SUKHOTHAI TO LAMPANG

This morning it was a tour of Sukhothai’s Old City, now a historical park. The Sukhothai Kingdom is considered the Golden Age of Thai civilization. It is protected by 2 moats and 3 rows of earthen walls. As Ketsara & I waited to catch the trolley, I chatted with a nice man from Cameroon who spoke English with a lovely accent.

The trolley was too packed with Chinese students to take us. And we didn’t want to wait 45 minutes to catch another, so we decided to go back and rent bicycles. I had not been on one since I was 10 years old. I wanted to peddle barefoot, because the thongs I’d purchased had thick ridged soles, plus my feet were so swollen, I could better feel the pedals that way. Ketsara thought this was a bad idea!

She rented a bicycle with an extra seat and she peddled! I hung onto her. I was wearing a big, broad-brimmed hat and we must have made a comical sight, because we passed a group of Chinese who shot pictures of us!

Afterward, we toured the Ramkhamhaeng National Museum displaying ancient artifacts. Then more WATS; (temples) Wat Chang Lom, Wat Chedi Jet Thaco, and Wat Nang Phaya.

I saw much of rural Thailand on the journey north. Squat toilets are unavoidable, believe me, I tried! The seat is on the floor. There’s no tissue, you must always carry Kleenex. There’s a tub of water with a pan next to the seat. You pan water into the toilet to flush! The floor is always wet and you hope it’s just water! If you’re lucky, there’s a sink outside for hand washing, but you must shake dry. -- I carried hand sanitizer in my purse!

By afternoon, we arrived in Lampang. After visiting the local market, a horse-drawn buggy awaited me for a city tour. Then I visited a 100 year old teakwood house; also another WAT, this one, Wat Don Tao.

Thai ladies were always complementing me on my porcelain complexion. I was told they use cosmetics to lighten theirs as much as possible. I told Ketsara that in Florida everyone has been brainwashed to believe you’re not attractive unless you’re sporting a tan; despite damaging effects of the sun. My skin doesn’t tan, it just burns and peels.

Always, I was referred to as “Madame” by Ketsara and the other Thais. This made me feel as if I’d stepped into another century and I was an Imperialist.

Late afternoon, I was driven to the Lampang River Lodge Resort for the night. This was located away from the city and as most resorts there, was so spread out, I was handed a map along with my room key.

The rooms all sat high atop long stilts with the river below, beyond was jungle. The porch had a comfortable lounge chair and I was exhausted.

The following morning I was up and dressed for breakfast just before 6:00 AM. We had to roll at 8:00 AM and I had plenty to do. Outside, it was still dark as night. The lengthy steps down from my room were so narrow they reminded me of those on pyramids in Central America, used for rolling bodies. I already experienced several tumbles on this trip and these dark stairs gave me pause. I clung tightly to the railing and stepped gingerly.

The pathways were dimly lit. Scenic in sunlight, but spooky in darkness, this now felt like a Ghost Resort. Not a soul was around! Plus it seemed unusually cold for Thailand. I searched until I came to a man sweeping the sideway. With my hand, I made eating motions. He smiled and directed me to a long, wooden suspension bridge, (these are common in Thailand) then pointed to the left.

Following his directions, I came upon a nicely stocked Breakfast Bar bustling with cooks & staff, but no patrons. I carried my tray down to a table by the river. It was so chilly, I was tempted to go back and get my heavy sweater, but I just filled up on hot coffee instead.

After I finished my big, American-style breakfast with Thai flourishes, I was still the only guest around. The sun had yet to rise.

At 8:00 AM Ketsara & Pako awaited me. There was more of Lampang to see, before we traveled further north.

I found it heart-wrenching all the sad and despondent dogs abandoned throughout Thailand. Signs featuring dogs with X’s thru them could be seen on the roadsides. I asked Ketsara what they meant. “No dog dumping, here. It’s illegal,” she said. “But people do it anyway!” And worse, unscrupulous types round them up and jam them together in crates to be sold as meat in Viet Nam. This is a horrendous fate!

