ALONE ON THE HOLIDAYS & LOVING IT

Every year we are bombarded with propaganda that Christmas is a warm and fuzzy time for loving family & friends to enjoy together.  -- What a (@$^&*+^%! bunch of bull crap! I prefer to be alone; I enjoy it more that way!

Constantly, I read online or in the newspaper how people should reach out to those alone on the holidays. -- Newsflash! Reach out to me when a hurricane is threatening my house, but for Christ's sake, leave me alone on Christmas!

OK, so holidays alone are depressing for some people, but others (like me) run with it! And we're carrying streamers and screaming for joy!!! Plus I resent the stereotype that people alone are emotionally needy. Not everyone equates being alone with lonely, some find it liberating!!!

However this Christmas, just like the last, I WON'T be alone.

Next door, I have a fairly new, retired couple of snowbirds. Unlike most of my other neighbors, I actually like these people. And that's beginning to create a yearly problem for me. The first time, I was able to politely exclude myself from their Christmas Day plans. I told them that I honestly preferred to spend the day alone. Last year, they insisted I must come to meet their grown kids & grandchildren, along with another couple.

Everyone was pleasant and interesting. I was included in everything and had it not been Christmas Day, I would have welcomed it. BUT, I felt as if I was missing out on all those things I enjoy and look forward to alone.

For decades, my Christmas was spent as a foot soldier in someone else's holiday. Alone, I became the Commander! At long last I could enjoy a Christmas my way! Suddenly I began looking forward to holidays again with the same joy and enthusiasm as I did when I was small child, only now it's even better!

I can decorate to the hilt or not, light scented candles, listen to my favorite music, and spend all day in my pajamas watching movies of my choice. Plus I can serve myself exactly what I like to eat at whatever time I desire. And since Christmas is now my big cheat- on-my-diet day, this is more important than ever!

I'll have it next Christmas! I assured myself last time.

NOT!!!!  I've been lassoed again!!!!

"Everyone remembers you and will be so disappointed if you don't come," I was told.

Only weeks before, I turned this nice couple down when they offered to take me out for Thanksgiving Dinner. I felt they would be offended if I refused another holiday invitation. So reluctantly, I agreed.

Because they live right next door, I can't use my other plans excuse. That lie won't fly! My house is the one right before the bend in the road; their house is set back from mine. Despite all the greenery, they can see all my comings and goings.

Also they spend next to zero time on their computer, so I doubt they'll ever read this.

Next year, I will be both polite and assertive. I vow to reclaim MY Christmas!

CONFESSIONS OF A FOOD BIGOT

“Don’t eat anything WHITE,” warned Oprah Winfrey. “It’s unhealthy!”

Well, I prefer WHITE food!!! – Brown rice, pasta, & bread; were never allowed inside my fridge, pantry, or even my house. They taste so awful to me it kills the pleasure of eating! Give me WHITE rice, pasta, bread, cake, powdered sugar donuts, & Camembert cheese! Anything WHITE, keep that other stuff away from me!

I remember buying chunks of white chocolate at the supermarket to make fudge. As I tossed it onto the counter the woman behind me leaned over. "Don't you know that stuff is like eating pure frosting," she scolded.

"Gosh, you say that as if it's a bad thing," I replied with a smirk. Inside my head I was screaming, "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, LADY!!!"

Fast forward to the present, I must be careful of what I put into my mouth. The nerve damage in my feet acts as a shock collar if I stray too far from a healthy diet. Strange as it sounds, the pain can be controlled by cutting way back on anything too delicious. However it's better than being dependant on some expensive medication with a long list of side effects.

But thank goodness for my once- a -week doctor sanctioned cheat days! Plus I'm also allowed a special treat every now & then, too. The rest of the time, I'm suffering thru a lot of grilled tofu over kale & mixed veggies. Almost everything I consume now is salad based.

Tofu is white, but it's like the J.F.K. of white foods. It's good for you, but it's unsavory to me. Plain Greek yogurt is another good white food. I use it in place of sour cream which I much prefer.

