FAN FARE

 

First, most important of all I should consider myself fortunate that I wasn't injured. I arose early that morning in darkness and spotted something on the carpet that shouldn't be there. I switched on a light and discovered it was wooden paddle from my living room fan.

The evening before I thought the fan was making an unusual amount of noise. But I was engrossed in a movie, plus I watch TV in the dark. So I didn't investigate.

However just before going to bed I'd walked under that fan to close my blinds. I was sleepy and didn't look up or around.

After discovering the paddle I noticed from my loft that a nail was coming loose at the ceiling as well. I could have been killed!

I have a 30 ft cathedral ceiling at its height but where the fan is located its 20 ft attached to a 6 ft rod.

My financial advisor gave me the name of an electrician to come and fix/replace it. The man told me the rod could remain and be renailed but the wooden paddle was unfixable. The fan needed replacing.

I inquired if he could get me one and I'd pay for his time. He replied that he'd done this dance before with other customers who were left unhappy with his choice. So the problem was thrown back in my lap!

He measured the fan and sent me out to find a replacement that would fit the rod. I went to both Home Depot & Lowe's. I learned the fan was an off size and a discontinued brand. Plus none (at either store) would fit the rod or the match the decor of my house. Now I was truly frustrated!

However in town was a fan shop. But after the back-to-back hurricanes of 2004 I had such a negative experience I swore never to do business with them. But as time passed it was getting hotter and I relented.

I bought the cheapest fan there; one that stood out from the rest. It went perfectly with the color scheme of my home. The wooden paddles were wide and frond shaped. The fan looked exotic like something you'd see in Shanghai or Bombay.

And I bought a new rod. I was given the name of an electrician to install it. I was informed he might need to rent a scaffold due to my high ceiling which would add to the cost.

I phoned the electrician and left my info on his answering machine. Time was passing and I wasn't receiving a call back. So I contacted the store and told them I wanted to find my own electrician since this one wasn't interested in my business.

Almost immediately the electrician called and then came over to measure. Thankfully he didn't need to rent a scaffold.

My friend Irene (now deceased) was from the UK and used to say that my home with its big stone fireplace, loft, and cathedral ceiling reminded her of an English country house. I imagined anyone residing in one a kindred spirit; someone who had traveled to distant lands such as I have, with many foreign souvenirs as I do; along with taste that reflects this.

My new fan fits both me and my home to perfection!  

THE STORM & THE AFTERMATH

 

This storm was unnerving to say the least. My house is wood and it felt as if it was being pummeled by rocks ready to come crashing thru my roof any second! Yet it was only hail. The time was late afternoon.

This was the second hail storm I've experienced in this house since moving here in 1999. The first happened around 18 years ago and took place late in the evening. -- That one was truly frightening! The following day neighbor's cars outside were found dented.

At least this one was a daylight storm.

Slowly it ended as the sun was beginning to shine thru again. I looked out my wide bay window and couldn't believe my eyes! A small but vivid rainbow stretched across the length of my back yard. (And no, there was no pot of gold anywhere.) I stopped to stare in astonishment. I'd never seen anything like it!

I stepped away for a few seconds to pour myself a glass of water. When I looked back it was gone, vanished. I know there has to be a scientific explanation for this; but still it felt magical to me.

THE PHONE: AN INSTRUMENT OF TORTURE

 

I must admit that as a low tech senior I love emails! They don't make noise and I can reply at my convenience. The only sound more annoying than a ringing telephone is an alarm clock.

All I have is a landline which is all I need. And 99 per cent of the time I don't answer it. Or if I do I scream "No!" into the receiver and hang up. Or sometimes I speak in a made-up language for fun.

This fits my lifestyle best since I'm home most of the time. And when I do go out it's usually close by. A Publix supermarket is just around the corner and a Winn Dixie is only a few blocks down the road from there.

I hate cellphones! They're dinky and seem more like a children's toy.

Thankfully my friends all email or message me on Facebook.

Back during the double zero decade this was not the case. And the answering machine we brought up from Stuart in 1999 refused to work in this house. Back then most of my friends didn't even own answering machines so I didn't rush to replace it.

Also during this time telemarketers had yet to hit full stride so there weren't as many nuisance calls as now waking me from my naps.

My main caller was my Aunt Kiki up north. She'd been forced into a retirement home since she could no longer afford to live in her beautiful house. -- A problem I fear I'll soon be facing!

Kiki hated the home and during the evenings she was bored. So she was constantly calling me! -- I'm the opposite type and I consider evenings my private time to enjoy movies as well as my TV programs.

Repeatedly I told her NOT to phone me after dark since I was home all day. Well she ignored me! So I just ignored her calls. However she kept calling until I picked up the phone. This drove me straight up the walls!

Then I'd tell her I was in the middle of a something I enjoyed and she'd holler, "What could you possibly be watching? There's nothing good on TV!"

