I dated more in my 50's than ever before in my life. Back in my 20's and 30's when I was blonde and beautiful, I didn't date at all. Not even one time!
Back in my 20's at the family business, we employed a woman 5 yrs older than myself. She was plain and pudgy, but she had a new date almost every night. My father was always throwing this in my face! He used to say, "You are far better looking than her, so how come you're the one sitting home every night?"
Hmmm, let me see. First, she was a tramp who'd just as soon show her ass as her elbow. Second, she had no compunction about sneaking around with married men. -- It's interesting my father saw her as a role model for me. But then Dad was himself seeing a woman who had no qualms about sleeping with a married man.
I'm not the flirtatious sort. I've never gone to bars. And I'm not the type to drift from one affair to another. That's not the kind of woman I admire. Nor did I want to end up married with kids. I'd already had all the family I could stomach for one lifetime. I didn't want to exchange one prison for another.
During my 40's I dated 2 men who had recently separated from, but were not yet divorced from their wives. (But the paperwork was in progress.) Now my father suddenly gets all moral and tells me it's poor judgement. I pointed out we just going to dinner and a movie. -- Not to Motel 6!
At age 50, I ended up with a big house and no mortgage. Suddenly men were finding me attractive. All my crazy baggage didn't matter anymore! I turned down a lot of dates, too. Because I often felt like the bottom of the barrel was trying to scrape itself against me.
Florida is notorious for gigolos. My friend Margaret used to caution me about this. She was a retired doctor. Lots of guys viewed her as a meal ticket. Even me, now! And I can't afford to be any one's Sugar Mama.
Many of the men who hit on me were 20 yrs younger. Perhaps they were hoping I'd croak soon and they'd get everything I own.
All of my dating experiences have been negative. They were brief. And I was elated when the relationships ended.
Alone, I find myself much happier. Life is so sublime when you're not dealing with someone else's nonsense, or worse drama! I don't even want dramas on my TV screen, or romances either.
I prefer my female friends, because we are always there for each other. Yet we can enjoy our own space and lives apart.
If I never date again, I would be happy. I'm not going to live my life according to other's expectations.
I don't require another person to validate me. I validate me! Truthfully, I don't like company. My house is my private lair. My dusty little piece of paradise.
My father will forever remain the only man I ever loved.
I am not waiting for some dream prince to come along and sweep me off my feet. That is not my role in this metaphor I call "The Forest of Enchantment." With all these ghosts, I am more of a necromancer. Also troll-slayer in training. Because the forest is full of them!
Sunday, July 22, 2012
RED FLAG FLYING HIGH
Early in 2003, Eileen was holding a Birthday Tea in her home for another friend and I was invited. She wanted to introduce me to her close neighbor "Buzz", a single man.
"He'll make the perfect boyfriend for you," she claimed. "Buzz is old-fashioned in many ways. Also he'll never suffocate you," she told me. "He enjoys his own space, just as you do."
I was eager to meet him.
Buzz seemed nice enough and he wasn't bad-looking. As I left, it started to rain. He offered to walk me to my car. Buzz insisted on holding the umbrella over my head. How gallant, I thought.
"I don't want the color in your hair to run." He chuckled.
I figured he was just trying to be cute.
We scheduled a date a month later. Which was the soonest we could make it. He was recovering from an injury to his dominant arm.
Valentine's Day was the following week. I thought surely, if nothing else, I'd get a card, or at least a phone call. -- I got nothing!
"Oh, he's just not the thoughtful type," Eileen told me later.
That proved to be an understatement!
The day before our date, he phoned to re-schedule. Another couple had invited him to a celebration. And he couldn't turn them down! After we hung up, I wondered why he didn't just bring me along.
When our date came, I mentioned that my outfit with the matching bracelet & necklace I was wearing for the 1st time.
"I see you bought out Walmart, or was it Target." He laughed.
Actually I had purchased this ensemble from Goodwill. But I decided to keep this info to myself. Because he was too eager to make jokes at my expense. Which he continued to do throughout our date.
At the restaurant, he asked me what kind of wrinkle cream I used. Because, "Wow, it really worked well!"
That was the nicest thing he ever said to me!!! -- I explained that only wrinkle cream I use is sunscreen. I've been using it since age 25 on the advice of a Dermatologist. And yes, it really has kept my skin youthful.
He began making comments belittling my intelligence.
I put up with put downs from my parents for 50 yrs.. I wasn't eager to go back to that! Now that they were gone, my life was more serene and less complicated. I really didn't need this!