AYUTTHAYA (OLD SIAM) TO SUKHOTHAI & WATS, WATS!

More WATS; Wat Yai Chai Mongkol, Wat Phra Sri Sanpetch, Wat Phra Nan Choeng, the ruins of Wats too, I saw them all! WAT is the Thai word for temple.

I may have been Buddhist in a past incarnation. I’ve always had issues with Christianity. On my mother’s side they’re all Pentecostal Holy Rollers. Translation: They speak in tongues and dance carrying poisonous serpents. -- You can’t say these people don’t live on the edge!  On my father’s side it’s German Lutheran & Irish Catholic. But now I was sitting on my heels frequently praying to Buddha!

It’s offensive to display the bottoms of your feet to this image.  Also in Thailand, a person’s head is considered sacred; it’s rude and disrespectful to touch this part of another’s body.

As a history buff, I was eager to see the Capitol of old Siam. Ayutthaya was built at the junction of the Lop Buri Nam Pasak & Chao Phraya Rivers. In its heyday, (between 1350 & 1767) this island city rivaled the great Capitols of Europe and ruled an area that exceeded both England & France combined. World famous for its fabulously ornate palaces and temples, it was thoroughly sacked in 1767 by Burmese invaders. Now in ruins, it’s a national park where several of the sites have been partially restored. A haunting sadness seemed to rise from the earth as I strolled about.

Leaving Ayutthaya, we continued on to Lop Buri, where we stopped for lunch. A waiter led us thru a lush jungle garden to a secluded table by a pond. I asked my guide Ketsara if there were other patrons. I saw no other tables or people around. “The tables are all private,” she replied, “they are hidden at the end of other paths.” I loved this! Our meal was beautiful and serene, despite the annoying bugs striking an inharmonious note.

After lunch, we visited Phra Prang Sam Yot; Lop Buri’s most famous landmark. A former Hindu shrine decorated with stucco, the laterite & sandstone structure featured three adjoining towers signifying the Hindu trinity. But now this shrine had been converted into a Buddhist temple.

In Phitsanuloke, we viewed yet another temple, Wat Phra Sri Rattana Mahathat. It’s called Wat Yai by the locals. This temple was built in the middle of the 14^thcentury on the banks of the Nan River at the foot of the Naresuan Bridge. The main entrance is immense with mother-of-pearl inserts. Inside, its golden Buddha is considered by many to be the most beautiful in the country.

Outdoor markets seemed to be almost everywhere! All are filled with fabulous merchandise as well as a variety of foods. The clothes & accessories displayed were amazing and inexpensive; lovely sarongs, gorgeous bling, & flashy hair accessories! I could really go native there!!! Also popular are the colorful harem pants, even men were wearing them. (After returning home, I saw this same style in a catalog for $60, here; they were only $7 & $8!) I bought several pairs; they’re lightweight, perfect for both Thailand and Florida weather.  Ketsara lent me Baht (cash) until I could get to a bank, which was above and beyond what I would expect! 

Compared to other parts of the world, North Americans are boring dressers. I am sooo sick of looking at jeans & T-shirts! Blaaah! And yes, It IS possible to dress both comfortably and look nice simultaneously, plus it’s far more interesting.

If you take away the surreal looking mountains, exotic temples and people, parts of Thailand look much like Florida, only hotter and more humid. Another thing I found interesting was that in many areas the mountains resembled prangs, the tall tower-like spires found on the temples. This was less the case the further north we traveled where the terrain became more mountainous and the weather cooler.

Thailand has more outside steps than anyplace I’ve ever been! Mostly, they are inconsistent; one can be short and the next one steep, or even missing altogether. You really need to watch your step! I was constantly falling down, but I got right back up! (No Life Alert bracelet for this old lady!) By the end of my journey, I had 2 cracked big toenails, (one turned black, the other black & purple) plus my feet were swollen during the entire trip. I broke four fingernails (two below the skin surface) but it was all worth it!

