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Saturday, June 30, 2012

THE HERE & THERE AFTER


Back when I worked in the family florist business, we employed an extremely handsome gay designer. (Also a female impersonator.) He cautioned me, that just by reading books about the paranormal, you open yourself to it. And it will seek you out.


My father died in this house. In fact right here in my computer room, only feet from where I now sit. After his stroke, he could no longer navigate the stairs. So we were forced to put a bed in this room.


I've always felt he has never completely left. I don't see him, but he makes his presence known in other ways. Often upsetting! Because for awhile it prevented me from getting on with life. But on the other hand, it's a relief to know his spirit wasn't dragged off to Hell. My father was an agnostic. He may be afraid to move on.


There are so many people I do NOT want to be reunited with in death! I wonder if I really want to be reunited with anyone! I prefer exploring the great unknown alone.


Many want Heaven to be a continuation of life here on earth. But I hope for a paradise far grander and magnificent on an enormous scale. A glorious place filled with abundant beautiful nature, and not garish streets of gold. Or if we can create our own Heaven, I want it to be made of chocolate!


An acquaintance told me she plans to hook-up with Frank Sinatra in the after-life. Even if it means going to Hell to do it. There is no man I would follow into Hell!


My after-death fantasy involves traveling unfettered and invisible through time and space. I want to know if everything happened exactly as recorded in the history books.


And I must explore Mars, investigating every mountain, canyon, nook, & crater! The red planet has always held a fascination for me. Perhaps it's related to a distant memory buried deep within my soul. We are all star-seeds!


I want to journey to uncharted galaxies and enter exotic dimensions yet unknown. Experience things we can never begin to imagine in the flesh.


One thing I won't do, is stick around here! But If I am forced to, I will become a wraith and shake up a few lives.


No one actually knows for certain what awaits us.


Reincarnation is the only belief system that seems credible to me. I guess that makes me a pagan. But I know I'm in the company of many good people.


A psychic told me I was famous in Atlantis, but not so since. Another said I was a black-haired, blue-eyed female shaman in Lemuria right before the world-wide cataclysm that changed the map. She said I escaped by going between worlds. -- OK, I'm uncertain if I buy into any of this! I don't believe all psychics are on the level. Many are outright cons! But I feel the same about most religions!


Why are homosexuals considered an abomination? Especially since God created them that way!  Ditto for people who were born into the wrong gender, as well as asexuals! You can't control to whom you are attracted, or NOT attracted.


I've always felt I was born into the wrong species on the wrong planet. The ancients say we all have an animal spirit residing within us. Mine is probably a chupacabra!


The religious argue that God does not make mistakes. Well, I've seen freak shows with 2-headed turtles, 5-legged dogs, & a man born without legs & hands like lobster claws. Their God not only makes mistakes, he makes some honking doozies!


Plus they tell me thoughts count as deeds. -- Now how exactly can one control their thoughts??? -- Oh, I've had murder in my heart for a great many people! Believe me, I'm not someone Christians want walking loose down those streets of gold.


I can't think of my mother, or stepmother without feeling happy they're both dead. Likewise my old-time Pentecostal grandmother! If that makes me a horrible human being, then so be it! I can't control my thoughts any more than I can control my feelings.


I believe we all have serious karma to face in our next earthy endeavor.


Death has always been the great emancipator in my life. Even made me smile. One day it will emancipate me from this world. I intend to take full advantage!

Saturday, June 23, 2012

THE OBITUARY NEWS






I used to call the double zero years the death-decade. By its end I lost every person I knew from my parents generation.


Now I'm seeing other familiar names in the Obituary column. Not just celebrities whom I admired or didn't, but people I've known. What's worse, many around my own age.


A college history teacher of mine died not long ago. I was surprised to learn he wasn't much older than I am. He must have been quite young while he was teaching. History has always been my favorite subject. He was such an entertaining teacher, I'll bet even students who don't like history enjoyed his class.


Lately, I've been startled to recognize more than a few names from school! -- All people who either rejected my friendship or betrayed it. Oh the memories! I'd probably best not evoke, or provoke these ghosts. But since this is my memoir, I must.


In this blog, I've changed the name of everyone with whom I've had a negative experience, including that of my stepmother.


Quite recently, I saw a former friend there. "Jan", I'll call her! We met in the 4th grade. But our friendship didn't survive into High School.


At the time, my family was into its years of feast & plenty. My father held a high income position. He often bragged there weren't 5 other men in Stuart who pulled in his salary. Of course Stuart was a much smaller town, then!


