TV DINNERS IN 3-D

I have often joked that the reason I look so young for my age is because I've eaten TV dinners most of my life and they're full of preservatives.

My father was cursed with a delicate stomach. Anything with even a hint of flavor gave him tummy pains. All our meals were prepared for his digestive system. In other words, every thing we ate was bland!

I lusted for flavor! Even today, when I buy tea, potato chips, sauces, whatever. I must try every flavor out there! At the same time I'm a finicky eater. If I find eyes or lumps in mashed potatoes, I gag! And that white thing attached to egg yolks repulses me big time. As for vegetables, most just taste nasty!

Not long ago, a grandmother's words of wisdom were all over the Internet. The one I remember most was to throw finicky eaters down a laundry shoot and force feed them vegetables. -- I'd love to shove HER down a shoot. Then force feed her a live rattlesnake!

During my teens our family unit began to break apart. My mother was experiencing more serious mental issues. She chose to eat separately. I didn't want her preparing my food in her mental state so I started eating TV dinners. I had my own meal time just as my mother.

It was wonderful! I had choices and enjoyed lots of variety. TV dinners were not only tasty, but quick and easy with minimal clean-up. Later, they were perfect after a busy day at work. I set myself free with Stouffers long ago!

From time-to-time my brother returned home for extended periods. He too, ate nothing but TV dinners. My entire family dined in shifts, now.

Our next door neighbor, Gertrude, a single woman also subsisted on them. A snowbird, she would always give me the ones remaining in her freezer before returning north.

Gertrude was a wealthy woman. She spent around $25,000. on a state-of-the-art kitchen. (This was at 1990's prices!) I told her with a kitchen like that, she should learn to cook.

"Oh I don't want to get it dirty," she replied. -- I thought she was joking. She wasn't! My father used to call it her trophy kitchen.

Actually, she used her oven, but only for TV dinners. I pointed out that most had microwave instructions! Her meal could be ready in 6 minutes! Why wait a half hour!

"I can be doing other things while they cook," she stated.

"You still do all those things!" I said. I make coffee or tea while I wait my 6 minutes. -- She refused to consider it. Her microwave was only for warming cookies.

The only one I slow-cook is frozen pizza. (The crust taste yucky when microwaved!) Plus I add lots of extra toppings and spices. Sprinkles of blue cheese taste heavenly on a thin crust. In my opinion, Dr. Oetker Ristorante makes the best! I often add veggie-meat crumbles or onions. Sometimes I top with expensive gourmet cheeses, but only for extra special occasions like holidays, my birthday, and free HBO weekends.

My friend Margaret, a single woman of 30 plus years, became a TV dinner aficionado after her final divorce. Whenever she came to visit, the first thing we did was head for the grocery store so she could pick out a few. After our day-long outings enjoying Vero Beach, we'd come home to eat our TV dinners.

After the loss of her husband, my other friend Pat turned to them as well. We would report new ones just on the market, plus give our personal reviews during our long-distance phone conversations.

Frozen dinners are ideal for a single. And they're more economical! You're not stuck buying a whole lot of perishable ingredients that take up room.

Of course some of my favorites disappeared without warning. During the early 1990's Stouffer carried a line of mucho delicioso Mexican dinners. Unfortunately, they were not around long. Howard Johnson's made the best frozen macaroni & cheese ever! I enjoyed it for decades. All of a sudden, it vanished from the freezer shelves, sadly never to return.

Nowadays, I try to avoid anything high in trans fat, salt, fructose, etc.; or at least eat them far less often. -- Half the time I cook pasta. It's as simple as just boiling water. Plus I can top it with just about anything in my refrigerator or pantry! Sophia Loren once said, "Everything I am, I owe to pasta!" -- I can't imagine a better endorsement.

However when it comes to frozen food, new and delicious varieties are turning up all the time. My all time favorite is lasagna. Stouffer's makes a great one! But so does Michael Angelos, Cedar Lane, and Amy's. TV dinners just continue to get better!