THE PEEPING TOM PAINTER

Unknowingly, I hired the manic-inducing contractor of nightmares to work on my home. -- A woman, no less! Before the work began, she brought a man to my house whom I first thought was her husband. She introduced him as "Chip" her no. 1 painter, a long time employee. He looked like a pirate! He had a scraggly ponytail longer than mine. -- And my hair wasn't short! His swarthy face was filled with big, ugly blackheads. 

Later, 2 other painters showed up as well. But mostly it was blackhead the pirate. There were days I felt chased from room to room avoiding their prying gaze through my windows. I mentioned to a former neighbor that I was planning day outings to escape them.

"That's a bad idea," she said. "If you're not around, they're more likely to cut corners. Stay there, and stay visible!"

Well they cut corners anyway! But I felt a prisoner in my house. I complained to the contractor the job was taking too long. And I couldn't leave!

"Hey, you can leave," she replied, "there's nothing keeping you here!"

"Oh really," I said. Every hour one of the guys was either ringing my bell or banging on my door to use the bathroom! At that time, there were no public places near by they could use. Well too bad! I started going to the movies more during the week. Guess they'd have to use the bushes out back . 

One mourning around 7:00 AM, I stepped from the bathtub and dried myself. As usual, I walked nude around my bedroom. I could see no trucks in my driveway. So I figured I was alone. I turned, facing my open bedroom door. And to my horror, I made eye contact with the pirate! He was on a ladder working the top double-picture window. -- A window visible from my bedroom through the open loft.

Quickly I slammed door shut! Perhaps he didn't see me? Then I heard him humming strip-tease music as he walked around the house! -- I wanted to vanish, or him to die! How could I look him in the eye after that! There was no way to avoid him.

I hoped perhaps he might be a gentleman and not mention it to anyone. But from the smirks of the other workers, I knew he had! And worse, every time I went outside to collect my mail or garbage bins, they would all stop working and just stare at me. 

A friend claimed I should have phoned the police directly after it happened! I told her it was an accident. I was unaware the contractor had just dropped him off and left. He was not there to peep at me! He was working.

"That doesn't matter," she stated. "He should have knocked on your door and let you know he was there."

Well he may have! I can't hear anything in my bathroom with the water running. Sometimes I can't even hear the phone in my bedroom! Plus I didn't want to make a big issue out of this. It was too embarrassing!!!

I suffered through a few months of humiliation. But karma soon came to take my side.

During the workers month-long disappearance, a screenless downstairs window kept coming open. It not only was running up my air-conditioning bill, but Lord knows what was getting into my house. It also placed my life and property in danger!

It was late in the day, everyone but the pirate had left. His cell wasn't working so he came inside to use my phone. As he tried to leave, I blocked his path and ordered him to fix my window!

"I can't now, Dianne," he replied, "I'm too busy and my ride is coming ." He walked around me and left! 

Less than 5 min. later, I happened to glance out my bedroom window. Below, on the driveway was the pirate resting on his back. His head propped up by an over-stuffed bag. I shook my head in disgust.

Suddenly I saw his hand slip down into his pants. Curiously, I watched. I zoomed forward for a closer look banging my knee on the hassock. The noise startled him! Quickly he attempted to pull his hand from his pants. But his wrist caught on the belt buckle. Nervously he jerked his arm to pull it free. It was hilarious! 
 
Eventually, the work was completed. Hallelujah! Never would I have to see the lot of them again! -- Or so I thought.

About 3 or 4 years later, I happened to be at Sam's Club on a free pass. In a far corner near the exit stood Blackhead the Pirate, staring intently at me. I had to walk right past him to leave. I thought he might speak. But he said nothing. The creep just starred fixedly as I hurried past.