Mom was highly conscious of our financial status. She ached and desired for me to be popular in school. My mother groomed me for this at an early age. Never achieving it herself, her driving fantasy was to live it through me. Almost daily, I was told I was a disappointment.


I was the antithesis of a popular kid. If there had been Goth girls back then, I would have been one. I've always loved horror movies and dramatic clothing. My mother wasn't aware of the full extent of my unpopularity.


Enter Jan, a new kid. I invited her to my house before she really had a chance to discover how much the other kids disliked me. I owned cool toys and nice things. Plus the view from our house made some weak in the knees. And my mother fawned over her. To my delight, Jan wanted to be part of my life!


Unfortunately, she also derided me behind my back.


Her true character slimed forth in 5th grade. Jan was supposed to come to my house for the weekend. However, my grandfather had taken a turn for the worse and wasn't expected to survive. When I informed Jan our plans had changed and why, she was furious! She threatened to get on the bus and go home with me anyway! I told her if she did, my parents would be so mad she'd never be allowed in the house again! -- My grandfather died that afternoon.


Still, I was naive. I figured a faux friend was better than none. Jan remained in my life for a few more years as a mooch, borrowing money that was never repayed. When I refused, she threatened blackmail. I didn't want my mother having any more ammunition against me. So Jan's blackmail was effective.


The year I turned 14, my father lost his job through no fault of his own. Our life of comfort and privilege was turned on its head and sent spinning into a ditch. According to my parents, there existed 2 kinds of people, ours and everybody else. Suddenly we were part of the latter. I already had a head-start.


Not long after, Jan finagled herself into the popular crowd, going high society. She no longer wanted to socialize with me. (I often wondered who in that crowd she was hitting up for money.) By High School, we rarely spoke or acknowledged each other.


Spotting her name in the obituaries not only was a shock, it conjured a mudslide of memories once buried. Alive or dead, I'm just happy she's no longer in my life.


Perhaps over the decades she evolved. Miraculously transforming herself into a better human being. -- But somehow I doubt it!

Saturday, June 16, 2012

THE FLUSHED HOT FLASHER






At the age of 50, I underwent the change-of-life. Thus ending the dreaded monthly curse. I embraced it. This happened the summer my father was hospitalized with a stroke. I felt blessed the change occurred then. Because it was one less thing to stress over.


Aside from an occasional migraine, I suffered no side effects. This ended after my father's death from cancer a year later. Then, frequent miserable migraines and horrendous hot flashes descended upon me like demons!


Since I've already blogged about the migraine mania, this entry will deal with my hot flash hell. My body burned with the red-hot coals of Hades every 10 to 15 minutes. I kept a glass of ice-water nearby at all times.


I considered estrogen. But when I learned it's derived from torturing pregnant mares, I discarded that idea fast! I tried the soy variety, as well as black cohosh. Both did nothing to relieve my symptoms.


To keep my electric bills down, the air-conditioner is always set on 80 degrees with fans running and shades drawn. For this reason, I've always felt comfortable living in the nude during the warmer months. The only time I bother to dress is when I'm going out. Of course I keep colorful caftans nearby should I need to answer my door or get the mail.


I'll always remember the time my stepmother went loopy with dementia and stood topless on her balcony. She flashed oncoming traffic as well as neighbors. I've joked to friends that one day I'm liable to forget and stroll naked out to my mailbox!


Already I've suffered some embarrassing moments! As I was sorting laundry, I happened to look out. My neighbor and his buddy from across the street were seated in lawn chairs. They had been watching me through the back French door. Quickly I fled the room! I slipped on my caftan. Then I placed my ironing board across the long glass to block their view.


Another time, I turned off the air conditioner and decided to open my large bedroom window. I saw no one outside. So as a full frontal nude, I lifted the pane. A loud exclamation of shock resounded from outside! A neighbor 2 houses over was standing up in the boat parked in his driveway. Apparently he was hidden when I looked out!


Once, a painter showed up unexpectedly for work at 7:00 A.M.. This incident was so traumatic and embarrassing I'm going to devote an entire blog to it later.


I should add that I never shade my wide and only bedroom window because it makes the room too dark. I just try to be more circumspect, now. Because this is my favorite place to read in the afternoon. I do it sprawled on the floor (same as when I was a kid) under that window.


I rarely read fiction. I love history books! Also I enjoy books that deal with the paranormal. Which many people consider to be fiction. But I've had so many weird, jaw-dropping occurrences in my life, I know better.


If the dead are watching me, they are certainly getting an eye-full!