SAWATDEE TO YOU, TOO

Since I’m planning to relocate, there’s a new language in my future. The issue is, I don’t know which one, yet. So I’m trying to learn a few phrases of each before I visit.

Already, I know a useful one in Thai, “Rawang rot!” which means “Beware car!” – I believe I’ve mentioned Third World drivers in my previous blog postings.

Thai is the more difficult language because it’s tonal. Unknowingly you could offend some nice Thai people using incorrect ones. For example, one could walk into a restaurant and say: “I’ll have the jumbo fish platter with rice balls” and it could come out: “Your fat grandmother stinks, how much to ball her.”

Perhaps I’d do better wowing them with my charades!

 I really need to memorize, “Mai khao jai” which means “I don’t understand.” Also “Ga roo naa phuut chaa naawy” meaning “Please speak slowly”

While in Bangkok, a useful phrase to remember is, “Khoon bpen phuu chaa naawy” which means “Are you a man or a woman?” -- That thought has come up a few times here in Vero Beach, too!

Anyway, I’ve got until 2016 to work on Thai. However, my Ecuador trip is coming up fast.

Besides the Spanish/English dictionary I purchased at a Dollar Store, I found 2 books on Spanish at a Thrift Shop; Berlitz Basic Spanish & Madrigal’s Magic Key To Spanish with original illustrations by Andy Warhol. The latter sounded more fun so I’m reading that one first. Still, it’s a whole lot to remember!

Many Spanish words are so similar to English that you might understand a small part of what is said if spoken slowly, but Hispanics don’t speak slowly. Their speech is rapid fire! I will be constantly asking, “Puede repetir,” or “Could you repeat.”

One Spanish phrase I’ve long known is the same everyone seems to know, “Que hora es?”, or “What time is it?” Why most North Americans know this one is a mystery to me. Perhaps it’s because we’re always rushed.

Second Grade Elementary school is when I first heard it. A Spanish instructor who was a friend of our teacher came to speak and teach us tykes a few phrases of the language. That phrase and only that one  stuck in my mind, maybe it’s just an easy one to remember.

However, when visiting a Spanish speaking country, one crucial phrase everyone SHOULD know is, “Donde esta el bano?” meaning, “Where’s the bathroom?” -- I believe I read someplace that there are no public restrooms in Ecuador. Yikes, I’d better pack a box of Depends!

Another important one is, “Peligro automovil!” which means, “Danger car!” Did I mention that I plan to give up driving after I move to the Third World. 

I think it’s arrogant to live in a foreign country and not bother to learn the language. I just hope I’m not dead before I become fluent.

INDOCHINA VS. SOUTH AMERICA

I don’t know yet if I’m going to end up as an old Gringita or a $#^&@! Farang, or something else altogether, all I know is that I can’t stay where I am.

Panama sounded heavenly, but unfortunately I don’t qualify. I make the required monthly amount. Unfortunately, the income must be a pension, either corporate or government. Mine is derived mostly from annuities. This also disqualifies me from Costa Rica! I don’t understand why these countries are nervous about annuities, but it makes me wonder if I should be, too.

In Belize, on the other hand, one can just about live as a permanent tourist. Plus their currency is the U.S. Dollar! However, healthcare is expensive for retirees, especially if you want frills like Novocain with your dental work.

Traveling to faraway exotic places is a delight, but I also want roots! If money was no object, I’d take two big vacations every year; one in autumn and one in spring. However, I’d also want a comfortable home to enjoy in-between!

Others gush that Ecuador & Thailand are beautiful places. Well so is Vero Beach!!! Every place I’ve ever lived on the Treasure Coast was a beautiful scenic town.

Constantly, I hear exclamations of, “How exciting!” when I verbalize my plans. – It’s only exciting when you’re on the outside looking in! To me, it’s stressful, nerve-wracking, and more than a little scary. Geez, did I neglect to mention that these are Third World countries!!!