However one vegetable I just can’t stomach is CARROTS!!! Recently, I bought a bag of frozen mixed veggies. The first thing I did was to remove and throw away all the carrots before placing the bag in my freezer. -- Yet, Carrot Cake is one of my all time favorite desserts! It's a mystery to me how a vegetable so repulsive and gag inducing can be transformed into such a heavenly tasting concoction! Guess it has something to do with all those walnuts, raisins, & coconut in the mixture; or perhaps its voodoo magic!

Until recently, I had never tasted a Brussels’ sprout. In my family, they were never served. The only reason I can imagine is because my father didn’t like them. All our meals were planned around him.  Anyway  yuck! I’ll never buy them again!!!

Apple cider vinegar is supposed to be sooo healthy, almost miraculously so!  But it tastes nasty to me! Honey helps some, but not much. I prefer WHITE vinegar and it tastes better on salads than most dressings!

I make plenty of frittatas, and what comedian Steve Martin refers to as the KKK omelet. (Egg whites only) But often I cheat and mix in a whole egg. Recently, I read that eggs are healthy and to forget what I've read in the past.

The new diet is here to stay. Even if it doesn't keep me out of the hospital or a nursing home, I love being able to fit into my smaller size clothes again.

Plus a small piece of dark chocolate once a day is now considered healthy, too. -- I think I can live with that!

THE TREE IS UP, NOW BRING ON THE ZOMBIES

Forget Black Friday!!! The day following Thanksgiving is when I erect my Christmas tree, it's a tradition of mine.

First, I must remove anything in the surrounding area that's breakable. (I've learned this the hard way!) But that does not include my nearly 66 year old body. The job is a strenuous , physically demanding one. My big artificial tree comes in 3 parts. The first 2 are wide and heavy, the last involves stretching precariously while balancing on a ladder. My tree is set on a table. I have a 30 ft cathedral ceiling and I need the height. Besides, I've never liked small Christmas trees, they look dinky to me.

Putting up a big tree by yourself is similar to fighting zombies. In addition to being vigilant and cautious, you must dress as streamline as possible!  Zombies have bony, grabby fingers and trees (both artificial & real) have branches that catch on fabrics. Both can result in disaster! Often, I wear shorts and a T-shirt, sometimes with a sweater, but no materials that snag.

Last Christmas I decided against a tree. I was going to visit Thailand in early January and didn't want to risk injury. I missed having one, but the trip was just too important.

My snowbird friend Marie worries about me because I only have landlines, (Cell phones don't work inside my house, anyway!) should I ever fall ill, or just fall, period, my closest downstairs phone is high on the wall.

I told her I would crawl to my front door and open it.

"But what if you can't!" she said. "What if you suffer a heart attack?"                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

I insisted I could! To demonstrate, I got down on the floor clutching my chest while moaning "My heart, my heart" as I crawled toward the door.

"It might not be your heart," Marie declared, "You might break a hip, instead!"

Immediately, I shifted my hand down to my thigh. "My hip, my hip" I groaned as I crawled along. Finally, I reached the door, unlocked it, and stuck my head out. In my most pitiful & pathetic voice I whimpered, "help, help,".  We both laughed!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

However, should I fall and hit my head on my stone fireplace, I'd probably be unconscious and a phone would be of no use anyway. And if I fell in the other direction I'd land atop my big TV and that must be protected at all cost! So, while balancing on the ladder, I kept telling myself, if you feel yourself falling, aim for the window in the back!

I always begin this job in mid-morning. This time around it was a chilly Florida day. However, in no time I was breaking into a sweat! I stripped down to my bra and shorts, early. Thanks to my new healthier diet, I'm back to my fighting weight! The Christmas tree was up, decorated and lit by 3:00 PM!

As I gazed upon its sparkle and beauty, suddenly all of my effort had become worth it. A Christmas tree gives a room an exhilarating feeling of magic!

