PSEUDO NORMAL

 

I feel like zombie fodder! Everyone I do business with is taking a big bite out of me! Most recently my lawn guy informed me that he's charging an extra $20 per month now. This was not unexpected, but I thought the hike would be more like $10.

I complained my yard isn't that big! He began listing all his costs that have gone up. Well so have mine, only I don't have anyone to pass it onto! I'm feeling so many bites I fear soon there will be nothing left!

This runaway inflation is a major stressor. And just after I managed to get my hair loss under control too! My worst fear is that it's going to come back and morph into alopecia. If they were unable to cure Mrs. Will Smith who probably has more money than Fort Knox what hope is there for a little peanut like me.

However the pandemic has conditioned me for this in some ways. Cocooning has become my regular lifestyle. Going anywhere or doing anything has become too expensive. Just walking to my mailbox now feels like going out.

My big dress up occasion is a jaunt to the supermarket. I shop every 2 - 3 weeks now. However when hurricane season arrives it'll be weekly again. I must not allow my fridge or garage freezer to become too full then. Tropical storms bring lengthy power outages. Carrying big garbage bags of spoiled food out to the curb is not only sad, it's expensive.

I've become quite skilled at stretching food and being creative with whatever is in my pantry as well as with leftovers.

Going to Walmart feels like a trip to the carnival now.

I still meet friends for lunch in town every now and then, but we've all had to back on that and I miss it. Recently my friend Sue treated me to an Asian buffet. When the bill arrived Sue called the waitress over to complain of only one senior discount.

The waitress pointed at me. "She doesn't qualify."

"She's older than me!" Sue hollered.

The waitress claimed that I looked 45. -- I was flattered as hell anyone would think that especially with my gray hair and bandaged check. I informed her that I'm 71 and offered to show my driver's license.

Sue said that she was tempted to tip that waitress only a dollar for being so stupid! I joked that I should leave $10 behind for the compliment.

Excuse my bragging. (Up yours if you don't!) But I had to mention this because it lifted my spirits and reminded me I still have something to be proud. I've been hit with depression and sunk to lows I never wanted to experience again! The past couple years have been particularly miserable in numerous ways.

However I won't feel attractive again until this wound on my face heals completely.

And I hate remembering to bandage up before going to bed. This is a bother and a nuisance! But otherwise I'd have ointment all over my pillowcase.

I must point out that Sue is not an unattractive woman! She has been called the Marilyn Monroe of Vero Beach. She dresses glamorously and is blessed with natural thick platinum hair that I envy and wish was mine!

I'm letting my tresses grow out. Salons have become too expensive. I'll admit this shade of gray doesn't look pretty when worn long, but the mess and ordeal of coloring is something I don't care to return to. Also I must take into consideration my recent bout with hair loss. Besides, I'm home alone most of the time now.

I can always stick on a cute hat when I go out. Also when the cool weather returns I've got an assortment of wigs in a variety of colors and styles.

These days my social life is mostly Facebook. But Facebook "friends" are here today and gone tomorrow. However I do enjoy the artwork, videos, photos & articles. And decorating my Timeline is fun and relaxing.

Since cancelling that pricey newspaper subscription all my news comes from online as well as TV now. But I sure miss that big Sunday paper and spreading it across the floor to read. -- However not enough to resubscribe.

Blogging is as much therapy as memoir to me. And I'm working on another novel. I enjoy a feeling of satisfaction from creating a story even if no one reads it.

I'm spending more time than ever sitting and staring at a screen. As a result my bottom is sore. I wish there was a masseuse that specialized in deep tissue butt massages. And one that does only feet & butts would be perfect and a dream come true.

My new normal is anything but, however "normal" is subjective.

HAIR & HURRICANE LOSS

 

It's old news by now. I'm referring to the Oscar slap seen round the world! But I'm dredging it up for a reason.

Personally, I think Will Smith should have had his ass hauled off to jail the second after he struck Chris Rock! My heart went out to this comedian every time I saw a replay of the incident. Right before the slap he stood there with a big smile on his face as Smith approached without a clue what was about to befall him.

