline like beds; they must cut space elsewhere!

Why isn’t there a separate airliner for the obscenely wealthy????  A big and special one! Then the rest of us might at least have BASIC COMFORT again!!! Economy Class has become the 21^st Century equivalent of traveling steerage.

Ugh and ick! Nowadays people in Economy Class dress way down and look like bums. Perhaps I should have titled this post: FIRST CLASS FLYS, ECONOMY CLASS FLIES! -- For crying out loud, you don’t need a lot of money to look sharp! I remember when Economy Class passengers were dressed to the nines!

On the other hand, there’s no incentive to dress up when you know you’re going to be uncomfortable right from the get-go!

At the end of the commercial, you see Jennifer sitting happily in a lower tier with children while their mother luxuriates in a plush First Class seat that encloses for privacy. Yeah right! If I’m ever on the same airplane as Jennifer Anniston, I doubt she would give up her First Class accommodations to me or anyone else for even 5 milliseconds!

MATTHEW I SAW YOU COMING

But I hoped to be wrong. I am hardly psychic. But I am a tasseologist, I read tea leaves for fun. Good thing, because my accuracy rate is way down there, about 20%. However, it may just be coincidence, but sometimes my predictions are right on target.

One morning weeks ago while the tropics were peaceful, I saw in my cup the image a major hurricane headed toward us!  It was so clearly defined, it left me shaken.

Later in the AM, my financial advisor Bob phoned and I told him what I had seen. (He is my witness!) Bob poo-pooed the notion. I agreed that I was probably just being silly. The Atlantic was so calm it seemed as if no more hurricanes would be on the horizon this season.

Shortly after, Matthew formed in the Atlantic and soon became a grievous category 4. Before long, it wrecked havoc and death in Haiti. But the charts showed it far to the west of Florida. However, in the days to come it began moving further to the east. Now it was predicted to move up the Florida coast. One model showed a direct hit here in Vero Beach as a Cat 4!

Suddenly I was in panic mode!

Four years ago, I asked my yard man if he would board me up in the event of a hurricane. “No problem,” he said, “I live close-by.” Hopefully, he hadn’t developed amnesia as a previous yard guy did. When I phoned him, I was told, “Sorry, I’m behind and I’m just too busy.” I inquired if he knew anyone else I could hire. He thought for a minute, and then replied, “They’re all busy, too.”

So now I would be facing a Cat 4 monster alone and unprepared!!!

The following day I had an appointment scheduled with my Tech man, Jake. Naturally I called to cancel. I inquired if he knew of anyone for the job. 

Jake asked about my neighbors.  NONE have offered in any previous hurricane! (I endured Wilma unboarded and watched a tree snap in half outside my window!) All of my neighbors are aware that I am a senior citizen who is physically incapable of this task!

And I posted on Facebook that I was desperate to hire someone! Despite 2 friends sharing my post no one responded. Then I read posts from other single women gushing exuberantly about how their wonderful neighbors were stepping up to help in their time of need. – Well my neighbors SUCK and ROT!

Jake phoned back. He and his pastor were coming to my rescue! The following AM they drove up in a church van from Port St. Lucie. Golden kudos to both and poison ivy, hornets, and curses to my neighbors!

Time was growing short; I dusted off my 2 battery-operated lanterns & radio from 10 years ago. My batteries were all from that period as well and no longer worked. I made an emergency round to all the stores. No D batteries were left and that’s exactly what I needed!

My friend Rose, brought me D batteries, plus a better radio & an extra flashlight. Unfortunately, my old lanterns no longer worked. But I got thru Hurricane Frances and the aftermath with just candles and a flashlight.

Rose wanted me to spend the hurricane in her extra bedroom. She has a generator, which I do not. However even in the worst of times, I’m more comfortable in my own home. Plus I can do damage control here. Rose took most of my frozen food to keep until after the storm. I was prepared to spend a week without electricity.

Stores ran out of bottled water, fast. Not a problem for me. Oh good grief! I just fill-up bottles of tap water ahead of time as well as my bath & laundry tubs. Buying water from a store just seems crazy to me! I think some people must have too much money.

I was so stressed over the hurricane; finally I took one of the doctor recommended GABA (natural tranquilizer) pills. All it did was sap my energy and make me tired. And there was much left to do!

I gathered up all my important papers and made sure they were water-proof. I packed clothes in plastic bags and brought them downstairs along with many other items.

My safe room with no windows and walls on 3 sides is my downstairs bathroom. I spent the night on the floor as in previous hurricanes.

The GABA had worn off and I would NOT be taking another! Should the worst occur, I wanted to be alert and able to react fast! -- I can’t fathom these people who get drunk during a hurricane. That’s the LAST thing they should be doing!

The electricity went out at 10:30 PM. Ferocious winds wailed and lashed my house along with deafening bangs. It sounded as if refrigerators were being forcefully thrown against my home as well as direct hits from cannon balls! It was a miserable, uncomfortable, horrible night.

