THE GIGANTIC SEVEN OMG

 

Yesterday it happened! I share the same birthday as Elvis Presley and Kim Jong-Un. One's dead, one's alive, and I'm somewhere in between.

My 70th has arrived. I still look good despite the fact that I'm coming apart from the inside.

Our society, like soon to be ex-President Pussy Grabber believes women have expiration dates. It's not kind to older women. However I am always good to myself because others are not.

"Once you hit your 70's," a friend told me, "be prepared to be for all kinds of ailments you never knew existed before."

Geez, I thought that already happened in my 60's! Before then, I'd never heard of neuropathy, trichodynia, peripheral edema, or posterior vitreous detachment.

"Hang on," she said. "It's just the beginning."

Oh joy, I can hardly wait!

At Walmart I saw a package of light bulbs claiming to last 18 years. I wondered if I would still be alive by then. -- My mother died at age 72. Before cancer took her down she was the healthiest of all her contemporaries. She didn't drive, walked every place and rarely went to the doctor. Before her cancer, she'd only been hospitalized to give birth.

Life moves at warp speed now and it's scary! Also at this age I know more people who are dead than alive, most of whom I don't want to be reunited with in the afterlife.

A psychic once told me that spirits of those close to me in previous lives were always around. Perhaps that explains my feeling of disconnect with the flesh and blood people in my life. They were never my crowd.

I've read that our world shrinks as we age. Seniors become isolated and shut-ins. However if other seniors are like me, this isn't by choice or lack of interest! Being on a fixed income combined with inflation and exorbitant medical expenses makes it too damn expensive to go out and do anything now.

If money was no object, I'd be traveling the world constantly and treating myself to all kinds of things both there and here. But that's not my reality; I'm forced to live within my budget.

However I'm not unhappy; I enjoy life in spite of this. The Christmases I've spent alone have been the most wonderful of all, -- just not the last one! 2020 was an anomaly, period!

Despite everything, I wouldn't want to be anyone else but me. Yes, I do envy people who have more disposable income, but if I could switch places with them, I wouldn't! I'd be miserable living their lives.

Never do I put my happiness in the hands of others. The best part of life now is that I no longer have to live up or down to anyone else's expectations. I don't have to prove anything to anyone. At long last, I've been set free!

A COVID CHRISTMAS

 

This holiday season has a depressing watered down feeling. The Christmas events I enjoyed in the past were not around this year. And the theatres remain closed! There was no getting together with friends for our holiday lunches. We are all women of a certain age and high risk.

Our governor is a Trump turd who has never had a plan to deal with the pandemic other than to ignore it same as his master who thankfully will soon be vacating the White House.

My circle of friends already small is shrinking -- unless you count Facebook friends which don't count! They should be labeled as acquaintances and most aren't even that!

I value my true friends because they're people I choose to have in my life opposed to those who've been forced upon me: relatives, in-laws, step-relatives. Most of whom I'd never gravitate to in the first place. Thankfully most in that category are out of my life for good now!

It's wonderful and welcome news that a vaccine will soon be available. But as for myself, I'm leery of taking it. I learned the hard way I'm allergic to codeine and I suffered every miserable side effect possible with Paxil. Plus I experienced withdrawal symptoms just like a junkie when I quit. I was taking both drugs under a doctor's care! So no thank you to the vaccine!

I figure if everyone else takes it, I won't need to. I'll just continue to wear a mask and social distance until the virus is gone. Even before the pandemic I was a happy hermit.

However with the new stronger strain coming out of Great Britain I may change my mind. We'll see when the vaccine becomes available.

Besides the supermarket, the only place I go these days is to the dentist. At the rate my teeth are cracking soon I'll have more crowns than natural teeth. And no, I don't munch on rocks!

The dentist asked if I chewed ice. I said I'd be alarmed if I did! Both my mother and a favorite aunt developed a craving for ice when they came down with terminal cancer. Why my teeth keep cracking remains a mystery to me!

 A friend pointed out that I've had these teeth since I was a small child and to be grateful they lasted almost 70 years. However I was told by a dentist when I was young that if I took good care of my teeth (which I do) they would last a lifetime. -- I am not ready to die at age 70.

Amongst my emails was a Christmas card from the hotel in Bangkok where I stayed in 2016, my favorite, and the one where I began and ended my tour of Thailand. It was a delight to open!

Last night on PBS I watched the Vero Beach Ballet perform Nutcracker on the Treasure Coast. It was exciting to see knowing all those talented performers were local people. And the costumes were amazing!

Like everyone else, I will heave a big sigh of relief when the pandemic ends.

