SWEET DECEIT

In honor of Valentine's Day I bought myself a big box of Lindt chocolate truffles. And that's exactly what I got, too. Mostly just box! It was around 11 inches by 8 inches with just 13 pieces of chocolate inside. -- Talk about deceptive packaging!!! If the box had been half that size it still would have been too roomy for its content.

Growing up I remember those heavenly boxes of Whitman's Sampler. They were crammed with delicious chocolates, TWO layers, no less!

At age 8, I brought out my Whitman's to share with a friend. When I opened the box and only 3 candies remained her face fell in disappointment. As I ripped off the paper revealing a plentiful layer below she gasped in astonishment. I felt like a magician!

Several years later, I clandestinely walked into town and purchased an entire box just for me! It cost $2.. I hid it in my room and had a secret stash to enjoy.

Anyone who knows me, also knows I have an addiction to sweets just as strong as an alcoholic's craving for liquor. I even bought myself a decorated cake for Mother's Day even though I have never been a mother. Also I delight in Valentine's Day despite the fact I rarely date. The candy is just too darn good. How can you not love this holiday!

I get scolded all the time, but I look at it this way; I've never smoked, I don't like the taste of alcohol, and I've never found men's flesh to be all that enticing. I need one vice, or otherwise I'd be perfect. I've never had a weight problem.

Yes, I've been warned about diabetes. But I'd rather be dead than give up what I enjoy most. And I do make concessions for the sake of my health. Every other night I try to eat a low-fat dessert such as yogurt. But those teeny-weeny Yoplait cups are expensive and don't even dent my yen. Store brand yogurt is a better value, plus I don't end up eating two. Fruited jello is another great low-fat dessert. Biscotti is low in calories, and 4 meringue cookies only equals 110 calories.

I've read articles saying that whenever you have a sweet craving to do something else you enjoy instead. Such as watch a movie, dance, read a book, or play with your pet. Well I do all those things, but I still lust for that cookie or cupcake, or some other sweet thing -- I only eat them after a meal as dessert. I'm not a snacker. Also I'm a fanatical toothbrusher & flosser!

I fantasize about sugary treats in my sleep. Sometimes I wake up with drool all over my chin and pillow because I was having a sweet dream. I could actually taste the chocolate, pastry, or ice cream as I slept.

I read in the newspaper that in 20 yrs chocolate will be as expensive as caviar and only the rich will be able to afford it. I just hope I die before that happens!

A religious acquaintance told me of someone who died, went to Heaven, and then returned to life. This lucky soul related experiences of enjoying sweet-tasting treats in the afterlife! -- I can hardly wait!

Streets of gold do not impress me. In my concept of Heaven, the roads would be paved with chocolate, both white & dark. Mansions would be made from brownies, gingerbread and cookies. Dew falls as powdered sugar. The trees and shrubs would be candied cakes topped with buttercream frosting. Everywhere there would be ponds & lakes of pink lemonade & flavored syrups. Snow would be multi-flavored ice cream, as would the popsicle icicles. And I would spend all of eternity eating my way through it! Ah, paradise.

Oh wait, that falls under the heading of GLUTTONY! One of the SEVEN DEADLY SINS. Yikes!!!