THE OBITUARY NEWS

I used to call the double zero years the death-decade. By its end I lost every person I knew from my parents generation.


Now I'm seeing other familiar names in the Obituary column. Not just celebrities whom I admired or didn't, but people I've known. What's worse, many around my own age.


A college history teacher of mine died not long ago. I was surprised to learn he wasn't much older than I am. He must have been quite young while he was teaching. History has always been my favorite subject. He was such an entertaining teacher, I'll bet even students who don't like history enjoyed his class.


Lately, I've been startled to recognize more than a few names from school! -- All people who either rejected my friendship or betrayed it. Oh the memories! I'd probably best not evoke, or provoke these ghosts. But since this is my memoir, I must.


In this blog, I've changed the name of everyone with whom I've had a negative experience, including that of my stepmother.


Quite recently, I saw a former friend there. "Jan", I'll call her! We met in the 4th grade. But our friendship didn't survive into High School.


At the time, my family was into its years of feast & plenty. My father held a high income position. He often bragged there weren't 5 other men in Stuart who pulled in his salary. Of course Stuart was a much smaller town, then!


Mom was highly conscious of our financial status. She ached and desired for me to be popular in school. My mother groomed me for this at an early age. Never achieving it herself, her driving fantasy was to live it through me. Almost daily, I was told I was a disappointment.


I was the antithesis of a popular kid. If there had been Goth girls back then, I would have been one. I've always loved horror movies and dramatic clothing. My mother wasn't aware of the full extent of my unpopularity.


Enter Jan, a new kid. I invited her to my house before she really had a chance to discover how much the other kids disliked me. I owned cool toys and nice things. Plus the view from our house made some weak in the knees. And my mother fawned over her. To my delight, Jan wanted to be part of my life!


Unfortunately, she also derided me behind my back.


Her true character slimed forth in 5th grade. Jan was supposed to come to my house for the weekend. However, my grandfather had taken a turn for the worse and wasn't expected to survive. When I informed Jan our plans had changed and why, she was furious! She threatened to get on the bus and go home with me anyway! I told her if she did, my parents would be so mad she'd never be allowed in the house again! -- My grandfather died that afternoon.


Still, I was naive. I figured a faux friend was better than none. Jan remained in my life for a few more years as a mooch, borrowing money that was never repayed. When I refused, she threatened blackmail. I didn't want my mother having any more ammunition against me. So Jan's blackmail was effective.


The year I turned 14, my father lost his job through no fault of his own. Our life of comfort and privilege was turned on its head and sent spinning into a ditch. According to my parents, there existed 2 kinds of people, ours and everybody else. Suddenly we were part of the latter. I already had a head-start.


Not long after, Jan finagled herself into the popular crowd, going high society. She no longer wanted to socialize with me. (I often wondered who in that crowd she was hitting up for money.) By High School, we rarely spoke or acknowledged each other.


Spotting her name in the obituaries not only was a shock, it conjured a mudslide of memories once buried. Alive or dead, I'm just happy she's no longer in my life.


Perhaps over the decades she evolved. Miraculously transforming herself into a better human being. -- But somehow I doubt it!