THE FILTHY UNMENTIONABLE

 

I try to hold my blog to a certain standard although sometimes I backslide. However on the plus side many of my readers will learn a new vocabulary word; albeit one they might have been happy never knowing. The word is COPROPHAGIA.

To be blunt it means eating poop! Nearly every dog I've ever owned did this. Although there was absolutely no reason for it since all were well fed. They did this because they enjoyed it! My last one was the worst offender of all. Her name was Coco and she lived to be 18.

In my previous neighborhood few people actually walked their dogs or picked up after them. They just turned them loose to do their duty on other's property. We all owned large lots so no one complained. And to Coco this meant a buffet!

I was always making up jokes such as:

What does Coco like to eat on a cold winter day?  ------  Campbell's Chicken Poop!

Who are Coco's favorite matinee idols? ------  Victor Manure & Gary Pooper!

What are Coco's favorite movie snacks:  ------- Poop Corn, Tootsie Poops, & Poopsi Cola!

"Who are Coco's favorite African American celebrities? -------  Spike Pee & Poopy Goldberg!

I came up with thousands of these but I'll spare you!

Constantly I was racing to the cat's litter box before Coco got there. She seemed to consider cat poop a delicacy comparable to a rare imported chocolate for humans.

After coming inside she'd make a beeline to the litter box and root thru it. Finding nothing she'd run to the cat and shove her behind as if to say, "Get in that box and make me a snack!"

Not long ago I was telling my friend Rose that if we could come up with a dog treat that tasted like poop we'd be instant millionaires! I even had a name for these, "POOZ" along with a TV commercial ideas.

I imagined the camera zeroing in on an upscale pair of designer shoes. A manicured hand emerges to feed 2 sharpies. An elegant lady leans over and smiles into the camera and says. "I don't mind Pooz on my shoes. You'll never smell any pews from these Pooz!"

We could even appear on Shark Tank wearing poop beanies with our Pooz T-shirts. On the front would be a photo of a dog declaring, "Heed my clues I choose Pooz!"

Also I came up with a slogan, too. "As you relax with your booze treat your dog to a Pooz!"

I could picture billboards all over the country featuring packs of dogs hollowing, "We choose Pooz!"

Our target shark and focus would be Robert Herjavec because he's a dog lover. Although I can just hear Kevin say, "Crush these dung beetles!" 

My friend Rose pointed out that it's humans who buy the treats and likely would be repulsed. Sadly for my idea dogs don't grocery shop.

MORE FACEBOOK WEIRDNESS & SKULLDUGGERY

 

I enjoy Facebook, however there are aspects to it I absolutely HATE! For one thing it's rife with rats: romantic scammers, hackers, plus those strangers you don't know from a hole in the ground who seem to feel it's their god given duty to denigrate you.

Online you must constantly be on your toes, period!

Recently an older (someone I'm inclined to trust) Facebook friend messaged. She wanted me to change my settings so she could post on my Timeline same as I was doing on hers. -- But I was NOT posting on hers!

 Red flags immediately went up!

I comment, but never post on another's page unless it's their birthday. The only exception is with close friends I know outside Facebook. -- This lady was NOT one of those!

However she kept insisting I did and even described them and said we were commenting on these back and forth; all were memes I had recently posted on my page only! I immediately went to her Timeline and didn't see any of what she was claiming!

In fact, it looked as if there were no new posts for at least a month.

I wrote on her page I suspected she'd been hacked and someone pretending to be her was messaging me. The following day she wrote beneath it that indeed it was her who was messaging.

Again she asked me to change my settings for her. I wanted to scream: "I don't want you posting anything on my page crazy person!" I was tempted to inquire if she had a history of dementia in her family.

The following day she claimed I posted on her Timeline again and described it; something I'd just posted on MY page, ONLY! Immediately I went to her Timeline and it was NOT there also NO NEW posts!

I told her one of us must have been hacked and to hire a pro to get to the bottom of it and to stop bothering me!

Now I was panicking that I was the one who'd been hacked! I posted on Facebook to warn others. Within a split second of my posting some woman (a non-friend) claimed she was recently hacked and gave me the name of someone guaranteed to fix it quickly.

I went to this woman's Timeline and it couldn't have been vaguer. It made me wonder if she was the actual person behind this. Immediately I blocked her along with the elderly Facebook friend!

Reading my post a local friend stated that he recently received a request from our mutual friend Irene. We both knew it couldn't possibly be her! Had I received this request I would have been tempted to ask "When did you return from the dead and what was it like on the other side?"

Unfortunately Facebook is a Criminal's paradise!