CUTTING FEELS RIGHT

Henceforth, there will only be ONE or TWO blog postings per month rather than four.

I’m planning significant life changes; my focus needs to be there. Yet to be done are many tasks, planning, & much more research. Not to mention, I’ve got two major exploratory trips ahead and I’d prefer not broadcasting to burglars when I’m away.

Hey, it’s not as if I’m disappointing legions of fans! I’ve got only a handful of followers, and I don’t know how many of those are still reading. I know my friend Rose does, we email nearly every day.

She claims I probably have a lot more readers, but they just aren’t followers. Rose is sweet. But this is wishful thinking. If none of those people enjoy my blog enough to become followers, they are phantoms to me. I make decisions on what I see.

A few have told me they would like to become followers, but are confused by the process involved. These are all women around my age who are not computer savvy. I can understand and sympathize. We are all dinosaurs sloshing around in the same tar pit. But these are friends I see and talk to, at least on a semi-regular basis.

On occasion, I post my blog on Facebook. Before I unleashed the unfriending fairy, I had over 200 “Friends”. Out of these 200 plus people, if only 1 or 2 LIKED my blog, I was lucky!!! Or perhaps more read it and they just didn’t like my writing.

I received way more LIKES for the photos of my newly gray hair! But then, people prefer pictures.

I recall clicking on a “Friend” page where someone posted a photo of their lunch, a stupid salad that didn’t even look that tasty, yet it got 15 LIKES!

I realize my blog isn’t everyone’s flavor of coffee, I get that! Others have always had difficulty relating to me and I find them equally unrelatable. – Thank goodness I say! 

I write this mainly for myself. It’s equal parts memoir & therapy with a scoop of book promotion thrown in. So, therefore I am doing what feels best for me!

Later, when things become settled, my posts will likely be more frequent, again. Also in the not too distant future I plan on starting a new blog, ending this one.

After I return from my exploratory trips, I’ll do plenty of blogging about each. So take heart my compadres, followers, faux Facebook friends, & phantom readers too, as with everything in life, this is only temporary.

WHAT'S NEW, MY GRAY DEBUT

AND TECHNICAL HEADACHES, TOO!!!

My online photos have now been updated. The old ones were shot only a few years ago!

Unfortunately, my old standby the Sear’s Portrait Studio is gone, forever. So I hired a photographer in town. He was an elderly gentleman, and he did a fine job. However, these were outrageously expensive for my pocketbook! But I’m almost 65; I know I won’t be this young and pretty forever, so I spent the money! My looks have been on borrowed time for years now!

Note: This Blog photo will remain the same. It has mostly concerned my life here in Vero Beach after my father’s death. These were my red-haired years.

After I decide which country I’m going to expatriate and I have my Retirement Visa, I intend to start a brand new Blog with a new title. This won’t be a new chapter of my life, but an entire new book, it’s a sequel to my movie. I think of it that way!

My young Tech man Jake was here to help me, recently. Not only with placing the photos, but numerous other things as well. Expatriating is forcing me to rely more on technology than ever before! As you know, this is way out of my element.

For my exploratory trips, I bought a pre-paid cell phone with a camera and Internet access. I don’t want to return home to find 50,000 emails in my Inbox.

The salesman said the instructions were easy. When I read them, I wanted to break down and cry! They may as well have been written in Arabic! -- Well Jake had problems with it, too! He couldn’t get it up & working the way it’s supposed. And Jake is NO dummy, plus this is his area of expertise.

Jake is returning to give me another computer lesson, plus tackle this damn phone. I may end up taking it back! I should have brought Jake along when I was phone shopping. He would have known exactly what to purchase and saved me from making an expensive mistake!

When the package was opened, I couldn’t believe that piddly, little thing was my new telephone! Plus I would need Lilliputian-sized fingers to operate it. My hands are small for an adult, yet this is going to be difficult. Plus I’ll have to run outside with my Elf phone every time I want to make or receive a call because there is zero cell reception inside my house. This is crazy, it’s not progress! My land-line is a REAL phone!

I HATE ALL THIS MODERN TECHNOLOGY!!! 