Buddhist Monks would pop up unexpectedly. It is forbidden for a woman to touch or even sit next to one. I fretted that being the (Ahem!) graceful creature that I am, that I would accidentally fall on one and pin him to the ground with me on top. -- That’s exactly the kind of thing that would happen to only me. Fortunately, that never happened!

Late afternoon, we arrived in Sukhothai. Here, I spent the night in a beautiful teak hotel! To reach my room I had to cross a wooden suspension bridge. All the rooms were situated atop stairs and the inside was nothing short of elegant. Mine had a back porch overlooking a garden pond and another bridge.

Every hotel or resort I stayed throughout Thailand had either a terrace or porch with a water view. Also each room had a kettle & burners plus tea fixings. This made for a perfect way to relax in the evenings!

HALF PAST MIDNIGHT IN BANGKOK

That’s the time I landed in Thailand. Further airport stress and confusion awaited me; the place was bustling with activity along with more long lines and escalators. A flight attendant had announced the correct baggage carousel, however due to her accent, I couldn’t decipher it. (This happened more than once on my journey!) It was chaos! I kept running back & forth among multiple carousels. My shoes pinched on the last flight. It was just another thing adding to my discomfort besides that awful screaming baby next to me.

My bags were among the last off the carousel as usual. As I walked past the exit, numerous men held up signs. I searched for my name. A smiling woman stepped forward. “I know it has to be you, Dianne,” she said. “And you look like a princess!” This was my private guide Ketsara. I was relieved to see her!

Due to the heavy Bangkok traffic, it was an hour ride to my hotel. In Thailand, they drive on the opposite side of the road. Also I was surprised to see the steering wheel situated on the right side of the van instead of the left as automobiles here.

My hotel, The Chatrium was magnificent! It overlooked the Chao Phraya River. I had a spectacular view from my terrace! 

As I removed my socks I was horrified to see I had Ecuador feet! I couldn’t understand why, I had spent most of my time just sitting. Plus I had purchased proper shoes for this trip along with compression stockings to prevent this. Still, my feet and ankles were swollen!

The following morning I woke up early, despite the fact I wasn’t meeting with Ketsara until noon. I didn’t want to miss my free breakfast. And it was well worth it! This hotel had the most impressive and varied Breakfast Bar I’ve ever seen, featuring both Thai & Western food. So many delicious choices before me, I wanted to try as many as possible and I did! My next meal, a special Thai dinner followed by a theatrical performance, would be later in the evening, so I filled up on breakfast.

Ketsara & I had clicked the moment we met and became instant girlfriends! She was one quarter Chinese and three quarters Thai.  At noon, Ketsara met me inside the hotel as scheduled. Together we took off on the city tour. The driver was a nice man named Pako who spoke little English. The 3 of us would be together for most of the trip.

“Thailand is overrun by vacationing Chinese this time of year,” she said. (Apparently Thailand is their Florida.) Also there’s plenty of Japanese buying up property there and raising prices. (The way the North Americans are doing in Ecuador.)

To my surprise, street signs and others are written in English beneath the Thai, thus because so many Australians and British have retired there.

First up, we strolled around the gorgeous Grand Palace! The Royal Family is greatly beloved in Thailand. Anything derogatory said against them can result in a jail sentence.

Then off to the Wat Phra Keo where a large image of Buddha was carved from a single piece of emerald-green jasper. The majority of sightseers were Chinese and they were everywhere, as Ketsara said. 

The heat & humidity was nearly unbearable. Ketsara told me that January was usually cool and comfortable, but had not been so in recent years.

We explored Bangkok street markets; many featured floral arrangements of sheer artistry displaying intricate detail I’d never before seen. I’m an ex-florist and I was truly impressed!

