MY DRAMATIC FASHION

I LOVE clothes! I live to wear them. And what would clothes be without accessories? -- Insipid and blah! They are the difference between being dressed and being chic. In a past life I must have been a transvestite. I think they are magnificent looking! They put real women to shame.

Hats galore, exotic costume jewelry, gloves, scarves, and lots of shoes with personality and pzazz, that's my closet! Rather closets, plural. And for a really extreme change, I've a variety wigs in many lengths, colors, and styles.

My gloves are all lengths, some are fingerless. My boots come in every style, some with fringe and faux fur. Over-the-knee boots are my favorite! The 1 in a white snake print is the most awesome! Plus I love anything that looks like a costume. I have shoes with fins, and a pair with braided tassels around the ankles. I have tiger and zebra leggings, too. I don't just wear clothes, I have fun with fashion! I'm the only 60 yr old I know who has a Bond Girl section of her wardrobe.

For a woman who has struggled with shyness and self-confidence issues her entire life, I am certainly a bold dresser.

When I was younger, frequently I was asked, "Are you a model?" After I hit middle-age, I have often been asked, "Were you ever an actress?" The answer is no on both counts. I was too self-conscious about my imperfections. Years later, I've met women who are professional models. I didn't find them all that attractive. I thought to myself, "Damn, I should have gone for it!"

Don't get me started on my collection of purses. Speaking of purses, I really don't spend that much $$$ for all of this, because I rarely throw anything out! Passion is the reason I buy clothes. Everything eventually comes back in style. Classic clothes never go out of vogue. I'm always combing new styles with the old.

Another reason I've never married is because the poor guy would never get any closet or drawer space. Plus I'd throw out the man before I'd part with the clothes I love. Friends have actually called this a sickness.

At my advanced age of 60, I've acquired quite a collection over the decades. I've been a creative dresser all of my adult life. Why limit your style when there's a fantasyland of couture. I've never understood why people choose to dress boring. Yes, I'm familiar with the phrase, Mutton Dressed As Lamb. And I've made some concessions to age, but not many.

Why should I! I'm trim and youthful-looking for my age. I'm somewhere between the frump-a-dump brigade and the young-tarts-on-parade. Besides, you don't stop being who you are just because you get older.

Egads, whatever happened to make-up? Everywhere I go, I see nothing but dish-rag faces. Yes, there is the popular argument that make-up creates a phony image. Yet, I've always felt it's far worse to be phony on the inside. And most people fall into that category, I've found.

I purchase most of my cosmetics at the Dollar Store, occasionally from Big Lots or Walmart. On rare occasions I buy it at the Drug Store. You don't have to spend a lot of money to look presentable.

A (questionable) friend told me I look like I try too hard. I replied that if I didn't, I'd look as bad as everyone else!  Liberace used to say, "I dress up to me, not down for everyone else." -- That is my philosophy, too. And I say, "You are out there or you are nowhere." Dianne doesn't do dowdy! And I'll never understand why people go out in public looking like crumb-bums.

In my opinion, jeans should only be worn for mucking out barns.

Some have commented that I look like a Stepford wife. I prefer to think of it as AARP Barbie. My mother used to say that I dressed like a visiting celebrity. And my stepmother used to tell me I looked like a freak from Mars.

I've always prided myself on having good fashion sense for a white woman. Black women take their appearance seriously and know how to dress! Some have actually asked me for fashion advice in clothing stores. I'm flattered! I've purchased more than a few items from Black women's catalogues. You could say I'm an equal opportunity shopper. I certainly shop all over the map for bargains.

Some of my most unusual and prized pieces come from thrift shops or consignment stores. Actually I'm paying the same amount there (often more) than what I used to pay for new clothes in my 20's.

Back then, a $15. dress was for a special occasion. I've never been into designer fashions. I can't afford them. Also I think they're a big rip-off. You're paying an outrageous price only to enrich some overrated designer. -- And I don't allow other people to dictate to me what I should wear! Clothes should be an expression of the individual wearing them, only! Unfortunately most people seem to lack imagination. And they take no pride in their appearance.

Often I purchase broken costume jewelry at 2nd hand stores. I get out my hammer & pliers, and pull it apart. I use the pieces to create a new original design on a metal hoop. Whenever an earring breaks, the other 1 becomes a pendant on a chain. Or I use some colorful or lacy ribbon and create a choker.

I've made headbands and necklaces from old belts. I've even created turbans from old pairs of pants! I love using my imagination. Plus I've always been into recycling.

About half the men I've dated wanted to pick out clothes for me. -- That's a dumping offense! Because it's a form of control. As a child I was forced to wear my mother's gad-awful taste. I call it carnival cutesy. And as an adult, my stepmother was constantly trying to impose her taste on me as well. Hers was frozen in 1962. Plus I'm really not interested in anyone else's input.

After the back-to-back hurricanes of 04, I often heard said that possessions don't matter, only people really matter. I vehemently disagree! My things were there giving me comfort and happiness when other people couldn't be bothered. This has been true my entire life.

According to that silly dramedy THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA, at size 8 I'm a fat girl. I moved into an 8 around my mid-40's. Suddenly I discovered I had curves and cleavage I never possessed as a 6!  I wasn't stick-like anymore. That 10 lbs went to all the right places. I like my body better, now.

Although when I shop in the Junior section most of the tops are cut almost to the navel. (And these are for school age girls!) Most of the young ones don't have anything to put inside them. My breasts are spilling over. Sometimes I use a lacy camisole bra for coverage, sometimes not.

At age 60, I feel more in my prime than I did at 30. I don't care what anyone else thinks. This is my time at last.

A year ago I had my height and weight measured by a nurse. She marked me down as 5'7. I told her that had to be wrong! I've been 5'6 my entire life. Certain my feet were bare, I made her measure again. Still, I was 5'7! -- I've always thought one is supposed to lose height with age!  But the funny thing is, since my father died, I actually feel taller.