Always, I take lots of notes when Jake is here. After he leaves and I try to implement them, it seems I’m either missing a step or not doing something right. Ugh!!! Every little maneuver requires way too many steps.

Jake is the best Tech person I’ve found, and he is patient. After I find myself in another county, I don’t know what I’m going to do without him! Plus I’ll be dealing with a foreign language! I’m looking ahead to feeling lost and frustrated.

On the other hand, I will be amongst a vast gray migration of U.S. retirees, my age and older, none of whom grew up with computers. They’ll have already dealt with the same issues I’m going to face. But I’m wondering how helpful they will be. I am willing to pay a fair price for help, but finding it may be a problem.

NETWORKING UP A STORM

OK, storm is a bit of an exaggeration. Dust cloud is more like it. Networking with the public is something that doesn’t come easy or natural to me. However, after I published my 1^st book this became a necessity.

There’s a number of business networking events here in Vero Beach, all are worth attending! But that can be expensive and time consuming, so I chose 2 that I attended regularly. However, all of these involved public speaking. I was terror stricken! In terms of my phobias, this was right up there with driving!!!

Then I reminded myself that I had not only conquered this fear, but I did it without psychiatric medication and I could do likewise with this. Plus these speeches were brief! We were only allowed 30 seconds each. Still I panicked at the thought!

Usually at these events are 2 sometimes 3 women who are professional speakers. These ladies all possess enough talent, personality, & charisma to host their own TV talk shows! (It would be self-defeating to compare myself to them.) The best one, in my opinion was a lady named Flo. Attractive and always sharply dressed, she was an amazingly gifted speaker. Plus she always brought the coolest props! After my first networking event, SHE was the only person I actually remembered.

But the majority of attendees were NOT professional speakers, just regular people, like me, there to pitch a product. (I needed to keep reminding myself of that!) Most just stood, introduced themselves & their product/business, and then sat down.

Largely, this was amateur hour! It was OK to be scared, fall on my face, be awkward, or even mess up. This was all part of the learning process.

To learn tips, I attended several Toastmasters sessions as an observer. I felt so sorry for the speakers! Each one had a timer, along with 3 people taking notes; 1: for flaws in grammar, 1: for crutch words, and 1: for annoying mannerisms. – I wasn’t worried about ANY of those things! I was scared I was going to wet my pants in public! If I could just get up there and talk without embarrassing myself, I’d consider my speech a success!

Plus it was just a measly 30 seconds! And believe me; no one’s attention span is shorter than mine. I often watch entire movies on fast-forward. “Think TV commercials,” I told myself. It’s possible to hit all your salient points in that brief amount of time, just remember to be entertaining. I’m a writer, I could do this! Still, getting up in front of a crowd made me hyperventilate and my technique needed much work.

I started to meditate; I practiced breathing and used autohypnosis.

Also I studied 3 gifted speakers from the past.

The 1^st was Marlin Perkins, host of the old TV show WILD KINGDOM and pitchman for Mutual of Omaha Insurance. During breaks in the show, he’d say things such as: “That gazelle on the Serengeti Plain sure didn’t see the cheetah coming. Now don’t YOU be like that gazelle, be prepared with Insurance!” or “Among the African lowland gorillas, note how the father protected the family. Now YOU too, can be just like the African lowland gorilla!” I used to tell my dad that I found this sort of thing sneaky. He laughed and said, “These are called lead-ins. Advertisers use them all the time.”

The 2^nd speaker was Paul Harvey! You couldn’t beat Paul Harvey when it came to enthusiasm! Every product he pitched was top-of-the-line best ever! Paul was convincing and he always seemed so sincere! – More than a few of these products cluttered our house collecting dust.

The 3^rd speaker was Adolf Hitler. Now you’ve got to give the devil his due! Hitler was the greatest orator of the 20^th century. His words seduced a nation. Hitler had something beyond enthusiasm, he had passion, and when he spoke, he utilized his entire body.

Now back to Flo, my Muse has moved on and she is missed. No one could ever be as good because she possessed her own special inner spark. But I’ve learned from her, as well as the other 3 speakers. Now it was up to me to find my own unique spark.

