A CALENDAR YEAR, NO MORE

 

For decades, I received so many free calendars; I could have hung one in every room. I was giving them away! Almost all were filled with gorgeous photographic scenes or artwork.

Around the pandemic years I stopped receiving any. Just before that, they were replaced by single cardboard ones of various sizes that were plain and featured all the months at a glance. But even these became far and few between until free calendars disappeared altogether from my mailbox.

 My favorites are the ones that accentuate the main holiday, or theme of the month.  Such as a bunny or eggs for Easter, clover for St. Pat’s Day, Fireworks for July, or a winter scene for Christmas, or a beach scene for June. Unfortunately, these seem to be going out of fashion.

Not to mention that now I almost have to go begging for one if the Dollar Stores sell out! Or pay a ridiculous price somewhere else.

A Facebook acquaintance told me that last year she received 20! I’d be happy to receive just one!

Even the calendars for which I am forced to overpay are never reinforced at the hole as they used to be. To keep one hung permanently requires a whole lot of scotch tape. And this looks tacky!

The older I get; the quality of life seems to be going in constant decline. This is just one example!

DIANNE'S CHRISTMAS SALAD

 

I love this salad so much I sometimes eat it as an entire meal!

Ingredients:

Fresh leafy baby spinach

Honey goat cheese (Find it in the gourmet cheese section of the supermarket, not the dairy case.

Fresh blueberries

Seedless grapes

Chopped pitted dates

Walnuts

Lite Raspberry Walnut Vinaigrette

Directions:

In a large plate or bowl spread out the leafy baby spinach

Top with lots of fresh blueberries

Top these with sliced/crumbled honey goat cheese

Scatter seedless grapes

Add chopped pitted dates

Scatter with walnut halves

(Be generous with all the above toppings!)

Then, sprinkle sparingly with Lite Raspberry Walnut Vinaigrette

And Viola Enjoy!

SMOKE & SURPRISES

 

This happened early in the double zero decade. I’m guessing around 2003. And it was around Christmas, because my tree & decorations were up.

I switched on the hall light downstairs. To my horror, smoke began streaming from it! Instantly I switched it off.

In a panic I grabbed the phone book and chose an electrician at random. I don’t even remember which one.

The electrician told me he’d be right over, but it would cost me $70. -- This was a lot to pay for an electrician back then, but a bargain price these days! Fearing my home was ready to go up in flames, I said YES!

As I waited, I wondered how perilous a situation this was; after all, he didn’t tell me to leave the house immediately, and to run next door to phone the fire dept.

I picked up my huge hurricane light and examined the wall for scorching. Thankfully, there was none. Then I heard my doorbell ring.

Upon opening, I was startled to discover 6 or 7 men in their 20’s standing there!

“You have a smoking light switch?” inquired the one in front.

I nodded.

One by one they paraded into my house. I figured this must be an emergency or why else would they send a team.

However, only the one who spoke worked on the light switch. All the others just stood around silently and watched.

The switch was repaired in a jiffy. He turned it on to show me.

Now, I wanted this group of strangers out of my home quickly as possible since I could see no reason for them being there in the first place, and their presence made me uncomfortable.

To facilitate this, I asked the guy who fixed it if he could mail me the bill.

“No problem,” he replied. “We have your name and address.”

I watched as one by one, this large group paraded out of my home. I felt relieved to see them go.

And to my surprise, I never received a bill.

A CELEBRATION OF TEA

 

Coffee is the work horse of the beverage world, tea is the show pony. Everything tastes and feels more special with tea.

Unlike coffee, tea evokes images and feelings. People who love coffee usually like loud music and crowds. These are NOT my people.

Tea is like a quiet, relaxing vacation in my mind, a mini getaway.

Whenever I sit and sip Irish tea, I can imagine myself sitting by a window in a cozy room with a blazing fireplace. Outside it's chilly as a light misty rain falls upon a wild garden. Curving thru it is a dirt path leading up to a crude old picket fence; beyond are jade colored mountains and wide haunting moors brimming with secrets longing to be told.

The flavor of Raspberry tea makes me feel as if I’m seated in a large white gazebo in the middle of a lavish spring garden. Acres of flowering trees and bushes with ripe fruit surround me. Rabbits scamper and frolic among these as songbirds sing sweetly to me. Beyond are rolling mint-colored hills and fields of lavender and wildflowers as families of deer strut proudly among them.

