BRAS, BLAHS, UGHS, & AHS!

I have a big issue with brassieres! Why do 99 per cent of them fasten in the BACK when my hands are in the FRONT??? I’m guessing that in olden times ladies had maids for this task. Guess poor women went braless; must have been a lot of jiggling and bouncing up top as they worked in the fields or fed the livestock.

Hmmn, time to consult Wikipedia, do-do-do-dah-do-do-do-dah-do-do-do-dah-do-do-do-dah-do-do-do-dah!  OK, here’s what I found. Wow! There was sure a lot of info, more than I care to share here. I’d like to think my handful of followers have attention spans as short as mine. So I’ll try to limit it to just the interesting stuff.

Brassieres have been around in one form or another since early civilization. However ancient Egyptian woman mostly bared their bosoms. In some Third World countries the women still do, or else go bare under their tops.

And here’s a surprise! The hedonistic ancient Romans considered larger, fuller breasts ugly, even comical, associating them with old age!

Small breasts were considered the more attractive right up until the Renaissance. Then, fuller were the ideal as décolletage became increasingly fashionable. Breasts were pushed up and out almost to spilling out of clothing.

Ladies of upper class were forced into tight-fitting and uncomfortable undergarments. Their worker bees were granted more slack and comfort.

The modern brassiere was patented in Germany in 1889 by a woman. Yikes, she must have been double-jointed or perhaps she had a maid.

FYI I get as much info from hardcover books (GASP!) as I do from the Internet. -- Hey I’m old and I’ve got the tits to prove it! And those ancient Romans were mostly idiots!

In my teens and 20’s, Women’s Libbers denounced bras for contributing to the suppression of women. They would have us go braless just like the underdeveloped countries. (Pun intended!) They claimed bras were created to attract male leers. -- Oh sure, as if bouncy jiggling bosoms and nipples visible under blouses would have the opposite effect!!! Brassieres were burned in trash cans. These feminists must have had really tiny breasts, because bras have a valid function!

I recall this test as a teenager: You placed a pencil under a breast and if it stayed in place, you required a bra!  -- Women are not men and I have no desire to be like them. Blah!

During the 1990’s, tops were cut wide in areas such as the neck and armpits. This created a problem with bra straps! They became impossible to conceal and were in full view everywhere. Ugh! This looked tacky as hell!

Not wanting to walk around in public looking as if I had live animals trapped under my blouse, I couldn’t go braless. So I scoured stores from mall to mall searching for bras matching the colors of my tops. Well, it still looked tacky, but not way tacky!

Back in the double zero decade, or what I refer to as the naughty oughty one, plunging cleavage was in style. I guess the 2 big round O’s inspired designers! For the more modest, (I’m NOT one) camisole bras with lace flowers across the top began to appear.

Of course around my house, I only put on a bra (or clothes) for company. – I live in Florida and keep my A.C. set on 80 degrees to save money! I prefer plunging cut-aways in lighter, thinner fabrics. I sure don’t miss having to dress every single day! Bras are uncomfortable in warm weather, but necessary in public.

Front fastening brassieres do exist, but are rare and difficult to find. And I might add that strap adjustments are also located in the BACK for your inconvenience! Bras must be removed (often several times) to make any adjustments for comfort. Ugh!

Brassieres that FASTEN and ADJUST in the BACK belong in a MUSEUM!!! Why are the majority still made this way??? THESE are the bras that should be BURNED!!! They deserve to be gathered up, soaked in gasoline and set aflame in front of the stores that sold them!

Women should demand that brassieres be designed to easily CLOSE and ADJUST from the FRONT!!!  Just imagine the ease, convenience, and the time it would save. AHHH!