I wished for props! Then one day I walked into my closet and I discovered that I had lots of them at my disposal! Before me were all my hats & wigs, plus ANYTHING can be turned into a prop! I could pick-up a dead cockroach with toothpick and use that in a speech. That part was easy!

But speaking was not! So I wrote down everything beforehand, edited, and memorized it. Unfortunately, my tendency was to freeze and forget everything as soon as that ocean of eyes fell upon me. To help overcome this, I imagined everyone in the crowd sitting on toilets.

Attired in my various outfits, I created theme speeches and tried to make my pitches entertaining. Sometimes I sang or did a little dance, I do both badly, but I didn’t let it stop me! Once, I stood up and did a brief comedy routine.

Several people told me they always look forward to my speeches because they never know what’s coming out of my mouth or what I’m going to do next. Others have accused me of just trying to get attention. WELL DUH, I thought THAT was the whole point!

My commercials apparently are not appreciated by everyone! Several years back, this one particular woman, (Her hair was shorter than mine is now, an actual crew cut!) I call her Man-Hair, stood up and announced a business event: “We’re interested in accomplished career women, only!” she declared. “We don’t want people who do commercials,” she said with condescension. Clearly, Man-Boobs was referring to me, I was unwelcome!

My feelings were hurt. But then I had to ask myself, if given the choice, would I want to be her? The answer is a resounding NO!!! I’d choose ME hands down! I enjoy being me! Plus her lucrative career which she seems to think everyone should envy is my idea of Hell on earth. Fortunately, she isn’t a regular attendee.

Recently, I’ve been cutting way back on these events as well as many other things I enjoy, because I’m saving up for 2 big trips. Also I’m slowly closing down my life here in Vero Beach. It’s breaking my heart to do it, I’ve been so happy here, but I knew it would be inevitable at some point.

My nervousness has never completely gone away and shaky moments remain. Sometimes I still freeze, forget things and mess up! But then my goal never was to be a professional speaker. So I don’t beat myself up about it. Besides, I’ll never stop being a work in progress.

I admire other people with more talent, some are authors right here in Vero Beach. But make no mistake about it; I will always be the Super Star of my own life.

WIGGY WOMAN ON THE LOOSE

A few TV seasons back, there was a sitcom titled: DON’T TRUST THE B (itch) IN APT. 23. In one episode, the B. warns her naive roommate never to trust women who wear wigs! They are sneaky & tricky, she claims. – I prefer to think of it as creative & resourceful!

Who wants to look the same every single day! That becomes tedious fast!

Whenever I slip into a wig, I change my make-up & clothing style to match the wig’s color & cut. It’s always a fun change without a permanent commitment. Sometimes I even wear a hat with a wig. When I get together with friends, sometimes they don’t recognize the stranger who shows up. You might say I’m a bit of a shape-shifter.

This past winter, I lived entirely in wigs, because I was letting my gray hair grow out. The first social gathering I attended, to debut my new gray, many had forgotten what my “natural” color actually had been. As one woman told me, “You have different hair every time I see you!”

I’m glad that I have the option of wigs.

However, not all wigs are created equal! I’ve paid more than I should for some that looked like a cheap, synthetic wig. Then others, that I bought on sale for $20 looked exactly like my own hair only better! A good wig requires no fussing. You just slip it on and you’re ready to go. I hate the ones that warrant lots of styling & spray!

Often, you must road test a wig to learn its quality; wear it in public, but only to places you’re unlikely to run into someone you know. Some wigs just don’t hold their shape and can end up looking a fright without layers of hairspray.

I’ve noticed that when I’m stuck in a bad wig; men & women regard me differently. Women look at me with pity as if thinking, “Poor thing, she’s probably battling cancer and that’s the best wig she can afford.” Men on the other hand, eye me with suspicion, as if I’ve got a Molotov cocktail in my tote and a lit match behind my back.

Nowadays, I only wash my good wigs in special shampoo. Back at our previous place, I used to wash them all in Woolite, and then hang them on the clothes-line behind our house. My father used to joke that people going by in boats probably thought I was one of those sickos who liked to kill and skin small animals.

