Shortly after my father's death I was invited to an Annuity Luncheon over on the beach by his financial firm. Eager to get out of the house, I attended.
As I sat looking over paperwork, I turned and noticed a man staring at me. He smiled, then asked if the chair beside me was taken.
He introduced himself as "Les". We had not conversed more than 10 minutes when he informed me that he was the nephew of a famous celebrity couple of the late 1950's. A glamour queen and a playwright who later divorced. Both now deceased.
During the luncheon, I learned that Les had lost a fortune through investments. At that period in time, I had met several people in this predicament. All of whom were forced to make serious life style adjustments. Little did I know that in a few years I would be joining their ranks!
Afterward, Les insisted on walking me to my car. He asked for a date. Les was close to my age. Not 100 yrs old like my previous suitor.
I informed him that I wasn't looking for a husband or lover. All I wanted was a strictly platonic acquaintance. If he wanted anything more, I'd just as soon we not see each other.
"I've been born-again!" he declared. " I'm now a Christian. I believe a relationship has to evolve at it's own pace."
It was the right thing to say.
Les was beginning a new high-paying job and it would be another week before we could go out.
But the guy phoned me every frigging day! (This is a major pet peeve of mine.) There is no one in this world, or the next that I want to speak to every single day. It's suffocating!
When he came to my home, Les stared fixedly at my huge stone fireplace. "That would look better if they had built shelves into the top of it," he stated matter-of-factly.
"That would ruin it!" I exclaimed. -- No one had ever found fault with my awesome fireplace before!
It was around 1:00 P.M.. Our afternoon was going to be spent making the rounds of Thrift Shops. We both confessed to enjoying this. I've purchased some treasured items in those places!
I told him we had to be back in no more than 4 hours because my dog was elderly and she couldn't hold her bladder any longer.
"You should have her put to sleep," he declared. " Look at the way she's walking! She has a slipped disk in her back. She's in pain! You really should put her out of her misery!" he said with a tone of authority.
I informed him my dog was almost 18 yrs old and had arthritis. "One day I might be walking funny for the same reason. And nobody had better dare try putting me out of my misery!" I asked if he had any pets.
"Oh I had a beautiful purebred cat until just last week," he gushed. "But my new furniture arrived and I had to take her to the shelter. I'm sure they'll find her a good home, soon."
I stared at him, mouth agape. Geez, in my world an animal ranks higher than furniture! It was clear beyond doubt he wasn't my kind of person.
As we began to converse, the born-again Christian seemed to have a problem speaking a simple sentence without lacing it full of profanity. Had he spoken that way at the luncheon, (or on the phone) I never would have agreed to see him. In my circle, we don't use that language. I'd be embarrassed to introduce him.
Later as we were seated at a restaurant, he pointed at my hair. "You should have more brown and less red," he advised. "It would look better."
I informed him my hair was previously auburn, and I the deeper red is more flattering with my skin tone. -- I should have shot back that he'd look better with a different nose!
He noticed I was annoyed.
"I was attracted to you because you look like you take care of yourself," he told me. "Most women just let themselves go after a certain age."
"Is that why you divorced your wife?" I inquired.
"No, she was beautiful and youthful-looking. But she just didn't have the rest to go with it."
Geez, that's exactly what my parents said about me my entire life! What exactly is the rest? A lot of women don't even have that much. If there is a woman that extraordinary, he sure didn't deserve to have her!
"And you've certainly kept your figure." He grinned.
"You can thank my father for that," I told him. "He held a low opinion of over-weight people. And he had a particular disdain for fat women!"
"Your dad and I have something in common," he said.
"Yeah, more than you think. Now that he's gone, I think I'll let myself go and get fat just because I can," I lied.
Les was horrified! "You wouldn't really do that, would you?"
I just smiled, teasingly.
The date was over as far as I was concerned when he brought me home. I scooped up the dog and took her outside. Les slipped in behind me and seated himself on the sofa. I gnashed my teeth. I just wanted him gone! I had been looking forward to a hot bath and reading the newspaper.
I retire early in the evening because I get up early. Also I have my routine beforehand. I told him this.
"I don't want to change your life. I just want to be a part of it." He smiled with contentment.
I turned on the TV and sat down. Every time he spoke to me, I just glared at him. As it began to get dark, I yawned a lot. Eventually he got the hint!
The following day he phoned to inform me he found a cheap trip to Las Vegas online, and would be leaving soon. "Next time you can come," he told me.
"Forget about me!" I exclaimed. "If you meet someone interesting, just go for it!" I urged.
For the next few days, it felt peaceful knowing he would not be calling. I hoped I'd heard the last from him. But no, he was on the phone shortly after his return.
"Did you meet anyone special?" I asked hopefully.
"No, did you, while I was away?" he inquired back.
"Look," I said, "I really think we're an incompatible couple."
"Then how can we become compatible?" he was eager to know.
I wanted to scream, "Get a personality transplant!" But I just sighed, and told him I was still grieving my father's death. "I need time alone," I explained. "Perhaps it's best..."
"Maybe we shouldn't see each other again!" he snapped, interrupting me.
Damn, I wanted to be the one to say that!
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