Boarded-up without electricity, my house is spooky inside and the 30 ft cathedral ceiling adds an extra element of eeriness. Usually, I stay put on the bathroom floor. However after going thru so many hurricanes alone, I’ve gotten braver. This time I was constantly up, walking around and up & down the stairs with a flashlight checking for damage.

Also I was constantly glancing at my watch. All hell was supposed to break loose at 4:00 AM!!! At that very hour, I awoke. Strangely, everything seemed calmer. Perhaps it was the proverbial calm that arrives before a disaster. As I waited, I felt myself drift back to sleep.

When I opened my eyes, it was lighter and quiet. At that second, I heard the electricity come back on. This all seemed too good to be true and surreal. It felt like a miracle! I was actually able to prepare a cooked breakfast and my usual pot of tea. And I didn’t lose one screen on my long back porch! During the previous hurricanes all were shredded.

Upon reaching the Treasure Coast, Matthew lost strength, but still was a serious Cat 3! Fortunately it veered east sparing us the worst. When I see news reels of the destruction and flooding further north, I’m reminded that it could have been catastrophic, here. This time, we escaped by a hairsbreadth!

My house will remain boarded until November when hurricane season is officially over. In the meantime, it feels as if I’m living inside a mountain cavern. It’s dark and gloomy in here. But I’m taking no chances.

Outside, I’m in the process of having major repairs to my home unrelated to Matthew. The hurricane messed-up the scheduling. Right now life is crazy-busy here!!!

FIRST SONGS & YEOWL ALONGS

Recently, I was reading in our local newspaper a statement by E Street Band bassist Gary Tallent. To paraphrase him, our favorite music is usually the type we were first introduced to as a child.

Hmmn, I thought back to the earliest songs I could remember. The ones I heard while sitting in my highchair or banging my plastic cup against the bars of my playpen. One immediately sprang to mind! The song is Blues in the Night; it’s from a 1940’s movie with the same title. Well it sure was having a resurgence in the early 1950’s! Every popular chanteuse of the period and small time vocalist seemed to be singing it on TV. I’ve often wondered if it was this song that turned me asexual.  Lyrics from the song are:

 

“My momma done told me when I was in pigtails, hon

A man is a two-face

He'll sweet talk you and give ya the big eye

But when the sweet talk is done

A man is a two-face

A worrisome thing that will leave you to sing

The blues in the night”

 

This is a cool song, but I never hear it sung anymore!

Another popular one of the period was Sixteen Tons, sung by Tennessee Ernie Ford. This was more of a radio song, also a scary one that gave me chills. Particularly the part where Ernie in his deep, bass-baritone voice sings:

“St. Peter don’t you call me cause I can’t go, I owe my soul to the company store.” followed by the creepy, doo doo DOO doo DOO doo doo DOOOO music!

To my ears, I thought he sang,  “I owe my soul to the company STOVE!”  I envisioned his soul screaming in flames every time they opened the door to cook!

Misunderstanding the words of songs is common. Who can forget the Christmas song about the ancient troll who tied up Carol or The Dawning of the Age of Asparagus in the 1970’s. Funny, the latter one pretty much describes my life these days.

A popular 70’s song was Love Me like a Rock, sung by Paul Simon. This is not about romance, but the love between a mother & son. I used to call it the constipated man song and I’ll bet lots of others did, too.  Because of the line:    “I’m a consummated man!”

Then I would sing chorus:   “Oh he was a maaan! A constipated man!”

Another question that now springs to mind is exactly how do you love a rock??? But then, I remembered that Pet Rocks were a popular fad back then. -- No, I never owned one! However I do have a rock of which I am rather fond. I brought it back from the shores of Lake Linnhe in Scotland back in 1980. I use it as a paper weight; but its also been in the upstairs toilet tank to hold down the flap to prevent leaking. And if anyone breaks in & tries to rob or murder me, I’ll bash their skull in with it, after I blind them with hornet spray. You see it’s a multi-purpose rock! But hey, I’m getting off track here.

Speaking of tracks, in my 20’s I owned a cherished collection of 8 track tapes. These were the big thing back then!

As for vinyl records, I received my first set at age 4 as well as a set of books. Both were from the Disney Company. Walt Disney loomed large in my life! These days I enjoy hearing Colors of the Wind on the radio. But the lyrics:  “You think you own whatever land you land on.”  Sound clunky to me!

I feel the song would be more powerful if it was sung: “You think you own whatever SOIL you land on.”  Anyway, that’s just my opinion!!!

Another song I enjoy that bugs me is The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down! It’s the lyrics:  “All the bells were ringing and the people were singing they went La La Lah, La La Laaah!” --- Well, where did they go??? Was this a marching chorus??? It should be they SANG not WENT!!!  Better yet, leave “they went/sang” off altogether. It’s superfluous!

Yes, yes, yes! It’s easier to spot the flaws of others quicker than your own. I do not dismiss the talent of any of these artists. Perfection is unnecessary. I still remember these songs and they give me joy! That’s really what it’s all about.

 

FOOTNOTE:   I’ve only written one song in my entire life! It’s a punk rock number titled, Dead Mommies in Hell. Maybe I’ll share it on Mother’s Day – unless you bribe me not to!