Daylight Savings Time is upon
us again. Ugh! Since the powers that be are intent on altering time & space,
why stop there!
If you are among the handful
of people who actually read my blog, you know that I want 2 extra days
sandwiched between Saturday & Sunday. These would be called Marsday &
Starsday. Who says the calendar has to have 7 days a week, why not 9, or even
10!
Hmm, because returning to
work on Monday is hard, I say let’s add yet another day to the weekend! We’ll
name it Plutday, after Pluto! The week would flow like this: Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Marsday, Starsday, Sunday, & Plutday.
This way, we’d have 5 days
of freedom as well as 5 days of work. In other words, exactly the way it should
be! Plus we could all keep our current age a bit longer. To anyone over the age
of 15, this is a good thing.
Since each month would now
have 12 extra days, I’ve also re-configured the zodiac & astrology. I don’t
like to brag. (Well actually I do!)But my version is far more accurate! See below:
JANUARY – The ORACLE
TRAITS: sage, diplomatic,
& too nice to people who are undeserving
BEST CAREERS: ruler,
councilor, philosopher, writer
________
FEBRUARY -- The SATYR
TRAITS: sensual, fun-loving,
playful, ruled by hormones & bad judgment
BEST CAREERS: actor,
musician, bartender, artist, gigolo/gold-digger, panhandler
________
MARCH – The CYCLOPS
TRAITS: stubborn,
controlling, narrow minded, brash, surly
BEST CAREERS: Corporate CEO,
mugger, movie director, pig farmer, butcher
________
APRIL – The NYMPH
TRAITS: graceful,
attractive, stylish, flirtatious, superficial
BEST CAREERS: model, dancer,
personal secretary, stripper, porn star, hooker
________
MAY – The FLYING MONKEY
TRAITS: temperamental, egotistical,
perverse, tends to attract lice
BEST CAREERS: Cable TV comedian,
tour guide, pornographer, hairdresser
________
JUNE – The GNOME
TRAITS: passive-aggressive,
practical joker, sneaky, sticky fingers
BEST CAREERS: jockey, poultry
farmer, shoe-shiner, crawlspace-cleaner, pickpocket
________
JULY – The MERMAID
TRAITS: charming,
charismatic, slippery morals
BEST CAREERS: recording
artist, dishwasher, barnacle scraper, trapeze artist, telephone sex worker
________
AUGUST – The HARPY
TRAITS: persistent,
steadfast, annoying, loud
BEST CAREERS: schoolteacher,
salesperson, Realtor, lobbyist, telemarketer, newspaper delivery
________
SEPTEMBER – The ZOMBIE
TRAITS: slow, determined,
single-minded, poor hygiene
BEST CAREERS: postal worker,
movie usher, waiter/waitress, ditch/grave digger, line cook, street sweeper,
rodeo clown
________
OCTOBER – The GORGON
TRAITS: solitary,
mysterious, calculating, sneaky, unpredictable
BEST CAREERS: sculptor,
reptile wrangler, financial advisor, telephone psychic, high school principal
________
NOVEMBER – The TROLL
TRAITS: cagey, aggressive,
underhanded, public nose picker
BEST CAREERS: politician, lawyer,
bookie, loan shark, drug dealer
________
DECEMBER – The SNOW GHOST
TRAITS: quiet, intense, icy
disposition
BEST CAREERS: security
guard, refrigerator repair person, envelope-stuffer, shoplifter, dominatrix
As one born under the sign
of the wise and practical, (The ORACLE) I say the above should be implemented,
IMMEDIATELY and then get rid of Daylight Savings Time forever! Because that is
just folly!
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