It's eye-opening and mind-boggling the number of men who get their jollies from putting women down.
He proceeded to tell the filthiest joke I've ever heard in my life. Believe me, I've heard some dirty ones, too! And NO, I am not going to repeat it here.
Also I discovered Buzz loved to drink. I don't!
I called my elderly friend Eileen afterward. I told her I thought he was a real jackass! And I didn't want to see him again.
Eileen urged me to give him another chance. "He's actually is a good guy," she insisted. "He changed the battery in my smoke detector. I can always count on him for anything."
Buzz gave me a call. He recently had returned to work. He complained of having a hard time reaching me on the phone. -- I didn't have an answering machine, then. The one I brought from Stuart never worked in this house. I told him I'd buy a new one. Which I did.
I was unclear with the directions. And if installed incorrectly, it warned of fire. Yikes! I asked Buzz for help. Well, he told me to hire a handyman! The jerk! -- He would have me pay someone $70. to install my $15. answering machine! Plus more jokes deriding my intelligence.
That was it for me!!!
Later, Eileen and I planned to attend a formal Tea at the Garden Club. Her friend, "Melinda" would be sitting with us. Eileen cautioned me not to mention that I had been out with Buzz. Because Melinda was eager to date him, but he never called her.
I told her Melinda was lucky! When I met Melinda, I thought she was WAY too classy for that guy!
"He'll make the perfect boyfriend for you," she claimed. "Buzz is old-fashioned in many ways. Also he'll never suffocate you," she told me. "He enjoys his own space, just as you do."
I was eager to meet him.
Buzz seemed nice enough and he wasn't bad-looking. As I left, it started to rain. He offered to walk me to my car. Buzz insisted on holding the umbrella over my head. How gallant, I thought.
"I don't want the color in your hair to run." He chuckled.
I figured he was just trying to be cute.
We scheduled a date a month later. Which was the soonest we could make it. He was recovering from an injury to his dominant arm.
Valentine's Day was the following week. I thought surely, if nothing else, I'd get a card, or at least a phone call. -- I got nothing!
"Oh, he's just not the thoughtful type," Eileen told me later.
That proved to be an understatement!
The day before our date, he phoned to re-schedule. Another couple had invited him to a celebration. And he couldn't turn them down! After we hung up, I wondered why he didn't just bring me along.
When our date came, I mentioned that my outfit with the matching bracelet & necklace I was wearing for the 1st time.
"I see you bought out Walmart, or was it Target." He laughed.
Actually I had purchased this ensemble from Goodwill. But I decided to keep this info to myself. Because he was too eager to make jokes at my expense. Which he continued to do throughout our date.
At the restaurant, he asked me what kind of wrinkle cream I used. Because, "Wow, it really worked well!"
That was the nicest thing he ever said to me!!! -- I explained that only wrinkle cream I use is sunscreen. I've been using it since age 25 on the advice of a Dermatologist. And yes, it really has kept my skin youthful.
He began making comments belittling my intelligence.
I put up with put downs from my parents for 50 yrs.. I wasn't eager to go back to that! Now that they were gone, my life was more serene and less complicated. I really didn't need this!
It's eye-opening and mind-boggling the number of men who get their jollies from putting women down.
He proceeded to tell the filthiest joke I've ever heard in my life. Believe me, I've heard some dirty ones, too! And NO, I am not going to repeat it here.
Also I discovered Buzz loved to drink. I don't!
I called my elderly friend Eileen afterward. I told her I thought he was a real jackass! And I didn't want to see him again.
Eileen urged me to give him another chance. "He's actually is a good guy," she insisted. "He changed the battery in my smoke detector. I can always count on him for anything."
Buzz gave me a call. He recently had returned to work. He complained of having a hard time reaching me on the phone. -- I didn't have an answering machine, then. The one I brought from Stuart never worked in this house. I told him I'd buy a new one. Which I did.
I was unclear with the directions. And if installed incorrectly, it warned of fire. Yikes! I asked Buzz for help. Well, he told me to hire a handyman! The jerk! -- He would have me pay someone $70. to install my $15. answering machine! Plus more jokes deriding my intelligence.
That was it for me!!!
Later, Eileen and I planned to attend a formal Tea at the Garden Club. Her friend, "Melinda" would be sitting with us. Eileen cautioned me not to mention that I had been out with Buzz. Because Melinda was eager to date him, but he never called her.
