THE KNEES HAVE IT

Not long ago, I came across an online article titled, THIGH BROWS. Out of pure curiosity I clicked it. Sorry I did! It must have been a sluggish news day. I discovered that thigh brows (the crease where your thighs & hips meet) are supposed to be nicely rounded. Yet another new standard for beauty! Featured were over-rated, bimbo celebrities in their bikinis, a Kardashian among them.

I ran to the mirror to check mine! Despite the fact I’m pushing 65, I’ll be vain till the day I die. I’ve always taken good care of myself. -- Well, not only do mine NOT arch, they have a deep downward slant. The kind you would find on evil Dragon Ladies & demons in graphic novels. – I’m a good person, I swear!

Then I looked at the photos again. I noticed those women had THUNDER THIGHS, especially the Kardashian. Well not me! I was always embarrassed in Gym Class by my slender boy thighs. A plastic surgeon I met at a festival told me he had patients who would kill to have mine! I suspect he was just being polite, but it made me feel good.

Plus I possess the much coveted thigh gap when my feet are together. Personally, I think legs WITHOUT this space are prettier and look more feminine. I’ve always thought of this gap as a defect. Guess I was just misfortunate enough to be young during the wrong decade.

Standards of beauty keep evolving and devolving, just look at history! In ancient Greece, women with thick waists were considered more desirable than those with narrow ones. During the 1800’s plump women with ant waists were the ideal. In George Washington’s time, you were lucky to be petite and now it’s tall etc, etc, etc!

Since I’m on the subject of body parts, don’t TOES count for anything? Mine are about as perfect as can be. And I’m not talking about just ONE or TWO, by golly, I mean all TEN!!! Plus I can even pick up coins with them. Yup, no brag just fact.

I shouldn’t continue, because by now, I’m sure most readers are so envious they probably want to garrote me. Well eat your heart out!!! Because I haven’t yet revealed the feature that makes my body truly SPECIAL!  It’s my KNEES! The dimples there form actual faces. And both look like Charles Durning. (I’m not kidding!) In the left one he’s grimacing. -- Hey, Charles Durning was an extraordinary actor!!! He appeared in over 200 movies, plays, & TV shows. SO THERE!!! Aware of this knowledge, I strut with pride… Jealous much!