I'd always agree to call her back before bedtime when I was sleepy. This was draining! She seldom had anything beyond complaints about her situation and rarely asked about my day. Plus her frequent evening calls continued.

My friend Margaret advised me to start taking my phone off the hook. So I began doing this right after dark.

At the time I still had dial-up computer. This tied up my phone although I rarely used it at night and still don't. But this was the perfect excuse I gave my aunt to her frustration. And she complained to her nephew, my cousin Clarence.

He laughed and told her, "She probably takes her phone off the hook. Dianne really hates people calling at night."

This is just one example of a long list why I dislike telephones.

I've already blogged about the ex-boyfriend who phoned me three to four times a day and into the evening. And worse, he would drive over if I failed to answer. I felt suffocated! A tremendous sense of relief was mine when that relationship ended.

I'll admit I do miss Aunt Kiki who died later in the decade, but I NOT those calls!

Despite all the spoofers, scammers, and spammers I'm grateful for emails.

MORE DOLLARS & LESS SENSE

 

As a preschooler it was a special treat when my dad or grandpa took me to the Ten Cent Store. I was allowed to get whatever I wanted. However by the time I entered first grade the Ten Cent Store was history.

Later I fell in love with Dollar Stores! I was amazed at all the wonderful and useful things available for just a mere dollar. Unfortunately Dollar Stores are going the way of the pterodactyl much the same as the Ten Cent Stores of my childhood. To me, this is a cause of major grief as well as frustration.

Being a senior on a fixed income they've saved me tremendously! Nearly every item I bought from a drug store I'd purchase there instead; items such as cosmetics, hair products, & toothpaste.

Many had foreign writing on them, but so what, I'm a woman of the world! Plus I've found the best deodorants to be Dollar Store cologne. You know, the cheap knock-offs of the over-priced brands. I think they're wonderful! I feel undressed if I'm not wearing a fragrance.

And the dollar laundry detergent with the cheesy name of L.A.'S Totally Awesome worked every bit as well as the name brand ones. -- Sadly the bottle has now shrunk significantly.

Also I bought food there. I enjoyed sitting down to my Dollar Store individual frozen pizza. It was quite tasty after I added black olives & goat cheese. And for dessert I enjoyed their blue & pink cotton candy colored ice cream which was probably packed with sugar. But were perfect for my cheat on healthy diet days!

But alas, my one dollar days are over. The Dollar Trees now are similar to General and Family Dollar which I also frequent.

Five Dollar & Under stores have emerged. The one here in my town is not close; plus I hate self-check outs (which are the only available) so I rarely go there.

Another sign of the times is that Thrift Shops now charge more for clothes and other articles than what I used to pay for new at Sears and J.C. Penny's during the 1970's. Needless to say, my days of recreational shopping there are over just as with Dollar Stores.

Of course I know everyone is already aware of skyrocketing prices. I'm just venting!

THE BREACH

 

At first the email seemed innocuous enough. Supposedly it was from my friend Rose who moved to another Florida city a few years back. However we continue to keep in touch.

I was instructed to click on a link which I was told was self-explanatory. As I began I noticed the email looked off. Suddenly I stopped and looked closer. This was NOT Rose!

Fake Rose emails kept arriving! Saying things such as "Do you remember the two ladies in these photos?" Click the link below. -- Of course I didn't!

Often when I went to my inbox I noticed a number of new emails from the real Rose had already been opened, -- ones I hadn't read yet!

I told Rose I thought a third party was reading our emails. I could tell she thought I was paranoid.

"My emails would bore another reader!" she kept telling me.

We don't exchange nuclear secrets, but that's not the reason for this, it's to trick me into clicking a dangerous link granting further access to a scammer. Always I sent these straight to spam!

For awhile, they stopped and Rose went on a trip to Hawaii.

I've never been to Hawaii. (I'm the only one I know who hasn't and I've been a whole lot of places too.) So after Rose's return I mentioned that I was excited to see her photos.

Well the very next day I received an email from fake Rose stating, "Oh Dianne I've lots of photos from last week & the weekend to show you!" -- All that was required of me was to click a link to view; which I didn't!

Late on the eve of Easter I went to my inbox. There I found notification of a breach from ATT, my passcode had been compromised. -- Proof I wasn't paranoid!

Easter morning I phoned ATT. I knew I'd be speaking with India since Easter is not celebrated there. I explained to the man that I am a senior and lacked the skills to change my passcode online.

The man spoke English well. He was patient and polite to this old lady who barely knows beans about technology. -- Not everyone is when calling 800 numbers concerning computer issues! Many have gotten short with me and I've been snapped at. What they don't seem to understand is that it's equally as frustrating for me.

My passcode was changed. Afterward I made other changes including putting Fraud Alerts on everything!

Less than a week later I received a letter from TransUnion informing me they were unable to locate my credit report! I own a home & car pay insurance & taxes, have several credit cards & a passport. Yet according to them I didn't exist!

I went online and found my credit report immediately!

