FAIRY TALES & R-RATED TAIL

For awhile the trend seemed to be updating old fairy tales into adult versions on TV & movies. I watched Once Upon A Time for the novelty of it. Supposedly, it was to appeal to both children & adults, but from where I sat it failed on both counts.

The show was too raunchy for children. I am not a mother, but if I was, I'd never let my kids watch anything where fairy tale characters were so heavily into adultery & fornicating. It was often aired at 7:00 PM on Sundays. Gadzooks! This was Disney hour when I was growing up. Guess it's all part of the sleazing down of our society. Take away the adult parts and you were left with childish, even silly plots. This show always left me disappointed and disgusted. Plus the casting was goofy!

I have no problem with adult versions, variations, updates, or distortions of fairy tales, but these should be STRICTLY FOR ADULTS! -- And mature teens, if you can find one.

I'll admit that I don't watch stand-up comedy on cable anymore. Few of these comedians are funny, the majority are dirty, mostly it's smut with little wit, just filthy dumbed down humor.

However recently, I saw a clever and well performed adult's only re-telling of Little Red Riding Hood. This deformed and grotesque version was titled Freeway made in 1996 starring Reese Witherspoon. She was as cute, sexy, and tough as she could be.

Reese played a teenage juvenile delinquent slated to return to foster care after her hooker mother and drug addicted, child-molesting step-father are arrested. The character escapes and heads to her grandmother's place in a rundown trailer park.

Along the way her car breaks down and a too-nice-to-be-true man comes to her rescue. He gives her a ride along with uplifting avuncular conversation. But soon his true colors emerge! He's actually a serial killer with a predilection for teenage girls.

Of course the ending was predictable, but the journey was entertaining no less.

Hmmn, this gives me an idea! How about a full blown adult update of Snow White! In this version, Snow White would be a hooker beaten up by her pimp (an evil step-father) and thrown in a ditch to die. She is saved by 7 midgets who are circus acrobats and skilled in the martial arts. They teach her their ways as she recovers. Once healed, she wreaks bloody havoc and revenge on her step-dad along with a list of johns who mistreated her. Afterward, she shows her gratitude to the 7 midgets as only a professional woman can.

Perhaps this already has been done, but a similar premise might still be fun. The variations, twists, and spins on these old tales are endless.

As I watched Freeway, I chuckled. This felt like a bedtime story to me in my old age. No matter how engrossing the plot, once I throw my head back on my recliner I'm out like the proverbial light in no time. But thanks to the miracle of my DVR I don't have to miss anything! Then I can go right back to sleep zzzzzzzzzz, snore!