If Will Smith ever placed a hand on me I would sue the pants off him! He didn't deserve a standing ovation. He should have been booed off the stage!

Whether or not Chris knew about Jada's medical condition is irrelevant. The joke wasn't even mean! Even Will himself laughed upon hearing it. Had Rock exclaimed, "Holey moley Jada your head looks like a bowling ball with a face painted on!" -- Now that would have been mean!

But the joke was innocent!

Since I don't follow celebrities I assumed Jada's look was a fashion choice. And I thought she looked absolutely gorgeous! However upon seeing her smile in reaction to her husband's assault it made me want to punch her in the yap!

This was a valuable teaching experience for her children and she failed miserably! As for making friends with her alopecia and embracing it, she talks the talk, but doesn't walk the walk. Otherwise she wouldn't be that sensitive about it.

Recently I experienced a significant hair loss myself that threw me into a panic! Every time I washed or even combed, my sink would be full of hair. My parts were so wide you could almost drive a Mack truck thru them! I thought I was going to end up as hairless as GI Jada.

And worse I had burning and soreness as if a hot poker had been placed on my scalp!

When I went to the stylist he refused to cut my hair as short as before. He felt it only drew attention to the thinning. But I insisted he do it! That way I could slip a turban or wig on more neatly.

I told myself I was the perfect person for this condition. I own a stockade of hats, wigs, & turbans. You might say I'd been preparing for this my entire adult life, -- but that didn't make it any easier! Never would I embrace it. Never would it become my friend, not even a forced one.

The dermatologist visit I scheduled was due to hair loss and not that giant pimple on my face with the weird border.

The doctor glanced briefly at my scalp and agreed there was loss. "Try Rogaine," he advised. "However you must use it for at least 6 months to know whether or not it works. "But don't expect your hair to look as it did when you were 22." 

Geez, I'd settle for when I was 65! And Rogaine is downright expensive! If I'm going to shell out that kind of money for a product I want to be certain it's going to work. Not something that I have to close my eyes, wish, and knock-on-wood first!

Then I happened to mention, "Oh and by the way doctor I've got this thing growing on my face." -- I was sure he was going to tell me it was benign. And if it bothered me he'd prescribe a peeling cream or something else to remove it.

I was blown away when informed that it was skin cancer and was growing! I ended up with a big pit in my face that was far wider than the growth.

If someone said to me, "Hey Dianne, that hole in your face is so deep a serial killer could throw 3 bodies in there and not get caught," I'd scowl rather than strike them, -- unless it became a habit and bordered on harassment. That would be different!

Due to this runaway inflation there is no way I can afford a skin graft by a plastic surgeon so it appears I'll need to force myself into accepting a scar on my face. I'm crossing my fingers, hoping it won't be that bad.

The wound is narrowing and filling in despite the dermatologist's highly negative prognosis.

As to my hair loss, thankfully it was temporary, related to stress caused by an unusually active hurricane season in which I unable to find anyone to board-up my home.

Thanks to nutritional supplements and a reliable (although far from cheap) contractor my tresses are back -- at least for now!

NO NEWS, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

 

I am completely shocked and in disbelief by the number of people online confessing to never reading or listening to news because they find it too upsetting! -- Not having access to news would upset me far more!!! I WANT to know what's going on in the world!!!

Do these fools think that burying their head in the sand is preventing terrible things from happening??? More likely the opposite, forewarned is forearmed. Besides, these events are part of life! You can't have the good without the bad.

One person's news is another's reality.

Despite all the unpleasantness and tragedy, a daily newspaper was one of the joys of my life. I could never imagine not subscribing to one. I loved spreading its pages out on the floor the same way I did as a kid and reading it that way. Online isn't the same, but that's all I have now.

My newspaper was shrinking steadily, yet the price was constantly climbing. Subscribing became a luxury! And long had I been disgusted with its spotty and late deliveries plus their indifference, so after the last price increase I cancelled.

Previously I'd cut back to Sunday & Wednesday deliveries only while getting the rest of my news online. But even those 2 days a week became too expensive. And where I currently live you can only get one newspaper delivered to your door.