Next we went for a cruise in a long-tailed boat on the Chao Phraya River. Homes sat atop stilts. Interestingly, expensive teak houses were often situated beside bamboo shacks. The boat slowed as floating markets came up to greet us. The people living along this river could have almost anything delivered right to their back door!

I just had time to shower and change clothes before I was picked up for the Thai Dinner & Cultural Show.

The meal was a buffet consisting of Thai cuisine. Dessert was just fruit & watery coconut ice cream. Outside was a re-creation of an ancient Thai Village. Nuts & fruits were offered as samples.  Also there was a basket of silk worms. I nearly picked up a handful and popped it into my mouth until I saw them wiggling!

Outside the theatre was a pre-show with musicians and a bejeweled singer, costumed dancers followed.

Ketsara was not allowed to sit with me during the theatre performance. I sat with a group of Chinese tourists in their 20’s. It was a wonderful seat with a great view! The stage was enormous and the most elaborate I’d ever seen.

An adorned elephant paraded before us followed by bejeweled dancers attired in traditional costumes. Classical tales & legends were performed. Next a simple village scene appeared as goats ran across the stage amidst chickens. In the next act, a man awakened from a bamboo bed. The audience gasped as he dove head first into the floor and disappeared!  As the lights brightened, you could see it was a pond!!!

Next was a scene featuring an Enchanted Forest existing between this world and the next with half- animal, half-human creatures and faeries flying gracefully thru the air. Following was a graphic depiction of Hell and its punishments. And the finale was the splendor and grandeur of Heaven. The sumptuous beauty and imagination of this show left me breathless.

The following morning, Ketsara, Pako, & I visited lesser known temples in Bangkok before beginning our long journey north. Before entering any temple, we had to remove our shoes. Inside, I was ordered by an attendant to remove my hat & sunglasses. Ketsara was a devout Buddhist. She would kneel down and pray. I did likewise; it seemed like the polite thing to do.

Ketsara told me I was something new for her. Usually she escorted a couple or a family. I was her first solo! This was a private tour. I had a van, a driver, and a guide all just for me! Soon the 3 of us began to feel like a little family.

THE LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG FLIGHT

Just one week to the day after my 65^th birthday I was sitting at the airport in Dubai waiting to board a plane to Bangkok. This would have seemed incredible to me 10 years earlier.

Copies of all my info were left with friends in the event of an emergency. But I made clear that I didn’t consider anything less than a Zombie Apocalypse to be an emergency. Also I left contact numbers for my brother & cousin in the event I got blown-up, set on fire, or my head was displayed on a skewer.

I hadn’t fully unpacked from Ecuador only 5 months before, because I knew this trip would soon be coming up. On this flight, only ONE carry-on bag was allowed and a purse counted as a carry-on. First and Business Class are allowed 3 bags. A 17 inch seat awaited me for the entire 16 hours to Dubai. Economy Class is the 21^st Century version of traveling steerage. I don’t understand why in this day and age, the comfort of ALL passengers isn’t important and only the ones with money are deemed worthy. Sadly the world is moving more in this direction.

At the airport everything was in military time. For crap sake! I’m a civilian and so is my watch and alarm clock! The first time I encountered this was at the airport in London back in the 70’s. I looked up and saw 13:00 O’clock. I swear I thought I’d stepped into the Twilight Zone!

Issues had come up that I was not made aware when I booked months before. The first thing I told the travel agent was that I needed the shuttle to pick me up at my house in Vero Beach for the long drive to Orlando, otherwise I could not go. I have no relatives in Florida and my friends all have busy lives, I didn’t want to inconvenience them.

I was assured this would be no problem. – WELL IT WAS A BIG HONKING PROBLEM!!! Almost a month before my flight, (after my trip was paid in full) I was informed the shuttle does NOT have door-to-door service. So now I found myself shelling out for a limousine each way. It will probably the first and last time I’ll ever ride in one.

