THIS CENTURY SUCKS

 

My old computer was unable to update and my printer broke years ago. Both needed replacing. So I went to Best Buy; an even more expensive undertaking than I was expecting, but I had no choice.

Three different techs arrived at my house to set everything up. However, only the computer set-up turned out to be free. I had to pay extra for the printer. Plus now I had to subscribe and pay an ongoing fee for WORD. Without this, I would be unable to access my manuscripts or blog work – this was free on my old computer!

Also I subscribed to the protection plan at least for the first two years since I’m not a tech person and things have a way of going wrong!

One tech set-up my Chromecast since I planned to switch to steaming. My cable bill is crazy high even with my special promotion that expires around Christmas. And I don’t even get movie channels anymore which I miss!

To my disappointment I was told that a smartphone is required for streaming, (excuse my grammar) I don’t got and don’t’ want!

I prefer my landline. It has a comfortable ear & mouthpiece, plus a cord. The latter I’m told is too confining and you’re stuck in one place. – Tell me, why is it necessary to walk around when you’re on a phone? Unless I’m sitting at my deck getting instructions for one of these devices I’m not on that long.

And I hate cellphones! They’re dinky and expensive! Many have asked me when I’m going to join the 21^st century. My response is that I don’t like the 21^st century!

Best Buy told me to call ATT and have my router updated. The router was free, but the installation was not! A hundred-dollar fee was added to my ATT bill immediately. Earlier that AM I noticed my bill had already risen before this charge!

Later when the ATT tech arrived, I was informed my router didn’t need updating! His hundred-dollar visit was unnecessary! However the man was pleasant and helpful. He sat down and fixed the bugs in my new computer. These had me clawing my brain almost tearing my hair out.

Also he took my old computer & printer that BB left on my floor for me to figure out how to dispose.

Plus, he looked over my TV & Chromecast. I asked if he could make that white line which suddenly appeared at the bottom of my screen disappear. Sadly I was informed that my TV was starting to go.

He agreed with Best Buy that I needed a smartphone to stream. Also I needed a special attachment from ATT that cost ten dollars per month! – BB never mentioned this!

I was told by both ATT & BB that I’m better off sticking with cable due to my lack of tech skills along with the fact I can’t afford commercial-free streaming. I’m used to fast-forwarding thru them.

I’ve watched three-hour movies reduced to almost a mere hour with the commercials gone. That’s an hour of my life! And at my age I don’t have that many left on this planet!

But I’m nearly at the end of my rope with ATT and Comcast was such a pain I was glad to be rid of it. Now I’m paying a lot more for far less!

I consulted with a knowledgeable lady named Robin who insisted I don’t need a smartphone to stream, but I may have to ditch my Chromecast and replace it with Firestick.

And I talked to my friend Rose who now lives in another city. She said all I need to stream is a smart TV and a Roku.

I really HATE the 21^st century!!!

THAT NIGHT IN JULY

 

The time was around 9:30 PM and I was nodding off to sleep. I go to bed early since I get up at 5:30 AM due to fractured sleep. Suddenly I was jarred awake by a cacophony of loud noises outside!

Looking out my kitchen window I could tell it was coming from my air conditioner. I raced outdoors! The outside unit was literally shaking back & forth along with the racket. All of a sudden it stopped.

I walked over and noticed a strange object hanging out. I tried to pick it up, but the thing was gooey & slimy. I went back inside to wash my hand and get a flashlight.

The thing turned out to be a ribboned garter snake. That's when the ick factor kicked in!

But now I was hit with a big worry; did this thing break or damage my air conditioner. It was fairly new and only a year old. The middle of summer in Florida is no time to be without air conditioning. Fortunately it came back on with no issues.

In broad daylight the following morning I scrapped the snake off and out. I noticed its markings; it must have been quite pretty when alive. I felt sad, no creature deserved to die such a death as that one.

However had it damaged my unit and cost me a big repair bill I would have been cursing that thing up and down!

THE FILTHY UNMENTIONABLE

 

I try to hold my blog to a certain standard although sometimes I backslide. However on the plus side many of my readers will learn a new vocabulary word; albeit one they might have been happy never knowing. The word is COPROPHAGIA.

To be blunt it means eating poop! Nearly every dog I've ever owned did this. Although there was absolutely no reason for it since all were well fed. They did this because they enjoyed it! My last one was the worst offender of all. Her name was Coco and she lived to be 18.

In my previous neighborhood few people actually walked their dogs or picked up after them. They just turned them loose to do their duty on other's property. We all owned large lots so no one complained. And to Coco this meant a buffet!

I was always making up jokes such as:

What does Coco like to eat on a cold winter day?  ------  Campbell's Chicken Poop!

Who are Coco's favorite matinee idols? ------  Victor Manure & Gary Pooper!

