MIDSOMMAR SCARES, NAH!

I love a good fright movie!!! One that shoots icy tingles thru your body as the hair on your arms and the back of your neck stand at attention riveting you to your seat while your nails claw deep into the armrests leaving you a quivering bundle of nerves afterward! 

I read online that Midsommar was probably the scariest movie ever made. I knew I must see it! Well don't believe everything you read online! For the first half hour I thought I was watching a tedious relationship drama about a dysfunctional couple. Had I been watching this on DVD or my DVR I would have fast-forwarded right thru this part. The plot was so slow to unfold it made me want a nap.

Scary is the last word I'd use to describe this film. It was just weird, violent, and lewd! There was lots of full-frontal nudity which I found interesting. -- I don't see a lot of this in my regular everyday life! However, I would never shell out money just to see naked people. I want a gripping plot, too!

The story centers on a colorful floral, traditional Swedish festival that seems innocent when in fact it's anything but. Here's a joke: How many of these Swedish festival goers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: One to do it and the entire village to revel in the experience! Oh this film pushes the phrase "It takes a village" to a whole different level! These Swedish cultists reminded me of the pod-people from Invasion of the Body Snatchers, a truly frightening movie, at least for 10 year old me. The later remake not so much, but then I was no longer 10.

The original Night of the Living Dead actually terrified me when I saw it in my early 20's along with my future stepmother who watched the entire film with her eyes closed. "Next time I chose the movie, Dianne!" she declared as we left the theater.

The remake several decades later was equally as horrifying, (I LOVED it!) if not more so! As with the original, it stayed with me long after I departed the theater. I found myself avoiding dark rooms in my own home. However during the past decade there's been such a plethora of zombies in the movies & on TV that now I can sit in a dark house alone watching, go to bed afterward and sleep peacefully.

Perhaps as I age it's just becoming harder for me to buy into fantasy fiction. Either way, Midsommar was a mid-summer disappointment.

WHAT'S OLD IS NEW

Forget the Joneses; I'm still trying to keep up with the Flintstones! I just got a new DVD player. This was a thoughtful and generous gift from a dear friend. I am delighted to have it!

I love watching TV in the evening! And I record everything! Movies are a favorite, I watch as many of those as TV shows, sometimes more. I seldom go out after dark and I get too sleepy reading at night. With my DVR I just hit pause, cat-nap and then pick right up where I left off. It's wonderful! But now, I must make adjustments.

ATT hiked my cable bill so high that I was forced to give up the Starz-Showtime package I loved. And I don't want a satellite for reasons I mentioned in a previous post. For a decade, I was able to enjoy this bundle at a price I could afford. In fact, 2 years ago I got a special deal in which HBO was included for 6 months.

Actually I like Starz-Showtime better than HBO; they run more the type of movies & series I enjoy. Now it's no more OUTLANDER or my new favorite THE SPANISH PRINCESS which continues in 2020.

However I've been losing interest in Outlander for awhile now. The series jumped the shark for me when Claire went thru the stones into the past a second time. I realize that a fantasy is supposed and even expected to vault over all manner of mythical creatures. But my suspended belief is faltering. As far as I'm concerned, Claire may as well have leapt over the Loch Ness monster! If this series was based on reality rather than fantasy, upon her return 20 years later, Claire would have found her strapping hulk of a Scotsman now fat, balding, with missing teeth, and married to a girl their daughter's age! And no sane person would deliberately time travel back to live under the conditions of that period.

My new favorite is based on reality. (OK loosely!) And Yes, yes, yes, everyone who has been to school (or the movies or has watched TV) knows how this plays out. Catherine of Aragon marries King Henry VIII, the marriage is happy until Catherine while growing older, fails to produce a male heir. Henry has a roving eye and his gaze falls upon saucy silver-tongued Anne Boleyn who plays him like a mandolin. Catherine is discarded like yesterday's porridge, but unlike Anne Boleyn gets to keep her head.  -- I would still enjoy seeing this all unfold on my TV screen!

