GOOD-BYE DUBAI & HOMEWARD BOUND

I had to pull myself together; people were looking at me strangely. I had not suffered an anxiety attack in years, I was embarrassed to be experiencing one, now. I sat down and took a few deep breaths to calm myself. I could get thru this. But I had to regain control and be alert! I needed to get up and keep moving.

Finally, I came to a place with arrows pointing the way to the gates. I think mine must have been the last! Literally, I walked a mile to get there! Thank goodness my luggage had been checked thru to Orlando.

The seating area was crammed full of people. Lots more were traveling to Orlando than I had encountered flying from there to Dubai. I noticed a bathroom close by; I figured could brush my teeth before the plane left. As I gathered up my stuff, a woman stuck her head out. “The water isn’t working in here!” she hollered.

Soon we were boarding by rows. Half the people tried to cheat, but were stopped. I was seated next to a lovely woman who looked clearly Middle Eastern. I asked if she was going to Orlando to visit Disney World. She smiled, said she lived in Orlando and had been to Disney World many times.

I’d been ordered by a doctor to get up every hour and walk around, but that was unrealistic. The isle was narrow and the staff was constantly walking back and forth, plus people were constantly heading to and returning from the bathroom.

Always, there were long lines to the restroom and no one was carrying a tooth brush. I’d twist my body moving my arms & legs while waiting in line. People offered to let me go ahead of them. I would explain that I was trying to stave off a blood clot!

On every Emirates flight but the first, the people behind me complained when I reclined my seat. To compromise, I reclined partially. That way, we both were uncomfortable rather than one or the other. This was bad enough on a 6 hour flight, but for 16 hours it was almost torture. When the lights went down I tried to recline further back so I could sleep more comfortably, but my seat wouldn’t budge. I wondered if I had broken something. Anyway, I saw no empty seats available, so I was stuck.

Later, a neighbor told me that you can purchase a device online that will prevent the seat in front from reclining. Another told me that you can wedge a book in the back of the seat to get the same results. I don’t know if anyone actually did this, but if they did, it was dirty and despicable. The seats in front of me were fully reclined and it wasn’t an issue. I think the people behind me probably just needed to go on a diet!

Back in the 1970’s before airlines shrank personal space, NEVER did anyone complain when I reclined my seat! It makes me angry that now we’re forced to pay extra just for basic comfort!

In front were 3 seats. A woman with two children who looked about 5 & 7 sat there. The kids were farting and the odor kept wafting back into my face. This was the last thing I wanted to smell while eating my dinner! I kept telling myself that unless I was dead and in Hell this flight would end eventually.

When Orlando International Airport came into view, I felt a tremendous sense of relief. But more misery was waiting. By now, I was ready to drop from fatigue.

After the lengthy check-in process, there was another long wait at the luggage carousel. And the larger of my 2 bags was far back on the conveyor belt under other luggage. I struggled to free it running alongside. In Thailand, men were standing by to assist, but not here! My suitcase kept slipping from my grasp as I ran. A tall, lean woman in her 20’s raced ahead of me and pulled it free!

I thanked her and told her I didn’t work out in a gym. She said she was in the military and used to heavy lifting.

Next, luggage in tow was yet another check-point. The official asked for a paper from an earlier one. I was foggy and unable to find it. The man was annoyed. He ordered me to step off to the side as I searched because I was holding up the line. I refused! I knew it had to be someplace among my belongings. Eventually, I found it at the bottom of my giant purse.

He scrutinized the paper. “Oh no!” he exclaimed. “You and I are the same age!” From his tone of voice, what I really heard was, “This stupid woman who probably has dementia is the same age as me!”

I read later that when you are without sleep for a certain number of hours it has the same effect on the brain as being drunk and I was already well past that point!

After riding the shuttle, I came to another carousel. The official told me I could avoid it if I just carried everything up the escalator with me. I looked at her as if she was crazy. Besides my 2 big pieces of luggage, I had a huge carry-on bag, and my giant purse. Plus I was 65 years old and everything was swollen from the knees on down! I could just picture myself tumbling down that escalator with everything on top of me.