I departed Orlando for Dubai on an Arab Emirates Boeing 77-200LR. The stewardesses on this flight were all young beauties and they wore the most glamorous uniforms I’ve ever seen! A veil was pinned to one side of their caps that swept under their chins. It was quite an exotic and sophisticated look.

This flight was surprisingly pleasant! Only one seat was beside me and it was empty. I could put my feet in it and relax; no one was in my space annoying me. Plus there was a big innovation that didn’t exist back in the 1970’s, a private screen with a vast movie library for me to enjoy!  I fell asleep during the last movie and had to wait until my next Emirates flight to see how it ended. And because I ordered a special meal I was served before anyone else in Economy Class throughout my entire journey.  

As we neared Dubai and the plane began its decent, I could see the tops of those futuristic skyscrapers piercing the clouds and then lots of sand. Around the airport the buildings were rather ordinary looking. It was around 12 noon Dubai time.

I felt totally lost and confused at the Dubai Airport! The crowd from my plane quickly dispersed and I kept finding myself at dead ends searching for my gate. Fortunately, my baggage had been checked thru to Bangkok. Finally, a young employee led me to a tram. I boarded, and then it was another long frustrating search before I found my gate.

As I waited to board my next plane, it was fun to people watch.  All cultures paraded before me. I saw not only women with hijabs, but those covered in black burkas with only their eyes visible. I saw Hindus in their saris, Buddhist Monks, and even several people in African garb. Clearly, I wasn’t at Orlando International anymore!

I went in search of a bathroom and nearly got lost again! When I returned, my gate was emptying. I thought we were boarding. Instead, we rode an escalator down to another waiting area for an hour. This one was isolated.

It seemed to be taking forever, I was tired. I had been booked for window seats throughout. At long last, by section we boarded.

OMG!!! Nooooo!!! A couple sat beside me hemming me in. And the woman next to me carried a year old infant!!!  That kid screamed and shrieked in my ear for the entire 6 hours to Bangkok!!!  It was a miserable flight!!!  I wanted to holler, “Hey stewardess, either strangle this child or drown it in the toilet!!!”

Many would argue that the child was too young to know better. – That is EXACTLY THE REASON small children should NOT be allowed in public!!! And people dim and clueless enough to bring them on airplanes should be forcibly sterilized!!!

After enduring 6 long hellish hours of an overwhelming urge to commit infanticide, we landed in Bangkok, FINALLY!

BORN IN 1951

A stand-up comedian claimed he could always spot an old woman trying to pass herself off as younger. The vaccine scar on her arm was a dead giveaway, he declared.  Apparently women born post 1960 do not have this. And neither do I, despite being born during the Harry S. Truman administration. My scar is on my right hip. It’s about the size of a dime and fades nicely into my skin.

My mother’s was quarter-sized and appeared branded into her flesh. You couldn’t miss it!  

I was too young to remember moving to Florida with my family in 1952. They were Detroit people. This was decades before it became Murder Capitol of the Country. We moved to the small coastal town of Stuart, known as the Sailfish Capitol of the World. A beach day was like going to the park around the block. Our Northern kin enjoyed the warm winters while visiting. 

During the 1950’s my childhood was wonderful. It felt like Christmas every day! But in 1960 it all transfigured into something dark, ugly, and suffocating. This happened right after we moved to the place on the river, the house that never felt like home. Nothing ever seemed to go right after that.

However, my early childhood was glorious and I will always remember it with fondness. Back then, there were lots of wide open green spaces filled with mystery and magic to explore. Corny things like weenie roasts and school plays were anticipated fun events! Not to mention, Captain Kangaroo, Farmer Greenjeans, Howdy Doody all played a significant part, too. Looming high above them was Walt Disney. He seemed a distant uncle, but at the same time more iconic than the President. His creations permeated nearly every area of my life!