The price of my current lesser bundle expires next spring. -- I wasn't even given a full year! I've decided that when the time arrives unless ATT offers me a honking amazing deal at a great price I'm returning to Comcast. I would have done this already except I'd lose all of my recordings! There are plenty of movies I still want to see.

A decade ago I was thrilled to be rid of Comcast, however I've experienced equally as many issues with ATT. However ATT's saving grace was a movie package I could actually afford. Now  that's no longer the case, so there's no reason to keep them longer than I have to.

I've looked into streaming, but don't like what I've learned. Plus its alien technology to me!!! I've been told by several that you can't have both a DVR and stream. And I must give up TV shows I enjoy, as well as be unable to fast-forward thru programs. This sucks!!! Frequently, I fast-forward thru car chases, boring dialogue, & sex scenes. -- Unless there's nudity, then I hit pause. I've actually fast-forwarded thru entire movies!

With the exception of Online & On Demand, I haven't sat thru a commercial in almost 30 years and I hate the thought of going back to that! Also zapping out advertisements is a big time saver, at my age, I don't have that much time left!

My first thought upon losing Starz-Showtime was that I'll be going back to movie-hopping every weekend, again.

However with my new DVD player I can rent movies from Red Box. I've also been told there's a second- hand place in town that sells used DVDs for a dollar & 50 cents on sale. I'm planning on becoming a regular customer.

My new DVD player is a most welcome gift! Thank you again, Rose!

THE 4TH & AFTER

The 4th of July has become the worst night of the year as far as I'm concerned! Starting late afternoon the racket begins! And speaking of rackets, I refused to watch that political spectacle in our nation's capitol disguised as a patriotic parade. Geez, President Pussy Grabber's ego knows no bounds. How can this cowardly draft dodger even dare throw himself a military parade! Bone spurs doesn't care spit about our country. All he's concerned about is massaging his ego and enriching himself! No bigger con-artist ever drew breath inside the U.S.!

Everyone should be alarmed that Trump considers himself above the law. And anytime a leader, or rather a misleader declares the press to be "An enemy of the people!" You are dealing with a dictator or someone who aspires to be one. This should be a no-brainer! I'm thrilled his parade got rained on. Too bad HE along with all of his sucker-supporters there weren't struck by lightning!

Unfortunately, there was no rain here, just lots of illegal fireworks. And I don't mean the little pop-pop kind, these sounded like blasting cannons! During the evening of the 4th, I watched an old war movie with Victor Mature & Anthony Newley so that all the blasts & booms around me would better fit in.

There are plenty of places to go see fireworks! There is no excuse for this.

One reason, I don't want another dog or cat is the 4th of July! My last dog was elderly and half deaf, yet every July 4th she'd shake in my arms or lap the entire holiday and after. Some of these fools around here don't know when to call it quits! She was scared to go outside for 2 weeks after and I was constantly cleaning up her messes in the house.

This year, after dark on the 4th I noticed my yard light had burned out. I went outside to change the bulb and was almost knocked off my feet by the booms! I could actually feel the earth move beneath me. The man in the house directly behind mine is the worst offender. I've actually seen sparks land on my roof. My house is wood; also this is a wooded neighborhood. This man also has a penchant for bonfires. And I'll bet you anything this jerk is a Trump supporter! He displays all the earmarks.

For weeks I enjoyed watching a group of rabbits (probably from the same litter) scampering around my yard. Sadly, each July my yard becomes devoid of all wild animal life after the 4th! I prefer seeing the squirrels & rabbits to fireworks.

I consider it noise pollution. There should be a law! -- Oh wait, there IS one! So, why is it never enforced!?

JUST A MEMORY OR TWO

During the autumn of 1969 I would walk to the Rexall drugstore to catch the bus to Community College 20 miles to the north. There was a bench in front of the store. Usually there were only a small handful of students. This was my freshman year. 

