SCARVES, SHAWLS, BANGLES, & BALLS (etc.)

About a month ago, I stripped for the crowd at a business networking luncheon. Well, just from the neck up!

 

I can transform a pair of slacks and belt into a turban and necklace. (Yes I really am THAT amazing!) However, when I tell someone I can do this, they crack-up laughing. I wanted to prove it could be done without looking ridiculous. So I did a live demonstration. Actually this is easier to do with pants (rather than a scarf) because you have long handles to twist and tuck.

 

Also there are photos of this in my new book, LOOK LIKE A PRINCESS ON A PAUPER’S BUDGET co-authored with April Sampson. (Amazon & Kindle) These were shot by my friend Rose (with her cursed camera/phone) in a spare office with terrible lighting. But it was cheaper than going to a studio. I work within a budget!

 

At the business luncheon, I planned to introduce the book attired in a tiara and lots of bling. Fortunately, I decided to save that costume for a later time. Another speaker wore a crown. The Lice Queen! She was an attractive lady, too. Someone you would never associate with bugs in a million years. She was actually a lice eradicator, not their queen.

I love to accessorize, but I’ve never been a fan of scarves. To me, they appeared old ladyish. My step-mother was fond of them. Shawls were the hot item in my youth, I owned several. However, in recent years, shimmer, sparkles, ruffles, fringe, & bangles have all been added to scarves. Now they’ve become a lot more interesting!

Although back in the 1980’s I purchased a long Hindu style dress in a Thrift Store. I paid a seamstress to cut off the bottom third which I used as a scarf. (Scarves were trendy that year.) The seamstress cost me far more than the dress.

A favorite accessory of mine was a bracelet I purchased in a Dollar Store. A real treasure! It actually looked like an expensive piece of jewelry. It had both charms and beads, yet it was amazingly versatile. I wore it with many outfits and always received compliments.

 

One day I wore it to a Taxpayer Association Luncheon. About 10 minutes before the meeting was called to order, there was a resounding BAM, BONG, BANG, BONG, BAM, on the table before me! Beads and charms scattered everywhere, the string had broken! Every head turned to stare, my face was flushed scarlet. Thank goodness this didn’t occur when the speaker was up! The lady beside me helped to collect the pieces. “I can give you the name of a jeweler who can restring this,” she said.

I was a bit ashamed to admit the bracelet only cost a dollar. But it had served me well for 4 years.

In high school, I never attended a prom or any school dance for that matter. During my 50’s, I made up for this by attending several formal balls. My 1^st when I belonged to the Celtic Club. This was early in the last decade. I attended as part of a group.

I had just broken up with the guy who insisted on bringing his dementia-addled mother on all our dates.

To my delight, I found an elegant periwinkle gown on sale for half price at a Thrift Shop. Having it dry-cleaned cost twice what I paid for the dress. I already owned a fancy pair of shoes from ROSS.

Now I needed a silver evening bag to match. This presented more of a problem! The ones at the thrift places looked like they’d been thru a war. The consignment shops had better, but they wanted as much as the new ones at the Mall. Eventually, I bought a plain silver one at Walmart for $10 which worked out perfectly.

In my closet is a large, plastic men’s toolbox with lots of compartments. There, I keep odd earrings, pendants, brooches, beads, baubles, silk flower hair clips, chains, plus fancy ribbon & cords. Everything inside is interchangeable! I call it my magic box! Whenever I don’t have a necklace to match an outfit, I can create one! And it’s always unique.

This is why I came up with a beauty book for women on a fixed income. I wanted to show everyone you don’t have to spend tons and tons of money to put yourself together and be attractive.

It’s rather ironic that my life took this direction, because growing up I was the antithesis of a feminine little lady. I was more into bugs, spiders, and toads, etc. I kept leeches in a jar for pets. Of course I didn’t know what they were, until I brought them out to share with a friend. She started screaming!

That part of me will always be there. I caught a bat with a pasta strainer inside my house, then carried it outside and released it. Removing snakes is never a problem. I only kill them if they’re poisonous. I’m no girly-girl there! Also I can kick hornet butt with flourish. For years, I did it with just a broom and a can of Raid. – TOP THAT, LICE QUEEN!

THE UGLIEST SHADE OF GREEN

I’ve heard said that simplicity is the ultimate form of sophistication. If that is true, I’ve seen plenty of sophisticated ditch-diggers and stable-muckers. – Get real! Simplicity is for women who want to fade into the background and remain there.

When my friend Margaret entered a room it was like a starburst!!! Margaret was a woman of pizazz and dazzle. She loved bling and all her many beautiful accouterments. She was noticed and remembered, always! Margaret possessed a powerful presence. She turned men’s heads and women green with envy. She was my Muse, I blog about her frequently and with fondness.

She was the woman for whom 2 men killed themselves, literally. (Read my blog: A TRUE FEMME FATALE!) Margaret led the most interesting life of anyone I’ve ever known. She was a former professional dancer who went back to school later in life and became a doctor of osteopathy. Margaret oozed sophistication. I’ve never met a man even half as fascinating. And NO, there was nothing sexual between us.