TV sets were small and had antennas. The picture was in black & white and of the few channels received, half were snowy. On Saturday mornings I’d wake up before the rest of the family and race to get an early start on my cartoon shows. Often, I’d find a test pattern awaiting me. Westerns were more popular than ever! The nightly Huntley Brinkley Report which featured world news was only 15 minutes long! In the early 1960’s it was lengthened to a half hour.

Of course the cold war with the Soviet Union was ever present. The paranoid built fallout shelters. As a small child, there always existed a fear in the back of my mind that someday we would go to war with them and many of us would die. Had you told me then that at the age of 28 I would be visiting this horrible communist place and enjoying a fabulous time, I wouldn’t have been able to fathom such a thing!

The 1950’s were far from perfect, but it was still a great decade in my opinion. It was America’s Golden Era! Sure, it wasn’t wonderful for everyone. Even the Golden Age of Rome had slavery, among other terrible things. But it was better than anything that had come before.

Courtesies and conveniences once common are now antiquated.

Back then, no one pumped their own gas. Plus the attendant checked your oil & tires and even cleaned your windshield, too. Gasoline was cheap and so was food. A milkman delivered all your dairy needs right to your door. A refrigerator was still referred to as an ice box. Treatment by a doctor or dentist didn’t require a bank loan. Often a hospital stay could be paid straight from your wallet! A human being answered the phone every time you placed a call.

But telephone lines were shared with strangers. These were called party lines although there was nothing jolly about them. Others could listen in on your calls or slam the receiver down in the midst of your conversation. Sometimes they’d interrupt to inform you they needed to make a more important call. But there were NO TELEMARKETERS!

Drug stores all had lunch counters and ice cream sodas for 25 cents. Enjoying a $10 dinner in a restaurant was considered living high-on-the hog and only reserved for special occasions. Movies (both matinees & evening shows) were only a quarter to all of us under 12 years of age. Also there were the Drive-In movies, I went to only one. This is Florida and we preferred air conditioning because we didn’t have it at home back then.

Clean fun was not an oxymoron.  Humor had wit, not dirt!  Standards were high! People dressed nicer and looked better assembled in public. An average model was a size 10, the average woman a size 8. Clothes in the Junior section were cute and roomy instead of tight and revealing.  Divorce was uncommon. 

Mostly, wives were homemakers. If one worked outside the home, she was an object of pity; it meant she had married badly. -- Homemakers worked just as hard as career women, except that homemakers had far more freedom and control over their time than most career women do today. I don’t believe a homemaker holds any less prestige than a doctor or lawyer. In monetary terms, if one was paid for everything she did, her wages would be higher. I never knew a quiet and obedient stay-at-home wife! This is a false stereotype!

Spinsters were pitied even more than working wives. My father used to laugh about teasing his 25 year old secretary, calling her an old maid. Karma has a sense of humor, too! But Dad didn’t get the joke when his own daughter became one. Take it from a spinster, there is equally as much pressure to be part of a couple today!

People are every bit as judgmental nowadays about everything, only more hypocritical about it!

Change isn’t always progress, sometimes it’s just mutation and no good results from it. They say the world has lost its moral compass. It’s lost more than that!

I wish only the negative aspects of the 50’s had been discarded while the good ones remained.

I am just days away from turning 65, the official start of geezerdom. It is scary to think that my time on this planet is winding down and old age, sickness, and death are ahead of me. I can feel my body getting older in little ways. Plus I worry about the ever rising cost of health care. I’m exploring other countries in which to retire.

 A part of me feels that going off to the Third World is the modern equivalent of being set adrift on an ice flow as the Eskimos did with their elderly. In North America, aging is regarded as something shameful, as if you have a choice.

But I feel fortunate to have experienced a different reality from the way the world is now and blessed despite so much unhappiness.