One morning, I was the only student there. An old man came and sat down beside me. He wore walking shorts with a faded jacket the kind you typically wear with a suit. On his feet were socks & sandals. The toe of each sock had a hole. I've seen this before and since on others. I've always found it simultaneously sad and disturbing.     

We chatted; I told him that I was a new student at the college.

"I'm a graduate of the University of Heidelberg," he said with pride.

This was the university of Student Prince fame. I loved the movie with Edward Purdom & Ann Blythe! I figured he must have been a student during the 1920's since Hitler came to power in 1933 and it wouldn't have been a good place for an American.

Looking at him I wondered what terrible thing must have befallen him. A graduate of such a famous university should not end up on a bench looking like a hobo.

Soon, 2 other students appeared and our conversation ceased. The bus arrived shortly after.

Fast-forward 9 years, I was in Heidelberg myself. This is where I caught the ferry for the Rhine-Neckar river cruise; one that would pass the infamous Lorelei cliff where sailors were lured to their doom by a siren. I was already familiar with the story.

During my last year of Junior High, everyone in English class was required to memorize a poem and recite it. I chose The Lorelei by Heinrich Heine. In the days following, several classmates approached to ask where I found such a beautiful poem. Actually it was right inside our English textbook amongst many others! They had just overlooked it.

Years later, I learned there are several different translations of this Heinrich Heine poem. However the one in my English textbook is by far the most haunting.

In Heidelberg, I thought of that old man I met briefly nearly a decade before. And I thought of him again as I passed the Lorelei rock and began reciting the poem in my mind: "I cannot tell why this imagined sorrow has fallen upon me, the ghost of an unburied legend that will not let me be."

Life is filled with twists and turns, sometimes your entire world can be pulled out from under you without warning.

EGAD, MY PARTS ARE COMING APART

Here's a quiz. What was the major cause of death in the Old West? I'll give you a hint. It wasn't bullets or arrows! The answer is DENTAL INFECTION. -- I learned this from a quiz show some 40 years ago and never forgot. Anyway, hold that thought.

The Saturday night before last seemed a typical one. I was up later than usual watching a movie. After turning off the TV, in darkness I hurried toward the kitchen to get a glass of water before bed. Suddenly I found myself on the floor screaming and yowling into the carpet. -- I forgot the sofa was there! My pinkie-toe was either sprained or broken.

I turned on the light and bandaged my bleeding toenail. I'll probably lose it. But I've lost toenails before.

The following day, the toe and area below was purple & black. And my entire left foot was discolored, swollen, and significantly larger than the right. I looked somewhat like the human version of a fiddler crab. All day Sunday I limped in misery.

Monday, I called the sliding-scale clinic. Even with my po-folk discount I would be out at least $200.

Plus I strongly suspect I have a cracked root! (The pain is in my gums & jaw rather than the tooth.) If so, I'll need either a bridge or an implant neither of which is cheap. I'm going to need my money for this and I've been putting it off!

DON'T TELL ME TO GET A JOB UNLESS YOU ARE OFFERING ME ONE!!!

Anyway, I got off the phone and started Googling how to tell the difference between a broken and sprained toe. Guess what, I'm still confused and don't know! However, a sprain will heal itself. A friend then informed me that she is living with several broken toes and not to worry. And she is extremely physically active!

Another friend told me, "You haven't seen anything yet, just wait until you get into your 70's! (I'm only 2 doors away!) Geez, I have an old house and an old body, both are constantly breaking down.

Suddenly I thought of actress Natalie Wood. As a child she injured her wrist while filming a movie. Her mother refused to get treatment for fear her daughter would be recast. As an adult Natalie always wore a bracelet on one hand to hide her disjointed wrist. If Natalie Wood could live with something like that, then I could live with a busted pinkie toe!

Tuesday, I could actually climb up and down my stairs without screaming in agony. So I knew I must be healing despite the bruise & swelling. And thank goodness it wasn't my driving foot! I was able to grocery shop later in the week.

