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Wednesday, October 3, 2018

BLEACH BOTTLE YOU'RE GOING DOWN


I LOVE CLOTHES! I don't just wear them, I have fun with them!  Any article of clothing that I cherish, I hand wash. And my white blazer makes me look as if I just stepped off a yacht. However chilly days here in Florida are brief and becoming rarer than ever. The calendar says autumn, but here it's still summer.

When I pulled my white blazer from the closet, it looked dingy, but nothing a little bleach couldn't fix. And I had a fresh bottle along with a new pair of rubber gloves.

Problem was, the bottle had one of those damn child-proof tops! I hate these things! People argue that they are necessary to cut down on injury and death to children. I say there are too many children in the world and we can stand to lose a few! -- Hey, the little snot pickers are dirty and they make too much noise!

Opening anything is a struggle and a project for me! I have small hands and very pretty ones I might add! My mother was 2 inches shorter, but her hands dwarfed mine. I've always said that if God intended me to do manual labor, he would have given me bigger hands. I like to think of myself as impoverished nobility because I've certainly met a lot of white trash with cash during my life and times.

 Anyway, the bottle top was frustrating. Push down and pull, it read, still the cap refused to budge!

I thought of seeking out a neighbor to help, but most are no longer speaking to me. Vero Beach is Republican for life territory and people here believe Donald Trump is God. I'm considered an anarchist because I want him impeached yesterday.

I just live in this neighborhood. I am not part of it. My neighbors have never forgotten or forgiven me for those two Obama signs in my yard. I started with one and someone kicked it down, so I added another just for spite.

The only neighbors who will have anything to do with me are a snowbird couple. And that's now on shaky ground because they are Trumpers, too. But never mind, I was bound and determined to open that bottle, myself!

As I struggled mightily, precious minutes of my life were slipping away. Finally, I took the bottle out to the garage and searched among the tools there. All the pliers were not wide enough to fit around the top. So I grabbed a hammer and started whacking the cap, nothing!

Then I spotted the clippers with the long handles that I use to cut stray branches. That did the job! It squeezed the cap right off. However the cap didn't fit the bottle afterward. So I fashioned one from tin foil. -- Bug off E.T.!  No space aliens can touch my bleach now!

I'm proud to say my blazer is now spiffy clean. It looks fabulous with the colorful scarf & white broad-brimmed hat a friend gave me for my birthday. Now all I need is a cold spell and a yacht!

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