Summer came early this year; I was forced to turn on my air conditioner back in March. Usually, I can hold out until June, or at least the end of May. When the A.C. goes on, it’s too hot for wigs!

Ready or not, my hair was cut! It’s now gray and the shortest it has ever been.

Time is quickly passing. The first of my 2 big trips will be upon me before too long. This way, I can get more accustomed to my new look and practice working with it, beforehand.

Many women, especially older ones, complain of being invisible. Personally, I think it’s their own fault. They allow themselves to become that way! Sometimes, being invisible is welcome and feels nice. You’re free to explore and see without being noticed. It can be liberating!

I feel that being a transformer is even more emancipating! I know I can always morph back into being me.

HAT HAIR, BED HAIR, & DEAD HAIR

There’s an old French superstition that a hat on a bed is unlucky and brings death. If that was true, all of my friends and family would have been wiped out decades ago. I would be the most prolific serial killer in history! – A bed is the perfect place to throw your hat!

It’s a mere coincidence that everyone I knew started dropping like flies when I expanded my hat collection, I swear!

Big hats are perfect for those bad hair days during the summer. In cooler weather, I prefer wigs and I have those in a variety of colors & styles. Our Florida heat, humidity, and monsoons are all hard on the hair.

I am making big life changes, starting with my hair! I’ve let my gray grow out. Recently, all of my red hair was cut off! Now, I have a short, old hag hair cut! Unfortunately, I’ll have to tolerate it at least temporarily.

My trip to Ecuador with my friend, Rose is coming up fast. We both plan on dressing down. The look we are aiming for, to quote Rose: “Too old to rape and too poor to rob.” This will also be my look when I travel to Thailand, alone. I won’t have a lot of time to fuss with my appearance during my two big trips; otherwise I wouldn’t be caught dead in this old lady hair!

I told Rose that if in 2016, my plane crashes and my body is in viewing condition, to stick one of my blonde wigs on me for the service. She can remove it and donate it to charity before they throw me in the cremation oven, or not. I’ll let her decide.

I’ve never understood why they don’t just prop wigs on cadavers. They could go into the ground or the flames with cooler-looking hairstyles than they had while alive.

I’m currently reliving all the reasons why I hate short hair! I can live with the color, it’s more flattering than what I expected, but this cut just isn’t me.

I saw this very hairstyle in one of my history books; it was sported by Magda Goebbels, wife of Joseph Goebbels. For all of you non-history buffs, he was Hitler’s Minister of Propaganda! In her younger years, she was quite attractive. However in this photo, she just looked old.

I’ve read online that there is a new trend among young people to dye their hair gray. The big question in my mind is WHY?????? It will happen soon enough. It’s one of those things in life you don’t want to rush, like arthritis. I don’t understand why anyone would deliberately make themselves appear older, unless of course they’re applying for a Retirement Visa in another country like me.

Next, these young people will be sporting canes and psychedelic orthopedic shoes! Perhaps when I get my lip-tattooing retouched, I’ll have my legs tattooed to create crazy-cool varicose veins in neon shades of purple & blue. That in combination with my new gray tresses will make me look like one hot, happening, hip chick!

But seriously, I’ll admit this short cut is much easier to care for; I can jump straight out of bed without having to comb it and still look presentable. Also it’s far more comfortable now that the sweaty weather is here.

I need to have my photos updated for social media. I’m waiting for my tresses to grow another inch or so in the vain hope it may look better.

My red haired years belonged exclusively to Vero Beach. As I sat in the salon chair watching all those copper tresses pile up on the floor and be swept away, I began feeling depressed. That was my beautiful life here that I so loved and enjoyed. Now it was all just a memory.

Early in 1999, I arrived in Vero Beach as a blonde and I will be leaving soon with gray hair.

TWO FOR ECUADOR, ONE FOR THAILAND

Plans change! Rose, my great friend & travel buddy is unable to go to Thailand until 2017. Well, that will be too late for me! By then, I hope to be living either there or in South America. Thankfully our 2015 trip to Ecuador is still on.

I’m disappointed, but that’s life and stuff happens. A part of me felt stranded up a frozen creek without a flamethrower. However, her reasons for doing this are valid.