I still can't wear a normal shoe. But I can wear flip-flops or sandals with the V-design. Thankfully its summer and this is Florida. I can continue doing this until the weather cools, which probably won't be until December.

And another thing, the Sunday when I was in the most pain I read in the Dear Abby column an exercise for seniors to strengthen their core. While flat on your back, rise to your feet without using your hands. Naturally I had to do it right there and then! And I did this easily in a second and with a bum foot, too! So I can't be in all that bad shape for my age! Also when I look hard into the mirror I still see the face and body of someone much younger than 68.   

Enough said!

FLUSTERED, FRUSTRATED, FLUMMOXED, & ANGRY

If you know me at all, then you realize that I'm a cavewoman when it comes to technology! And I mean a Cro-Magnon NOT a Neanderthal, although I have been known to grunt when I eat.

So far this year, I've lost my ATT bundle 3 different times!!! I mean NO PHONE, TV, or INTERNET!!! The 1st occurred earlier in the year and affected everyone in the neighborhood. The last 2 happened only to me; during the middle of May and early June.

Since I have only a landline and no cellphone this really left me in a pickle. I had no way of contacting ATT to report it.

Back in May, I walked over to my friend Marie's house. She & her husband Ed are snowbirds. They were preparing to leave for the north the very next day. Marie walked back to my house with me & we called ATT from her cellphone. They insisted I had a bad modem. The best appointment they could schedule was in 2 days. Ugh!

In the meantime, Ed followed us over. He told me, "ATT is bullshitting you! There is nothing wrong with your modem. The problem has to be somewhere outside."

I thanked them and wished them a safe trip. My next 2 days were nothing short of miserable!!!

Two days later when I saw the ATT truck pull up I was ready to throw confetti and celebrate. Ed was right. I was informed the problem was in the box at the entrance of the subdivision. Yet I was the only one who lost their connection.

My ATT bill arrived and I nearly had a stroke! I had an existing arrangement with them that wasn't supposed to expire until the end of June. They disagreed! I have been with ATT for 10 years now and was turned over to something called "The Loyalty Group". I was assured by someone named Victor that my bill would return to the previous rate for another year.

When my next bill arrived it was $25 higher! Naturally I complained!

This time, I got some woman in Texas who couldn't connect me to Victor, but said she'd look into it. I was informed that my bundle price didn't rise, only the taxes did. -- Victor neglected to inform me of this and it's hardly a minor detail!

However, my bill should have been $5 cheaper, she said. I complained about my 2 miserable days without service and demanded to be compensated for it. She agreed to take $11 off for this. I asked for an email confirmation. I've yet to receive one! However I did check my credit card statement and the deduction was there.

Now we come to June 1. Again, I lost EVERYTHING at 9:45 that evening!!!

The next morning shortly after 11:00 AM, I drove a couple blocks around the corner to my friend Irene's house. Irene is elderly, hard of hearing, and likes to sleep late. I walked around the back of her place, waved and called out with no response.

As I walked back to the front a neighbor walking his dog came by and inquired who I was. After I explained, he banged on Irene's door with no response. He was kind enough to let me use his cellphone to call my friend Rose who agreed to meet me back at my house.

Thanks to Rose, I got hold of ATT. I wanted the earliest possible appointment! Even if it was 4:00 AM I'd set my alarm clock!

Around 11:30 AM the following day a repairman arrived. I asked if ATT was deliberately trying to lose me as a customer.

"I don't know, maybe," he replied.

That was the wrong answer as well as a stupid one. And you can be sure I won't forget it!

This time, I was told the problem was with the device in the woods out back. Well knock-on-wood, let's hope this doesn't happen again anytime soon!

I know I'm probably the only person on the planet who doesn't own a cellphone. However the reception in this neighborhood is bad. Also I have no family, and my friends all contact me via email. Plus all these emergencies shouldn't be happening this often!