 I miss wearing lipstick! It brightens up my entire face. I miss getting dressed up all fancy and meeting friends for lunch in a nice restaurant. Heck, I even miss paper towels with Christmas designs! Finding any at all has been a challenge in recent months.

Sadly, many restaurants I enjoyed will not be reopening and they will be missed. But now I'm used to savoring a lot of special meals at home that I prepare myself.

Once the Christmas tree goes up the healthy diet goes right out the window! But hey, the food is part of the holiday! However I am determined to exert some discipline and use portion control.

I don't want to end up like the 400 lb woman who went for a swim and was sexually assaulted by a herd of manatees. They mistook her for one of their own and tried to mate with her. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP! It happened recently in Fort Pierce only minutes south of here.  

2020 will be a year to remember for all the wrong reasons. Let's hope better things are heading our way now that it's ending.

One day the virus will be gone, but I doubt life can return to the way it was, it will be a different normal.

A PLACE CALLED HOME

 

Last night I dreamt I was swimming serenely in a scenic lake among garlands of flowers floating all around me. I was on a lush exotic island in the middle of the Indian Ocean. The mise en scene felt sublime, I wish I had died in my sleep and remained there forever.

The sleeping prophet Edgar Cayce noted that careful attention should be paid to dreams. They have a significant message for us. I read this from a book titled THE PLACE WE CALL HOME by Robert J. Grant; it explores realms that await us after physical death. I bought a copy right after my father's passing.

After reading Cayce's statement I experienced a bizarre dream that night, one I still remember vividly.

In late night darkness I was standing amidst busy traffic, car lights whizzed by me on both sides. In front of me was a badly mangled wreck of a car; I wondered if it was mine but was unable to tell. Police and paramedics were there, but they ignored me.

A woman in a pick-up truck stopped. She got out and walked over to me. She claimed we had gone to school together although I didn't remember her. She said that she was taking me home to the 100 acre place on the lake. -- The place I hadn't lived since I was 9, but all of my happiest memories were there. Life took so many ugly turns and unraveled when my family moved and bought the house on the river.

The lake place no longer existed, but those 100 acres had been paradise to me and I couldn't wait to return. I began to wonder if I was dead. But if I could spend eternity there I didn't care. I was getting excited.

The woman asked did I mind if we stopped at her house. It was along the way and something needed her attention there.

I was annoyed, but said OK because after all, she was doing me a favor.

Suddenly we were driving on a cracked road into a rundown neighborhood. Every other or third street lamp was either out or flickering beneath a low-hanging fog, a most dismal depressing place. She pulled up in front of an old two-story white house with rotting wood & peeling paint that I could see clearly from my seat.

I told her I'd wait inside the truck hoping that would hurry her up. She said she'd be awhile and to come inside, again I was irritated.

Indoors everything was in much the same condition as the outside. Her furniture was worn and faded. She told me to seat myself and then she disappeared. Time dragged by, in disgust I went looking for her. I found her inside the kitchen mopping her floor. A spill, she said. I was angry now and wanted to leave immediately!

"Soon," she said trying to calm me. She led me back into the living room and switched on the television for me to watch. The TV set was an old black & white one. All the shows on the dial were from the 1950's & 60's, even the commercials were of similar vintage. And most of the stations were snowy.

Eventually she emerged from the kitchen and I rose. She motioned for me to sit back down. She needed to go across the street to a neighbor's house and she hurriedly left. I realized I was never going to leave there. Then, thankfully I awoke!

I am a believer in the afterlife as well as reincarnation, but acknowledge I could be wrong. Perhaps my flashes of a previous life under autohypnosis as a Roman soldier and my experiences involving the departed were nothing more than brain glitches.

If my current life is all there is, I'm fine with that! The thought of not knowing what I'm returning to is disturbing. Likely it will be a world decimated by over population and climate change filled with crowds of people starving. My preference is to cease to exist and be forgotten.

AH, TEMPTATION

 

Recently I almost became a mother. A new young beauty has moved into the neighborhood, an Egyptian Mau. It looks to be less than a year old. This one is light grey with the characteristic black spots but also has a black stripe down its back with a serpentine design.

This small elegant creature came to greet me one mid-morning as I went to fetch my mail. The little thing seemed starved for affection as I petted it. But after retrieving my mail it was nowhere in sight.

As I was writing away in my home office I heard a meowing. The cat was in my garage! I opened the door to release it; but instead it ran back into my house and made itself at home. I gave him/her a name, I call it Sneaky!

Sneaky started climbing up my stairs. I grabbed the cat and told it, "You need to go home!" But I wondered if it had one.

