THE THIRD WORLD BECKONS

Ecuador, Costa Rica, Panama, Mexico, Belize, Nicaragua, even Malaysia, India, Thailand, or the Azores are all places I am seriously considering relocating to begin life anew. I am not searching for Shangri-La, only to survive financially.  

Others have given me a long list of reasons why I shouldn’t do this. But I’ve got a long list of my own why I must.

I love my house and my life here in Vero Beach. Unfortunately, I can no longer afford to maintain my beautiful home. My quality of life here is diminishing all the time. I’m constantly forced to cut back on things I enjoy such as eating out and attending live shows.

In 2016 I will turn 65; I know my health is going to decline. Friends say I shouldn’t worry because I take such good care of myself. Well my father did everything right and still suffered serious illnesses. I can’t wait for a stroke, heart attack, or hip replacement to leave, by then it will be too late.

Because of my spotty work record, I’m ineligible for even one dime of Social Security or Medicare.

To become eligible, I'd have to marry a Death Row inmate, one who has little chance of receiving a stay of execution. But I would need to be married at least one year in order to collect his S.S. benefits as a widow. However, the guy would probably want conjugal visits. – Hey, I’m not a prostitute!

Had I married that old Mormon fart when I was 50, he’d probably be dead by now! I’d be financially secure and back living on the water with a maid. But I just couldn’t stand the thought of him touching me!

Also I’ve thought about becoming a Nun. The celibacy part is a piece of cake for me. However, I’m not religious, and the wardrobe is ugly and limited. Plus Nuns don’t just sing and pray. They do lots of hard work helping underprivileged children. Since I hate kids and am allergic to work, this doesn’t fly for me!

So my only option is to immigrate to a Third World country! Otherwise, I’d better plan on dying at 72 just like my mother. Or I’m liable to end up under a bridge eating cat food, especially if I’m forced to do any hospital time.

All of the above countries have thriving expatriate communities, so it’s not as if I’m going to be the only one. However to emigrate, you must have a minimum monthly income. They don’t want homeless people dumped there. I just squeak by in some of these cases. However, once I sell my house it will bump-up my income.

Also it is difficult to get a work visa in these countries, because they don’t want anyone taking jobs away from a local. However, writing is a portable career. The only problem is I’d make more money selling my blood!

My big issue is that I am NOT a computer person. Modern technology may as well be rocket science to me. I have zero aptitude for it! I am forced to pay someone to come over and show me how to do every little thing. Then, I always want to holler, “Go back and explain that in a language I can understand!” There is absolutely no way I can remember all those steps!

After moving to Vero Beach in 1999, I enrolled in a computer class at the local Adult Education Center. The course was fast paced! It didn’t matter whether you kept up. The only thing I actually learned was how to turn my computer on & off. Basically, I was issued a diploma just for showing up.  

I would be happy just to enjoy a quiet retirement and let my writing be a hobby. Unfortunately, when I lost that staggering sum in G.M. Bonds that was rendered impossible, here.

Of course, living in another country will be a big adjustment with all the cultural differences. I’ll have to learn another language. As long as there is no math involved, I think I can hack it!

Also as an animal lover, I don’t know if I could live someplace where the national sport is cockfighting!

Unfortunately, in the Third World they have that “manana attitude”! Manana literally means, “Tomorrow.” In actuality it means, “Whenever I sober up” or “Whenever I damn well feel like it,” which could mean 2 days or 2 weeks from now. This is especially irksome when it comes to service or repairs. That would drive me straight up the walls!!! I’d be so flustered and frustrated I’d show up at their place of business and force a repairman at gunpoint to come and fix my air conditioner or refrigerator. I’d probably end up in a flea & rat infested Third World jail.  

I’ve read that ALL developing countries have that attitude. The natives don’t want to be forced to adhere to a clock or any rules, which is precisely why they will remain Third World.

Worse and most dangerous of all, they refuse to follow necessary traffic rules. To someone who has anxiety attacks and is navigationally impaired, this is particularly terrifying! Crosswalks are even dangerous because natives will drive right thru red lights. And at night some drive without lights! Police look the other way unless an infraction is committed by a foreigner. Then you are expected to slip them a few bucks to avoid a ticket. This leaves a bad taste in my mouth!

However, I will be forced as usual, to think with my wallet. As I age, I need a country where I can actually afford medical care, right along with food and shelter.

Currently, I’m doing lots of research and saving up my money.

ONE of the above countries I am planning to visit in either late 2015 or early 2016. My friends all know which one, more about this later.