Sans luggage, I rode up the escalator. At the top were men holding signs. I’ve seen some creative spellings of Lininger in my day, but this was a new one. I told the man behind it if he was going to Vero Beach, I was the right person. He walked to the final carousel with me, retrieved my luggage and put it in the limo.

I was so out of it, I couldn’t remember the day of the week. I asked the driver.

 “Tuesday!” he replied.

 I wasn’t sure, I thought Thursday, but perhaps I was just eager for the weekend to start.

“You missed that Arctic blast over the weekend!” he said. “It got really cold, here!”

“I didn’t miss anything,” I told him. “I felt it in Bangkok!”

Suddenly I was glad I’d shelled out for a limo! There were no stops along the way, plus the drivers knew a short-cut to avoid the toll booths.

I arrived home shortly after 2:00 PM. The first thing I did was to brush and floss my teeth. (Oh, I so needed to be rid of that awful scummy feeling inside my mouth!) Afterward, I took a bath and washed my hair. I wanted scrub the airports completely off of me!

After slipping into my robe, I plopped down into my recliner and reclined all the way back. It felt wonderful to have all this space to myself with 2 wide armrests I didn’t have to share! I gazed up at my 30 ft cathedral ceiling, then over at my big stone fireplace.

During my journey, I stayed at many scenic places, some luxurious, but none felt as comfortable or as delightful as right here! I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I found myself sitting in the dark. But the darkness felt peaceful and welcoming.

SO LONG, THAILAND!

I was able to sleep-in a bit, but not for too long. I didn’t want to forgo that marvelous breakfast bar! The Chatrium Hotel had one I would crawl out of a death bed for. Gazing about, I knew I had not been dreaming. This awesome suite to which I was upgraded was still here! But sadly, I would have to evacuate at noon.

Why, oh why couldn’t I have had this place my first 2 nights in Bangkok at the beginning of my trip! But, I suppose I should consider myself fortunate to have it all, even briefly.

I helped myself to 3 plates full at the breakfast bar. An Australian couple across from me watched in amusement as I returned with my third plate. They probably wondered if I had a hollow leg. Sheepishly, I explained that my next free meal wouldn’t be until my plane left in the early evening. We began to chat.

“You Americans have a big election coming up,” the man said.

I told him how disgusted I was with American politics and politicians. “It’s all motivated by ego and greed! They want the office only as trophy and will say anything to get it! Then, they set out to get their name on something big just to go down in history and they don’t care how many people are killed or maimed and their lives ruined!”

“It’s not so different where we come from,” the woman replied.

We wished each other a pleasant flight as the couple and I parted ways.

Noon came quickly; it was painful to leave that luxurious suite.

The night before, my guide had asked the desk if I could please stay until she picked me up at 5:30 PM. They politely refused, explaining they needed the room. However, they would keep my luggage in storage until then.

I could have arranged another tour thru the hotel, but I felt sore, swollen, & spent. At this point, I just wanted to get home and go to bed for a week! But home was literally on the other side of the planet!  Between now and then, airport hell & high altitude was ahead; the fly in the honey to what otherwise would have been a dream trip.

But for now, I found a comfortable spot off the lobby and drifted in and out of sleep despite the fact it was noisy and I kept getting a chilly draft from the door. But this was still the best spot. The time passed quicker than expected.

At 4:00 PM I decided that I’d better eat something since I had no idea when they would be serving food on the plane. The Chatrium had the cutest little coffee shop filled with tempting choices. I enjoyed a tasty quiche, a cinnamon cheesecake pastry, & a mocha latte.

Afterward, I performed my last tooth brushing until I returned home. -- FYI, I’m a fanatical brusher & flosser! It bothers me to have an unclean mouth!

The guide was right on time, and thru the congested Bangkok traffic, she and Pako took me to the airport. When I came to the Emirates Counter, I asked the lady, “Please do not seat me next to any babies on this flight.”

“We have no control over that, Madame,” she replied.