What are Coco's favorite movie snacks:  ------- Poop Corn, Tootsie Poops, & Poopsi Cola!

"Who are Coco's favorite African American celebrities? -------  Spike Pee & Poopy Goldberg!

I came up with thousands of these but I'll spare you!

Constantly I was racing to the cat's litter box before Coco got there. She seemed to consider cat poop a delicacy comparable to a rare imported chocolate for humans.

After coming inside she'd make a beeline to the litter box and root thru it. Finding nothing she'd run to the cat and shove her behind as if to say, "Get in that box and make me a snack!"

Not long ago I was telling my friend Rose that if we could come up with a dog treat that tasted like poop we'd be instant millionaires! I even had a name for these, "POOZ" along with a TV commercial ideas.

I imagined the camera zeroing in on an upscale pair of designer shoes. A manicured hand emerges to feed 2 sharpies. An elegant lady leans over and smiles into the camera and says. "I don't mind Pooz on my shoes. You'll never smell any pews from these Pooz!"

We could even appear on Shark Tank wearing poop beanies with our Pooz T-shirts. On the front would be a photo of a dog declaring, "Heed my clues I choose Pooz!"

Also I came up with a slogan, too. "As you relax with your booze treat your dog to a Pooz!"

I could picture billboards all over the country featuring packs of dogs hollowing, "We choose Pooz!"

Our target shark and focus would be Robert Herjavec because he's a dog lover. Although I can just hear Kevin say, "Crush these dung beetles!" 

My friend Rose pointed out that it's humans who buy the treats and likely would be repulsed. Sadly for my idea dogs don't grocery shop.

MORE FACEBOOK WEIRDNESS & SKULLDUGGERY

 

I enjoy Facebook, however there are aspects to it I absolutely HATE! For one thing it's rife with rats: romantic scammers, hackers, plus those strangers you don't know from a hole in the ground who seem to feel it's their god given duty to denigrate you.

Online you must constantly be on your toes, period!

Recently an older (someone I'm inclined to trust) Facebook friend messaged. She wanted me to change my settings so she could post on my Timeline same as I was doing on hers. -- But I was NOT posting on hers!

 Red flags immediately went up!

I comment, but never post on another's page unless it's their birthday. The only exception is with close friends I know outside Facebook. -- This lady was NOT one of those!

However she kept insisting I did and even described them and said we were commenting on these back and forth; all were memes I had recently posted on my page only! I immediately went to her Timeline and didn't see any of what she was claiming!

In fact, it looked as if there were no new posts for at least a month.

I wrote on her page I suspected she'd been hacked and someone pretending to be her was messaging me. The following day she wrote beneath it that indeed it was her who was messaging.

Again she asked me to change my settings for her. I wanted to scream: "I don't want you posting anything on my page crazy person!" I was tempted to inquire if she had a history of dementia in her family.

The following day she claimed I posted on her Timeline again and described it; something I'd just posted on MY page, ONLY! Immediately I went to her Timeline and it was NOT there also NO NEW posts!

I told her one of us must have been hacked and to hire a pro to get to the bottom of it and to stop bothering me!

Now I was panicking that I was the one who'd been hacked! I posted on Facebook to warn others. Within a split second of my posting some woman (a non-friend) claimed she was recently hacked and gave me the name of someone guaranteed to fix it quickly.

I went to this woman's Timeline and it couldn't have been vaguer. It made me wonder if she was the actual person behind this. Immediately I blocked her along with the elderly Facebook friend!

Reading my post a local friend stated that he recently received a request from our mutual friend Irene. We both knew it couldn't possibly be her! Had I received this request I would have been tempted to ask "When did you return from the dead and what was it like on the other side?"

Unfortunately Facebook is a Criminal's paradise!

FAN FARE

 

First, most important of all I should consider myself fortunate that I wasn't injured. I arose early that morning in darkness and spotted something on the carpet that shouldn't be there. I switched on a light and discovered it was wooden paddle from my living room fan.

The evening before I thought the fan was making an unusual amount of noise. But I was engrossed in a movie, plus I watch TV in the dark. So I didn't investigate.

However just before going to bed I'd walked under that fan to close my blinds. I was sleepy and didn't look up or around.

After discovering the paddle I noticed from my loft that a nail was coming loose at the ceiling as well. I could have been killed!

I have a 30 ft cathedral ceiling at its height but where the fan is located its 20 ft attached to a 6 ft rod.

My financial advisor gave me the name of an electrician to come and fix/replace it. The man told me the rod could remain and be renailed but the wooden paddle was unfixable. The fan needed replacing.

I inquired if he could get me one and I'd pay for his time. He replied that he'd done this dance before with other customers who were left unhappy with his choice. So the problem was thrown back in my lap!

