WHOOZ TATTOOZ

 

Decades ago, outside my previous home, I stood with my father as we chatted with our yard man. I noticed a huge portrait of a woman’s face tattooed on his upper arm. The name WANDA was underneath.

“That must be your wife!” I exclaimed, pointing.

“No,” he replied, “my wife’s name is Emma. Wanda is someone I used to know.”

Wanda apparently made quite an impression on him, -- also a lasting one!

Silently, I wondered how Emma felt about Wanda. I’m sure there was an interesting story connected to her, but it wasn’t my business to pry.

As we walked away, my father whispered to me, “His wife is blind.”

“Well, that’s convenient,” I replied, “I wonder how long it took him to find a blind woman to marry.”

Dad chucked.

Personally, I’ve never had a desire for a tattoo. It’s tantamount to wearing the same outfit every day. Taste, like everything else, changes over time.

But of course, there’s cosmetic tattooing! I’ve had my lips done several times only to watch it fade significantly in mere months. This process needs to be redone completely. Each time the price hiked, but my income didn’t, so I stopped.

At my father’s memorial service in 2001 I noticed the aging spouse of a relative had her eyebrows recently tattooed, they were thick and dark, unlike when she was younger. I said nothing, but this woman sure looked spooky!

And I once dated a man whose own name was tattooed in large letters on his bicep. He explained that he liked his name. Well, I like my name, too! But you don’t see me wearing a necklace displaying it in big letters!

I took this as a red flag, which later proved to be correct. In retrospect, I’m surprised the guy didn’t have a red heart tattooed around it.

Tattoos can be artistically beautiful. But I’d rather sport the designs on a T-shirt rather than upon my body.

TIME HALT! AT LEAST SLOW DOWN!

 

Recently, I hit the big SEVEN FIVE And to quote the fictional character Rocksy Hart from the rollicking musical Chicago, I’m older than I ever expected to be! Of course, I feel that way about any birthday with a zero or five at the end. Plus, the last ten years have been sped by like a missile!

I feel like I’m on the fast track to the crematorium.

Ten years ago, this month I was touring Thailand. One of two countries which I was considering expatriating; but decided against for a long list of reasons. However, that trip feels like it happened just last year. It’s still fresh in my memory. I remember every detail, which is amazing since nowadays I have difficulty recalling what I cooked for dinner the night before.

And it feels as if my father died only five years ago, when in fact it has been twenty-five.

Sadly, the older one gets, the faster time passes as the end grows ever nearer. These are the years I would rather slow down!

I read an online article comparing this to reading a novel. When you are young, the story is fresh, and everything is surprising, and exciting. Later, when you are older, you read the same story again. But this time, you know what to expect and zoom thru it.

That’s a great analogy. However, even at my age, life is still filled with surprises, but most of them are unpleasant. Unfortunately, more bad things happen in life than good. And the ones that blindside you are the worst!

If I could turn back the clock, I wouldn’t. My life has been too gruesome; with too many things I’d never want to relive again.

Each day, I live fully in the present, trying to make the best of it, because every moment of it is now precious.

A CALENDAR YEAR, NO MORE

 

For decades, I received so many free calendars; I could have hung one in every room. I was giving them away! Almost all were filled with gorgeous photographic scenes or artwork.

Around the pandemic years I stopped receiving any. Just before that, they were replaced by single cardboard ones of various sizes that were plain and featured all the months at a glance. But even these became far and few between until free calendars disappeared altogether from my mailbox.

 My favorites are the ones that accentuate the main holiday, or theme of the month.  Such as a bunny or eggs for Easter, clover for St. Pat’s Day, Fireworks for July, or a winter scene for Christmas, or a beach scene for June. Unfortunately, these seem to be going out of fashion.

Not to mention that now I almost have to go begging for one if the Dollar Stores sell out! Or pay a ridiculous price somewhere else.

A Facebook acquaintance told me that last year she received 20! I’d be happy to receive just one!

Even the calendars for which I am forced to overpay are never reinforced at the hole as they used to be. To keep one hung permanently requires a whole lot of scotch tape. And this looks tacky!

The older I get; the quality of life seems to be going in constant decline. This is just one example!

DIANNE'S CHRISTMAS SALAD

 

I love this salad so much I sometimes eat it as an entire meal!

Ingredients:

Fresh leafy baby spinach

Honey goat cheese (Find it in the gourmet cheese section of the supermarket, not the dairy case.

Fresh blueberries

Seedless grapes

Chopped pitted dates

Walnuts

Lite Raspberry Walnut Vinaigrette

Directions:

In a large plate or bowl spread out the leafy baby spinach

Top with lots of fresh blueberries

Top these with sliced/crumbled honey goat cheese

Scatter seedless grapes

Add chopped pitted dates

Scatter with walnut halves

(Be generous with all the above toppings!)

Then, sprinkle sparingly with Lite Raspberry Walnut Vinaigrette

And Viola Enjoy!

SMOKE & SURPRISES

 

This happened early in the double zero decade. I’m guessing around 2003. And it was around Christmas, because my tree & decorations were up.

I switched on the hall light downstairs. To my horror, smoke began streaming from it! Instantly I switched it off.

In a panic I grabbed the phone book and chose an electrician at random. I don’t even remember which one.

The electrician told me he’d be right over, but it would cost me $70. -- This was a lot to pay for an electrician back then, but a bargain price these days! Fearing my home was ready to go up in flames, I said YES!