Plus I've always found it inferior. Way too much was local news and trivia. I prefer reading about world and national events! I just live in Vero Beach; I'm not married to it!

I'll admit I've been spoiled!  I grew up reading The Miami Herald & the Palm Beach Post. Both were top notch and delivery issues were rare and when one occurred dealt with immediately. But unfortunately due to logistics neither delivers here. This was a big sacrifice in moving.

I attempted to subscribe to the Palm Beach Post online without success. I went thru all the steps including giving them my credit card number. But when I tried to log in with my password I was informed that I didn't have an account.

I'm not a tech person and I'm 70 plus years old so I contacted customer service. The lady logged me on, but I was lost once I got there, trying to navigate the thing was a headache! And the following day when I attempted to log on, again they claimed I didn't have an account!

I contacted customer service, again! The man confirmed they had my credit card number. I told him to delete it because I was cancelling! This was all too much bother when there's a plethora of free news and everything else online!

So now here I sit spending even more time in front of this screen. Perhaps I should move my kitchen table and bed in here, too!

BEYOND TRAGIC

 

Watching the war in the Ukraine unfold sickens me and makes me want to weep. I feel a personal connection to there and to Russia. Back in 1979 when I was 28 I toured both. I traveled all the way down the Crimean Peninsula.

It was the year before Russia hosted the Olympics. The one we boycotted because they went into Afghanistan.

My hotel in Moscow was located directly across from the Kremlin. Early in the AM I'd see the old ladies in babushkas sweeping the street from my hotel window. Nowadays I see photos of old ladies wearing babushkas holding rifles in the Ukraine.

Back then, Kyiv was spelled Kiev and pronounced Key-ev.  Listening to the reporters on TV I wondered if they were talking about the same place. I Googled it, and yes it is! Also back in the Iron Curtain days when I visited, St. Petersburg was called Leningrad.

At that time, there existed such harmony between Russia and the Ukraine I could never have imagined what is occurring now! It is shocking and heartbreaking to see so many places in the Ukraine I visited bombed to rubble!

Russian bombs were even falling at the Babi Yar WWII Memorial, the site of a mass slaughter, also a mass grave. I remember it well. I want to shake my head and cry.

After returning home, many told me (with attitude) they would never go to Russia for any reason. Those #$%&@ communists should never see one dime of our money!

And I told them NOT to hate the Russian people! Many of them feel the same disdain toward their government and the communist system as Americans do, but they are trapped there. 

Although it didn't happen to me personally, several members of my tour were approached by Russian citizens looking for answers on seeking asylum in the United States. They were advised, "If you don't have money, stay there!"

Since the invasion of the Ukraine many Russians have fled their country. Thousands of others are peacefully protesting and being arrested as traitors. You can bet they will receive more than a slap on the wrist as punishment unlike the genuine traitors in our country who stormed the capitol on Jan. 6 attempting to overthrow a valid election.

The shameful and disgraceful scene in Washington D.C. was another event I never expected to see in my lifetime when I journeyed behind the iron curtain long ago.

Of all the countries I've visited (and I've been to a whole lot of places) that's the one of which I am the most proud. I recall it vividly and treasure the memories.

In particular I remember my free afternoon in Leningrad. A fellow traveler named Richard & I boarded a city bus and went exploring together. Richard had a map of Leningrad and with the help of others on the bus (we spoke no Russian & they no English) helped us to locate all the sites we planned to visit.

But as the day wore on we found ourselves lost. Inside a park, a pretty Russian girl noticed us looking at the map and gathered that we were having a problem. Although she was not versed in English, she came over to help. We showed her the map and gave her the name of our hotel.

Soon a boy around age 12 approached as well. The lad also spoke no English. He and the young woman talked. We were directed to follow him. He led us to the subway and even boarded with us. We were surprised to discover a subway platform to disengage right below our hotel. Never had I been on a subway in my life until the week before in Moscow. Indeed we were grateful for the help of these strangers!

Throughout the tour we were assigned two guides, an American and a Russian, both young women in their mid 20's. The Russian guide was named Natasha. She possessed a refinement along with a natural elegance. And was one of the sweetest young women ever!

