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Tuesday, June 17, 2014

DISTORTED & CONTORTED IMAGES


Sometimes I think my house is outfitted with those special mirrors. You know, the magic ones made especially for men, the kind that reveals only an idealized version of you.

A man can be balding with bad teeth and a beer gut, or even look like TV’s Crypt Keeper and still see an Adonis gazing back.

Women, on the other hand, own cursed mirrors. They see only flaws.

In my case, I’m blessed with waning eyesight. -- Hey, getting older isn’t all bad!

Life will never be fair, so as women, we have to work a little harder. There is nothing wrong with vanity. It’s actually a positive trait!

Of course the reason I’m harping on this so much of late is because I’ve co-authored a budget beauty, self-improvement, healthy lifestyle manual with April Sampson. Also my vanity saved my sanity! Yes my hair is colored, my lips tattooed, and my teeth capped. This is the image of MY creation and I am proud of it!

I’ve heard women crow about how they never bother to diet or wear cosmetics because they accept themselves as really they are. -- How sad that they’re willing to settle!

Almost anyone can be attractive with effort, some more than others. Of course there are those rare few who will only look good if the light is dim, you’re drunk, close one eye and squint with the other. Those have a good excuse!  

I’ve heard the argument that ladies should go natural because men don’t need to paint their faces. Personally, I think they should. Because most men are homely! Except for drag queens and they are awesome! But then, I love pizzazz & razzmatazz!

Plus I can’t stand being limited to the same look all the time. That’s why I own so many wigs in different styles and colors. If you don’t follow my blog, I’m asexual. Drag queens aren’t the only female impersonators around!

Here’s a joke I just made-up: What’s the difference when a straight guy gets the hots for a drag queen vs. an asexual? – With a drag queen the guy actually stands a chance of getting laid!

I’ll admit I’d love to see straight men forced into the same tight, revealing, uncomfortable clothes women slip into every day. There would be a riot!

Cosmetics enhance your natural beauty. It’s not how much you wear, but how it’s applied that does the trick. Clothes and make-up add to an aura. Plus it’s a healthy high! When you look great, your spirit soars!

Yes, it is an illusion, but a POSITIVE one!!! -- And don’t give me that crap about how only inner beauty counts! From what I’ve seen, inner beauty is far easier to fake! I’ve known Mary Goodhearts with their sweet words and tight embraces. They gain your trust only to thrust a knife your back! The most virulent of all masks is the one worn on the inside! Evil people in history were often the most charming and charismatic.

Look around, few seem to take any pride in their appearance anymore. Nowadays most look as if they’ve just given up. Gadzooks, no one expects you to look perfect!

Never compare yourself to the air-brushed images in print; this is advertising for crying out loud! Get a grip! Many decry these as negative because it makes unattractive women depressed. Oh BOO HOO! Isn’t it bad enough we’ve dumbed-down our schools so poor students can have self-esteem. Now we have to ugly-down our women, too! Geez!!!

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