THE THIRD ONE

My hungry eyes were filled with forbidden longing. My lips moistened with joyous anticipation as my eager tongue ached to embrace it. Lest I be rendered out of control from lust I quickly hit the fast-forward button whenever I caught a glimpse of it in a TV commercial. I must confess, I am a pizza slut.

My long time favorite consists of goat cheese, Portobello mushrooms & kalamata olives.This delicacy was on my forbidden list for months and for valid reasons. I needed to be careful; already I had experienced one close call.

I'd been happily enjoying my dinner when suddenly I almost swallowed a foreign object. I removed what I thought was either a bone or pit from my mouth -- neither of which were in my veggie pasta! I almost tossed it down the garbage disposal; however my curiosity compelled me to look closer. I rinsed it off and recoiled in horror! Someone's teeth were contaminating my food! Eeeeewww!

Suddenly I realized they were mine! My temporary dental bridge had come loose. I popped it back in and cautiously continued my meal.

Around that time, I had what I thought (although there was suspicion) an ardent admirer. Soon we would be meeting at a restaurant for the first time. I had to be vigilant in ordering and remember to eat slowly.

"Be careful kissing," a neighbor cautioned.

I made it clear that I had no intention of kissing this guy after our lunch date, or perhaps ever. Nevertheless I was certainly glad that I wasn't an open mouth tongue kisser. That's just gross and repulsive to me! Not to mention in my current situation HE might end up with my temporary bridge inside his stomach.

"You'd get it back in a day or two," she replied.

"I wouldn't want it back!" I exclaimed. "And I certainly would never put it back inside my mouth!"

I've never been fond of kissing anyway! You never know about another person's dental hygiene. At least I know that I'm a fanatical brusher and flosser, most are not!

As fate would have it, my so-called ardent admirer turned out to be a romantic scammer. There was no meeting for lunch. I dropped him like a rock when he asked me to lend him $6000 just the week before our scheduled meet.

The good news is that my bone graft has healed and a permanent bridge (my third one) has been installed. I am free again to enjoy pizza to my heart's content! -- But only on my weekly cheat day. I intend to stay this size!

But ah, pizza! Welcome back into my life!