Yesterday, after returning from grocery shopping, I found a Comcast/Infinity card on my front door. I left them 10 years ago for ATT Uverse. This was done for valid reasons, in fact a long list of them! Perhaps they've improved in the last decade, or perhaps not. I'm shopping around, we'll see!

For sure, I don't want any damn satellite attached to my house! Too many friends who have one complain the picture goes out every time it rains or the wind kicks up. And Florida summers tend to be stormy. Not to mention we are now into hurricane season.

THE SUMMER OF 59

Now, it's time for some wonderful memories! To this date, the summer of 1959 remains my most vivid and memorable one ever! We were still living on those paradisiacal 100 acres. The place with the lake in front and several small ponds scattered in the back. Among other things, I owned a horse, an Easy Bake Oven, and 2 Barbies. She was the only doll worth having, and one of mine came with 3 interchangeable heads: a blonde, brunette, & redhead all with different hairstyles! Don't let anyone ever tell you that things don't make a person happy!

The previous summer, my mother & I had flown to Detroit to visit relatives. This summer, the entire family; my parents, grandfather, my 19 yr old brother, & I packed into my father's big new powder-blue Chrysler Imperial. This car had high fins in the back and a horn loud enough to make the dead jump out of their graves. To this day, it remains the most gorgeous automobile I've ever seen. Cars all became ugly once they did away with the fins, at least to my eyes.

We took the scenic route enjoying all the roadside attractions along the way. Seeing and driving over mountains for the first time was a tremendous thrill to me! Florida tends to be flat, unlike my Aunt Kiki.

She was my mother's youngest sister and a former model. And Kiki could still turn heads in her blonde beehive! We would be staying with her and Uncle Ron. He was the fun uncle and my favorite with his quick wit and sharp sense of humor. We would be staying at their home.

They owned a big 2-story house with an attic and a sprawling basement. I had never seen a basement before. They are nonexistent in the state of Florida. And this basement was breathtaking! It was a combination office and recreation room.

The entire upstairs was ours for the duration of our stay. It felt like our own private suite.

Aunt Kiki had just purchased a brand new convertible. I couldn't wait to go for a ride with the top down. Kiki mentioned she had been out driving the day before while wearing an off the shoulders dress. Someone at a stoplight yelled to her that she looked as if she was driving naked!

I told her to wear it again for our ride. I was so excited; this was a new experience! Unfortunately, the sun was so brutal that day it was unpleasant and we had to cut the ride short. However there were plenty more new experiences ahead for me!

We spent a day across the border in Canada. Back then, no passport or visa was required. To get there, we had to travel thru a lengthy underwater tunnel. This felt scary, but also rather thrilling! I expected to find something tantamount to another planet when we emerged on the other side.

However Ontario was similar to what we had left behind, only less congested. But I still found it interesting. I wanted a souvenir to bring back. My parents bought me a small carved wooden donkey.

When we returned to Detroit I took it out of the bag. On the bottom was stamped: Made in Japan!

My father took me and a second cousin to the zoo. In this one, the exotic animals had plenty of space to roam free. We admired them while riding in an open train.

We also went swimming in Lake St. Clair. It was icy, nothing at all like the warm waters of the Atlantic or our much smaller lake back home. I couldn't move! My cousin had to pull me around by the back of my bathing suit. It was so cold I couldn't even kick my feet and this was late July, too!

On the drive back to Florida we took a different direction to see more states and different roadside attractions. We made sure to stop in Washington D.C. our nation's capitol. Most memorable of all was the Smithsonian Museum. It was like a carnival for the mind! I toured it wide eyed with wonder and awe. I was most impressed with its prehistoric exhibits and enormous dinosaur skeletons.

Our trip had been one for the ages! Yet, it felt sublime to come home. Little did I know that in just months we'd be leaving. A week before Thanksgiving we moved to our new place on the St.Lucie River, my mother's dream house, the one that never felt like home.