GONE TO WEED & SEED

Recently, the FPL trimming crew descended on my property like a horde of Barbarians ravaging and ruining the back of my yard. They did far more than just trim. Foliage I needed for privacy was cut away. Now I can view the neighborhood behind me and they can see me.

I filed a complaint, but was assured everything would grow back. Yeah, but I may be dead first! Plus I just spent a lot of money on landscaping. Probably I'll just throw seeds back there along with a bag of fertilizer.

They left untouched a high branch that nearly reaches a power line! I didn't even notice until recently. My yard man pointed it out. He is going to remove it when he trims the rest of my trees.

I don't want to have a lawn the neighborhood gossips about. I need more than just mow & go. Over the years I've hired many different crews. Usually, they do a wonderful job for the first 6 months. After that, I don't know what happens, they slack off dramatically! Plus they want extra for weeding. -- If you can even find one willing to do it!

One lawn guy haughtily told me, "First and foremost, I don't pull weeds for anybody." -- To my mind, that's like hiring a Dentist who refuses to fill cavities. I told him I felt he was the wrong person for me. "I feel likewise about you." He sniffed.

My current yard man is the best. My lawn is still full of weeds, but at least they are kept neatly cut.

"I tend my own lawn," my friend Margaret once told me. "After my divorce, I couldn't afford anyone else. Actually it's much easier than housework! Men have the better deal."

However, I happen to be extremely fair-complexioned with a modicum of tolerance for sunshine or heat. Plus it's just not my area of expertise. I'm more into flower arranging.

When I moved here, there were a lot more trees. After all the hurricanes, not so many. Several tall pine trees that I loved had to be chopped. Neighbors said they were dead and a threat to my home in a storm.

I would have preferred to do something more creative. Perhaps leave them 4 or 5 feet and find a chainsaw artist to shape them into gnomes. But it wasn't a service I could find in the yellow pages or the local newspaper.

Also I am limited by my wallet. If not, there's a really big fantasy I would fulfill. Looking thru a TOSCANO catalog, I found the garden statue of my dreams, a Jurassic-size Velociraptor with realistic color and texture! Wow!!! I have the perfect spot for it, too. I'd place it in the front yard, right under my giant oak tree.

Unfortunately, it cost $2,250. and the freight alone is almost $50.! The price is too prohibitive for a single woman on a fixed income. Plus it would create problems.

For one thing it would be a magnet for neighborhood children. Likely, they would injure themselves climbing all over it. Naturally, the parents would sue me! -- A NO TRESPASSING sign would mean nothing!

It goes back to what Margaret was telling me when I was learning to drive. "Whatever you do," she warned, "don't hit children! Even if you're not to blame, they'll make it your fault!" 

I told her, "I PREFER to hit children. As far as I'm concerned, there's too many around and I'd like to snuff a few out. -- They're dirty and they make way too much noise!"

Not to forget, I live in Hurricane Alley! And I hear we're in for another active year. I'd have to pay someone to help lug the thing in and out of my garage every time a storm threatens. Ugh! So it's probably for the best I don't have it.

Better to go to BIG LOTS and buy a little fairy statuette for my weedy yard.