I wanted to throw up my hands in exasperation! As it turned out, my 2 seat mates were a couple of young Spanish guys in their 20’s. They looked like backpackers. Both were pleasant and polite. They spoke limited English, but the 3 of us didn’t spend much time chatting when there was a screen before us with great movie selections.

Because I ordered a special (seafood) meal throughout, I was fed first in Economy Class. Often, I was finished when everyone else was just being served.

 

"That must have made you popular in Economy Class,” a friend remarked.

“Oh, I’m popular, anyway,” I told him. LOL!

As the plane was nearing Dubai, the stewardess began collecting blankets. Because I was sleeping, I was left with mine. I was awakened by the speaker just before landing. The young man beside me asked for my blanket. I thought he was going to hand it over to the stewardess. My jaw dropped when he rolled it up and stuffed it into his bag! I hope they didn’t think I stole it, but I wasn’t about to turn him in.

We landed in Dubai at 1:30 AM. The airport was far more congested and hectic than it had been at 12 noon! Locating the correct boarding gate was extremely confusing. The airport was gigantic and spread out far and wide. It was up one escalator and down another; a long walk, more escalators, and then a shuttle, followed by more escalators. I didn’t even know if I was traveling in the right direction! I asked several airport employees for help. All spoke flawless English, some were helpful, and others were just dismissive.

Amid all of the stress and confusion I felt myself having anxiety attack! Back in the 1970’s I traveled extensively over the world and never experienced one in an airport, but I was having one, now!

BACK TO BANGKOK

After a large, late lunch in Mae Hong Son; I was driven to the airport. Now, I would be flying back to Chiang Mai, there I would catch a flight to Bangkok. My luggage would not be checked thru, I was dispirited to hear. However, there was good news; this airplane would not be small as the one before. My luggage wasn’t overweight and there was no fine when I checked in!

The flight was delayed by an hour. However a TV with a 48 inch screen was in the seating area to entertain the passengers. A Thai game show was just beginning.  And it seemed quite a physically challenging one! Contestants had to race across a lake jumping on giant rubber lily pads. Half-way, a tall man in a monster costume was unleashed. He would sprint across those pads like an Olympic athlete often catching-up to the struggling contestants and hurling them into the water. If they managed to beat him and reach the other side, men wielding long poles would try to prevent them from stepping onto the platform. However, the majority of contestants made it nowhere near that far! But it was fun to watch!

The flight back to Chiang Mai was a short one. I would be returning to Bangkok via THAI airways. The only one I was familiar was THAI LION, but the counter was empty. Since my Mae Hong Son flight was late, I worried I had missed this one! I grabbed someone who looked official and explained my situation. We walked to a computer where she looked over my passport & papers.

OK, it was THAI SILK I was booked on! The counter was way down at the end in the opposite direction. Then I frantically raced around searching for my gate! Finally, I came to what appeared to be it, but it looked closed. A nice lady noticed the panic on my face and spoke up. “If you’re going to Bangkok you’re in the right place.” She pointed to an empty seat across from her.

We chatted pleasantly as her husband snoozed in the next chair. I showed her my itinerary. “You sure got yourself an impressive birthday present,” she said.

Well, it was much more than that. I was scouting a possible future home. Though I’ll admit there was an element of bucket list wanderlust. But had you told me 5 years ago that I would be riding elephants in Thailand just weeks after my 65^th birthday, I would have replied, “Yeah in an alternate universe!”

The flight to Bangkok took little over an hour, but we were served a tasty dinner. Or at least I was, because I’d placed a special meal order throughout.

After landing, more crowded lines, confusing directions, and another luggage carousel mix-up awaited me. My final guide was standing at the exit; a petite Thai lady; this one, only to pick me up and take me to the hotel and then the airport the following day.

As we stepped outside it was hard to believe this was the same Bangkok I had left not long ago. It was COLD!  -- Actually Florida cold, not Michigan cold, but still quite an extreme from before!

“This weather is rare and I don’t like it,” the guide said.

“I wish it had been like this during the first part of my trip,” I told her. ‘I was drenched in sweat and that was in the shade! But under the blazing Thailand sun I was baking in my own juices in summer clothes and it was January!”