As I waited, I wondered how perilous a situation this was; after all, he didn’t tell me to leave the house immediately, and to run next door to phone the fire dept.

I picked up my huge hurricane light and examined the wall for scorching. Thankfully, there was none. Then I heard my doorbell ring.

Upon opening, I was startled to discover 6 or 7 men in their 20’s standing there!

“You have a smoking light switch?” inquired the one in front.

I nodded.

One by one they paraded into my house. I figured this must be an emergency or why else would they send a team.

However, only the one who spoke worked on the light switch. All the others just stood around silently and watched.

The switch was repaired in a jiffy. He turned it on to show me.

Now, I wanted this group of strangers out of my home quickly as possible since I could see no reason for them being there in the first place, and their presence made me uncomfortable.

To facilitate this, I asked the guy who fixed it if he could mail me the bill.

“No problem,” he replied. “We have your name and address.”

I watched as one by one, this large group paraded out of my home. I felt relieved to see them go.

And to my surprise, I never received a bill.

A CELEBRATION OF TEA

 

Coffee is the work horse of the beverage world, tea is the show pony. Everything tastes and feels more special with tea.

Unlike coffee, tea evokes images and feelings. People who love coffee usually like loud music and crowds. These are NOT my people.

Tea is like a quiet, relaxing vacation in my mind, a mini getaway.

Whenever I sit and sip Irish tea, I can imagine myself sitting by a window in a cozy room with a blazing fireplace. Outside it's chilly as a light misty rain falls upon a wild garden. Curving thru it is a dirt path leading up to a crude old picket fence; beyond are jade colored mountains and wide haunting moors brimming with secrets longing to be told.

The flavor of Raspberry tea makes me feel as if I’m seated in a large white gazebo in the middle of a lavish spring garden. Acres of flowering trees and bushes with ripe fruit surround me. Rabbits scamper and frolic among these as songbirds sing sweetly to me. Beyond are rolling mint-colored hills and fields of lavender and wildflowers as families of deer strut proudly among them.

A taste of cinnamon tea and I imagine a Christmas Eve in Vienna! It's cold and snowing outside but I'm snug and warm inside a charming old ninetieth century home peering out thru a huge picture window high above the city. Icicles hang from the window along with frost. The multitude of bright gem colored lights outside display a gauzy glow as the stars above appear to be diaphanous distant pearls. Inside is a 10 ft tree decorated to the hilt. I can almost smell the cinnamon pecan rolls baking for Christmas morning.

My orange, passion fruit, jasmine green tea is a special exotic tropical treat! I imagine myself upon a paradisical private island somewhere between Africa and Asia. I'm alone enjoying every moment of my isolation and serenity. Fragrances from the many different and gorgeous flowers fill my nostrils, colorful butterflies as big as birds flutter past me. Just beyond, the azure waves of Indian Ocean lap the shoreline glistening in the sun; with each, a warm gentle breeze caresses me.

A new tea I’ve recently come to love is Butterfly Pea Flower Vanilla Midnight. It’s the green shade of a haunted forest. A magical esoteric place filled with secrets unknown to the outside world. Within the tree trunks dwell ancient spirits. Faeries perch in their branches as gnomes peek out from behind rocks. I call this my enchanted tea!

Opening my eyes after savoring each sip, I'm reminded that my kitchen table and the formal one beneath the chandelier both display lovely nature views outside that I don't need to imagine. However, a little fantasy and a bit of variety is always something to enjoy along with the delicious taste of tea!

AI & EYES IN THE SKY

 

I’ll admit I enjoy AI artwork. It’s the stuff of fantasy. I find it fascinating and intriguing.

A friend told me AI is going to eventually replace workers, and most people will be thrown out of a job.

I told her to look on the bright side and remember our ages, when the big takeover happens, we’ll probably be dead or close to it. -- Although this is happening already! Self-check-out is here and I detest it!

I still resent the fact that I’m forced to pump my own gas. I loathe having to touch that germy handle. Growing up this was a job for station attendants who also checked your oil & tire pressure, as well as cleaned your windshield. Nowadays, everything is more expensive with worse customer service.

Not long ago, I was presented with a special offer. AI could narrate my books for a reduced price. There was only one catch! The AI would have trouble with foreign words or phrases. So I had to decline.

In the two novels I’d have chosen: The first, the main character goes to Germany to solve a decades old mystery. The second, the lead character is a wealthy divorcee who is well traveled. AI would have a fit with these, especially the first one!

This in mind, I noticed something goofy in a YouTube video I was watching about WWII. The narrator referred to the German “Wehrmacht” as Vermont! Also 1945 was pronounced 1,945! Who talks like that? Certainly not a human being!

Recently, I hired a plumber, and we were discussing AI. I told him not to worry; his job was safe. He said he was concerned for his sons. He wanted them to be businessmen not plumbers.

By the time his sons are grown, plumbers will probably be making more money than doctors! And their services are hardly cheap now! Doctors will be easier to replace. AI can diagnose illnesses and robots can perform surgery. But I can’t see them doing plumbing.

I’ve read poetry written by a computer and it was laughable. The plumber pointed out that AI has already taken jobs away from humans by narrating books & videos. Sadly, I can’t argue with that!

Plus, we’re still in the early stages, computers are only going to be getting smarter.