THE PHANTOM MENACE NOISE

　
Engrossed in a movie, I stayed up an hour past my bedtime. After clicking off the TV, I heard it, that egad-awful, infernal noise!

At first I thought, it's the refrigerator. Making a racket like that, soon I could expect a huge puddle on my kitchen floor. I walked over to the fridge. Nope, wasn't it!

Perhaps it was outside? I'd heard that noise before, but not to that degree. I had assumed it was outside. Because it sounded like running machinery, and everything was turned off.

I grabbed my hurricane flashlight and walked around my house. It was serene and quiet outside. But the inside was still noisy. I walked from room to room. I could hear it everywhere in the house.

It was loudest in my computer room. I put my ear to the wall. It was emanating from there. -- Outdoors on the other side all was quiet. I was mystified.

Recently, FP&L had installed a high-powered meter. Many in the community were fighting it, deeming it a fire hazard. I was not one of them. But now I was starting to wonder. It was 11:30 PM and I phoned FP&L. There was more than a hint of attitude in the man's voice. He advised me to call 911.

"911 are you serious?" I said.

"Yeah," he replied, "they'll get the police and send a fire truck out to locate the source."

That seemed drastic to me. Plus I was sleepy. I decided just to go to bed and pray. I believe in God as a cosmic consciousness. Although I am not a big believer in religion.

Directly above my computer room is the bathroom off my bedroom. I closed that door. The noise sounded like an airplane about to take off. I heard it, still. I had difficulty falling asleep.

I keep a radio next to my bed permanently set on a static station to drown out the vocal joggers & speed walkers who come by in waves starting at 5:00 AM.. It enabled me to sleep, but I worried I won't hear my smoke detector. My house is a wood frame. So I would literally be toast!

Aside from a fire, I worry this noise is raising up my electric bill. What ever this is, it's not running on fairy dust. It has to be using electricity!

The following day I phoned an electrician. The same one who did an emergency re-wiring job in that same room last year. Which cost me several 1000 dollars. A previous service person (I think I know who, but I can't prove it) messed-up. My computer was left permanently damaged. It was a tremendous out-of-the-blue expense.

The noise was more subtle than the night before, but still loud enough to hear. But the electrician heard nothing! Now I was really frustrated! I know I haven't developed canine hearing in my old age. -- I have the feeling he did hear it, but dismissed it as being outside. Just as I had done at first.

I made him check the wiring. He said it was fine. But I still worried about a fire. That sound was new. It shouldn't be in my wall.

He told me to find someone else who could hear it, too. -- He made me feel as if I'm going senile! ... I live alone. I rarely have company anymore. And that's the way I prefer it!

It's a good thing I didn't call 911. Because if a policeman didn't hear anything he probably would have me arrested for making a false report!

The electrician was here for only 10 min., did almost nothing and charged me $120! -- Ouch! Talk about gouging! He only came from a few streets over, too!

Guess I won't be buying those mile high-heeled sandals I was ogling at Victoria's Secret. Nor will I be dealing with that electrician ever again! Plus they are going to be receiving major negative word-of-mouth! Remember, I attend 2 business connection lunches every month.

If my house catches fire and I survive, I'm going to sue the hell out of them! And if I burn alive, I'm going to haunt them. They're going to be experiencing a few fires from beyond the grave.

In the meantime, the phantom noise comes and goes.