I told her Melinda was lucky! When I met Melinda, I thought she was WAY too classy for that guy!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
HIGH TEA & A TIMES
The "A" in my title stands for Attire. I love to dress! My plan is to age as ungracefully as possible. Early in the oh-oh decade, Vero Beach was a grand place for lavish Teas. Many were catered with live musicians, even singers. These were the perfect occasions to costume myself as only I can.
I met my good friend Eileen at a Celtic Society Tea. Eileen was a former member. Now she came only for the Teas. We were seated alone at separate tables. For the convenience of the servers she was forced over to mine. We clicked instantly despite the age difference between us.
Born in London, Eileen was a naturalized citizen. She still spoke with a prominent British accent. Often she shared prized photos. In her youth, Eileen possessed the face and figure of a young Elizabeth Taylor.
Eileen was an active member in an association of military women. She had served in youth during WWII England. Also her deceased husband was an officer in the U.S. Air Force. This group was holding their own Tea in a couple weeks. I was invited as her guest.
The military women were all dressed to the nines with hats, gloves, and big gaudy jewelry. I thought I fit right in. Later, I learned that I raised eyebrows with my low-cut dress. (My cleavage is never more revealing than what you see network TV!) Also my dress was ankle-length and elegant.
Most of the women were of Eileen's vintage. Eileen herself, never had problems with my attire. -- She thought I dressed well!
The group also held luncheons once a month. Often I attended as Eileen's guest.
Sometimes I wear mini skirts. But always with leggings or opaque hose, often with boots. -- Nothing indecent is exposed!
Frequently, my trendy styles were the cause of disapproving frowns and catty whispers. Once, right in front of me, a member queried Eileen as to why she brought me so often.
Another Military Tea was coming up, I happened to be standing behind Eileen when she opened her email. An acquaintance asked whether she was bringing that redhead whose boobs were always hanging out!
One lady actually told me I should cover my cleavage! -- I thought I was among adult women not 14 yr. old Catholic school girls! Besides, I wonder if they've ever been over to the beach. My clothes are mid-Victorian by comparison.
I pride myself on being a sharp dresser. But this is Vero Beach where the fashion backward come to die. Also I think they were nibbling on sour grapes at the buffet table.
After the hurricanes of 04, the Teas became far and few between, as well as many luncheons and other events. The ones that remained were far less elaborate. Property was destroyed, lives were uprooted, prices rose and people were feeling less sociable.
The grand ole tea times were nearly blown away by the fetter bands of 2 back-to-back hurricanes in 1 year.
However, my friendship with Eileen remained.
I met my good friend Eileen at a Celtic Society Tea. Eileen was a former member. Now she came only for the Teas. We were seated alone at separate tables. For the convenience of the servers she was forced over to mine. We clicked instantly despite the age difference between us.
Born in London, Eileen was a naturalized citizen. She still spoke with a prominent British accent. Often she shared prized photos. In her youth, Eileen possessed the face and figure of a young Elizabeth Taylor.
Eileen was an active member in an association of military women. She had served in youth during WWII England. Also her deceased husband was an officer in the U.S. Air Force. This group was holding their own Tea in a couple weeks. I was invited as her guest.
The military women were all dressed to the nines with hats, gloves, and big gaudy jewelry. I thought I fit right in. Later, I learned that I raised eyebrows with my low-cut dress. (My cleavage is never more revealing than what you see network TV!) Also my dress was ankle-length and elegant.
Most of the women were of Eileen's vintage. Eileen herself, never had problems with my attire. -- She thought I dressed well!
The group also held luncheons once a month. Often I attended as Eileen's guest.
Sometimes I wear mini skirts. But always with leggings or opaque hose, often with boots. -- Nothing indecent is exposed!
Frequently, my trendy styles were the cause of disapproving frowns and catty whispers. Once, right in front of me, a member queried Eileen as to why she brought me so often.
Another Military Tea was coming up, I happened to be standing behind Eileen when she opened her email. An acquaintance asked whether she was bringing that redhead whose boobs were always hanging out!
One lady actually told me I should cover my cleavage! -- I thought I was among adult women not 14 yr. old Catholic school girls! Besides, I wonder if they've ever been over to the beach. My clothes are mid-Victorian by comparison.
I pride myself on being a sharp dresser. But this is Vero Beach where the fashion backward come to die. Also I think they were nibbling on sour grapes at the buffet table.
After the hurricanes of 04, the Teas became far and few between, as well as many luncheons and other events. The ones that remained were far less elaborate. Property was destroyed, lives were uprooted, prices rose and people were feeling less sociable.
