ENDING OR MENDING FRIENDSHIPS

Around the age of 11, I recall my mother complaining to a neighbor, "I don't know what's wrong with Dianne! She has no interest in having friends. She doesn't want me to invite other kids over. And when I do, she hides her toys!"

"Give her to me for a week," the neighbor replied, "I'll snap her out of it!"

I wasn't doing anything wrong. Nor was I harming anyone, not even myself. I just preferred my own company. Plus other kids were careless with my possessions!

My father was more sympathetic. "Dianne sees other children all day in school," he told them, "If she doesn't want to socialize afterward, don't force her."

Later, most of my High School friendships fell apart in High School. The ones that didn't quickly dissolved in Junior College. Then I made friends with co-workers. But those friendships always ended when the jobs did, usually not of my choosing.

Nowadays I have friends who can't handle things I've said about Donald Trump. And I can't handle things that came out of Trump's mouth!!!  If he was anything resembling a descent person he wouldn't be this divisive!

A lesson I learned the hard way is that friendships like marriages are not always meant to last. Many just run their course and die naturally, while others end badly and extremely so!

The worst enemy I ever experienced, I met at age 40. This woman came on as if she was going to be my best friend in the world! She was encouraging and supportive to my face while I was knifed in the back and undermined at every opportunity by her. Never, was this person actually my friend, only someone pretending to be. Foolishly I made the mistake of trusting her and suffered serious consequences.

As for friends during my childhood, what I remember most about these early friendships is how draining they were. In elementary, it seems I was often friends with some tiny, female Donald Trump. These pint-sized Trumpettes would say really horrid below-the- belt things. I'd turn around and gave it back to them, then it was "BWAAAAH you hurt my feelings!!!  And "I" was a mean and terrible person.

Also there were the little Prima Donnas who for reasons known only to them, suddenly and mysteriously became mad at me. When I inquired as to the problem, I was hit with the ever popular, "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you!" Well I'm not a mind reader! And usually, it was nothing I did, only something they imagined I did.

Example:  I knew a pair of fraternal twins "Sarah & Sadie", equally different in personality as well as appearance, yet they were extremely close. Sarah was more my friend, she had a jolly disposition. Sadie was chronically sullen and so touchy you could offend her without even knowing it, which I did.

Sadie began scowling at me, refusing to speak as we passed in the school halls. This went on for a couple weeks. Then she recruited her sister. Now, I had both of them giving me dirty looks!

Finally, Sarah came to me and said, "I miss you and I don't want us being enemies anymore."

"Why were we enemies in the first place?" I demanded to know. "Because I don't have a clue!"

"Oh, Sadie said that you snubbed her in the hall 3 weeks ago by not saying "Hi" back to her.

Oh good grief! I honestly didn't remember any such incident. And if it bothered her to that extent, she should have confronted me. We could have ironed it out there and then! I explained that my mind was probably elsewhere and I didn't see her. Geez!!!

The following year, I became best friends with a new girl named "Carla". She happened to be involved in a bitter feud with another girl who lived 2 houses over from her. And worse, this girl was in our class that semester. Instantly, I was pulled into this mess and forced to deal with lots of ugly drama! Half-way thru the school year, the 2 of them made-up and became best buddies. I was left out in the cold, so much for my loyalty!

In High School, the word "frenemy" comes to mind. There was a plethora of these! Even those who didn't fall into that category quickly abandoned our friendship just as soon as they acquired a boyfriend. And when they were dumped, of course they wanted my shoulder to cry on! But when the next guy appeared, I was tossed aside and forgotten, again.

Just a few years ago, a close friend's ship to happily-ever-after came along and I was left discarded at the dock. Having this done to me at age 16 was one thing, but I never thought it would happen to me again, especially at age 60!

But I moved on. The majority of my current friends I met after the age of 60.

My 2 longest (lasting until death) friendships for 30 plus years were to Pat & Margaret. They were truly my stormy weather friends. Both ladies were my mother's age, but as completely unlike her as any 2 women can get. Perhaps that's what attracted me to them.

When a friendship starts to wane there are signs. Little cracks emerge. Sometimes they can be patched. But too often those become gullies, which morph into a chasm too wide to cross; still you're connected by a thread. Often, letting go feels good.

However when a friendship ends thru death it's more difficult to move on because no hard feelings are involved, I still think of and miss Margaret & Pat to this day.