LOOKING AHEAD TO THAILAND IN 2016

Now that this trip is getting closer, the butterflies in my stomach have been replaced by bats gnawing & scratching at my insides. I am dreading the airport aggravation alone! The flight is a lengthy one to put it mildly. I am flying for 18 hours on Arab Emirates Airlines to Dubai. A 3 hour layover awaits me; from there it’s another 6 hours to Bangkok. This will be an entire day & night each way.

Since I’m going alone and terrible with directions, I opted for an escorted tour just like in the old days. During my 20’s, I did all my world traveling this way. Sure, I invited friends and plenty showed interest. But when it came to placing a deposit with a travel agent, I heard all variety of excuses why they couldn’t do it that year.  And the next it was a similar story! I decided that if I didn’t go alone, I’d never get to travel at all.

Back in the 1970’s I was never concerned about my health. A heart attack or stroke seemed as remote as the constellation Cassiopeia.  Nowadays, it’s constantly in the back of my mind that my father suffered his first heart attack when he was 10 years younger. And my mother died when she was only 7 years older than I am now.

I’ve been ordered by the Dept. of Health to get up and walk every waking hour for at least 15 minutes to avoid blood clots. “They’ll be lots of people walking around on that flight!” the doctor told me.

“But there are NOT a lot of places to walk!” I replied. “That narrow isle will be so crammed; we’ll all be doing it in shifts!” Also I purchased a pair of compression stockings. I can feel the old lady cooties licking my toes, already!

I selected a tour that hits all my major cities of interest. I plan to make the most of my time doing lots of touristy things. But this primarily is an exploratory or what the politicians refer to as a fact finding trip. Too bad I don’t hold political office or I could stick the taxpayers with the tab!

 I may end up calling this country home at some point in time, even if I choose to expatriate to Ecuador.

 I’m looking forward to visiting Ayuthaya, the capitol of Old Siam. Also I’m taking a cruise in a long-tailed boat on the Meo Kok River to visit a hill tribe village in Chiang Rai. Plus I’ll be seeing the ancient towns of Chiang Sen & Wat Phra That Chedi Luang.  I’m traveling up to the famous Golden Triangle where Thailand, Burma, & Laos all merge, and then it’s on to Chaing Mai to visit the ancient capitol of the Lamma Kingdom.  There’s a Khantoke dinner with a show which should be exciting and memorable. Later it’s a visit to an elephant camp with a jungle tour. Actually, several jungle tours are included, (better get that prescription for Malaria pills) and another long-tailed boat ride on the Pai River in Bangkok. My first night there features a Thai dinner and a classic dance performance. Plus many more activities I’m not going to detail here and now.

I’ve got THREE flights within Thailand to get around to all of these places!

I told the travel agent I was disappointed that I would not be going to the White Temple in Chiang Rai. (This HAS to be the coolest temple on the planet, Google it!!!) She phoned back and said the White Temple would be included. I asked if the other people would be inconvenienced.

“This is a private tour,” she stated. “There are no others, you will have a personal guide & driver. It’s not unusual in that part of the world.”

I was speechless. For a second, I felt like a V.I.P.!  Then I remembered I was traveling Economy Class in a 17 inch seat. That bubble burst fast!

Also I’ve arranged to visit a Retirement Home operated by a British family. Residents live in condos with balconies along a snaking river with mountains in the background. The online photos are absolutely dreamy. – I’m not ready for anything like that yet!  However, that day may come.

Was I not planning to sell my house and move to the Third World, a trip such as this would be out of the question. Plus I’ve forgone many things I enjoy. I’ve pinched a lot of pennies & nickels to afford this trip. One of the reasons I’m expatriating is to be able to afford these things.

After I return, there are serious decisions I need to make.

THE FRUITCAKE STOPS HERE

There’s a lame joke that seems to have been around forever, the one claiming that only one fruitcake exists and it gets passed around to everyone. Many have declared it the worst gift possible! Frankly, I’ve never understood why.  This delectable dessert was once proclaimed sinfully decadent and outlawed in 18^th century Europe.

