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Tuesday, September 24, 2013

THE DOOR ON MY FLOOR

After returning from lunch with a friend, I was surprised to see a group of kids perched in the branches of my giant oak tree. All were from the neighborhood. "We thought no one lived here," they told me. -- This has been my residence since 1999!!!

I came to the realization that my house had started to take on an abandoned look. So, I've been digging deep into my savings for  long needed repairs and replacements.

We are now well into hurricane season. One replacement needed to be completed quickly!

Urgently, I was determined to get a hurricane resistant front door. My old one had too much glass that could easily shatter. Also it opened in, rather than out. During the last storm water came flooding thru from underneath as I watched my door being sucked in & out with the wind. I feared it would blow in at any minute bringing the hurricane inside. My heart was pounding as I held my breath. I will never forget it!

I called a store a few streets over for an estimate. The most INEXPENSIVE door was $4020., plus a $90. permit fee. And that did NOT include painting the door! -- Recently I had just paid a ridiculously high price for badly needed new blinds. It seems everything in Vero Beach is priced for people who have unlimited disposable income!

My friend Rose agreed the cost was outrageous. She gave me the name of a reliable handyman. He helped me choose a sturdy door from HOME DEPOT. Also he installed and painted it for a lot less. This was a godsend!

I looked into repairing my driveway as well. It is badly cracked, ugly, and embarrassing to me. I was told a stamped driveway was the way to go. Supposedly it would be reasonably priced. Well, I discovered to my horror there is no inexpensive way to repair it.

One man became particularly obnoxious. He stated that I should have known better! Because concrete costs $$$$, paint cost $$$$, labor costs $$$$! -- My PURPOSE in getting estimates was to LEARN THE COST! Instead, I got someone trying to make me feel stupid!

"You are failing to maintain your home!" he declared with indignation. (Actually I heard this once before from another obnoxious business owner.) I told him I am a single woman on a fixed income. I'm maintaining my house to the best of my ability!

"Well you paid a pretty penny for this house," he replied, "and I'll bet your taxes and insurance aren't cheap!"

I informed him that I had inherited the house. And if I didn't have to pay taxes and insurance, I could afford a new driveway! The last thing I said to him was, "If I ever win the lottery, I'll call you!" -- Actually I never want to see him again!!!

He waved me off as if to say, "The hell with you!" I noticed he didn't leave me a business card.

Looks as if I'm going to be living with the cracks. Besides, I've got more serious concerns.

Hopefully next summer I'll be able to afford new garage doors. My current ones are old and flimsy. I doubt they will stand up to anything beyond a category 2 hurricane. -- I'm hoping this won't be the year we're hit by a stronger one!

My new front door has another big advantage. Without all that glass, it's more private! Jehovah's witnesses can no longer sneak up on me during my Saturday afternoon movie. And with the new blinds, neighbors will never again be startled by the naked Dianne song and dance! My own unique version of twerking!

Friday, September 20, 2013

ACID REFLUX SUCKS

I felt like the Dragon Lady! Every time I opened my mouth I expected blazing flames to shoot forth. The head of anyone facing me would be incinerated, a fiery cinder atop charred vertebrae. At times, I was actually disappointed this didn't happen. Some folks just get on your last raw nerve.

Perhaps it's old age kicking me in the gut. The change of life has already smacked me with several unpleasant surprises. This one started with a sharp pain in my upper abdomen like a knife. Later, a similar one in my lower stomach. Food began to taste nasty. I wondered why everything in my fridge and pantry suddenly went rancid. The internal inferno soon followed. I worried that I had stomach cancer.

I made an appointment at a medical clinic on 37th Street. The doctor pressed down on my abdomen. "With cancer the pain is usually stationary, " she said. "It sounds to me like GERD, or Acid Reflux Disease."

My frequent migraines finally were attenuating and now this!

I went on the Prilosec 14 day plan. It worked, I thought I was cured! Two months later, the fire in my chest and throat returned with a vengeance! Again, with the Prilosec. This time it was useless. Then I tried Zantac, Maalox, Tums, and everything else. There was no relief!

Again, I thought of cancer, which runs in my family. I decided to have a Cat Scan. The evening before and twice on the day of, I had to drink a huge glass of a milky substance. It tasted like a fruit smoothie made of rotten fruit.

Before the scan, I had to sign a paper acknowledging that I may die from the procedure. I told the physician had I known, I would have updated my Will. He guffawed and said it was only there as a precaution. I was in no real danger.

No cancer, but the bill was astronomical!!! I cannot afford Health Insurance. Plus the internal inferno still blazed, burning me alive from the inside out!

Around the corner was an Herbalist. She put together a number of items including herb tea along with instructions. I love tea, but I hate the herbal variety. Anyway, I got sick from all that stuff! I was throwing it up! I got a refund.

I tried a different clinic and was given a prescription. Ten minutes after I took it, I felt as if a flame-thrower had been shot into my chest. As if I was literally on fire! In the throes of agony, immediately I phoned the clinic. I spoke with the doctor. She told me not to take any more. -- Duh!!! I was left to suffer. The prescription was expensive, but I was refunded.

