GETTING OFF THE BOTTLE

In my life, there have been heaps of bottles! Many different colors, but similar size and all with pointed tips. Hair coloring in the home is easy, also way cheaper and quicker than in a salon.

But now, I’m taking a stab at going natural. When I turn 65 in another year, I plan to expatriate to the Third World. I need to look the part when applying for a retirement visa.

Currently, I do not. Whenever I ask for a senior discount, usually the answer is, “Tell them, yes, we’ll do that when they come in.” When informed that "I am the senior," I’m forced to whip out my Driver’s License. Then, I must convince them I’ve never been a crack addict even though I look like one in that photo.

I’ve always been proud of my youthful looks! A few years back; I couldn’t imagine deliberately trying to make myself appear older. -- Of course I may hate it! If that’s the case, I’ll go back to blonde after I am settled. However I’m getting too much white around my face to be a redhead, again. -- Although with all my wigs I can be whatever color or style I desire!

When my gray grows long enough to style, I’ll update my pictures on social media.

I have been advised to apply for a passport as soon as possible in the event of problems. I replied that my roots need grow out more or I’ll be wearing a crew cut in the photo! I was informed that I could wear one of my wigs because my face will be the focus, not my hair. Women tend to frequently change hairstyles & colors. – I know this one does!

Recently, I dug out my old passport. In it I am sporting a typical 1970’s look with long, flowing, blonde hair and a big cameo choker. Back then, I was quite the world traveler. It was a perk of living at home!

On most of my trips overseas, I was “The Kid.” These tours consisted of as many older single/widowed/divorced women as couples. I felt fortunate to be able to travel while I was still young. At age 30, I was a veteran of the escorted tour.

After I expatriate, I might just decide to embrace being a senior citizen. I will be surrounded by retirees of similar age. However, this does not mean I intend to let myself fall apart. I am still going to be me!

In other parts of the world, they don’t lick the bottoms of 18 year olds as they do in North America. Anyone here over 50 is considered a member of the walking dead, or a dinosaur. All I have to say is, watch it punks! Zombies are slow, but they can still do damage. Also you are liable to run into a T-Rex or Raptor! As a girl, I knew an old woman who was a Pterodactyl!

YOUR TIME WILL COME!  BWAAHAAHAAAA! 

I know many younger people are saying, “By the time I’m HER age they’ll have found a way to reverse the aging process.” And this may be true! But YOU may not be able to afford the procedure. By then, the 1 per cent will probably be controlling the planet! Odds are, I won’t be alive to see it, but you will.

No one is ever ready to be old. I never much liked the idea, myself. But soon, I intend to be part of the gray migration into the Third World. This will be a new life, in a new country, with a newly gray me.