MY FIRST DATE EVER

I was 40 years old when I had my first date. No, this is not about when I tasted the fruit. I’m more of a mango gal, anyway. I was age 40 when I went out on a date for the first time.

That’s right I said 40! And it was just a movie & dinner only, no sex stuff! Even in 2015 most people can’t wrap their mind around an asexual. It’s tantamount to saying you’re from Pluto! Just imagine what it was like in past decades.

Because it’s Valentine’s Day, I’m taking another sprint down memory lane. This is blog is equal parts therapy and memoir, so I’m hanging it all out there.

I don’t watch romantic films or read bodice ripping romance novels. I’ve tried, but I’ve never found them interesting.

For years, I thought surely I must be gay. Yet, at the same time I knew I wasn’t.

During my youth and travels abroad, I was hit on by guys who tried to pick me up. But I refused to be picked up like garbage. It didn’t take a gypsy witch to see their intentions were less than honorable. Plus I never considered dating important.

Those who do, come across as emotionally needy to me. What is it with you people, do you think you’re going to wither up and die unless someone loves you? Why does your value as a human being depend on someone else?

I doubt I was ever loved by anyone my entire life! Except perhaps my dogs & cats, and that was only because I fed them and gave them belly & butt rubs. Lord knows, my parents weren’t into unconditional love. And I know brother is waiting for me to keel over, so he can have unfettered access to his Trust. Perhaps this is a good thing; I learned early that I don’t need someone to validate me in order to be happy.

If you still can’t fathom an asexual, just think of me as gay or frigid as most people do, whatever! I don’t care!

Back to 1991, my date was a double arranged by a neighbor couple of similar age. I agreed to it because I wanted a diversion from my step-mother’s madness for just one evening.

They said he was good-looking and probably told him likewise about me. In my case, they weren’t lying! We both were introverts. It’s a mistake to set up two people of that nature. Worse, he had that compulsion (common in most men) to undermine the woman. Whenever he spoke to me, I was usually cut down in underhanded ways. I wasn’t having it! He was just another goony guy to me. I began directing my focus upon the other couple.

After the movie, we went to an upscale restaurant and were seated on the back deck overlooking the ocean. This March night was comfortably cool. The brilliant full moon appeared huge above the crashing waves below. This beautiful evening would have been a wonderful memory had this fellow had not been along.

The following day, I phoned the couple to thank them. -- My date happened to be there in the room! They asked if I wanted to speak to him. I told them, I did not.

Seriously, I never expected or cared to go on another date for the rest of my life!!!

A year later, I met a man at a party down the river. He was the first of two men who picked me to be his next wife the second after we met. We dated for several months. He even sent me roses on Valentine’s Day. However, I wanted nothing beyond a friendship. You can’t force feelings you don’t have and I wasn’t going to pretend.

The couple who took me on my first date separated two years afterward. (Later they divorced.) After their separation, the husband phoned me for a date. The first time, I refused! After learning that his wife had moved on, I agreed. We went on ONE date and that was enough!

When I hit my 50’s, there were more dates and even a few boyfriends. All of those relationships felt forced and quickly became suffocating. I was living behind a mask and it was draining. When they ended, suddenly I was happier! I was set free!

NEVER have I felt that way around my close female friends! One of them suggested I place an ad in the personals to find a man compatible.

I wanted to specify in the advertisement that I was looking an impotent man, only! She said no guy would ever want to admit to that. I told her I couldn’t understand why, because if I was a man it wouldn’t bother me. Then she talked me out of placing the ad.

Now that I’m finally out as asexual, I am finished with dating, forever! Now I am free to embrace being myself, at long last.