The grand ole tea times were nearly blown away by the fetter bands of 2 back-to-back hurricanes in 1 year.
However, my friendship with Eileen remained.
GOING BATTY IN MY 50'S
Recently in the letters to the editor of our local newspaper, was one from a woman beside herself with a bat infestation. She was worried about catching histoplasmosis. No one would help her.
I could sympathize, because I experienced the same ordeal myself 5 or 6 yrs ago. It was a June I will never forget!!! I even had the same problem with the critter control company she hired. I tried phoning her, but the number had been disconnected.
It all started when I noticed squeaking and chirping in my north wall. I thought perhaps squirrels had built a nest in there. I wasn't really concerned.
Then one evening, around 10:30 PM, something the size of a bird flew past my nose! I jumped out of my chair and turned on all the lights. My gaze darted around the room! Then I spotted IT near the top of my cathedral ceiling, a bat! Immediately I opened my front door. The bat wasn't moving and mosquitos were coming inside. I closed the door. It swooped over me and came to rest high on the opposite wall.
I decided to go to bed. I'd catch it unaware during the daylight hours.
The following day, I searched everywhere. No bat! -- But the stinker had messed on my long table in the dining area. Thank goodness it was covered with a plastic tablecloth! I figured it had found its way outside the same way it got in.
Right after dark, the nuisance was soaring inside my house again! I wanted no more messes. I was determined to catch it! Eventually, it came to rest against my kitchen wall. I grabbed my giant pasta strainer and a mixing bowl. Success! It clung to the strainer as I scooped it, bowl underneath. I carried it outdoors.
I turned the strainer over. I ordered it to fly away! It remained. I looked at it closely under the outside light. It was rather cute, like a puppy. I stroked its back with my finger. Startled, it flew off!
Not long after, I noticed a strong urine smell coming from the wall. As I began examining it, I found myself dodging turds! Egads, immediately I put newspapers down. Every day I was forced to change them. -- Often avoiding turds from falling in my hair! I had a bat infestation!!!
I called the critter control company. To my horror, they informed me that nothing could be done until August. After the babies had all flown away. Bats are a protected species. By now the smell was intolerable! The critter co. could do nothing, because they did NOT do inside work. All they could do was seal the outside after the bats were gone. I pleaded with them to at least give me some phone numbers! They were unable.
I spent the entire month of June living upstairs in my bedroom with the door closed.
I phoned numerous handymen. The ones who returned my call informed me they didn't have a ladder high enough. The problem was at the top of my 30 ft cathedral ceiling.
Finally, I found one! I spent an entire Saturday waiting for him to show up. My many calls went unreturned. We shook hands when we made the appointment. Obviously a handshake means nothing anymore!
Unfortunately my kitchen is downstairs. Whenever I needed to eat, I had to spray (rather douse) my living room with Lysol while standing in my loft. As I did, the bats became vocal. They clearly were displeased! After the spray settled, I came down to cook. By the time I started washing dishes, the Lysol had worn off. It was difficult to keep my meals down.
Everyone warned me of histoplasmosis. But I inhaled so much Lysol, it probably killed the bacteria in my body.
My friend, Irene, offered to let me stay at her house until mine was habitable again. However, I consider her a good friend. I wanted it to stay that way. So I remained home.
I managed to get a bat expert to come over. He determined the type of bat by looking at the droppings. These were American brown bats because their droppings looked like lizard turds rather than guano. -- Thank goodness! He said they would be gone in July.
He asked if I wanted to see the bat in his car. I inquired if it was alive. He nodded, and brought a box inside. Holes were poked in the top. It was a Mexican fruit bat! The thing was gray and absolutely demonic looking. -- I would have never touched that one! He scolded me for touching the other. Because it might have been rabid.
One evening around dusk, my neighbors reported seeing between 50 and 100 bats flying out of the top of my house.
Eventually I found a handyman with a ladder high enough to seal the inside opening. But I was nearing the end of my ordeal by this time.
The bat expert also said my place was now their home. I needed to put up a bat house because they would be back next summer. I sent away to Ohio to get one. Then I had to pay a different handyman to put it together, and pour concrete into the ground.
He cautioned me to remove it whenever there was a storm warning, because it could become an unguided missile. The following June, the bats didn't return. And good riddance!
During a tornado scare, I pulled the thing from the ground. I almost took out a window removing it! It's about 15 ft high, and quite unwieldy to handle. I left it in my garage. If anyone in the Vero Beach area wants a free bat house, contact me.
A
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