Margaret was around my mother’s age, although she was the opposite as possible. Mom was one of those women of simplistic style. In other words, too unattractive to sport glamorous attire, my mother was also as unsophisticated as they come. But that doesn’t mean she wasn’t plenty cruel and manipulative.

Margaret on the other hand, had a kind and generous heart. In spite of this, she had difficulty making and keeping female friends. Why, was no mystery! Margaret had a habit of rendering other women invisible. Also they didn’t want her anywhere near their husbands!

However, they needn’t have worried. Unlike my Aunt Kiki, Margaret was a woman of high morals. “If I loved a man enough to bring him to my bed, I’d want him to be my husband, first,” she told me. Unlike most women of our time, Margaret had class and character. She treated herself like gold and it showed.

She had no less than 4 husbands in her past. The first 2 were youthful mistakes, but she didn’t regret either. Even the first one, the husband who would get drunk and beat her, from that marriage her first child came into being.

Margaret cherished her daughter, but their relationship was strained. They were on different wave-lengths. Her daughter was a plain-Jane and Margaret was a fancy-Nancy.

I was a pretty-Kitty and one woman Margaret couldn’t render invisible. We clicked instantly and became life-long friends. However we were as different as we were similar. But we shared a passion for fashion!

On one of her visits, Margaret was sporting a trendy red leather outfit with tight-fitting slacks, a crop jacket, & newsboy hat. -- Your average 20 year old could not have worn that outfit as well! Margaret never lost her dancer’s figure. The lady should have been applauded!

My (then) neighbor, a woman in-between us in age, inquired as to Margaret’s number of years on this planet. I told her Margaret refused to divulge it. However since she had adult children around my age, I could easily guess.

“She tries to pass herself off as younger by dressing like a teenager.” My neighbor sniffed with derision.

“It’s remarkable that she can,” I replied. I really wanted to say, “I’d love to see you try to stuff that big butt and gut of yours into those tight red pants!” Also I wanted to scream, “Jealousy makes you ugly women appear even uglier!!!”

I had a memorable date a few years back. I was treated to an expensive dinner and a live performance of La Cage au Folles with professional touring actors. The restaurant made us late and we were rushed. The parking lot was full. My date dropped me off to get our pre-paid tickets while he parked the car.

I was wearing an elegant ensemble consisting of a tight ankle-length, rather low-cut dress with a gold bolero and heels. This was evening after all! Plus it was a dressy occasion.

After I picked-up the tickets, a couple of women walked by. “What a beautiful lady you are!” One exclaimed.

Before I could thank her, the other piped up, “Five dollars!” she said with a snort. They both started laughing.

I wasn’t going to let that pass from these 2 frump-a-dump losers. I turned around and hollered, “What did you just say!”

The first one stammered for an answer.

Just then, my date came strolling up. He was someone prominent in the community, a man frequently in the newspaper. From the expressions on their faces I could tell they recognized him. It was priceless!

These type of put-downs hurt Margaret. To me, they’re a badge of accomplishment.

VAINGLORIOUS AMOUR DE SOI

Amour de soi is one of those $50 French terms that sound so fancy it should have glitter and streamers. Translated, it simply means love of self. The kind associated with individual well-being. Also that you are not defined by what others think of you, the opposite is amour propre.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I take my appearance seriously. Yes, I have a big ego! And I wouldn’t have myself any other way. My vanity has saved my sanity! And I’m proud of the way I’ve aged.

I refuse to be another dish-rag face in jeans! When I was kid, the majority of older women looked like frump-a-dumps. Nowadays most of the younger ones do, too! Ugh! Whatever happened to taking pride in your appearance? Why is dressing nice and wearing make-up now deemed some sort of sin?

The natural look is blah. Why settle for it? I prefer the supernatural look! Make-up like magic is an illusion used to the advantage of the practitioner. The right combination can be utterly bewitching. Plus it evokes a power from within called confidence as your spirit lifts and soars.

Anyone seeing me without make-up, I consider tantamount to seeing me naked. Only a few close friends have ever viewed me this way and only rarely. – OK, so a few neighbors and a house painter have glimpsed me nude. But remember, these were accidents that happened before I bought my new blinds. I’m also glad that I diet and work out with weights.

Yes, I’ve heard the arguments of ugly women and insecure men. They insist that a face enhanced by cosmetics isn’t the true you. -- Actually it is! Because this is the face I created, rather than the one randomly issued to me like a social security number. My appearance is how I express myself. There is an art to putting clothes & make-up together. And no, my bare face wouldn’t shatter any mirrors!

Also they call it fake. – Excuse me! Do you tint your hair or even curl it, wear a padded bra, clip or paint your nails, or perhaps you wax your nether regions? -- All of this personal enhancement is fake!!! And everyone knows that piercing & tattoos occur naturally on the body. Geez, gim’me a break! It is far worse to be false on the inside and misrepresent yourself. The majority of people fall into this category!