Shortly after, a book signing with other authors was scheduled. The night before, the internal inferno made me unable to sleep. In desperation I swallowed mouthfuls of toothpaste to cool the fire. -- I got relief! I put on my glasses to read the ingredients. CALL POISON CONTROL IMMEDIATELY IF SWALLOWED instantly caught my eye! The time was around 2:00 AM.. I feared I would end up in a hospital emergency room!

"But I ate toothpaste as a child," I told the lady at the other end of the line.

"We all did," she replied. I was instructed to drink a tall glass of milk and return to bed.

Later I searched the Internet for Acid Reflux cures. Plenty claimed to be sure fire ones! All from people who were hawking books. I kept searching. Several home remedies included apple cider vinegar and yellow mustard. (Both felt as if I'd tossed a grenade on a bonfire!) Apple, papaya, and aloe were suggested as well. These were pleasant, but ineffective.

I take a number of vitamins. Usually, I get them via the mail. One day in town, I went inside a Health Food store for Wheat Germ capsules. As I chatted with the saleslady, I related my ordeal with Acid Reflux.

She suggested Multi-Enzyme tablets and Bromelain. "Take 2 tablets of the former after each meal and 1 of the later before bedtime," she said.

Relief came almost immediately! This worked better than anything I had tried! I enjoyed several pain-free years. Again, I thought I was cured!

Excitedly I embarked on a 2 day trip to EPCOT without them. -- No problems. Upon my return, the infernal inferno resumed, excruciatingly painful as ever! My old reliables failed to rescue me this time. Famotidine worked for awhile.

Nowadays, I alternate treatments. (All of the above!) It's an ongoing war keeping the internal inferno down to a flicker.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

DIE HACKERS DIE

I am attracting hackers like vultures to carrion.

A free local newspaper has a column written by a computer expert. He states it's a myth that hackers are interested in the average person. They are only after corporate databases, the BIG targets, he says. -- This publication shows up on my lawn like dog poop every Thursday. That's about what this advice is worth.

Hackers are VERY interested in me!!! Sometimes I receive emails from 3 a day! Over half go to spam, but many still get through. I'm getting good at spotting them. (Some have a foul stench I can smell right thru the computer.) But the hackers are getting more sneaky all the time. This is why I refuse to have important documents emailed or bank online. I am not rich, but an older woman on a fixed income who is forced to live frugally.

I am constantly reporting these roaches to the SCAM/ABUSE Dept. of AT&T, but the problem only seems to be worsening. -- I've read they're hard to catch, much less prosecute. But I wonder if AT&T is even trying!!!

Also I wonder if I put a target on my own head by writing in my blog that I'm a computer novice.

However, it started when I missed an episode of one of my favorite TV programs. I tried to watch it on my computer by going to the network's website. Unsuccessful, I went to other websites. One promised to let me view it along with other shows. They not only lied, but my homepage vanished! Another was in its place. It demanded my personal info before I could gain access to my email and facebook account. -- Something stank!

I googled the AT&T U-verse Official Site and got everything back by going that route. It was a nuisance to do every single time I went online! One day, I found myself prevented from google, too. I got on the phone and called AT&T. They removed the offending page and restored my email. But I needed my Tech man Jake to restore my homepage and facebook account.

Since then, I've been getting numerous emails from cockroaches pretending to be AT&T. I am informed that I've exceeded my email limit and need to verify my account or it will be closed. These are titled YOUR FINAL WARNING! (They go ignored.) The only way AT&T would ever close my account is if I failed to pay them. If they closed it for any other reason, I'd take my business elsewhere.

Recently, I received an email from a company unknown to me, stating a $200. order had been shipped. CLICK HERE, it said to view the order. Instead, I googled the company. They were legit. When I went to reply, I discovered the email was NOT sent by that company.

Of course I've been contacted by the notorious Nigerian widow along with several of her relatives. These go straight to TRASH!

Plus it's not unusual to receive emails from strangers pretending to be facebook friends trying to sucker me into buying a product. It started when I was bombarded with emails claiming to be from a male facebook acquaintance. -- A man whom I'd never met. He kept urging me to try this weight loss product. (If I gained 10 lbs, I'd still be trim!) I was getting annoyed! Finally I hit reply! I wanted to tell him to put on his glasses, take another look at my picture or else get a seeing eye dog. Then, I noticed the name on the address was NOT HIS!!!

More and more of these began showing up in my Inbox pretending to be from facebook friends. Usually the friend's name is in the heading written in all capitals to mislead you.

With one simple maneuver, often you can view the source of the phony along with their email address. Sometimes, I have actually seen the hackers full name in the address. -- I don't understand why it's so difficult to trap these cockroaches! I could google them and learn as much about them as they know about me. I'm recording all their names and email addresses in a notebook.