But there is no reason why I can’t go to Thailand, alone! Back in my 20’s I used to travel the world by myself all the time. So, I’ve already booked a flight for early 2016 and put a deposit down. I am determined to go!

Long decades have passed since I last traveled alone, but it’s something that I’ve always missed. Getting my wings chopped, plus the fact that no one would hire me, and I couldn’t get published, contributed to decades of severe depression along with other disorders.

But I’ve lived in postcard towns on the Treasure Coast my entire life, others swarm here for vacation. So I really have no right to complain.

After my father’s death, friends confessed they thought the first thing I’d do was take an exotic trip. Unfortunately, I couldn’t do that and maintain this beautiful house, both. My home came first! I fell in love with this place the first time I stepped thru the door. It will be wrenching to give up this house.

From what I hear, air travel is more of an ordeal than during the 1970’s, and things rarely went smoothly back then! It’s awful enough there are dangerous ding-a-ling terrorists, now we have to worry about cuckoo co-pilots in the cockpit, too!

I’ll be flying Arab Emirates Airlines out of Orlando. It will be a 16 hour trip to Dubai for a 3 hour layover. Then it’s another 6 hours to Bangkok. A day & night each way stuck in a 17 inch Economy Class seat! I’m getting air sick just thinking about it.

Egads, and they’ve shrunken the seats, too! Ugh! Since I’m claustrophobic I’d better bone-up on my autohypnosis. The Ecuador trip comes first and Rose doesn’t take up a lot of seat space. Plus it’s a far shorter flight!

Odds are that on the lengthy Orlando to Dubai flight I’ll have to climb over 2 passengers who are built like giant bloated toads from Disneyland! -- I had my seats changed. Now, I’ll only have to jump over 1 bloated toad. You would think they’d give International travelers a break and provide more comfortable seats for long flights. But no, that would interfere too much with their bottom line.

The longest I’ve ever been on a plane was my 14 hour trip to the Soviet Union when communism was in full flower back in 1979. However on that trip, there were 2 layovers to break up the monotony and stretch the legs. Plus I’m a lot older now.

Due to my age, I’m at risk for deep vein thrombosis, (the formation of a blood clot in the legs from inactivity) this can lead to pulmonary embolism which can be fatal.

I already suffer from an occasional touch of neuropathy. The best way to describe that is to imagine a mischievous elf under your desk placing your foot in a tray of hot coals. The sensation is brief, but it really wakes you up. (Oooh kiddies you get lots of cool medical conditions when you get old like me!) After I move to a country where I can actually afford the health care, I’ll have my neuropathy looked into further.

I plan on doing exercises in my seat like lifting my knees to my chin one at a time. Also I’ll get up at regular intervals and go to the back of the plane and walk in place for 15 minutes.

I’ve read that women flying alone these days are more subject to sexual harassment than ever before. I’m hoping my new granny hair will dissuade any perverts. However if I’m seated next to someone with a senior fetish, I intend to make a scene. And believe me, my voice carries!

I didn’t want an aisle seat because I hate being jabbed in the head by elbows or being slapped in the face with carry-on luggage. A middle seat is the worst of all! You’re squashed like a marshmallow inside a toad s’more, plus you’re constantly battling the people on both sides for an arm rest.

I’ve heard it said that life’s journeys are to be treasured and not the destination. Oh really!!! I’m excited and looking forward to seeing Thailand, but I am dreading this lengthy flight.

At least I’m not booked on Air Malaysia. Yikes, I could end up in a parallel universe!

OFF TO SEE THE PRINCESS GOWNS

Later this year, my friend Rose & I will be going down to Fort Lauderdale to catch our plane to Ecuador. The last time I was in Fort Lauderdale was during the autumn of 2004. This was shortly after the double hurricanes devastated the Treasure Coast.

Almost constantly, I was on the phone trying to reach a contractor or even a handyman. These calls were all being ignored. My porch screens were blown out, the yard (front & back) was full of shingles from my roof, along with piles of other debris. And I had just received a joke check from my Insurance Company! You bet I was going to complain!