And beauty, they say is temporary. – EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS TEMPORARY!!! That’s a poor excuse to throw in the towel. Plus you can be attractive at any age!

Oh let’s not forget the ever popular, “One should fall in love with the person, not their appearance.” I agree! So why then should it matter one way or the other if a woman chooses to wear make-up. This statement actually strengthens my argument, not theirs!

Cosmetic sorcery has existed since ancient times. Roman generals would paint their fingernails red before going into battle. Warriors such as the Celts, American Indians, and others would paint their faces for combat, thus to give themselves a psychological advantage and intimidate the opposition.

Today, the workplace is the battlefield for most. As women, we need give themselves every advantage. Being attractive is a powerful one. I say,”Don’t just wear make-up, wear it valiantly with pride!”

A favorite quote of mine is from Liberace. “I dress up to me, not down for everyone else.” This is a philosophy to live by!

But remember, people are petty and jealous creatures. Others will always try to drag you down to their level. Don’t strive to be like everyone else, strive to be better! Love yourself above everyone else!

WHOA, LOOK! A NEW BOOK!

Not just ANY book, but mine!!! This one was co-authored with April Sampson. Ours is a budget beauty, self-improvement, healthy lifestyle manual. And it is jam-packed with lots of useful information. The title: How To LOOK LIKE A PRINCESS ON A PAUPER’S BUDGET And You Don’t Have To Kiss A Toad To Do It.

This publication was NOT written for models, actresses, or trophy wives; but ordinary women who want to look like one or better without destroying their budget or getting a sugar daddy. The latter is toad kissing!

My part has to do with fashion, make-up, diet, fitness, and over-coming unhealthy habits. I instruct women how to dress for their body type. Putting clothes together is an art. Looking magnificent has more to do with creativity than spending extravagantly. 

Also I show how to create unique pieces of beautiful jewelry from scraps, something I’ve been doing for decades. Plus I give hair & skin care advice, as well as clothes- shopping tips, and much more!

This book is a departure for me. Not only because it’s co-authored. Largely, I just compiled info for the reader. I searched high and low for the best, effective and money saving tips. But I also share plenty of my old white witch beauty secrets along with others. Some go all the way back to ancient Egypt!

The most creative was April Sampson! April illustrated ALL of my previous books. This time, she contributed to the text as well. Not only is this publication filled with her beautiful illustrations, many in full color; April also gives valuable advice on nutrition and shares her recipes. Each one is nutritious, economical, low-calorie, and delicious.   

Let me tell you about her qualifications. April Sampson taught nutrition classes to low income women; lessons included planning weekly meals and grocery shopping, plus how to prepare inexpensive, low calorie, and tasty cuisine.

April has been a nursing assistant and a pre-school teacher. She is also a children’s book author. Plus April is highly skilled in a variety of arts and crafts.

I met April during the middle of the last decade when Crosam Press published my first book. She was the C.E.O. as well as illustrator! -- April is not a Princess, she is a Queen! I really came up with this manual for all of us who cannot be April Sampson.

I believe in giving yourself every advantage in life. And being attractive is a powerful one! The control lies within your own hands. Strive to be better than you are. This manual highlights those first crucial steps.

Originally, it was intended to be just a brochure. I didn’t want to take on the expense of publishing another book. -- I should be using the funds for repairs to my home, instead! But I want to continue writing and publish more of my work. I decided to expand this and asked April to partner with me. To my delight, she agreed. She is the perfect person! Our input goes hand-in-hand. The reader receives the benefits of both.

Our book ran over budget, because I needed a color chart. And color is way expensive to publish! We were forced to condense to keep the cost down. The price on Amazon is $22.95. (I know women who pay that for a tube of lipstick). I’ll admit that’s high for someone on a fixed income. However on Kindle, it’s only $3.99. (Here in Vero Beach you can’t even get a decent breakfast for that amount!) Also the book is cheaper if you buy it used.

April & I were confounded to learn that Createspace does not have a set-up for a book authored by 2 people, although this situation is hardly rare. It is now featured under my name because it was my concept.

We ran into so many roadblocks our book was published 8 months later than planned.

Also there was an issue with the cover. I kept complaining the toad didn’t look lustful enough. I wanted to see that lust in the eyes and tongue! April came through as she always does and nailed it! To my amazement, the creature bore a striking resemblance to a former boyfriend. (The last toad I’m ever going to kiss!) Uncanny, because April has never met him.

I think someone should write a similar book for men!

If you follow even one-eighth of the advice given, you will benefit in some way, whether it is looking younger or living longer in good health.

Take pride in you appearance! Not for your spouse, your folks, or your paramour, but for YOU!!! -- I’m not saying you shouldn’t accept who you are. I’m telling you to be a better version of yourself! Everyone deserves to be healthy and attractive!