Standing bundled-up by the van was Pako! But Ketsara had been reassigned and she was missed!

I was driven back to the Chatrium Hotel. This would be my final night in Thailand. Thanks to the heavy Bangkok traffic it was already 10:00 PM when I checked-in. But WONDERFUL news awaited me; I’d been upgraded to a suite!!! A bellhop picked-up my luggage and led the way.

As I stepped inside, I couldn’t believe THIS was actually mine, even briefly! Before me, was a nicely furnished apartment! Here, was a sitting room along with a complete kitchen with a full-sized refrigerator & stove, plus a counter with chairs. Just off the sitting room was a wide porch overlooking Bangkok and the Chao Phraya River plus a table to sit and enjoy the view. A sliding door separated all of this from the spacious bedroom & bath. Next to the bed was a floor-to-ceiling picture window with the same glorious view.

And I thought the view from my previous stay was spectacular, but this one kicked its butt! I was now on the 29^th floor and not the 21^st. This was the type of atmosphere a politician on a fact-finding trip would enjoy! I stood in awe of the wonder of it all. Looking around, everything felt amazing and incredible. Just this morning I had been riding an elephant thru a mountain jungle. My ant bites  still fresh and now I was HERE!

HOTEL BOOTY & THE LONG NECKED WOMEN

As exhausted as I was, I didn’t get much sleep. I was kept awake by loud, unsettling jungle noises that sounded as if they were right in my room!

Early the next AM, I scoured my luggage for more sacrificial items to lighten the load. I wanted to avoid paying another high airline fine. I removed a heavy plastic bag. It was filled with shampoos, conditioners, hand lotions, & soaps I’d collected from the hotels and resorts. I would give these to the hill tribe, today.

I left my room early. The guide was already standing half-way down the path waiting for me. The morning chill was still in the air, but it got hot fast, here. Another busy, eventful day awaited me.

First up, another elephant ride! This Elephant Camp was more typical of the ones in Northern Thailand than in Chiang Mai. These elephants didn’t do tricks, dance, or paint pictures. I was told mine was the only ride scheduled for that day.

Well, it certainly was a wilder ride than in Chiang Mai! After climbing the little bamboo tower and mounting the elephant, I placed my feet directly on the elephant’s back. In Chiang Mai there was a platform for my feet. And here, no one was selling bananas & sugar cane for the elephants. But at least there was no baby chained to its mother as the previous one.

Like Chiang Mai, the ride lasted an hour, but was not as pleasant. We seemed to be blazing a trail thru the mountain jungle rather than following one. I raised my arm to prevent a large branch from hitting me in the face. It was full of thorns; my hand was now oozing blood! I reached for the Kleenex in my purse.

Large red ants were all over the branches & leaves! I was getting bitten over much of my body as I brushed them off me as well as the elephant’s back. They even got under my clothes! I was glad when this ride was over!

After the elephant ride, I boarded a long-tailed boat (my 3^rd this trip) on the Pai River to visit the hill tribe of the Long Neck Women.

“This, the Kayan Lahwi tribe came from Myanmar (Burma),” said the guide as we stepped ashore. The border was so close, we could walk there from where we stood, but he wasn’t allowed to take me.

“Do not feel sorry for the women because they are proud of the heavy brass coils adorning their neck,” the guide stated. “Besides, the coils protect them from tiger bites, since the big cats always go for the jugular.”

I told him the tigers would then probably just rip off their face, or some other part of their body. I inquired as to why they didn’t coil the necks of the men, why is it only the women who are disfigured?

“Men are descended from the wind,” he explained. “Women are descended from the dragon. The many coils give them a dragon-like appearance.” -- To me, the stretched necks gave more of a giraffe-like appearance. Plus those heavy coils depress both the collar bone and rib cage. It looked anything but comfortable!

As we entered the village, I noticed brass coils under the women’s knees, as well. Even little girls who looked about 5 years old were wearing these along with heavy coils around their neck.

The guide & I began passing around the items in my bag. I took photos. Also I did more shopping; including a large beautifully embroidered bag to use as my carry-on.

