THE MOVIE THIEF

A meal OR a movie, period! That was the choice given with every man I dated after moving to Vero Beach. (None of these guys were poor.) I figured the heck with men! I'd designate my own date-day and treat myself to both! No one can make me happier than myself.

Ahhh, I was free to select the movie I wanted and eat where I pleased. Plus never was I required to politely pretend interest in every utterance out of a man's mouth. It was a wonderfully happy, carefree time. But it was brief.

First, came the double hurricane strike of 04 and its expensive damage to my house. My Insurance Co. didn't exactly come riding in on a white horse with a big check. I was forced to pay the lions share myself! Second, I was hit by a staggering financial loss in my investments that was life altering. Suddenly, most of my disposable income was gone. I was forced into major changes.

Crap! Now it was back to the choice of either a movie OR a meal! Since a movie was the least expensive, I chose that. I'd prepare myself a favorite meal with a rich dessert after returning home.

Exiting a movie early one afternoon, I noticed a line of people entering another I had planned to see. No ushers were in sight. Quickly and quietly, I slipped into that line. I copped a freebie!!!

It's true what they say about the slippery slope. This became my new hobby! Every Friday morning, the 1st thing I did, even before coffee was to scope the movie openings in the newspaper. I'd note the ending time, then figure out what I could sneak into afterward. -- My buy one, steal one free deal.

Always I started early because I wanted to be home before dark. I refuse to drive at night.

I had two other rules! ONE: I'd pay for the movie I wanted to see most. TWO: If I couldn't get a freebie, I'd stay home. However, with multiple screens this was rare, often I saw TWO FOR FREE! Usually, I went Saturdays as well. On the weekend, I lived at the movies! The only drawback was that my backside got sore from sitting so long.

However, I never ate theatre fare. It's just OVER-PRICED junk food! Usually with multiple movies, I'd just come home to my favorite Stouffer's 5 Cheese Lasagna or French Bread Pizza followed by a rich bakery dessert or premium ice-cream. I was too tuckered out from watching all those movies to cook.

Now I consider myself an honest person. I felt a tinge of guilt. Yet, a part of me was proud of how much money I was saving! Plus it was fun!

At the time, I was still in group therapy. We found ourselves discussing things we did that made us ashamed. Red-faced, I confessed to being a movie thief! Loud uproarious laughter surrounded me.

"We all do that, Dianne!" stated a woman sitting kitty-corner from me. "Most of us here are seniors on fixed incomes. We're forced to make our money stretch."

"My husband and I always get at least 4 movies per visit," said another. "And we always smile and nod at the others who follow us from movie-to movie. We plan to resume after my husband recovers from his operation and is out of his wheelchair."

TALK ABOUT YOUR SENIOR DISCOUNT! HEY! HEY!

In time, I stopped worrying about getting caught. BIG MISTAKE! Early one Friday before noon, I waited in the lobby for my freebie. Ushers were still inside the screen room. The theatre was nearly empty for a Friday. This was unusual. I knew it was easier to get lost in a crowd and harder for the employees to watch me. I should have tried to slip in upstairs where they couldn't see me from the service desk. Also that day, the service desk was manned by an adult. Teens are more likely to look the other way. But I had become cocky and lazy.

Without looking around, I entered and seated myself. A few minutes later, an usher entered. I tried to appear nonchalant. But my heart began to speed-up as she turned into my row and marched straight over to me. She demanded to see my ticket. Hoping she wouldn't be able to read in the dark, I pulled out my ticket for the previous movie.

I was informed that I had to purchase another ticket or leave. They were cracking down on movie-hopping!!! -- Guess that explains why the theatre was almost empty!

I tried to feign innocence. "I thought this was like Disneyland the Magic Kingdom," I told her, "and I could go on as many rides as I wanted on just one ticket."

Well no more! I was forced to do the walk-of-shame! Fortunately, only ushers were there to watch.

I asked myself why I needed to be there at all. Recently, I had signed up for the AT&T bundle. Now I was receiving movie channels for the 1st time in my life! I don't get HBO, but I do get all the STARZ, SHOWTIME channels and many others. Plus I already had 80 movies recorded on my DVR!

I decided from then on to stay home and enjoy DVR Saturday. I wouldn't have to get dressed or use up any expensive gasoline. -- This has become an event to which I look forward with much sublime anticipation. A day to be relished!

On occasion, I still turn up at the theatre for a promising 3-D flick. Sometimes I even manage to sneak in a freebie, just for old times sake.