DRIVING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD

I have never felt comfortable behind the wheel of a car. Had I been able to go my entire life without driving, I would have! My mother and 2 of her 3 sisters also suffered anxiety so severe it rendered them unable to drive. My brother used to say, "It just ran in the family." -- So did insanity!

Unfortunately, I no longer had the option not to drive. My father's failing health had been the major factor. I had to get a license as quickly as possible after moving to Vero Beach. For this, I needed to go back into therapy. I had been out for a year now.

Also I wanted professional lessons. Previously, I had taken Driver's Education my Senior year in High School. -- That convinced me beyond doubt I didn't belong in the driver's seat! When instructed to step on the accelerator, I put my foot down so hard, we almost went flying! Everyone in the vehicle was gasping and screaming! I made MORE mistakes than anyone else. The Instructor, (a school coach) was constantly shrieking insults at me. -- Today I could have sued him for aggravating a pre-existing condition!

My therapist explained that every other person in the class had probably driven before. Where as this was my only experience behind the wheel. She also told me I was stressed out because I was breathing wrong. I needed to stop breathing through my nose and start breathing through the mouth to get more oxygen to my brain. -- As a child, my mother used to holler at me for breathing like that. -- She didn't want any Mouth Breathers in the family! As it turns out that is the healthiest, most relaxing way to breathe.

Also I was prescribed psychiatric medication to block my anxiety. Paxil the wonder drug! -- Actually it was more of a drug-induced nightmare! I had been warned to expect side effects. But was assured they would taper off. -- They didn't! In fact, they worsened.

I experienced shocking electrical sensations. During sleep my body would start jerking, waking me up. My vision sometimes blurred. And I suffered extreme fatigue. When I complained to my father, he replied, "I have medicine that makes me lazy, too." Also my nerves seemed more frayed, not less.

I abruptly quit, and had withdrawal symptoms just like a junkie. My body would shake and the electrical sensations didn't cease. Also there were horrendous nightmares. I remember seeing my dead mother sitting in a bedroom chair staring at me. I dreamed a horned, winged demon with fangs was pulling me from bed. My fingernails ripped the mattress as I screamed! It grabbed me by the ankles and flew out my 2nd story window. I recall seeing the bright city lights below in the darkness as it carried me off. It was so vivid!

The psychiatrist was upset because I had abruptly stopped without 1st consulting him. He wanted me to try a different medication. However I insisted upon no more of that psychiatric stuff, just straight therapy.

At that time, there were no Driving Schools in Vero Beach. There was 1 in Stuart that serviced Vero, but my father felt the instructor was an ignoramus. Our only other option was up in Melbourne, which also serviced our area. But 1st, I needed a learner's permit.

I was required to attend a 4 hour Driver Education class. I remember being the oldest person there amidst a group of stinky teens in jeans. The Instructor asked if I was there because of a traffic ticket. Embarrassed, I shook my head.

I studied arduously and did lots of mouth breathing before my test. In spite of this, I found the written test difficult, with unfamiliar questions. I was astounded to learn I had passed. Two different DMV employees inquired as to whether I was getting a license or learner's permit. Both times, I replied, the later.

My Driving Instructor was a woman about 20yrs younger than I am. She asked to see my learner's permit. A surprised look emerged. "This is a Driver's License," she proclaimed. "You don't need me."

"But I don't know how to drive!" I exclaimed.

We scrutinized my permit and compared it to my father's license. Yup! I had the genuine item. A DRIVER'S LICENSE!

As we drove around town, she told me, "You already know how to drive. All you really need is practice." I wasn't that confident. It made my teeth gnash when my father told others (in front of me) that I lacked the judgement to drive. I wish he'd kept those doubts to himself.

More than once, I found myself driving on the wrong side of the road. I recall the look of terror in a woman's eyes as I drove straight at her. An expression that probably mirrored my own! Quickly, I pulled over. -- My father also made the same mistake twice after we moved here. Others I've talked with, confessed to doing the same.

Confusing and dangerous as I found driving to be, soon I would be getting lots of practice, driving solo in the car... Not long after, my father suffered his stroke. Every day I drove to visit him in rehabilitation.

That was the stormiest summer in memory. A traffic light was blown down at an intersection. Plus the rain was so furious I couldn't see through it. And no policeman around, or car in front of me with lights to guide. I searched for other car lights. I took a deep breath and cautiously drove through.

Next time, I waited for the storm to abate before driving home. Deep-looking puddles at both exits confronted me. I chose the smaller one. When I got onto the road, I attempted to turn, but the steering wheel locked. Panic swept over me! I was straight in front of oncoming traffic and darting toward a canal on the opposite side. As I hit the canal bank, I quickly turned off the ignition. -- A mechanic later explained the problem. Water from the puddle splashed onto the car's fan belt. This caused the wheel to lock.

Later that summer, I was almost killed turning into my subdivision! A punk kid with his cap turned backward (like his brain!) shot past me on the left. He was going about 70 mph. Apparently I was turning too slowly for him. Had I been just a tad faster, I wouldn't be alive now. I don't understand what kind of fool would risk my life and theirs for a stunt like that! And for what, to save a few seconds??? Idiot! I received my baptism of fire behind the wheel.

Had I never gotten my license, I would be in a dire predicament. Because I am as alone as a person can get. It was an absolute necessity! But that didn't make it any less stressful. The year following my father's passing, I dreaded going anywhere in the car.

Later, I gained more confidence. Slowly, I've expanded my comfort zone. It's now an integral part of my freedom. I enjoy going to places like the Mall and matinees alone. I can leave when I'm ready and come home when I feel like it. But there remain places I won't drive. And I flatly refuse to drive after dark! -- The road is no place to push your luck.