Inside the village was a Catholic church with a Madonna. It looked strangely out of place. “The people of this tribe are Catholic, not Buddhist; thanks to missionaries,” the guide explained.

After we departed, I was taken to a fish cave. The mouth was below a long elevated wooden walkway in the jungle. Beforehand, the guide had purchased a head of cabbage. As we stood overlooking the mouth of the cave, he handed it to me. I tore off pieces, tossing them to the multitude of carp swimming below.

From there, I was driven to another restaurant with fans whirling overhead for a late lunch. To my surprise, I was the only diner there. The guide said he’d pick me up in an hour and we’d go straight to the airport.

“I’ll eat fast,” I told him. “I need time to find my gate.”

 “Take your time,” he replied. “The airport is close; it’s small and has only ONE gate.”

Nevertheless, airports are a source of stress and aggravation for valid reasons. And this was just the first of TWO flights ahead today within hours of each other.

MORE WATS, MOUNTAINS, & MONKS, ETC, ETC.

Mae Hong Son was rural and sheltered by mountains, no bustle here. It had beauty, serenity and its own special charm.

My new guide was a small, but sturdy Thai man. This one would be brief; my time in Thailand was nearing its end. I don’t remember his name, but I doubt he remembers mine. The van driver was never introduced.

“Have you seen enough temples?” the guide asked.

I confessed that with the exception of the white one in Chiang Rai, the others were starting to mesh together in my mind.

“Well, you’re going to see 3 more, now!” He laughed. “All of these are of Burmese origin, the border is close by."

The Burmese style is common in Thailand due to invasions by Burma, now called Myanmar. Burmese Wats have steep prangs (a tall ornate tower-like spire) where as the Thai Wats have a wide A-shaped roof with multiple tiers. The first, in typical Burmese style was Wat Chong Klang.

In the center of town, we came upon a picture postcard lake and across stood Wat Chong Kam. After I snapped a photo, we drove over for a closer look.

Then, I was driven to the outskirts of town and up Kung Mu Hill. Below, the view took my breath away! Here, was Wat Doi Kong Moo and more Buddhist monks than I could count. My guide admitted he had studied to become one as a teenager. “Just too many rules!” He shook his head. “It wasn’t for me.”

I was handed a short bamboo log and told to bang a gong 3 times for good luck. After doing this, I was escorted to a large hanging scroll and given a felt tip pen. “Add your name for karma points,” the guide instructed. Mine was the only Western name up there.

“I’ll probably go to Hell for this,” my guide confessed “but I love betting on cockfights.” He noticed the horrified expression on my face. “Here in Thailand we don’t attach razors to their feet they way they do in the Philippines. “

Despite the cockfighting, Mae Hong Son looked like a pleasant and lovely place to retire. I could easily picture myself here.

“Recently, I took my wife to the movies,” the guide said. “It was an 8 hour drive!” – THAT shot down my idea of retiring there!

From Kung Mu Hill, I was driven to a resort for the night. The place was located way out in the remote jungle; spread far out, again I was handed a map to find my way around.

My room had atmosphere, a primitive beauty. The back porch overlooked a creek I could have leapt across 35 years ago. On the other side was dense jungle.

I pulled back the cover on my bed and saw a menacing looking bug crawling around. I grabbed a Kleenex, picked it up and crushed it.

Then I fluffed the 2 extra pillows and placed them at the foot of the bed. Despite the nightly elevation my swelling refused to go down.

I walked into the bathroom and saw 3 more of these bugs climbing the wall! I dispatched those, too! But being out in the jungle, I figured it was to be expected.

The restaurant was located at the far opposite end from my room, a lengthy but scenic walk. Like many Thai eating establishments it was open on 3 sides. It made me wonder what they did during monsoon season when it was hotter and rainy. All I saw was fans, no air-conditioners.

Darkness was falling as I walked back to my room. As I switched on the bathroom light, I spotted more of THOSE bugs crawling on both the floor and ceiling. Clearly, this was a battle I wasn’t going to win!