Lately, hackers have come up with a new strategy. I am being alerted there is compromising information posted about me online. A damaging report that has placed my reputation in jeopardy. I'm advised to click the link below to view it. Then click another to remove it before it's too late. One warned: BE PREPARED FOR THE WORST!

I forwarded one to Jake, my Tech guy. I wondered if there was a safe way to view it. "Leave it alone," was his reply.

If someone has posted anything damaging about me online, they will be slapped with a lawsuit! -- Besides being the target of thievery, I'm clearly being harassed as well.

As determined as these roaches are to get into my account, I'm equally determined to keep them out! I'm learning everything I can about hackers to better thwart them. It has become my new hobby.

Too bad there isn't an instant and effective way to be rid of them! These are thieves entering my personal space and should be treated as such.

Wasp Spray works better than pepper spray. It shoots 20 to 30 feet and is more accurate. Any intruder will be temporarily blinded requiring a hospital stay for an antidote. It is also lethal to mice, snakes, and other vermin. I already have a gun, baseball bat, and a knife hidden in various places around my bedroom. I bought a can to add to my arsenal.

It would be wonderful if with just one click I could spray hackers with the stuff, too! Personally, I find the Wasp Spray too mild. I'd prefer to give them an electric shock thru their computer that would fry their hair and boil their eyeballs!

Since I can't do that, I've put a curse on them!!! I own a book of spells that I purchased at a psychic fair. According to at least one psychic, I've got some powerful connections on the other side. I think it's time to evoke them.

I want to smite these vermin and leave them a twitching pile of ooze like the cockroaches they really are!

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

STAR TREKKED, MY SPACESHIP WRECKED

I will venture a guess that you thought Gene Roddenberry was the 1st person to come up with the concept behind STAR TREK. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! -- It was actually ME!!! At long last I am here to set the record straight.

As a pre-teen, I led an alternate life in fantasy. In it, my family and I had been reincarnated several hundred years in the future. (I've always felt that I was born in the wrong era!) Our ancestors were Earth people, we were not. We came from a planet unknown to previous generations called Vulcan! (That's right, Vulcan! The 1st claim was mine. Got that!!!) We didn't look like our Earth ancestors. Our ears weren't long, pointy and silly looking like Mr. Spock. But our eyes were slanted and cat-like just as the females in THE CAT WOMEN ON THE MOON film. -- They were sooo exotically beautiful!

Of course in my fantasy I looked like a teen version of actress Chelo Alonso, except with blonde hair. -- I was born a blonde.

My family and I lived on a spaceship and traveled to distant universes. You might say were space gypsies! And like any good fantasy, we could enter other dimensions and travel back and forth thru time. In fact, that's how we lost my mother!

Attila the Hun captured and boiled her in soup. Her body was skinned and put on a pole like a scarecrow. His warriors used it for target practice with their spears. The boiled carcass was chopped up and fed to captive Roman soldiers who were sent to assassinate Attila.

We thought about going back in history to rescue her, but decided against it. Because that would have upset the natural flow of time and space. -- We could have ceased to exist!!! Or the universe might end up under control of the Cyborg Crabs.

However, my mother messed up the natural order by getting captured! This allowed a particularly evil race called the XOXOS from beyond Cassiopeia to enter ancient Earth history. Once there, they scooped up large numbers of Huns and other primitive tribes, taking them back to their native planet.

There, they were breed and raised like pit bulls to fight each other for the entertainment of the scaly XOXOS. Eventually, an uprising occurred! The Barbarians killed all of the XOXOS, but not before learning the technology and mastering their extensive array of advanced weaponry! A NEW AND WORSE SCOURGE EMERGED! -- They bore an almost EXACT likeness to the Klingons!!! We just called them the Barbarians.

As a result of their savagery, our home planet of Vulcan was destroyed and left a fiery wasteland. Fortunately, there was no need to return. Our spaceship was our true home. We lived unfettered, our lives filled with adventures!

When I got older, I planned to write them all down. I thought it would be a terrific book or a TV series!

Only months before my 16th birthday, STAR TREK premiered. $#iX*! Noooooo! I was totally freaked by what I was seeing and hearing on my TV screen!!! I could not believe it!!! The similitude was uncanny. It was as if my thoughts had been stolen!!! It was too eerie a coincidence.

At the time, my mother was going thru her breakdown and experiencing full-blown paranoid schizophrenic delusions. She believed the Red Chinese had marked us from birth. Soon, they would come in the night and take us all back to mainland China for vivisection. She stayed up nights watching the river behind our house. She began memorizing the Bible just like the main character in THE BOOK OF ELI. Mom heroically planned to foil the anti-Christ, herself! Also she was convinced the government was experimenting on us by reading our thoughts.

Hmmm, I began wondering if that particular one had some basis in fact. Obviously the government had a Hollywood connection. That would explain a lot! -- Rumors were circulating about a shadowy government agency murdering Marilyn Monroe to keep her quiet. Makes a person wonder about other things! Stranger things have happened. I'm just saying!