I can't help but think of her now. I hope she is safe and well, and most of all living happily in a country far from there.

My hope is that this horrific invasion will bring about the end of Vlad Poop'n! And I would love to see all the yachts and mansions seized from the Russian oligarchs sold and the money used to repair and rebuild all of the ghastly destruction inflicted upon the Ukraine.

But sadly, you can't give back a life once it has been taken.

REMEMBERING

 

Florida does get chilly, it's rare but it does happen. And you feel it more intensely if you're a native. We're unused to cold.

This is one of those winters. Evenings I'm attired in my heavy robe & nightgown, along with warm snuggy boots, plus a big wool turban on my head. To top it off I'm bundled up in a blanket with the TV remote underneath. -- But I prefer this to the hellish heat and humidity that will be arriving all too soon.

I vividly recall the autumn before the lockdown that came the following March. It's memorable because my friend Irene and I went to lunch together. At that time, we couldn't have envisioned what was just ahead. We believed the pandemic would be over soon. And the very thought of any shortage of tissue, or other paper products along with numerous items was unimaginable! After all the United Sates is not a third world country.

The day before, I saw one person wearing a mask at the supermarket, a rarity at the time. The idea of everyone masking up and social distancing would have seemed bizarre back then.

Irene and I were out to enjoy ourselves despite the weather. Florida was experiencing a rare, early, cold spell that day.

A Greek café was chosen because we both love spanakopita. The place was small with no heat. And inexplicably the overhead fans were on. We were seated under one and moved. In fact we changed our seat several times, but were still cold. And whenever the door opened it felt as if an Arctic blast of air shot thru the room. We ordered coffee to warm us up, however the coffee was cold. We shivered all throughout the meal.

Irene's company was the only pleasant thing about that lunch. She was well into her nineties but possessed a sharp mind and wit worthy of Betty White.

Unfortunately her health continued to decline.

However Irene was blessed to find a dedicated caregiver who became like a son to her. When the lockdown came, he took her and her beloved cat, Millie to his home up in Sebastian to give her the special care she needed.

We kept in touch thru email.

A year ago this month my friend Irene passed away right before Valentine's Day. I sent her a card with a kitten on the cover that she never lived to see.

I mask-up regularly now whenever I'm out. But often I don't leave my house for two weeks. When the pandemic finally ends I fear many of the changes it wrought will remain.

This chilly morning for breakfast I had leftover spanakopita from Publix along with grapes & pitted dates. I thought of Irene.

Someday, on the other side of the veil I hope to see her again along with my other close and treasured friends Pat and Margaret who preceded her in death. I miss them all.

SUPERANNUATED

Superannuated, the first time I came across this word was during my 20s while reading a steamy novel set in the old south. I had to look it up. According to my 1947 issue dictionary it means; obsolete & outdated. This describes everything I own today including myself!

However the internet is no longer a luxury but a necessity! Imagine being without it for three & a half days along with phone & TV as I was not long ago.

I have a landline only, no cell for several reasons. ONE: I'm retired, home most of the time and the supermarket is right around the corner. TWO: I just don't like them! They're dinky and have no mouthpiece or place to rest my ear. They suck!

Also I still have cable, U-verse in fact. I'm happy with it -- when everything is working properly, that is! I was informed by a tech that it's no longer offered new because they're trying to phase it out. But if you currently have it, they won't take it away. In other words, it's an old folk's product and they're waiting for us to die off.

Unfortunately for them, we're not doing it fast enough! As much as they would like, they can't round us up and kill us. So I think they're trying to give us strokes and heart attacks thru sheer aggravation.

During the repair to my outage I mentioned to all three ATT techs that I was having problems with my DVR. It kept freezing and jumping ahead, also the sound would cut out at times. They listened, but offered no advice. So I assumed that after they unconstipated my TV the issue would be solved! --WRONG!!!

The DVR worked fine for a week and then started freezing and jumping ahead like crazy again! I enjoy Comics Unleashed but was missing half the punch lines and 45 minutes into a Lifetime movie I had to give up and delete because I couldn't follow the story!