As I carried it out thru the garage it clung tightly to me as if it didn't want to leave. I placed it gently down on my driveway and told it, "Stay there".  The kitty stared up at me with sad eyes as I quickly departed and closed the door.

I refer to the cat as "IT" because I don't know the gender. My previous one was a big Tom. Once I was petting him along with my dog (a Chihuahua-Terrier mix) I had both side-by-sides on their backs. Their sex organs looked identical although the cat was male and the dog female.

I've been asking around the neighborhood as to the origin of this cat. One told me it was a stray, another claimed it had an owner somewhere around here but they knew not where.

None of my previous cats (all indoor/outdoor) were rovers; always they stayed close to the property. Of course mine were so well fed, had so many toys, comfortable places to sleep, and were showered with such loving attention that they had no desire go searching for another owner.

Often when I'm outside I see this cat from a distance. Whenever it spots me it starts heading in my direction. And I quicken my steps to get back indoors.

Years ago I would have taken it in and adopted this cat. However at this stage of my life, I can't handle the added expense. Back in 2002 it cost $100 just to set foot inside a veterinarian's office. And now I'm struggling and juggling to pay my own medical bills!

My age too is a factor. An animal could easily outlive me. Or I could suddenly end up in the hospital for lord knows how long and then be forced into a nursing facility or a retirement home. Sadly, there are too many negative variables here for me to even consider it.

THANKSGIVING AS USUAL -- HARDLY!

 

Since I get to enjoy Thanksgiving alone every year I'm not as inconvenienced by the pandemic as many others. Shortages at the grocery store are to be expected, I read. However since I buy turkey slices from the deli rather than an entire turkey this shouldn't affect me.

However if I end up cooking a pizza or plate of spaghetti for my Thanksgiving dinner that's perfectly fine, it's nothing I haven't done before and it's all good. In fact, I've embraced TV dinners for my holiday meal if that's what it took to avoid dining with family and others. But now I'm alone and free to do whatever I want.

Here it is, the day before Thanksgiving and while eating breakfast a big chunk of a back tooth came out! It seems one tooth after another is going bad! And I'm a fanatical brusher & flosser too. I shouldn't be experiencing any of this!

Anyway, the dentist office is closed until after Thanksgiving. Bad things always happen at the worst possible time, so this is no surprise.

Tomorrow, I will be chewing my holiday dinner very carefully.

For Thanksgiving breakfast it will be buttermilk biscuits with orange marmalade. I love the history behind it. There are many versions of how marmalade came to be. My favorite is the one I heard in Scotland.

During the 1700's Spanish ships used to dock in Dundee. They dumped oranges that were starting to go bad from their cargo holds. Boys would gather them up and take them home to their mothers. The mom's cut off the bad parts and preserved the good. Sons were told "More m'lad!" and thus the name Marmalade was derived. Ever since, Seville oranges are shipped to the British Isles in order to create this delicious concoction.

As to the holiday shortages I'm more concerned with the disappearance of paper goods, most of all toilet paper! Who wants to go thru that misery and desperation again! I still don't understand why panic buying was necessary the first time! Good grief, the stores remained opened all during the pandemic! Had it not been for hoarders there would have been enough of everything to go around!

I have a strong feeling the hoarding hogs are those people labeling the virus a hoax, in other words the Trump turds! The same fools who are denying climate change is real.

This November was the only in memory that I was forced to use my air-conditioner. The first two weeks were summer hot and humid!

Also I can never recall a November hurricane and there were actually THREE at one time! And one was a horrendous Cat 5! We're now into the Greek alphabet when it comes to names. Growing up, I don't remember tropical storms being given names as they are now. These were reserved only for hurricanes.

Between the weather, the pandemic, and the deranged despot in the White House refusing to go, I'm having a harder time getting into the holiday spirit this year. But I'm trying!

I am sticking to my now Thanksgiving and Christmas tradition of a new dessert and at least one new side dish that I've never tried before during my holiday meal. This year, it's a butternut squash & egg mini frittata & caramelized onion puffs along with my turkey & mashed potatoes; and for dessert a cranberry white chocolate blondie bar.

Holidays are big cheat-on-my-healthy-diet days and it will always be thus!

Sadly, with climate change, I'm liable to see year round hurricanes during my lifetime. But for now, I just want to celebrate and enjoy holidays without them, plus no future dictator in the White House!

TRUMP GO AWAY & GET LOST

 

I am sick of your fat ugly face; your lies, your boasting, your elementary school insults, your total sliminess, ignorance, and utter incompetence!  The fact that you made it into the White House at all leaves me foaming with contempt at so many of my fellow Americans!