He measured the fan and sent me out to find a replacement that would fit the rod. I went to both Home Depot & Lowe's. I learned the fan was an off size and a discontinued brand. Plus none (at either store) would fit the rod or the match the decor of my house. Now I was truly frustrated!

However in town was a fan shop. But after the back-to-back hurricanes of 2004 I had such a negative experience I swore never to do business with them. But as time passed it was getting hotter and I relented.

I bought the cheapest fan there; one that stood out from the rest. It went perfectly with the color scheme of my home. The wooden paddles were wide and frond shaped. The fan looked exotic like something you'd see in Shanghai or Bombay.

And I bought a new rod. I was given the name of an electrician to install it. I was informed he might need to rent a scaffold due to my high ceiling which would add to the cost.

I phoned the electrician and left my info on his answering machine. Time was passing and I wasn't receiving a call back. So I contacted the store and told them I wanted to find my own electrician since this one wasn't interested in my business.

Almost immediately the electrician called and then came over to measure. Thankfully he didn't need to rent a scaffold.

My friend Irene (now deceased) was from the UK and used to say that my home with its big stone fireplace, loft, and cathedral ceiling reminded her of an English country house. I imagined anyone residing in one a kindred spirit; someone who had traveled to distant lands such as I have, with many foreign souvenirs as I do; along with taste that reflects this.

My new fan fits both me and my home to perfection!  

THE STORM & THE AFTERMATH

 

This storm was unnerving to say the least. My house is wood and it felt as if it was being pummeled by rocks ready to come crashing thru my roof any second! Yet it was only hail. The time was late afternoon.

This was the second hail storm I've experienced in this house since moving here in 1999. The first happened around 18 years ago and took place late in the evening. -- That one was truly frightening! The following day neighbor's cars outside were found dented.

At least this one was a daylight storm.

Slowly it ended as the sun was beginning to shine thru again. I looked out my wide bay window and couldn't believe my eyes! A small but vivid rainbow stretched across the length of my back yard. (And no, there was no pot of gold anywhere.) I stopped to stare in astonishment. I'd never seen anything like it!

I stepped away for a few seconds to pour myself a glass of water. When I looked back it was gone, vanished. I know there has to be a scientific explanation for this; but still it felt magical to me.

THE PHONE: AN INSTRUMENT OF TORTURE

 

I must admit that as a low tech senior I love emails! They don't make noise and I can reply at my convenience. The only sound more annoying than a ringing telephone is an alarm clock.

All I have is a landline which is all I need. And 99 per cent of the time I don't answer it. Or if I do I scream "No!" into the receiver and hang up. Or sometimes I speak in a made-up language for fun.

This fits my lifestyle best since I'm home most of the time. And when I do go out it's usually close by. A Publix supermarket is just around the corner and a Winn Dixie is only a few blocks down the road from there.

I hate cellphones! They're dinky and seem more like a children's toy.

Thankfully my friends all email or message me on Facebook.

Back during the double zero decade this was not the case. And the answering machine we brought up from Stuart in 1999 refused to work in this house. Back then most of my friends didn't even own answering machines so I didn't rush to replace it.

Also during this time telemarketers had yet to hit full stride so there weren't as many nuisance calls as now waking me from my naps.

My main caller was my Aunt Kiki up north. She'd been forced into a retirement home since she could no longer afford to live in her beautiful house. -- A problem I fear I'll soon be facing!

Kiki hated the home and during the evenings she was bored. So she was constantly calling me! -- I'm the opposite type and I consider evenings my private time to enjoy movies as well as my TV programs.

Repeatedly I told her NOT to phone me after dark since I was home all day. Well she ignored me! So I just ignored her calls. However she kept calling until I picked up the phone. This drove me straight up the walls!

Then I'd tell her I was in the middle of a something I enjoyed and she'd holler, "What could you possibly be watching? There's nothing good on TV!"

I'd always agree to call her back before bedtime when I was sleepy. This was draining! She seldom had anything beyond complaints about her situation and rarely asked about my day. Plus her frequent evening calls continued.

My friend Margaret advised me to start taking my phone off the hook. So I began doing this right after dark.

At the time I still had dial-up computer. This tied up my phone although I rarely used it at night and still don't. But this was the perfect excuse I gave my aunt to her frustration. And she complained to her nephew, my cousin Clarence.

He laughed and told her, "She probably takes her phone off the hook. Dianne really hates people calling at night."

This is just one example of a long list why I dislike telephones.

I've already blogged about the ex-boyfriend who phoned me three to four times a day and into the evening. And worse, he would drive over if I failed to answer. I felt suffocated! A tremendous sense of relief was mine when that relationship ended.

I'll admit I do miss Aunt Kiki who died later in the decade, but I NOT those calls!

Despite all the spoofers, scammers, and spammers I'm grateful for emails.