EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUNBRELLA

A man on Facebook whose friendship request I'd accepted told me I sounded interesting after reading a post of mine. He wanted to meet for lunch. I told him that I wasn't attracted to men. He said we could just meet as friends so I agreed.

When I arrived at the restaurant I found him seated by a large window with the hot Florida sun blazing in. In as polite a way as possible, I insisted we move to another table. Otherwise I would have been squinting thru the entire lunch. And my Northern European skin doesn't tan, it just burns!

After we moved to an interior booth, I told him, "Do you think it's an accident that I'm nearly 70 and have skin this firm without deep lines.

He replied that I'd probably had a face lift plus botox. I took this is a compliment despite the fact it was meant as a put-down. I'm poor and can't afford any of those pricey procedures. However it became immediately clear we weren't going to click on any level.

At age 25 I asked my dermatologist if there was anything I could do to ward off wrinkles. "Take a good look at your parents," he said. "That's exactly how you're going to age."

I'm screwed, I thought! My parents weren't aging well. I asked if there was a way to combat heredity.

"With THAT skin you need to cover up, wear hats, limit sun exposure and use lots of sunscreen," he told me.

I took his advice! And since parasols are no longer available my umbrella is also sunbrella. I seldom go anywhere without one!

Watching a recent episode of Young Sheldon mirroring me I had to chuckle. But unlike Sheldon Cooper, I hated umbrellas as a child. They always bit me! Every time I pressed that thingy down to fold one it pinched my finger and it was painful! I kept leeches for pets and could handle one with ease, yet I dreaded touching an umbrella.

Nowadays either  because my fingers are bigger, or less sensitive, or they've improved umbrellas I no longer feel that painful pinch.

In Thailand and Ecuador (both extremely sunny places) it was not unusual to see women holding umbrellas to shield themselves from the blazing sun. Here in hot sunny Florida it is. The Third World ladies get it!

Of course umbrellas come in handy for that other purpose. Last decade around the holidays I was standing in a line that stretched half way around the building of a theatre to see Benjamin Button. This was an unusually cold Florida day. Suddenly it started drizzling. I was situated in the half of the line not under cover. But I reached in my handbag and pulled forth my umbrella. People in front and behind were getting wet shivering in the cold, but not me!

Also an umbrella can be used as a weapon! Besides giving a good whack, most have a pointy tip. When thrust into a sensitive area it can do plenty of damage to an attacker. Remember that ladies!