So release the zombies! This old lady can take them on, at least for another year!

THE MOST JOYOUS & DANGEROUS ROOM

I've read that the most hazardous room in your house is the bathroom. For me, it has to be the kitchen, definitely and without a doubt!

I am blessed with a kitchen and formal dining room that each have beautiful nature views; but stuff happens.

Twice, I've had fires on my stove top that sent me into a panic!

The first time, I was frying coconut shrimp. Oil splattered and flames shot up! Luckily, I managed to suffocate it. Perhaps I'd better stick with TV dinners, I figured.  Afterward, I found coconut shrimp at the supermarket that could be baked instead.

The second incident happened recently. I fixed a burner that had been long dead and got it working again. Well, as I was setting my table I heard an explosion! I ran into the kitchen and saw my tea kettle engulfed in flames! Fortunately again, I was able to put it out.

One incident involved blood.

The summer before last, I was reaching for a glass in the back of my cabinet. Two in the front started tumbling toward me. Instantly, I grabbed them smashing them together, breaking both. A piece of glass went into the upper side of my wrist below the mound of Venus (I've studied palm reading.) Blood gushed profusely down my arm. I was unable to stop the bleeding.

I thought about calling 911, then I remembered that I don't have Insurance. I raced upstairs and got scotch tape, that stopped the bleeding! Had it not, my next step would have been duct tape.

Recently, I have discovered and fallen in love with spaghetti squash. For me to love ANY vegetable is a rarity indeed! So I eagerly bought one at the supermarket. Well it was like trying to cut thru a rock! It was frustrating. I was breaking into a heavy sweat! Suddenly the knife slipped and barely missed going thru my wrist! I picked up that squash and hurled it out into the back yard! It's rotting out there as I type.

In my mind, preparing one is tantamount to going out and killing your own turkey. But I haven't given up on spaghetti squash. I'm going to purchase a small hatchet at the hardware store. Let's hope I don't chop off any fingers!

Oh yeah, and Christmas dinner is just ahead.

REPAIRS, RED PEPPERS, & REVERSE MORTGAGES

Visiting developing countries is fun and interesting because you know when the visit is over you're returning to something much better. As for my notion of making one my future home, the reality was rather disenchanting. However, now that we've elected a man so vile, dangerous, and worthy of contempt as our president, I'm wondering if I made a big mistake!

Whether expatriating or remaining; there is one thing I must do first and that is fix up my house. It needs many repairs and less than half are now completed. But I must wait, because I'm hemorrhaging  money!

Plus I'm trying to save enough for another exploratory trip. I still might expatriate! Thanks to the dreadful outcome of the election, it's back on the table.

I'd like to find a job that I could do at home, one that would at least pay for my groceries. My Spam file is constantly full of those, but all are scams! I found a few that weren't, but the pay is paltry and sporadic.

After returning from Thailand, I asked my financial advisor about a reverse mortgage. Looking into it, he said it would be perfect for me because I have no one with whom to leave anything. (High five! I did something right, AGAIN!) However he wants me to put it off as long as possible, which I intend to do.

I've heard plenty of horror stories concerning those. One person told me he'd burn his house down for the insurance before he'd ever get one! Plus I have an elderly friend who signed on for one and they pulled all manner of shady numbers on her. She fell for their TV commercial. It was the one featuring the washed-up actor everyone thought was dead. And he may as well be if he'd shill for a crooked company like that! She ended up suing them. She won, but they put her thru hellfire!

Also she received help from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau which has cracked down and ended numerous predatory practices against consumers.This falls under the Dodd-Frank Act which Trump now seeks to eliminate!!! --Thank you, all of you SUCKERS who voted for this man!!!

If the Dodd-Frank Act is eliminated, I will be leery about a reverse mortgage. As it stands now there are things already that make me nervous. I've heard they can't take your house away. --- Oh yes they can!!!

