GAZE DEEP INTO MY CLEAVAGE

Not many others know this, but I can hypnotize them. Of course when I reveal it, I hear comments such as, “Nooo get away from me!” or “Don’t you dare!” – A bunch of chickens, I say. And fear not, I won’t make you honk like a goose or crawl on your belly like a worm. – Unless you tick me off!

At age 30 I suddenly found myself unemployed and unemployable, I decided to try and create my own job. I saw an advertisement in the newspaper for hypnotherapy classes; become a professional in a lucrative field, it read.

The instructor was a blonde woman I’ll call “Allison” who looked to be in her early 40’s. She was highly educated, but emotionally she behaved around age 15.

I was bombarded with many highly personal questions. “I’m a professional therapist,” She’d say. Allison was intrigued that I’d traveled all over Europe and many exotic places, yet I didn’t know how to drive and I’d never been out on a date.

Back then, asexuality was non-existent. I myself thought I must be gay and the right lesbian just hadn’t come along.

Allison insisted that I needed therapy along with the lessons. “Don’t you want to be normal?” she kept asking.  

NORMAL IS SUBJECTIVE!

It’s a good thing that I never confided any of my special talents: I taste flavors in names, see colors & personalities in numbers, plus hidden images in every design. Allison was already freaked out by me as it was! 

Plus she happened to be one of those women who can’t imagine NOT being in a relationship. “I live to love and be loved,” she was fond of saying, “And I want you to experience the wonder and ecstasy of that feeling.”  

In other words, she wanted me to be as emotionally needy as herself. (Not everyone requires someone to love them.) And worse, she thought homosexuals were really heterosexuals who had gone astray and needed to be straightened out. – Even in 1981 I knew better!

Often, I was ready to walk out, for a variety of reasons.

Plus each session was used as an opportunity to discuss herself; not problems, but bragging along with embarrassing personal details. Such as: other women were jealous of her athletic body, her wealthy ex-husband adored her, but was unable to satisfy her in bed, her first job was with a dentist who offered her a new sports car if she’s have sex with him on the waiting room sofa. Also she discussed an affair with a married man. And now she was dating a prominent man in town and they had oral sex that morning.

I complained that I didn’t care to hear any of that! She was stunned. “I’m sharing,” she explained, “You should consider yourself fortunate; most therapists refuse to do that.” – Probably because it’s UNPROFESSIONAL!!!

I found her exasperating and draining. I tolerated this only for the second half of our sessions, the actual hypnotherapy lessons. -- Although I felt she had pulled a bait & switch on me. I had NOT come to her for therapy in the first place!

However, I happened to be experiencing a major personal trauma at the time! (I could have used an actual professional who listened.) My mother had just learned of my dad’s mistress in West Palm Beach and was making my life holy hell because I refused to betray my father. Also Mom kept threatening to go down to W.P.B. and chop out the woman’s vagina with an axe!

Although I wasn’t really worried, since my mother didn’t drive (like me) due to anxiety attacks; I knew she would have problems carrying an axe aboard a Greyhound Bus.

Hypnosis was useless in dealing with my anxiety attacks as far as driving was concerned. I don’t want to become relaxed behind the wheel. That tension keeps me alert! I don’t want to lose it.

A later therapist told me that most fears were irrational and to remember, “No one has a machine gun trained on you.” I argued that I had several tons of steel coming at me at high speeds. My fear was valid! I didn’t want to be crushed, drowned or burned alive, or have my intestines strewn over the highway. Nor did I want some paramedic scrapping me off the dashboard or retrieving my severed head from the back seat!

But I didn’t get to touch on any of this with Allison because she was always too busy discussing her sex life.

Allison shared a small building with an attorney. At the time, he was enduring a messy divorce. Around Christmas, his wife came in, toddler in tow and created a scene by throwing an ugly tantrum. Afterward, the attorney came into Allison’s office and apologized to me for having to witness that.

After he left, Allison leaned over, “He told me he thinks you are so beautiful. How you would like to date him? He’d be perfect for you! I can arrange it.” She smiled.

“No thank you!” I snapped, “I don’t want to be in the middle of that mess!” I was already at my wit’s end trying to deal with my parent’s issues! I didn’t need anyone else’s baggage! We argued back and forth.

She also tried to set me up with other guys.

Later, Allison put together an evening class instructing women how to increase their breast size via hypnosis. She wanted ME to teach it! I thought it sounded shady. Plus I was UNLICENSED to hypnotize anyone professionally! Allison said that didn’t matter, I possessed the skill.

But I knew there were 2 obvious reasons why she wanted me  teaching this class. And I would have been misrepresenting myself, my twins are natural beauties that required no outside help. And I wasn’t about to mislead and take advantage of these sad, flat-chested women. Also Hypnosis is something that must be constantly reinforced. Even if it worked, should these women ever backslide, their breasts would shrink.

I had a bad gut feeling and refused. Allison turned hostile.

Shortly after, I got a job thru CETA and happily ended my sessions with her.

I continued to practice autohypnosis (self-hypnosis) to control stress. Usually, I’d fall immediately into a deep sleep. Often, I experienced vivid Technicolor dreams in 3-D! I’ve even had flashbacks to previous incarnations!

After Ronald Reagan became president, CETA jobs were kaput! By then, the law had changed. The practice of hypnotherapy was now limited to medical professionals. I had no desire to go into that field.

But I paid attention during the lessons and I remember everything I learned.