The vote was much closer than it should have been. When I went to bed during the wee hours of Nov. 4 I felt sick! I thought you had won re-election. I strongly believe that never would you have left office and we'd have ended up with a dictator for life. And worse, you would have turned into the most horrid one during our lifetime, all the earmarks were there!

I'm not surprised you declared an early victory. Lord knows you and your ass-licking sycophants did everything possible to suppress the vote and cheat. 

Fortunately sanity prevailed! Biden won both the Electoral College and the popular vote. So get the hell out of the White House Trump and take your white trash family with you!

Afterward I watched you on TV whining about voter fraud with no evidence to back it up. You came off looking like a big cry baby, but that's exactly what you are and always were. The rest of the world is laughing at you. I know I am!

The White House should be fumigated before the Bidens move in. However the Trump stench and stain will probably linger for decades to come.

Sadly, my state (Florida) went for Trump. Neighbors on both sides of me displayed big Trump banners flying from their flag poles. I considered buying a Trump Halloween mask and sticking it atop a long stake and planting it in the middle of my yard. But worried it might get me unwanted attention from the FBI or even the police.

Thankfully on Saturday Nov. 7 Biden was officially declared President Elect! I read somewhere there should be no gloating. Well I know plenty of Trump supporters ready to gloat like a showboat had HE won! Crowds on the evening news were shown dancing jubilantly in the streets. And I was dancing right along with them in my living room!

We dodged a dictator!!!

If Trump wants a recount, give him one. It will be highly entertaining watching a sore loser lose twice.

CUT OFF

 

I wanted to scream and claw my face in frustration! Shortly after, gloom set in followed by depression. I ached for my normal life back. Everything suddenly felt strange and abnormal. My internet connection abruptly had vanished and wouldn't be back anytime soon. I'd lost all hope as to anything resembling a solution.

This happened around 9:30 AM on a Thursday. I'd just logged on a half hour before and was in the middle of a Dear Abby column when this tragedy occurred sending me into a major funk.

However I was sure it would come back, it had disappeared before and always did, but not this time.

I was on the phone with an ATT technician for what felt like hours performing all manner of maneuvers but to no avail. I needed a new modem; he said and would send one out. I told him that I was unqualified to install it. He insisted it was easy if I just read the instructions and I'd save $99. -- Seems not so long ago a visit was only $20. But I was onboard for saving money!

This should be interesting I thought, given my age, lack of technical skills, and impaired vision.

But in the meantime, I faced a miserable weekend.

What happened to me? I am someone who loves and enjoys my own company. This was so unlike me! I recall days, even weeks alone before I owned a computer and had only a handful of cable TV channels, yet I was so elated to be alone and set my own schedule, life felt like paradise on earth. -- But then, I had to go and get addicted to the internet!

I kept reminding myself that everything else was still there. Thankfully this time I didn't lose my landline or television which is rare under the circumstances, usually when one goes kaput the others follow. And I could still work offline on my latest novel, which I did and made strides there.

Without internet I was glad that I didn't cut my newspaper subscription back to Wednesday & Sunday only, which I had seriously been considering to save money. Sadly, a daily newspaper has become a luxury. However there is not a feeling to compare with spreading its pages out on the floor beneath a window and reading it there. Even well into my 80's and beyond (if I live that long) I plan on doing it that way. 

But I missed the stories online, I missed Google Search, and I missed Facebook! Also I wasn't looking forward to ferreting thru 500,000 emails when I got back online! That's a major chore, plus it's annoying! Spam doesn't catch everything.

The modem arrived sometime Saturday. I don't know exactly when, there was no knock and no one rang my bell. I discovered it in the early evening. Thank goodness some porch-pirate didn't get there first!

Sunday AM I opened the box and started reading the directions. The first thing it said was to take a photo with a cellphone of your existing modem to remember where everything goes. -- I DON'T OWN A CELLPHONE!!!

The rest of the directions may as well have been written in Mandarin Chinese.

I called ATT back and made an appointment to have a technician come out here. The earliest time I could get was Monday between 2:00 - 4:00 PM.  That's also the time I eat my lunner  (lunch & dinner combo) however I was desperate to get back online.

The ATT tech said the problem was with my computer and the modem they sent was useless. I told him to take it back with him. He replied that he couldn't, I would have to make a special trip to the UPS store.

To make a long story short, he changed the setting on my computer and told me to cross my fingers. Like a miracle everything came back, but I don't know for how long. Like me, my computer is old.