The next morning I called ATT. After a long wait I got someone with a heavy accent. While I was explaining the problem I suddenly found myself disconnected. I kept shouting, hello, hello, but no answer!

I called back. After another lengthy wait I got a woman with only a slight accent. Again, while I was explaining the exact thing happened! I literally screamed into the phone in desperation with only dead air on the other end.

I called back yet again! Another long wait ensued. Finally I got a woman in billing who assured that she would connect me with a tech who would stay on the line. Yet another person with an accent, but this one actually listened. He explained that he was going to run some tests, we'd lose our connection, but he'd call me right back.

He never did!!!

I got on the internet attempting to contact someone that way. However I kept going round & round with an ATT robot informing me they did a trouble shoot and my TV was fine. I kept repeating that the problem was with my DVR and NOT the TV!

In 2009 when I got U-verse I was given a faulty DVR. They came out and replaced it. Now they don't even want to hear about it!

Frustrated, I told a friend about this. She said to reboot the DVR which I'd done before. It got rid of the problem temporarily, but I couldn't rewind or pause for long periods or it would return. And the freezing, jumping and sound loss always came back eventually!

However there was a bright spot! After my modem was replaced I stopped losing my internet connection which had been an ongoing problem. Not long ago I was issued a new modem after complaining about this to ATT.

The tech they sent out (costing me $100) told me I didn't need it. He claimed the problem was with my outdated computer. I asked him to take the modem back with him. He stated that I was required to send it back via UPS.

I drove over there and stood in a long socially distanced line that stretched out the door. -- Had the tech just installed the damn thing in the first place I would never have experienced that lengthy outage!

I've had this DVR for over a decade without any issues until recently! I've been told electronics have a short life.

Yes, I know that streaming is the in thing now. But my older TV (which works fine) cannot be converted. Also it may as well be space alien technology to me. I can't afford to pay a tech person to come out here every time I have a problem. And worse, everything seems to go out of date almost as fast as it's installed!

Just recently my bill jumped $12. After complaining I was informed that it was the yearly ATT increase. Hot cat pee! A yearly increase should be only a couple dollars! This is pure corporate greed and gouging at the worst possible time! This practice has gotten worse since ATT merged with Time Warner.

And I must say customer service has declined dramatically during my 71 years alive. Every time I think it has struck rock bottom it always manages to hit a newer low.

PRICEY PANDEMIC

 

Whenever I read about all those people who saved money big time during the lock-down I shake my head, I've always felt that I live in a different reality and now I'm sure of it!

And suddenly there's crazy high inflation! I probably should have thought again about purchasing that expensive cake online for my birthday, but I doubt I'll be doing that again.

My friend Sue has been after me to go on a cruise with her for several years now. Unfortunately due to the expense of so many out-of-the-blue medical, dental, & vision issues I've been constantly forced to put this off. Well now I've had to inform her that I probably won't be going on any more vacations during this lifetime.

My health issues accelerated after I returned from Thailand in 2016.What is worrisome is I know that at my age it's only the beginning.

"Forget about the cruise," My other friend Marie told me. "Consider yourself fortunate you were able to visit as many wonderful and exotic places in your lifetime that you did! For example, how many people get to see Thailand!" --

-- I read that more people have visited Thailand than anyplace else on the planet, so I would say quite a few! And I was thrilled to be one of them.

However Thailand was more than just a vacation! It was an exploratory trip to a country I was considering expatriating due to the low cost of living and affordable health care there. Ditto for Ecuador in 2015.The only 100 per cent vacation recently was when Rose & I flew to the Galapagos Islands from mainland Ecuador!

However both Thailand and Ecuador proved too Third World for my taste as far as a permanent home. I also considered Mexico. I loved visiting there during the 1970's, unfortunately it's no longer as safe.

And I considered Portugal. I was there in 1977. I did not find it Third World. So I began doing research only to discover as many cons as pros to moving there.

But after the pandemic hit, I was grateful that I didn't expatriate to any of those places!

I must accept that all of these health issues come as part of the territory when getting older and deal with them as best I can here.