If you ever become so poor as unable to pay your taxes and insurance, you'll be out on the street! Ditto if you are unable to maintain your home. As to maintenance, their standards may be different from mine. I let repairs slide to afford my 2 exploratory trips.

Plus I’d like to take another big, exotic trip, or two, or three before I taste the cosmic dust. I'd hate to return from vacation only to discover I no longer owned my home. Anyway, a reverse mortgage is on hold.

Last  January, after returning from Asia I was in terrible shape. It was a major health scare & a wake-up call! As much as I hate it, nearly everything I eat now is salad based. I'm incorporating as many colorful vegetables & fruits into my diet as possible.

I am not expecting to live forever. My goal is to avoid hospitals or a nursing home. Of course I can’t control everything! Just standing at my mailbox I could be hit by a car/stray bullet/comet/ lightning, etc. But what I can control I have an obligation to, out of respect for myself and my body. Plus there are benefits, I can fit into all my smaller size clothes, again!

The holidays are nearly upon us, but sadly, because of the election, I am in no frame of mind to celebrate.  Next January a sleazy con man takes office as our Commander in Chief!

ELECTION REFLECTION

Recently, we had the choice between a really bad candidate and the worse one ever to run for office. Hillary was just running for President, but Donald was running for King! Unfortunately, the latter won! And we are liable to end up with a $#)1@%! dictator!!!

Oh yeah, I'm constantly told about the safeguards that will prevent this from happening. But sleazy Don is the type to subvert these. He's already bragged about making politicians do whatever he wants with bribes.

Geez, can't someone poison him and his whore (PENCE not Melania) before he takes office. This man is VILE in neon letters and dangerously unqualified to for the office!

Calling Hillary crooked, coming from this nefarious creature is hillarious! OK, so the kettle is dirty, but the pot is caked with scum. Trump belongs in jail, not the White House! He's just a skillful flim-flam artist.

To those who voted for him to see change; OH YOU'LL SEE IT, you ignorant bastards & bitches, but it won't be anything good! You are sheep and he is a jackal! you are just too dim and deluded to see it!!! It's bad enough we've lost our moral compass. But how can anyone be stupid enough not to see thru Donald Trump. Just look at his history! He's so transparent!

I believe there is plenty more yet to emerge concerning him. Let's hope decency prevails and he ends up being impeached. And remember he's old, maybe he'll have a stroke and croak. (My fingers are crossed!) Plus I'm making a voodoo doll.

I remember the morning of the election. I got a phone call at 8:30 AM. I answered because I was meeting my friends Marie & Priscilla later for lunch and figured no one else would be calling me during that hour. Anyway, it was someone stating that I was a finalist for a million dollar prize in a sweepstakes I'd entered online. "I'm serious," the man said, "We need info, here."

I've received calls such as this before and was suspicious. Also I've won 4 sweepstakes prizes in my life and was never phoned. I asked him the name of the sweepstakes.

It was one I'd never heard of, much less entered!

"You probably have forgotten," he said.

I told him I was busy. "Can't you send me an email?" I asked.

"This will only take a few minutes," he assured me.

"I'm BUSY!" I hollered into the phone!

 He hung up.

After returning from lunch, I checked my Inbox. Guess what I found, an email stating I'd won $800,0000. -- but I needed to provide info. To be 100% sure, I consulted my Tech man, Jake.

"Bad news" he said.

Straight to Spam it went!

I see a parallel between my 8:30 AM phone call and Trump's win. Both appealed to base instincts; making big empty promises, while clandestinely seeking to take advantage. And from the election results I see we are Sucker Nation!!!

HOLDING MY NOSE & VOTING

There wasn’t a clothespin tight enough to block the stench as I sat gazing down at my absentee ballot!

I never imagined I’d be voting for Hillary Clinton. I have never liked this woman! And I can’t forget her condescending remark way back in the early 90’s about women who stay home, bake cookies, and attend Teas. These are things which have always given me great joy! Hey Hillary, maybe if you baked Bill some cookies you’d have caught on he was banging other women early enough to squelch it!