A taste of cinnamon tea and I imagine a Christmas Eve in Vienna! It's cold and snowing outside but I'm snug and warm inside a charming old ninetieth century home peering out thru a huge picture window high above the city. Icicles hang from the window along with frost. The multitude of bright gem colored lights outside display a gauzy glow as the stars above appear to be diaphanous distant pearls. Inside is a 10 ft tree decorated to the hilt. I can almost smell the cinnamon pecan rolls baking for Christmas morning.

My orange, passion fruit, jasmine green tea is a special exotic tropical treat! I imagine myself upon a paradisical private island somewhere between Africa and Asia. I'm alone enjoying every moment of my isolation and serenity. Fragrances from the many different and gorgeous flowers fill my nostrils, colorful butterflies as big as birds flutter past me. Just beyond, the azure waves of Indian Ocean lap the shoreline glistening in the sun; with each, a warm gentle breeze caresses me.

A new tea I’ve recently come to love is Butterfly Pea Flower Vanilla Midnight. It’s the green shade of a haunted forest. A magical esoteric place filled with secrets unknown to the outside world. Within the tree trunks dwell ancient spirits. Faeries perch in their branches as gnomes peek out from behind rocks. I call this my enchanted tea!

Opening my eyes after savoring each sip, I'm reminded that my kitchen table and the formal one beneath the chandelier both display lovely nature views outside that I don't need to imagine. However, a little fantasy and a bit of variety is always something to enjoy along with the delicious taste of tea!

AI & EYES IN THE SKY

 

I’ll admit I enjoy AI artwork. It’s the stuff of fantasy. I find it fascinating and intriguing.

A friend told me AI is going to eventually replace workers, and most people will be thrown out of a job.

I told her to look on the bright side and remember our ages, when the big takeover happens, we’ll probably be dead or close to it. -- Although this is happening already! Self-check-out is here and I detest it!

I still resent the fact that I’m forced to pump my own gas. I loathe having to touch that germy handle. Growing up this was a job for station attendants who also checked your oil & tire pressure, as well as cleaned your windshield. Nowadays, everything is more expensive with worse customer service.

Not long ago, I was presented with a special offer. AI could narrate my books for a reduced price. There was only one catch! The AI would have trouble with foreign words or phrases. So I had to decline.

In the two novels I’d have chosen: The first, the main character goes to Germany to solve a decades old mystery. The second, the lead character is a wealthy divorcee who is well traveled. AI would have a fit with these, especially the first one!

This in mind, I noticed something goofy in a YouTube video I was watching about WWII. The narrator referred to the German “Wehrmacht” as Vermont! Also 1945 was pronounced 1,945! Who talks like that? Certainly not a human being!

Recently, I hired a plumber, and we were discussing AI. I told him not to worry; his job was safe. He said he was concerned for his sons. He wanted them to be businessmen not plumbers.

By the time his sons are grown, plumbers will probably be making more money than doctors! And their services are hardly cheap now! Doctors will be easier to replace. AI can diagnose illnesses and robots can perform surgery. But I can’t see them doing plumbing.

I’ve read poetry written by a computer and it was laughable. The plumber pointed out that AI has already taken jobs away from humans by narrating books & videos. Sadly, I can’t argue with that!

Plus, we’re still in the early stages, computers are only going to be getting smarter.

LUNCH & DEATH

 

During the double zero decade I was invited to numerous free luncheons from investment firms. 2007 was a particularly big year for this. My friend Irene (now deceased) & I seemed to attend one every month.

Nowadays I no longer receive invitations to these. Perhaps they’ve discovered that I’ve lost most of my money in so-called “safe investments.” Instead, I’m invited to luncheons by funeral and cremation services now. – I always attend, but only for the free food!

Death is a lucrative business! Our planet has an exploding population and none of us are getting out of here alive! Plus, a mortician will never be replaced by AI. It’s one of the few jobs that’s safe.

The last four of these stopped providing dessert. To me, a meal is incomplete without one. And I know they can afford it!

At the last one, the restaurant was spacious with a trendy vibe and had additional rooms for special functions. And unlike the previous places it wasn’t part of a chain. It was the type of place where dining felt like a treat.