When the phone rang, I jumped to answer it! The caller was a neighbor, an older widow who lived down the street. She along with a small group of friends were planning to see the Princess Diana Exhibit at the Museum of Art down in Fort Lauderdale. I was invited along.

“Put me down for a ticket!” I replied. My home was a depressing disaster area, this diversion was highly welcomed.

Tickets purchased, we were scheduled to visit the week before Thanksgiving. However, only 1 week before, my neighbor phoned with bad news. She had fallen in the tub and injured her back! The trip was off and our $20 tickets were UNREFUNDABLE. Plus she had charge of our tickets!

“My friends all took a vote,” she declared, “and decided that we’re all going or no one is going.” 

Two days earlier, I received another miniscule check from my Insurance Company, the FINAL one and I would be paying the lion’s share for repairs (including the cost of a new roof) out of my own pocket. The thought of throwing away $20 made me ill!

However all was not lost; one of those friends contacted the museum. Our tickets would be honored at a later date. Now we were going 2 weeks before Christmas. A younger lady was going to drive us in her SUV. Unfortunately, the car was too high for my neighbor to climb, so she insisted the lady drive HER car which was far smaller. Besides my neighbor & me, there were 3 other women. We were all trim, yet the back seat felt uncomfortably crowded.

Instead of the scenic route, they opted for the fast one. We were now into the height of tourist & snowbird season. Traffic was a nightmare! We waited a long time in line at a toll booth. The driver complained her vision was limited by the heavy traffic. She wasn’t sure she was even in the right line, but that one appeared blocked off.

“We’re going to Fort Lauderdale,” she told the man in the booth.” He just smiled back, never once informing us that we were going in the wrong direction! We soon discovered we were headed toward Disney World, NOT Fort Lauderdale!

For long miles we were unable to make a turn. After we found ourselves out in the sticks with few cars, the driver wanted to chance an illegal turn.

“Don’t you dare!” my neighbor hollered, “It’s my car and you’ll get me in trouble!”

Eventually we came upon a rest area with a service station, restaurant etc.; the driver used this as an opportunity to turn and get us on the right path. At last we were headed south! We’d already lost an hour on our long drive.

Eventually, we reached Fort Lauderdale. Now we couldn’t locate the Museum of Art! Our driver stopped to ask a man for directions.

“You have a flat tire!” were the first words out of his mouth. He pointed toward the front of the car, before giving us directions. We were close! But first, we needed to get to a garage. The man told us one was nearby.

“We‘re too busy today and can’t take on any more work,” the owner apologized.

We explained our situation and pleaded with all our might. Eventually, a mechanic stepped forward and came to our rescue. We all chipped in to give him a generous tip!

We’d already lost a lot of time and it was getting late in the afternoon, but were hungry, so we stopped for scones & coffee before heading into the museum.

As soon as we stepped inside, we were in awe. Princess Diana’s gorgeous gowns were gloriously on display. Many, I recognized from TV and the news such as the sparkling & bejeweled Elvis dress and the sexy one in fiery red. The padded outfit she wore into the mine field was also there.

The only disappointment was her wedding dress. Without her inside, it was ugly. And the fabric seemed dingy. It looked as if it had been her great grandmother’s old gown that had been retrieved from a dusty trunk after a century. And on TV it appeared so beautiful!

Her personal mementos were also there, along with photos. It was well worth our ordeal to see!

Our group had planned to enjoy a leisurely dinner afterward in Fort Lauderdale. However, my neighbor just remembered she had forgotten to let her cats out. “They’ll mess in my house!” she exclaimed. “And I left the door to my computer open! They’ll get hair on the keyboard.”

All the way back to Vero Beach, she complained about the heavy traffic slowing us down.

As we pulled into her driveway, her cats raced toward the front door. They had been outside all along!!!

At 9:00 PM most of us were already exhausted, I considered just walking home and fixing myself a sandwich. Instead, I went with the other ladies to the local Ruby Tuesday’s for dinner.

Afterward, the gas tank was nearly empty, so we attended to that. My neighbor announced that we all needed to open our wallets and contribute our share. I almost wanted to throw it in her face after all the trouble she caused!