Then I looked at the letter again. It had a P.O. return address. Wouldn't you think the place would have a brick and mortar one? Also it had an 800 phone number. My financial advisor told me not to call that one, but to look online. And sure enough I found a different 800 to call.

After two repeated calls with long menu go-rounds I was finally squared away.

Now I was getting a flurry of calls from unknowns which normally I don't pick-up. However I was expecting a call from an electrician. My answering machine is upstairs and I was downstairs.

Someone on the other end of the line wanted to turn my last novel The House of Sin and Splendor into a movie -- but I was expected to pay for it!!! I told the guy he must have me confused with the billion dollar lottery winner and hung up.

I'm a senior citizen struggling more than ever to get by on a fixed income. However there's plenty of human scum out there who would steal my last two dimes without compunction!

My friend Rose fearing I'd click a wrong link snail-mailed her photos to me. When I reached inside my mailbox many of them fell lose in my hand. Unbelievable! The envelope had been slashed open!

Geez, crooks are everywhere.

GOLDEN BERRIES & ROTTEN PEOPLE

 

Online when I saw photos of Walmart shoppers my jaw dropped and then I burst out laughing. Every two months now I do a major shopping there. Most of the people are nice and just regular folks, not the freaks or low-class types portrayed online. I’ve even run into friends & numerous acquaintances there. But every now and then I encounter someone who makes me wish I had the power to snap my fingers and make them go up in flames! Upon one trip was such a person.

I try to arrive early as possible to increase my chances of finding a close parking space.

However upon exiting often two drivers in opposite directions are starring each other down waiting to grab my space. This always puts pressure on me! I feel hurried and I like to take my time. Sometimes I deliberately slow my pace just to frustrate them and make them go away.

However once the season starts and the tourists & snowbirds flock down, or I get a late start I'm often forced to park way out in Siberia. Although a lengthy walk, Siberia has advantages; no crowd, bustle, or traffic jam, plus the spaces are wider. However, I feel less safe. I’ve been approached by panhandlers more than a few times.

After entering the store I turned into an aisle, my path was blocked. One side was a pillar with work equipment beside it and on the other was this frump-a-dump of a woman.

"Excuse me," I said.

 She turned, gave out a grunt, stepped to the side while waving me ahead. I smiled and thanked her.

 “Well you’re NOT welcome!” she snapped back.

I was stunned. “What's your problem? I was being nice,” I said. "Did you hear me complain?"

“You annoy me just standing there!” she replied with disdain.

Whenever someone behaves nastily toward you just consider the source. That's what my friend Pat used to tell me. Unfortunately there are plenty of low caliber human beings in this world. And it has nothing to do with education or income.

I suppose that woman should be pitied. Every day she has to wake up and look at that face and body in the mirror. And worse, she behaved exactly the way she looked. It's wasn't my fault she was fat and ugly!

Afterward I went to the fruit & vegetable aisle where I came upon something new. Between the peaches & tomatoes were GOLDEN BERRIES! I was intrigued, were these vegetables or fruit? Technically, tomatoes are fruit, even if they taste like vegetables. However, to my mind, fruit is sweet, or should be! Out of curiosity, I tossed them into my cart.

Later I looked them up online. This fruit and its plant are commonly known as the Cape Gooseberry. Sometimes its used as a garnish in desserts. To me, the taste is like a cross between a tangerine & a tomato. Also they're low in calories and contain nutrients.

 But I doubt I'd buy them again unless they go on sale.

As I left Walmart and returned to my parking space out in Siberia, an elderly woman sat watching me from the car behind.

“You get a gold star for returning your cart to the bin!” she said with a smile.

I smiled back and gave her thumbs up!

Truthfully, I don’t always. If I’m in a hurry or it’s raining, I’ll just place it out of the way. -- One thing I never do is leave it in the middle of a parking space. And I give myself a gold star for that!

Despite the bitch in the detergent aisle, the rest of my day was golden!

CARDED

 

Hey I'm old school I love cards, sending is as much fun as receiving! I decorate the backs with colorful stickers and the front with commemorative stamps. Every holiday from Halloween thru Easter friends & relatives receive them. Not to mention birthdays, congrats, get well & thank you ones. Miss Manners would be proud!

And this year both St. Patrick's Day and Easter fall in March as well as my brother's birthday.

For years I bought boxes of various assortments in bulk at a discount from a stationery company. Later I bought them from Dollar Stores two for a dollar. Now they're a dollar each plus the price of postage has become obscene just like the price of everything else!

Once I mailed out a plethora of them! These days the majority of recipients are dead. Plus I don't get out enough anymore to acquire new friends. Facebook has become my social life, and Facebook friends are more like fleeting acquaintances.

Yes, digital cards & GIFs are fun. They can sparkle and dance. But I can't put those on the mantle over my fireplace to enjoy. And the thrill is gone of discovering them in a drawer years later and enjoying them all over again with memories.

Receiving a card in the mail somehow feels more special. Sadly, I fear that soon this practice will be as obsolete as the Model T automobile.