Of course as my father used to say, “There’s fruitcake and then there’s FRUITCAKE! Not all fruitcakes are created equal.

 In MY world there are 4 categories:

1:  Drug Store Fruitcake.  The kind that gives it the bad rep! It’s hard, dry, fructose flavored, & dotted with neon green citron.                                                                                    

2:  Supermarket Bakery Fruitcake.   OK tasting, but nothing special.                               

 3:  Gourmet Gift Catalogue Fruitcake.  These are the Cadillac of fruitcakes, delicious but far from cheap!

4:  Great Grandma Fruitcake.  The ones of myth and legend, they are the Sasquatch of fruitcakes because they are so rare. According to my father, his German-born Grandmother made the best tasting ones ever! These were so extraordinary nothing else came close!  -- I’ve never actually tasted one myself.

Fruitcake goes all the way back to the ancient Egyptians. It was placed on tombs as an offering to the dead. Perhaps this is how its flavorless rumor began.

In various forms, fruitcake has been around as long as civilization. It was during Roman times that this dessert became common in ring shape.

Ancient Roman fruitcakes consisted of pine nuts, pomegranate seeds, & barley mash. During Medieval times; spices, honey, & preserved fruit were added. Sugar by the cupful was added during the 16^th century. Later candied fruits from the Mediterranean were added along with a variety of nuts. It was the Victorians who added alcohol.

These days, a gift fruitcake is usually the awful Drug Store variety. However, these can easily be made palatable with just a little creativity. Just take a slice, place it in a bowl, add 2 tablespoons of brandy, rum, or amaretto, (any more than 2 tablespoons and there’s too much icky alcohol taste!) cover and microwave for 25 seconds. Then add a scoop of ice cream if desired.

Personally, I don’t like to waste money on alcohol, (unless you’re an alcoholic you won’t miss it) I spread honey or maple syrup on top &, add chopped nuts. Remember, fruitcake is dessert! A dab of chocolate fudge sauce & whipped cream also work.

The best fruitcake I’ve ever tasted was the Hawaiian variety with pineapple & macadamia nuts. Now I’ve never liked pineapple, but I loved it in this! Also I don’t like apples (even in apple pie) but the dried ones in fruitcake greatly enhance the taste. The catalogue kind needs no doctoring.

Fruitcake tastes best when served with tangerine flavored tea, apricot works well, too.

Our first Christmas after moving to Vero Beach I was consumed with fruitcake fever! I looked forward to one gracing our holiday table in our new home. Just days before, my father & I were at the supermarket. That year, they displayed a wide variety. I drooled over every one, trying to decide.

 “Wait until the day after Christmas,” my father urged, “they’ll practically be giving them away! We’ll have one New Year’s Day!”

Reluctantly, I agreed. We returned then, also to buy holiday ornaments cheap, as well. These were mostly picked over. As for fruitcakes, there wasn’t ONE left in the store! We went to another supermarket, NO FRUITCAKES! Out of desperation we went to a Drug Store, nary a ONE there either!!!

This Christmas I’m going to splurge on a catalogue fruitcake because it may be my last one in this house. I don’t know what’s available in the Third World. Having one shipped is pricey, I’m sure. If I have to give fruitcake up entirely, I’ll miss it.

So now I’ve got catalogues spread out before me. Hmmm, perhaps I’ll get the tasty Southern version with lots of pecans, walnuts, & cherries. But wait, I see a chocolate variety! No, hold on, there’s one with blueberries & walnuts I really want to try! -- STOP! I need to be strong; I must choose ONE and only ONE!

Oh, but when I take that first bite little faeries tickle the sides of my mouth with honeyed wands. Christmas elves skip merrily across my teeth as a parade of tiny dancers & acrobats twirl and leap upon my tongue tossing colorful candied streamers. Ahhhh, fruitcake tastes like Christmas with all of its wonders and delights, m-m-m. Yum! Yum! Yum!