Many things that I enjoy and take for granted will be gone. Hopefully, I’ll find new things to enjoy along with new friends.

But I wonder if I’ll be resented by the indigenous people. After all, I’m a foreigner among many others who are changing the character and landscape of their country.

This is especially true in Thailand, called “The Land of Smiles”. Those who speak the language say Thais swear more than any other people. -- I don’t know if I want passive-aggressive types preparing my food! We have way too many of those right here! Also if you anger a Thai, prepare to hear, “Shut up this is not your country!” They say that a lot, I am told.

Speaking of food, I’ve heard that Thailand’s cuisine is now fusion due to all the cultures that have immigrated there. This is my favorite! But sadly, you could end up eating puppy stew or kitten croquettes without even knowing it, also many recipes consist of ant or duck eggs.

Ecuador is a bad place for vegetarians, even semi-ones like me. (I eat fish & fowl.) Up in the Andes where I would live, meals are mostly beef & pork. (And I doubt I’ll be able to find soy burgers & veggie hot dogs in the stores!) Guinea pigs are considered to be a delicacy, there. Beetle larvae and bull penis soup are found on menus, too.

In both countries you’re liable to end up with chicken feet or hog snouts on your plate! However, Ecuador is famous for its potatoes. I could live on those along with eggs. Also fresh produce is cheap in both places.

I wonder will I ever taste maple fudge again? What about flavored teas & coffees, I’ll really miss these! And TV dinners will be a thing of the past!

Thailand or Ecuador will mean constant haggling with vendors. I’ve done this before in Mexico, Guatemala and even North Africa. I know I can do it! I just don’t like to, it’s annoying and bother!

I’ve heard there are only 10 English-speaking cable channels in both countries and they are mostly old re-runs. I’ve become spoiled, I love my 300 channels! I wonder if there’s a way I can stream current episodes of Vikings, The Walking Dead, or Salem. Also will I have to become fluent in the language before I can go to a theater and see a movie?

I’m leaning toward Ecuador. Its closer and like Belize the currency is the U.S. Dollar. Plus the weather up in the Andes is spring-like year round. Weather is an important factor!

Thailand is going to be HOT, even Chiang Rai the northern most province. Usually it has a brief, but comfortable winter. The rest of the time it’s sweltering! – This could be the big deal breaker! But I don’t want to reject Thailand without first seeing it. Despite everything, I might fall in love with Thailand, or I may hate the damn place! -- Ditto for Ecuador.

Plus there’s other factors I need to take into consideration. I’m still managing my elderly brother’s Trust. Otherwise I would automatically choose Thailand, at least for a few years, just for the experience. Despite the fact he is 11 years older, my brother could outlive me! He’s sheltered and well cared for in a nursing home. I’m the one who’s out in the world putting myself in harm’s way.

Then there’s driving! I’m getting older, myself. I have always dealt with anxiety behind the wheel. I’ll be relying on Third World taxis and buses. These are often wild rides fraught with discomfort as well as danger. I subscribe to a Thai Expat newsletter and some of what I read is disturbing! Taxi drivers have dumped passengers, leaving them stranded in perilous places. Also a retiree complained to a bus driver that his careless driving was going to get them all killed. The driver’s response, “So why aren’t you dead, yet!”

I’ve been warned about public transportation in Ecuador, too! Not only are buses rife with pickpockets, it’s not unusual for a bus made for 40 riders to be packed with 80 people, and sometimes items like refrigerators and livestock are brought on board. These buses have a poor safety record with a bad habit of sliding down mountains! Imagine being at the bottom of a canyon crushed beneath a refrigerator, or a goat’s horn thru your eye!

I am crossing my fingers that most of what I’ve heard is an exaggeration! I’m trying to learn as much as possible before I embark on my exploratory trips.

When I relocate, there will be no friend or tour operator by my side to offer assistance.

Am I happy with the idea of selling my home and moving to another country, NO, I am not! But I can’t afford to grow old in the U.S.! I am just grateful this option exists.