This time, the hostess was an attractive young woman with a big personality. She lived in the coastal town where I grew up, just an hour south of here. She told us that ironically, she lived in a condo overlooking a cemetery.

I know the condo and that cemetery, it’s where my mother is buried. And I’d never want to live in that building, even though it’s lovely, since it’s too close to my mother for me.

As with the investment luncheons, some hosts are more aggressive than others. They remind me of dates who seem to think that because they bought you a meal, you owe them!

This host, a young hottie approached everyone asking, “Your place or mine?”

I declined, and I could tell she was quite unhappy with me.

Also, on the forms there’s usually a box to check if you do NOT want to be contacted again. And I always check that one, yet I’m frequently contacted anyway! – This time I was not.

I plan to be cremated. My dentist told me that if no one claims a body, it’s cremated for free. – I have no problem with this. I have a bigger issue with being exploited financially by a funeral home!

It’s not as if I’m still going to be around. I’m not planning on doing any haunting. – Unless Dictator Don is still in office. In that case, every time he walks into a dark room I’ll be there waiting. I promise!

My longtime friends of many decades are now dead. The others will probably miss me for a while, but they’ll move on, as they should. And most will probably be sloughing off the mortal coil themselves before long. All of us are members of the over 65 club. – In 2 months, I’ll be 10 years over!

Since I’ve had experiences with ghosts, I believe in an afterlife. We’ll meet again on the other side, sooner or later.

TOXIC CALLERS

 

Recently I received that scam phone call with the woman announcing she's on a recorded line and inquiring, "Can you hear me, OK?"

Red flairs began going off in my head immediately. This is an old scam actually. Your "YES" answer is used to gain access into your personal info.

This boggles my mind that they can do it with just that! To view my bank account online I practically have to jump thru flaming hoops followed by a tap-dance and then stand on my head while juggling bowling balls!

When asked if I could hear her OK I shouted "NO!" so loud I hope it blasted her ear drums! Had I been upstairs on the other line I would have topped it off with my police whistle to make sure!

Back in the 1970's I received a call I'll never forget! Back then, answering machines may have been around, however there was no need for one. Unlike now, the phone didn’t ring all day with telemarketers, scammers, & charities. Nine out of ten times you knew the person on the other end.

This particular incident happened on a Friday afternoon when I was alone in the house. A man asked for Mrs. Lininger and I replied that she was out for the day. He then asked is Mr. Lininger there? I told him that he was in West Palm Beach, I was their daughter, and did he want to leave a message?

What he said next, turned things upside down and twisted our conversation side-ways in a whole different direction.

"Do you love your mother?" he inquired.

"No!" I answered loudly with a laugh.

"This is not a joke!" he shot back and repeated the question.

I was silent. Never have I been close to my mother. Mom's love was the strangling kind and I'm rather fond of breathing. And I found the question intrusive! He repeated it again.

"What is this about? Why are you calling?" I wanted to know.

"Your mother is going to be blinded," he declared. "Do you love your mother?'

My initial thought was, who has Mom pissed off now? This was during her fanatical religious period that immediately followed the loss of Dad's high paying job. She dove head first into the bible and it was not unusual for her to tell people they were going to hell for not being church goers.

"Who is this?" I asked.

He just repeated all the above like a parrot!

I demanded to know who he was, plus how he knew, and when this going to happen!

Apparently, he was not expecting all these questions! He became agitated and seamed to freak out while repeating those same things over and over. Finally, he asked "Is there anyone else in the house?"

That was it for me, I hung up! Immediately I called the police!

Soon after, an officer arrived to make a report. He stated the target was not my mother, but me. He explained that sickos feel powerful by getting in your head and messing with you. I knew people like this in high school so that made sense.

He felt the call was probably random. But what disturbed me was that the caller knew the correct pronunciation of our family name, most don't!

When my mother returned, I told her everything that happened. She seemed unconcerned.

Later, my memory was jogged. Just three days before a couple of young guys in their 20's came to repair a cable outage. One behaved creepily! He kept staring at me strangely, then began gazing around our house in an odd manner, and then back to a fixed stare at me.

I can't prove he was the one who phoned, but I'd bet on it!