Plus she was in such vehement denial! Not to mention Hillary lashed out horribly at these women while her husband was given a free pass.

Then there was her stupid lie about dodging gunfire in Bosnia. Didn’t she notice all those cameras around her????

But despite the bimbo eruptions as they were called and other more serious failings, the Clinton Administration accomplished some remarkable things, such as ending the federal deficit and leaving us with a surplus, not to mention necessary environmental regulations.

Sadly, these things were undone by the dunce replacing them!

Also there was considerable economic growth under the Clinton Administration. And the Capital Gains Tax was changed thus enabling us to sell our house on the St. Lucie without taking a big hit. Because of this I have an income, now! I am NOT sucking on any taxpayer tit, here!

As for Hillary’s emails and Benghazi, past Presidents have done far worse things that were completely ignored.

However, I would prefer to be voting for Elizabeth Warren.

Then, there’s the OTHER choice in this election. Thank you, Tea Potty scumbags for giving us this odious candidate! It’s a mystery to me why anyone would vote for this orange blob of slime! To do so, requires ignoring a long list of facts as well as acres of red flags. The term “useful idiots” springs to mind. Anyway, he may very well be our next President due to minions of sycophantic slime balls!

I swear there are people in this country who would vote for Satan himself if he ran on the Republican ticket! This is a candidate willing to scapegoat and destroy innocent people to achieve his own ends.

I listened attentively to every debate as I hope everyone else did.

With all the serious issues in the world and this country, dumpy Donald spent more than a week after the first debate attacking some former beauty queen! Whenever I hear the term “Fat Pig” the first person that springs to mind is Donald Trump.

Instead of telling us exactly how thru his genius he’s going to miraculously fix all our problems, he’s bringing up Bill Clinton’s marital infidelities. This from a man who cheated on 2 ex-wives! His defense, “I wasn’t the President.” – As if that makes a difference! And I’ll bet he cheats on Melania, too, given his history.

And now HE has women he sexually abused coming forward! Why is anyone surprised?

To all you bible-thumping Christians voting for this man, you are hypocrites!!! -- The only reason he apologized is because he got caught and you are all suckers!

This person has a history of stiffing workers and don’t forget his scam university. To me, this equates to being a con and a cheat! Plus Mr. Smarter-than-everybody-else lost $916 million dollars in business failures in one year! Just imagine all the damage he could do to the U.S. economy!

I do not believe for one minute that Slimy Don cares about this country except for how he can use it to his advantage. This creep is all about ego! The White House is just another trophy to him; it matters not, if he doesn’t know how to run it, or cares to learn.

Also I would not put it past him to get us into a major conflict just to assure him an extra chapter in the history books. If people are killed, captured, or maimed it’s because they’re losers and expendable in his mind. Winners are the ones sending them off to war.

I remember him discussing George W. Bush’s reign. “Reign?” Yup, that’s what he said! Interesting choice of words! I thought we were a Republic NOT a Monarchy!

Trump is considered a dangerous clown in other countries, except for those run by dictators; the guys who can’t be voted out, which Trump admires and has said so! How can people be so stupid as not to see a flaming red flag here!

I would vote for Rocky the Flying Squirrel to keep Donald Trump out of the White House. If he wins, I will be ashamed to call myself a citizen of the United States!

Perhaps I should reconsider expatriating in that case. My friend Sue is planning a move to Mexico if he wins. I told her I’m going with her! However when he ruins our economy (and he will) it will affect me wherever I’m living! My principal from which I derive income is here.

The way society has devolved, why is anyone surprised that we’ve ended up with candidates such as these!!! Moralizing has become an anathema. Now it’s do your own thing (even if it’s sleazy, illegal, or just plain wrong) everyone is sooo scared of being judgmental. I say, moralize like hell and be judgmental, BE VERY JUDGMENTAL AND HOLD PEOPLE ACCOUNTABLE!!!